So You Think Your Grown Up.......

[DannyMc]

I was thinking how I could start this thread out , so I think I'm just going to wing it . The title is not directly aimed at you the audience but for all , or most , or at least some people .... Lately I've been watching & listening to people , not any person in particular , just people . I suppose what I've been noticing isn't anything new under the sun . As were growing up , that is age wise , we are taught hopefully whats right and wrong about things in general and towards other people and that our maturity is to surpass our imaturities . Well it seems that no matter what age a person can be that imaturity can remain . It can go by different names , such as disgust , loathe , anger , hate , and it would seem by the severity behind it , it can get the best of us and leave the worst . These feelings can for many people bring on that old and all so familiar way of being "The Grudge" as hard to rid yourself of as a birthmark or a mole . As silly as some grudges can be , the deep set roots of them are unmistakable , those ever so strong feelings behind them . A grudge can last what might seem like a lifetime , it can destroy family and friends as well as ourselves .... Can our deep set feelings then be marked as imature and silly , at least to ourselves they wouldn't appear to be , but well founded , with reasons justified . I supposed justified or not the damage will be done ......... "Do you have anything to add" ?

 

[tickle_fan03]

Ha well I was 21 2day and I still managed to get into a Kevin and Perry stylee strop (immature teenager) with my mum coz I was annoyed about not getting my own way....ie having to stay in for a family meal...so no I don't think I'm growing up.Like the saying goes,growing old is mandatory,growing up is optional!

 

[Ticklerguy4u]

I dont think grudges have to do with lack of being adult..it has to do with lack of forgivness. At the same time , it may also be a childish quality. As adults we can have temper tantrums just like children. The only difference between an adult and a child is controlling of emotions. We learn as we grow up that "life is unfair" and "we can't always get our way" and see an alternative answer to dealing with it.

This is just my opinion. If someone has a grudge against another person..its usually because they can't forgive that person for being wronged or because that person in their mind is displaying something unforgivable or the person can't forgive themselves for believing that person lied to them and they believed it.

 

[wendynpeter]

So I think my grown up ... what? I mean, what about my grownup? I don't even have a grownup. All my kids are still kids ...

 

[drew70]

So you equate grudges and unwillingness to forgive with immaturity and a lack of "growing up." Do you believe that no grudges are justifiable?...that all grudges fall into this category of immaturity? I'm pretty sure I don't believe that.

 

[BLUE_THUNDER]

I have my share of grudges and resentments, although i have let many of them go over the years. I dont believe that makes me immature. un-enlightened perhaps, but i can live with that. i am usually willing to make peace with someone if they are willing to meet me half way on it.....

 

[Ticklerguy4u]

sir, are you somehow reading my mind?

Maybe...

My aunts, uncles, grandparents, and cousins held a grudge against my mother and father for something they did in their 20's until the day they died. Not my parents...they are still alive, but my aunt,uncles and grandparents. So Ive seen grudges first hand.

 

[featherpusher]

grudges

i was just warned by my mother not to hold a grudge against someone who i cared for very much. but now we have parted ways for good this time. she choose someone over me that she said she was through with. and i couldn't firgure out why. i geuss the why isn't impotant. i did believe her though. well if any one else have a good reason why i should not hold a grudge i'm all ears

 

[DannyMc]

Life is full of new things and new people/new love . In some instances we have no choise but to move on to something more loving and lasting ........ It may not be the the move we desire but in the long run the results will be beneficial to the happiness of our lives .

 

[DannyMc]

P S

Welcome to the forum featherpusher

 

[isabeau]

grudges are a strange emotion..the more of a grudge you feel, the bitterer you become and hate begins to enter into your heart, which will age you more than anything else can do.. grudges are easy to start, and hard to let go..i'm no stranger to holding grudges, but the only person it makes unhappy is the person, me in this instant, holding that grudge..well maybe that's not true, the person or persons you are holding the grudge against will also be affected...hurt, angry, what have you..the only thing i've learned is that at my age i still have much to learn..i've been called immature, and in certain areas that is true..

 

[featherpusher]

grudges

yeah thanks for the advice i guess this is something that i'm really going to have to work at despite how i feel right now i don't want to become a bitter person i have always been someone that have given people a chance to be in mylife even though its seems at the current moment no one is really jumping at the opportunity. the whole thing ended real badly anyway to the point where i don't think she and i will ever speak to each other again which is kind of sad before we started dating she was my best friend and first love and now five and a half years of being off and on is done for good. i don't mean to wine it just sucks because two weeks ago we were talking about getting married. but she had some other guy that she said she loved. she along with everyone else told me to keep my mouth shut to him about us i did that for four months and my impluse got the better of me. so now she hates me and still loves him eventhough she tells him nothing happen between us and he is so lame that he believes evrything she say. thanks for listening didn't mean to bend your ear this much. if i can return the favor let me know anytime. i'm good at giving advice just bad at following it.

 

[Knox The Hatter]

Life is full of new things and new people/new love . In some instances we have no choise but to move on to something more loving and lasting ........ It may not be the the move we desire but in the long run the results will be beneficial to the happiness of our lives .

Not necessarily.

I don't equate holding a grudge with immaturity. I think that some people, through their wiring, are more predisposed to holding grudges than others. I'm not one to do so. If I was, I wouldn't be talking to (and benefitting from) Drew70, that's for sure.

I think the immaturity lies not in feelings, but in actions- petty torts for the sake of revenge...