Tickle fetish and a lack of social skills

[Comfort Eagle]

Between Tickled, some radio show host promising to do a tickle chair segment and backing out allegedly due to Tickled, and just the history of tickle fetishists acting a fool online, I think now's as good a time as ever to try and discuss this.

Do you guys notice a kind of... lack of social grace among your fellow fetishists? Like a kind of... humongous, obvious lack of social skills? Can any of you comfortably cop to being sort of awkward? Do you blame it on the fetish for making you that way? Do any of you think you handle your kinky business with the utmost etiquette and decorum?

I tie this into the movie because that's only going to get bigger, and with it the feeling that it's "making us look bad", but not unlike David and Kevin and their freakish, in-person legal threats in front of crowds of hundreds and his obliviousness as to how he's coming across to any of them I think there's probably some fertile ground on the topic of, if so many are going to be nervously sweating 'our image', how many people are actually coming across as creepy and unpleasant due to their own antics.

 

[Wolf]

Between Tickled, some radio show host promising to do a tickle chair segment and backing out allegedly due to Tickled, and just the history of tickle fetishists acting a fool online, I think now's as good a time as ever to try and discuss this.
Do you guys notice a kind of... lack of social grace among your fellow fetishists? Like a kind of... humongous, obvious lack of social skills? Can any of you comfortably cop to being sort of awkward? Do you blame it on the fetish for making you that way? Do any of you think you handle your kinky business with the utmost etiquette and decorum?
I tie this into the movie because that's only going to get bigger, and with it the feeling that it's "making us look bad", but not unlike David and Kevin and their freakish, in-person legal threats in front of crowds of hundreds and his obliviousness as to how he's coming across to any of them I think there's probably some fertile ground on the topic of, if so many are going to be nervously sweating 'our image', how many people are actually coming across as creepy and unpleasant due to their own antics.

I had some awkwardness as a teenager, but soon after that, I didn't have many problems. In my experience, people are a lot more playful and adventurous once they know their boundaries are being respected (and they feel more comfortable expanding them). That's it. I've tried to give advice to people who complain about reactions to their fetish, but was shouted/whined down enough times that I gave up.

Like the subject of the documentary, it's not the fetish that fucks people up and makes them awkward; it's how they think and feel about it that fucks them up makes them awkward.

 

[ImNotDave]

I agree with this. I have noticed in several videos of people putting our fetish out to the mainstream world, that the people doing so go about it in the most awkward way.

 

[chicago]

I've noticed this and have had my own hangups in the past when it came to discussing it with potential romantic partners, but time and experience has helped me in that department to and while I can't say I'm never awkward, I don't think it's an issue.

I have noticed many into tickling have aspergers, social anxiety, or just socially awkward. I'm not sure why that is, but one of my theories is that many find normal intimacy scary and tickling is somewhat "safer" or less scary form of some kind of physical connection with another.

 

[Secretlee]

I personally think I'm a bit lacking in social skills, and I'm pretty awkward most of the time, but I don't feel it's related to my fetish in any way. I think that there certainly could be a higher percentage of individuals with a lack of social skills due to this fetish than vanilla people might be, but of course I have no stats or anything to back that up.

 

[hoseman2248]

I actually think having lack of comfortable social skills is what led me to fully indulging in my fetish online as a teenager. I used to be painfully shy talking to girls even in my adult teen years. When I was a freshmen in college I discovered fetishes online. I think that the fetish doesn't cause social awkwardness, but maybe further enhances it...at least in my case when I was younger. I never let my tickle fetish deter any relationships I've had, but it definitely became a borderline addictive focus online during my very socially awkward years.

 

[The Internet]

the history of tickle fetishists acting a fool online, I think now's as good a time as ever to try and discuss this.

Do you guys notice a kind of... lack of social grace among your fellow fetishists? Like a kind of... humongous, obvious lack of social skills? Can any of you comfortably cop to being sort of awkward? Do you blame it on the fetish for making you that way? Do any of you think you handle your kinky business with the utmost etiquette and decorum?

how many people are actually coming across as creepy and unpleasant due to their own antics.

I think the internet is filled with creepy and unpleasant people and some of them are here, and some of us have better social skills than others. And brains. I don't see more creepy people here than I see commenting under news articles or You Tube clips, do you?

That said: as much as I love the mainstream forum, I absolutely cringe when I see these guys bombarding some Twitterer with creepy questions and comments....

I think anyone on this thread so far is probably not the problem....lol....ok, maybe me, maybe i'm the problem, lol......

 

[Vanillaphant]

Well, I’m just gonna be honest here. Unfortunately, I am one of those repressed nincompoops who has an ‘awkward’ relationship with their fetish – I won’t shame myself further by going into details on that score lol. But at the same time, I’m very much aware that the problem I have with my fetish is just one aspect of a larger problem I have with myself. And as many other people have said on this forum, I’m actually thankful that of all the kinks I could have been lumbered with, I got this one: a fetish which is, let’s face it, kinda ridiculous lol (as opposed to dark, morally dubious etc).

But I would like to think that even if I had a properly active fetish life, and therefore stood to lose more in terms of how others perceive the fetish, I still wouldn’t give much of a damn about how it’s being represented in one film – particularly a film that I’m only ever hearing about on this forum! I feel like I know where my fetish comes from, and I know that it’s not in itself an intrinsically negative thing… Like I say, it feels much more like it’s my problem, not the fetish’s.

As far as social awkwardness goes… eh. I guess I consider myself to be borderline awkward lol. I went through a bit of the ol’ social anxiety thing when I was in my late teens/early 20s… I can still be a bit quiet and standoffish for sure. But I wouldn’t say awkward in the sense of not knowing how to speak to people, or not realizing the importance of people’s boundaries, or thinking that a “social cue” is what you find in a rack at the pool hall or something. lol

 

[Pghtkltorture]

I mean I would say that we are no more socially awkward than any other fetishists. I think you have people at both extremes.

I think the fact that our fetish is something that vanilla people do not thinking about it makes us kind of unique. I also think this makes us feel awkward because we see it happening innocently and it can become a sexual thing for us. Hell we can even be doing it with someone who doesn't know we are being turned on by it and they just think we are screwing around.

For example let's take a fetish like ballbusting. It's going to be a much more awkward conversation trying to get someone to partake in that with you. It just seems like that might be more awkward.

Hard to say, the fetishists I talk to are you guys. I have a few friends into BDSM but they come off more pretentious than awkward.

 

[chicago]

To be honest, giving it more thought, I think it's more that socially awkward folk spend more time online and when you find a website dedicated to anything kinky or sexual in nature, ima go out on a limb and say people doing the most posting are probable not spending a lot of time in real life socializing. I doubt it's specific to tmf

 

[tksleepwalker]

Socially awkward over here to a certain extent... a bit shy with the ladies and very shy when it comes to the fetish. but once a connection is established with the other person, the shyness/awkwardness goes away completely.

So +1 to the socially awkward column.

 

[desperado_flare]

All horny idiots are like this, and they're prominent in every fetish. Ask any girl with a dating profile, "vanillas" are just as bad.

It's not an awkwardness problem, it's an entitlement problem. Think about the thousands of users who only follow a Youtube channel when the owner posts a tickle-themed challenge/dare. It may not be as offensive as encouraging actual porn (ex: vanillas spamming requests for nudes) to increase one's followers, but it's still reducing someone to wank material in exchange for giving them the illusion of popularity and exposure.

 

[LurkLurkLurk]

Between Tickled, some radio show host promising to do a tickle chair segment and backing out allegedly due to Tickled, and just the history of tickle fetishists acting a fool online, I think now's as good a time as ever to try and discuss this.

Do you guys notice a kind of... lack of social grace among your fellow fetishists? Like a kind of... humongous, obvious lack of social skills? Can any of you comfortably cop to being sort of awkward? Do you blame it on the fetish for making you that way? Do any of you think you handle your kinky business with the utmost etiquette and decorum?

I tie this into the movie because that's only going to get bigger, and with it the feeling that it's "making us look bad", but not unlike David and Kevin and their freakish, in-person legal threats in front of crowds of hundreds and his obliviousness as to how he's coming across to any of them I think there's probably some fertile ground on the topic of, if so many are going to be nervously sweating 'our image', how many people are actually coming across as creepy and unpleasant due to their own antics.

It's easy for a vocal minority to accidentally represent its host community.

Publicly "out" fetishists are comparatively uncommon. Because of this, they wind up serving as cultural ambassadors, for better or--usually--worse. This isn't unique to the tickling community. IIRC, furries had a similar image problem in the late 90s/early 00s, with how SomethingAwful drew attention to some of them.

 

[terorizer]

I think the internet is filled with creepy and unpleasant people and some of them are here, and some of us have better social skills than others. And brains. I don't see more creepy people here than I see commenting under news articles or You Tube clips, do you?

That said: as much as I love the mainstream forum, I absolutely cringe when I see these guys bombarding some Twitterer with creepy questions and comments....

I think anyone on this thread so far is probably not the problem....lol....ok, maybe me, maybe i'm the problem, lol......

Some of this..

To be honest, giving it more thought, I think it's more that socially awkward folk spend more time online and when you find a website dedicated to anything kinky or sexual in nature, ima go out on a limb and say people doing the most posting are probable not spending a lot of time in real life socializing. I doubt it's specific to tmf

Some of this....

It's easy for a vocal minority to accidentally represent its host community.

Publicly "out" fetishists are comparatively uncommon. Because of this, they wind up serving as cultural ambassadors, for better or--usually--worse. This isn't unique to the tickling community. IIRC, furries had a similar image problem in the late 90s/early 00s, with how SomethingAwful drew attention to some of them.

And some of this...

Having met dozens in the community, in various social situations. Groups, large groups, one on one. Small groups. Off the top of my head I'd say maybe 1 in 7 or 8 are really lacking in social graces. But I dare say, even those who are lacking, are not lacking because of their kink. It's probably the same ratio of folks I meet outside of the community.

 

[SirenSimone]

I am eternally thankful that I've only encountered 1 slightly socially awkward tickle client but everyone else has been awesome, communicative and well-receiving/giving.