This could be goodbye

[aussieticklegal]

Hi Everyone,
I found out yesterday that my partner has been using dating sites. I have decided that if i want him to be honest with me i have to be completely honest to him. This means i will have to tell him about my interest in tickling and my account here at the TMF. I am aware there is a possiblilty that he may ask me to delete my account, if he does ask this i will have to do so.
So to everyone who i have made friends with over the past year or so I would like to say Thank-you for making me feel welcome. To all those whose stories i loved reading, you are all amazingly talented, keep up the good work.

I will miss you all very much

Love always,
Aussieticklegal

 

[texastickler]

Good luck to you.

 

[homemade]

That really sucks to hear when your partner was using dating sites. Good luck as you try to trust him again, it's definitely not easy when you find something like that out.
Props to you for being honest about your interest here and for being willing to delete your account for him, that shows you care more about his feelings than a porn forum and will I'm sure mean a lot to him. Hopefully the tickling is something you and he can do together - it doesn't, and shouldn't, have to be removed from your life.

 

[Dussicar]

Um...

What exactly do you mean by "using dating sites?"

There is a defined difference between cybering with somebody who may very well end up destroying your relationship should they meet in person and secretly visiting a fetish forum to explore your sexuallity because society considers it freakish- and by proxy- anyone you wish to engage in a relationship with.

Is he visiting these dating sites to recieve virtual sexual gratification from somebody of the female persuasion?

Maybe I don't understand. Please extrapolate.

 

[Mitchell]

Dussicar has an excellent point, and his question is exactly the one I have. What do you mean when you say your bf is "using" dating sites?

Such sounds disturbing to me. "Using a site" like TMF, for pictures, purely for sexual gratification online is one thing. However, if your bf is openly talking to other women, and using them, or cybersex, etc, to get sexual gratifcation, that is another huge problem it itself all together.

I'm in complete agreement that you should be honest with him. How long have you been dating him? I dont think I could go very long, dating someone, without telling them about my interest in tickling and female feet. If they balked at such completely, they wouldnt be the right person for me.

Good Luck to you. I hope it all works out.

Mitch

 

[usgrant]

See you in a few months. You sound like you are 16 with all this permanent bullshit. I hope your love tatoo does not wash off in the shower. Do you know how many married people are in TMF? Probably as many married people as single people. I never have really looked at this a dating site? Good luck anyway with your "Utopian" view of the world.

 

[Leo tickles]

Being in a relationship and using dating sites is one thing.

Talking to people you like talking to on a forum is another.

Figure out the difference before abandoning friends for somebody who seems to be more interested in internet dating sites than spending time with their partner.

 

[kopfhorer]

Don't cancel your account here at TMF. What business has he got telling you to abandon a community which offers you support and cameraderie? Especially if it turns out he's been cheating on you?

 

[Canadian_Eh]

Don't cancel your account here at TMF. What business has he got telling you to abandon a community which offers you support and cameraderie? Especially if it turns out he's been cheating on you?

I don't think the problem is HE'S asking her to delete her account, since she said she needed to come clean about being here. If I understand correctly, I think she feels she needs to come clean and not hide this behind HIS back, so he doesn't do the same. I could be completely wrong, but that's just what I gathered out it. If she's asking him to delete HIS account because she doesn't feel comfortable with him being there, IMO, it's only fair that she does the same if HE'S not comfortable with her being here.

 

[obama666]

This is how it works, of course there are exceptions to every rule. If you have been dating for a long period of time and there has never been talk of marriage a red flag should go up. Most guys always test the waters, they are always looking. That honesty stuff is usually a one way street. Women end up cheating at least as much as men. There are just too many options now and roles are not clear or defined anymore. I would stay in TMF, it is as much of a support group as anything else. Most of this we are one stuff comes from people who are not married or have never been married.

 

[TheTickleMonster]

I don't think the problem is HE'S asking her to delete her account, since she said she needed to come clean about being here. If I understand correctly, I think she feels she needs to come clean and not hide this behind HIS back, so he doesn't do the same. I could be completely wrong, but that's just what I gathered out it. If she's asking him to delete HIS account because she doesn't feel comfortable with him being there, IMO, it's only fair that she does the same if HE'S not comfortable with her being here.

I somewhat agree with this. She should delete her account if he's uncomfortable with her being here, especially if she's asking him to get off those sites.. However I think it's worse that he's on dating sites than it is with her being here.. For one thing, this may be considered a sexual forum but it's not a dating site. Yes you can find people here and end up dating, but that's just one purpose of this site. It depends on what you use this site for. You might just use it to be friends with people of simular interest just like any other forum that has one main interest attached. It's nice to talk to people wth simular interests. And it doesn't have to be sexual dirty talk

However when it comes to dating sites, the purpose of a dating site is to fine people of the gender you prefer and go out with them. If you're not single you shouldn't be trying to find people to date.. but that's what you do on a dating site, which is why they're called DATING sites... There's really no other purpose for them. I know some people might use them to find frieds, but that's not what people are supposed to be there for..

 

[locker669]

If you here at the TMF to hook up with someone, then you don't need to delete your account since both you and your partner are after the same thing; someone else.

If you are here at the TMF because it's interesting, then you don't need to delete your account either. You could get hit on at the grocery store and you still go there, right?

 

[Mitchell]

usgrant, to insult her is unneeded. She sounds confused.

Leo brings up a viewpoint I never even thought of: He's right. If your bf is more interested in dating sites, then he is in spending time with you, why should you abandon TMF for him? It sounds to me that he has a problem. Plenty of people come to the TMF, to talk to friends with similar interests, but not to "hook up". A dating site, is usually used for the purpose of "hooking up", so, it seems to me that your bf is the one in the wrong here. You can justify that you are with TMF to talk tickling with your friends, but, why, exactly, is he at dating sites, when he has a gf?

Maybe I'm off base with my view, but I'd think about that question if I were you, and perhaps ask him that question, and see what his answer is.

Mitch

 

[rivers12]

See you in a few months. You sound like you are 16 with all this permanent bullshit. I hope your love tatoo does not wash off in the shower. Do you know how many married people are in TMF? Probably as many married people as single people. I never have really looked at this a dating site? Good luck anyway with your "Utopian" view of the world.

LOL, but they bought each other "promise rings" so they can't keep secrets. Give me a friggin break. First off, if he's using dating sites that is way different than the girl's membership to a fetish forum. It mean's he's out there actively looking for other girls, not get horny looking at fetish videos and pics. Secondly, you don't need to tell someone about your fetish because they are secretly trying to meet other girls online. That makes no sense, and like USGRANT said, you sound like a 16 year old drama queen.

 

[rivers12]

I don't think the problem is HE'S asking her to delete her account, since she said she needed to come clean about being here. If I understand correctly, I think she feels she needs to come clean and not hide this behind HIS back, so he doesn't do the same. I could be completely wrong, but that's just what I gathered out it. If she's asking him to delete HIS account because she doesn't feel comfortable with him being there, IMO, it's only fair that she does the same if HE'S not comfortable with her being here.

Okay so let me get this straight......You think that her coming clean about a fetish interest is going to make him become honest? Hello!!!! he's actively looking for other girls through dating sites like match.com or something similar. That is entirely different than have a secret fetish. She isn't being dishonest with him in any way by having a secret fetish. However, he's being extremely dishonest and distrusting if he is secretly joining dating sites.

 

[kis123]

Hate to break this to you but.......

If he's using dating sites, it means he's interested in dating someone other than you. If you're using TMF you're using it for many reasons, not necessarily to date others.

Methinks you may have already lost the battle; you might as well stay around. We'll be here long after your boyfriend. If you think coming clean will help, then I hope it works out for you. But if he's chatting up with other women on dating sites, I think his interest is on someone......anyone else other than you.

I hope I am wrong and wish you the best possible outcome.

 

[rivers12]

Hate to break this to you but.......

If he's using dating sites, it means he's interested in dating someone other than you. If you're using TMF you're using it for many reasons, not necessarily to date others.

Methinks you may have already lost the battle; you might as well stay around. We'll be here long after your boyfriend. If you think coming clean will help, then I hope it works out for you. But if he's chatting up with other women on dating sites, I think his interest is on someone......anyone else other than you.

I hope I am wrong and wish you the best possible outcome.

agreed

 

[Saeria]

My two cents in the matter:

I know where you're coming from. I tried the same thing and very soon discovered that whether I hung out here or anywhere else on the web, my marriage stinks. By coming clean I essentially was telling my husband "here's a freshly sharpened stick, feel free to start poking". It's more than likely his "discomfort" is a way of justifying his own actions. Now he thinks he can say "well, don't look at me, you talk to freaks on a fetish forum." People who are actively seeking change within themselves or for a relationship won't look to point fingers at others.
I honestly have little to no guilt over frequenting a place such as this. I'm not actively seeking a partner or looking for any sexual gratification. And each time I clear out all the "special interest" porn he downloads onto the computer and fix the "twinks in action" pop ups that show up at least once every couple of weeks I feel less and less concerned about the discomfort.
I'm not going to say once a cheater, always a cheater, but I will give some advice from personal experience. If you're truly willing to work on trust, be sure you're ready to do it in earnest. Nothing wrecks a marriage like resentment. I wake every morning wondering why on earth I even came back to this place, stewing in my own aggravation. If you're willing and ready to love him even when he does cheat, or stops giving you respect or affection, stick around. It's a lonely place to be in. SOmetimes doing the right thing, and doing the right thing for yourself are two different things. Decide which takes priority. No matter which way you go you won't be wrong. If you truly feel like there are no benefits in staying in the relationship, then by all means do so and be resolute before you're bogged down so far you no longer believe you can leave.

PS men are turds, get a kitten

 

[rivers12]

My two cents in the matter:

I know where you're coming from. I tried the same thing and very soon discovered that whether I hung out here or anywhere else on the web, my marriage stinks. By coming clean I essentially was telling my husband "here's a freshly sharpened stick, feel free to start poking". It's more than likely his "discomfort" is a way of justifying his own actions. Now he thinks he can say "well, don't look at me, you talk to freaks on a fetish forum." People who are actively seeking change within themselves or for a relationship won't look to point fingers at others.
I honestly have little to no guilt over frequenting a place such as this. I'm not actively seeking a partner or looking for any sexual gratification. And each time I clear out all the "special interest" porn he downloads onto the computer and fix the "twinks in action" pop ups that show up at least once every couple of weeks I feel less and less concerned about the discomfort.
I'm not going to say once a cheater, always a cheater, but I will give some advice from personal experience. If you're truly willing to work on trust, be sure you're ready to do it in earnest. Nothing wrecks a marriage like resentment. I wake every morning wondering why on earth I even came back to this place, stewing in my own aggravation. If you're willing and ready to love him even when he does cheat, or stops giving you respect or affection, stick around. It's a lonely place to be in. SOmetimes doing the right thing, and doing the right thing for yourself are two different things. Decide which takes priority. No matter which way you go you won't be wrong. If you truly feel like there are no benefits in staying in the relationship, then by all means do so and be resolute before you're bogged down so far you no longer believe you can leave.

PS men are turds, get a kitten

I look at it this way: If you're boyfriend/girlfriend, husband/wife is into fetish forums or even masturbates to pornography, that isn't bad. That is healthy and helps to strengthen that persons sexual urges through experimentation and is not something that is shameful or necessary to feel guilty about doing without their significant other knowing about it. However, joining online dating sites such as match.com, chemistry.com, ect.... is not just exploring personal interests, it's exploring other people to share interests with. That is where it becomes an issue of dishonesty and disloyalty in a relationship.

For example, I dated this girl for 2 years and never told her of my fetish. It didn't ruin my feelings for her or pose as a disloyal threat to our relationship. It was simply my way of exploring sexual interests that increased me sexual drive as a person. However, her sneaking phone calls from her ex boyfriend was a problem of dishonesty and did lead to destruction of the relationship. See where I'm going with this? There's a distinct difference.

 

[love feet]

Hi Everyone,
I found out yesterday that my partner has been using dating sites. I have decided that if i want him to be honest with me i have to be completely honest to him. This means i will have to tell him about my interest in tickling and my account here at the TMF. I am aware there is a possiblilty that he may ask me to delete my account, if he does ask this i will have to do so.
So to everyone who i have made friends with over the past year or so I would like to say Thank-you for making me feel welcome. To all those whose stories i loved reading, you are all amazingly talented, keep up the good work.

I will miss you all very much

Love always,
Aussieticklegal

all my best to you!!.

 

[Unimaginable]

Your last activity was yesterday... What happened with your bf ?

 

[aussieticklegal]

Hi Guys,
things went really well with my boyfriend. We talked things through and he has said it is ok for me to keep coming here. turns out he is on a site similar to this (just not a tickling one.)

 

[Comfort Eagle]

So, was on porn forums the entire time, or an actual dating site? Or both at once?

I'm not following.

 

[aussieticklegal]

both at once

 

[Comfort Eagle]

....might I suggest booting his sneaky ass for trying to dating new people while simultaneously dating you? Or are you just casual like that?