Take the Ghetto Test!

[ForgottenTcklr]

Okay here you go ladies and gentlemen... How many TMF'ers are truly... In the Ghetto?


If the statement is true add the points in parenthesis to your score.
Scoring is given at the bottom of the test.

1. You've ever used an album cover or old envelope for a dustpan. (5 points)
2. You've ever put foil on your TV antennas to get better reception. (8 points)
3. You've ever had to use pliers to turn your TV on. (7points)
4. You had to come in the house when the street lights came on. (6 points)
5. You had a candy lady in your neighborhood. (5 + 5 extra points if your house was the candy lady)
6. If you can count more than five police cars in your neighborhood on a daily basis. (3 points)
7. If you ever had to pick your own switch or belt. (3 points for each)
8. If you've ever been beaten with an extension cord. (15 points)
9. If you have ever had to walk to or home from school. (2 points)
10. If you've ever passed someone a note asking "Do you like me?" or "Can I have a chance?" check _yes, _no or _maybe. (7 points)
11. If you have ever used dish washing liquid for bubble bath. (9points)
12. If you have ever mixed up some Kool-Aid and the found that you didn't have any sugar. (4 points & add 4 if you put the pitcher in the refrigerator until you got some sugar)
13. If you have ever played any of the following games. (2 points each): (hide and go seek, freeze tag, captain or momma may I?, or red light..yellow light..green light 123!)
14. If your neighborhood had an ice cream man. (2 points + 2 if he rang a bell + 5 if he played R&B)
15. If you remember any of the following candies. (1 point each): cherry clans, lemon heads, Alexander the grape, ring pops, Chico sticks, baked beans, candy cigarettes, powder packs with the white dip stick, big league chew, "Wine" Candy (jolly ranchers), jaw breakers, and candy necklaces.
16. If you refer to Now and Laters candies as "Nighladers". (6 points)
17. If you've ever ran from the police on foot. (5 points + 5 if you got away)
18. If you remember underoos or the Wonder Woman bra and panty set. (6 points + 4 if you owned some)
19. If you've ever had reusable grease in a container on your stove. (5 points)
20. The batteries in your remote control are held in by a piece of tape. (5 points)
21. If you've ever used any of the following for drinking glasses. (3 points each): jelly jars, mayonnaise jars, mason jars, or peanut butter jars.
22. You've ever covered your furniture in plastic. (2 points)
23. The heels of your feet have ever looked like you had been kicking flour. (1point)
24. If you have ever worn any of the following fragrances. (1 point each): Brute, Hai Karate, Jean Nate, Old Spice, Chloe, English Leather, Stetson, Charlie, or Faberge'.
25. You've ever used Tussy. (9 points)
26. You've never been to the dentist. (10 points + 10 if you've never been to the doctor.)
27. You've ever wore clothes with the tag still on them. (4 points)
28. If you're acquainted with someone with a name as follows. (3 points): Kay-Kay, Lee-Lee, Ree-Ree, Ray-Ray, etc.
29. You have ever paged yourself for any reason. (3 points)
30. You've ever worn house shoes outside of the house. (2 points)
31. You add "ED" or "T" to the end of words already in the past tense (for example, Tooked, Light-Skinneded, kilt, ruint, etc). (3 points)
32. You pronounce words like this (1 point for each example you can think of skrimps or strimps, skreet, axe (ask), member (remember), frigerator, etc.
33. You use nem' to describe a certain group of people (for example Craig and nem' or momma and nem'). (6 points)
34. You've ever had a crack across your windshield and never bothered to get it fixed. (3 points)
35. You've ever driven on a donut more than 2 weeks after your flat. (4 points)
36. You've ever asked a perfect stranger to take a picture with you and told your friends it was someone you dated. (3 points)
37. Your child drops his/her pacifier and you sanitize it by sucking it. (7 points)
38. If you've ever ran a race barefoot in the middle of the street at approximately 11 at night. (10 points)
39. You've ever left a social gathering with a plate. (1 point)
40. You leave a restaurant with silverware, sugar, and/or jelly. (8 points)
41. You think "red" is a flavor of Kool-Aid. (4 points)
42. You can't hold a glass because of the length of your nails. (3 points)
43. The gold teeth in your mouth spell words. (8 points)
44. You don't have your own place but your child has a leather coat and a pair of Jordan's. (5 points)
45. If you've ever had to get to the driver's side of the car through the passenger side door. (8 points)
46. You have ever slept in a chair to avoid messing up your hair. (7 points)
47. You constantly hit *69 and ask, "Did you just call here?" (10 points)
48. You won't answer the phone if you don't recognize the number on the caller id box. (7 points)
49. You know a child who can't speak, but can do the "bank-head bounce." (15 points)
50. You think Tupac is still alive. (20 points)

Scoring
0 - 30 - You have enjoyed a nice sheltered life in the suburbs.
31 - 60 - Hood movies have given you a little exposure.
61 - 100 - You may have visited the hood a few times or on weekends.
101 - 130 - You probably spent a few years in the hood, and moved to the suburbs.
131 - 160 - You're the genuine article. You are no stranger to hood life.
161 - 200 - You are definitely, without a doubt an expert on life in the hood.
201+ - Congratulations! You are Ghetto Fabulous!

 

[ShiningIce]

 

[primetime]

this was pretty funny. i scored 115.... when you named some of those candies, what you said about foil on the tv antennas, and the slang, it took me back to childhood. i remember underoos!!! i never had any, but i remember them. i wouldnt say my neighborhood when i was a child was ghetto, but some of those things still took place. this was pretty funny.....

 

[amk714]

I scored...

0 - 30 - You have enjoyed a nice sheltered life in the suburbs.

I feel like Ray Peterson! (Tom Hank's character in "The 'burbs")

Good one, FT.

 

[BellaRisa]

Thank you for the giggles

Dude, I grew up in inner city Brooklyn-Bed Stuy. Thank you for the best laugh I've had (without being touched) in centuries . You DON'T wanna know my score, although marrying a Vermonter and living there for a few years changed summa my triflin' ways .

"Nighladers" had me on the floor laughing, my god. And I'd forgotten about candy cigs...

Bella, still a hood-rat hoochie mama at heart

 

[ForgottenTcklr]

Hey not all of this really is ghetto...

10. If you've ever passed someone a note asking "Do you like me?" or "Can I have a chance?" check _yes, _no or _maybe. (7 points)


I mean, this happens in private schools too... come on!

 

[asutickler]

Originally posted by ForgottenTcklr
131 - 160 - You're the genuine article. You are no stranger to hood life.

Not bad, for a kid from small-town Minnesota!


Ghetto supastar!!
That is what I are!
Playin' Vanilla Ice,
While I'm in my car!

 

[ForgottenTcklr]

That's the downfall of soceity today!

People actually pride themselves on high scores on these tests!!!

What is the world coming too. Pretty soon people will desire to have teeth like Austin Powers!

 

[BellaRisa]

That's the downfall of soceity today!

People actually pride themselves on high scores on these tests!!!

What is the world coming too. Pretty soon people will desire to have teeth like Austin Powers!

It's more a matter of nostalgia, and unity, than pride I think. Those of us raised 'ghetto' in the '70's and '80's have a weird bond of Saturday morning cartoons, Green Machines, outfits that made us look like refugees from 'Good Times'...ghetto is a state of mind, like it or not it bonds us on some level

Bella

PS 5 points if you ever fell off those nasty metal moneky bars onto concrete. 10 points if you lost a tooth

 

[ForgottenTcklr]

Ok,

I mean I grew up with these things even though I was not raised in the Ghetto!

So I guess I see what you are saying Bella!!!

 

[dvnc]

I hear ya, ForgottenTcklr. Lotsa stuff in there is stuff they do here in the middle-class section of my new Canadian home, too. That stuff's partly generic, non-rich-kid stuff. Community stuff.

Where was the questions about livin' most your life in apartments? Movin' more than once a year? Eatin' oatmeal, or other cheap food, for more than breakfast on the same day? Missin' meals 'cause there wasn't any? Livin' for a new pair of the cool sneaks? Havin' friends that referred to the group as a gang, even when you were 9? Walkin' more than 10 blocks? Walkin' to the movies? Across town? Havin' more than two bus routes memorized? The excitement of playin' on the apartment roofs? Roof hoppin'? Jeez, I could go on and on, and I'm bettin' Ms. Bella can do likewise. We grew up in different kinds of 'hoods, but the behaviors are much the same. Only the accent and melanin content vary.

Truth to tell, it seems a way to get folks cool wit' their history. Dunno 'bout Ms. Bella, but I grew up poor, movin' a lot, etc., and until the push for "ghetto cool" (started by folks that never missed a meal, mind ya), bein' poor was a reason to be teased.

Now, kids think it cool, and thus those kids from there don't get the static I got. Heck, in college it was already "cool" to be from "the 'hood". Nothin' weirder than hearin' rich accents say "the
'hood" or "homey".

Because of this, I view "ghetto" like the word "nigger". That word, not long ago, was simply a "bad word", a derision and derogation of the black community. Took folks usin' it as a positive to change it's meanin', and steal the power it gave it's user.

Nothin' is funnier than a little kid, no more than 6, tellin' me "you my nigga, man" when I fixed his bike, last summer. Wasn't poor either. Lived in a nice 'hood and all. Wasn't white. Meant it as a compliment, and greeted me like an old friend thereafter.

A bit o' history - Ghetto is a word that used to describe a poor neighborhood. Came from Italian (Venitian use originally) for a neighborhood for the Jewish folks there, way back when. How many knew that? News ya can lose.

Steal it's power by makin' it cool. Been doin' that in the American culture forever.

Ma would be SO upset that I'm an expert at ghetto life, 'cordin' t'that silly test. Tried so damned hard to do best for me. Good thing that test don't give more poinst for the many questions where I remember neighbors doin' or sayin' the stuff that the question asks.

Funny stuff, though. Interesting, too.

Way more than $0.02,

dvnc

 

[QBWeaver]

I totally relate to what DVNC is saying here too.

I didn't live in a ghetto but went from San Francisco to the country to San Jose. In the country my days were spent riding horses, cow pattie tossing contests, jumping off the loft into the hay, racing bikes down the street, pretend wars with the kids on the next street, the "gang" hanging out at the play yard, catching polywogs, building tree houses, making tents with a blanket and chair, and watching a black and white TV. Kick ball in the street with the adults. I remember being excited to get my Easter Sunday dress because that was my dress for the year. Other than that I wore a uniform to school. I also remember getting the larger size of shoe so I could grow into them because I only got one pair a year. Hand-me-downs were like Christmas to me. Getting Candy Canes, Apples, Oranges and walnuts in my Christmas Stocking and one present because that's all my parents could afford. I could go on but you get the idea. I still never wanted for anything more. I had it all. A wonderful family, 3 bratty brothers(of course), a roof over my head and a huge loving extended family.

Actually some of these questions in the survey relate to stuff that came about well after my childhood. But I still got a 121 on the test.

 

[JoBelle]

Just to toss my $.02 in the ring....

I grew up poor in the South. Let me tell ya...when you're the po' folks in the poorest section of the country....you are BROKE!

Folks down here eat red beans and rice NOT because it's Cajun food, but because for under 3 bucks you could feed a family of 12!!We had nighlaters and 6 people in the family car that was made for 4, and I lost both of my front teeth the same day in a jolly rancher stick that cost me a dime. I thought I was rich that day! We didn't have ice cream men in the south. We had snow-cone men who came around in a beatup truck and you'd stand as close as possible to the window watching him shave ice...just trying to cool off since no one on the block had air conditioning...and that was the coolest you could get with out fannin' yourself with the refrigerator door before mom fanned you arse!

Yeah, when I was an older teen and the older siblings moved out, dad got the good job and mom got her degree, life got sweet. It was embarrasing to think the things I just wrote, much less admit them to friends. But, then at 17 when I moved out and I supported myself through the dry times and came to realize how much work is required to live outside the comfort of Mama's wing....well, being poor as a kid didn't seem so bad.

I cling to my ghetto. Big D, you're right about taking away the opwer of the word. In this one we don't say 'hood, we say y'all. But, it was a ghetto nonetheless

Thanks for the memories,
Joby

 

[Moses25]

89.

Still tired from the move, tho...


Was kinda touched by your memories, Joby. You write very well for a poor kid from the South.

Seriously, though, good job.


Cheers.

 

[BellaRisa]

Props, Wolvie, for a wonderful post

My childhood was utterly bizarre. I grew up in the classic Hood; ever see Spike Lee's "Do the Right Thing? That was filmed on my street about two blocks from my house.(It sucked, traffic was heinous for months). I was quite poor but rarely felt it, because we managed to live in our own large home and my mom discovered how to shop in the Crackhead department store pretty early. I had everything a little girl could want, but things rarely came in their original box...

I went to a gifted school in Flatbush but lived in Bed-Stuy, so I commuted forEVER every day by city bus and had NO friends in either neighborhood-too white for the 'hood and too black and po' for my classmates. I still have the scar on my skull from the Colt 45 bottle that hit me upside the head for "talkin' like she thank she a white girl" one day when I was 9... Thank god for t.v. and my rich fantasy life, it was truly dangerous outside.

I love polls like this because they remind me that I wasn't the freak they thought. (Oh I was a freak, but not the kind THEY thought I was ) I had the same experiences and share the same memories. Hell, I had the Spiderwoman Underoos too, and the Betty and Veronica set. And the Snoopy Sno-cone Machine

I like what's been said about taking the power from certain words. I'm still not sure how I feel about 'nigger' but I would rather see it embraced and neutralized than strenghtened through fear and taboo.
I'm not proud of it, but I admit it creeps into my vocabulary on the rare occasion. It's hilarious, according to my friends, to hear me use it when arguing with my spouse-something about hearing a tiny Irishman called "nigga" in an angry voice by an even tinier black woman is kinda humorous, for some reason...

Bella

PS did anybody else have a little pink truck in the neighborhood that sold cotton candy? The old guy pedaled it...no one but me seems to remember this.

 

[ForgottenTcklr]

The fact is that these things "looked down upon" by this test, truly were things that were in households of all types, no matter your income level. These are mostly things that came out of the '80s so many of the people who are too young or way to old, may not understand.

But either way, no matter where you lived... your grocery stores sold Now and Laters and FunDip!

 

[Rusty Shackleford]

The Stories I have.....

***

 

[dvnc]

Lik'm'aids!

Knew I'd remember the name o' them fool candies eventually. Lik'm'aids. The "Fun Dip" reference reminded me. A candy stick, and sweet colored powders to dip 'em in. Good livin'!

Bella, it still cracks me up whenever you call me that. I've modified my sig appropriately. Thanks for the props, too, darlin'!

dvnc

 

[ForgottenTcklr]

I have to ask you guys...

I still eat lemonheads!

What does that say???

 

[dvnc]

"Help, he's eating us. Save us."

Oh, you were being rhetorical. I was picturin' them poor tasty lemonheads...

Kiddin'!

 

[Strelnikov]

I grew up in a 1950's Levittown clone in the 'burbs. Some of these aren't specific to the 'hood - we did them too.

2. You've ever put foil on your TV antennas to get better reception. (8 points)

Every town had one "weak" TV station (out of the two or three total) so this was common enough.

7. If you ever had to pick your own switch or belt. (3 points for each)

Yup. My folks were old fashioned, and Ma grew up on a farm.

9. If you have ever had to walk to or home from school. (2 points)

This is a hardship? We had NEIGHBORHOOD schools back then.

10. If you've ever passed someone a note asking "Do you like me?" or "Can I have a chance?" check _yes, _no or _maybe. (7 points)

Yup.

13. If you have ever played any of the following games. (2 points each): (hide and go seek, freeze tag, captain or momma may I?, or red light..yellow light..green light 123!)

No Game Boys back then, and computers cost millions of dollars and filled huge air-conditioned rooms.

14. If your neighborhood had an ice cream man. (2 points + 2 if he rang a bell + 5 if he played R&B)

Yes to the first two. No to the third - neighborhood was whitebread.


15. If you remember any of the following candies. (1 point each): cherry clans, lemon heads, Alexander the grape, ring pops, Chico sticks, baked beans, candy cigarettes, powder packs with the white dip stick, big league chew, "Wine" Candy (jolly ranchers), jaw breakers, and candy necklaces.

Many of these go back to the 1950's. Give me 5 points.

21. If you've ever used any of the following for drinking glasses. (3 points each): jelly jars, mayonnaise jars, mason jars, or peanut butter jars.

We all used jelly jars. Mason jars were reserved for 'shine.

22. You've ever covered your furniture in plastic. (2 points)

My grandma did, because she was a careful Depression survivor. You never knew how long that sofa would have to last. She used plastic runners too, to save wear on the carpet.

Strelnikov

 

[milagros317]

I scored 36, but I have never seen a hood movie, so the meaning of 31-60 is flawed.

 

[ForgottenTcklr]

I agree Strel,

Many rich people cover their furniture w/ plastic because they don't want it to get damaged.

And if you live within 5 minutes of your school, why drive?

And Ice-Cream men, come on... what would childhood have been like w/o one?

 

[JPie1]

wow this really took me back.

I grew up in da good ole Bronx!! Now I am a surburban wife in Fairfield CT!

Born and raised in da Bronx, went to HS with 5000 other students and had a graduating class of 1000 back in 1979. Prom night was held at the Copacabana in NYC.

Bella...one question for you since you were a Brooklyn girl..In the Bronx on the street corner every so often there used to come mobile rides like a little ferris wheel on a the back of this truck or a little whip type ride...you would get on for a .25..did they have this in Brooklyn too? How about getting your pizza and italian ice through the window of a pizza parlor. Oh good lord do I miss good Pizza.

I used to ride to JHS and HS on the city bus, no school bus taking us a 1/2 mile.

JHS..after our school recital for Orchestra...the whole Orchestra used to walk up to Fordham road in the Bronx to this Ice Cream Parlor named Jahn's.

Oh and candy, I had a great penny candy store down the street from me. And who can remember Chocolate Egg Creams from the corner Candy Store?

I have great memories of my old neighborhood in Da Bronx!

JPie

 

[ForgottenTcklr]

Yeah JPie,

But at least you rode the bus.

According to this test, your ghetto if you walked to school!!!

Don't ask me why, I didn't make it up, I found it online!!!