Top ten telemarketing moments

[devilsadvocate]

As some of you know, i work as telemarketer. today that changed. i now have a new job working at a finance company. Having just finished my final shift as a telemarketer i now breathe a sigh of relief and look back at some of my favourite moments. i figured i'd share them with you. the good, the bad, the strange and the downright offensive.

10)
Me: would you be interested in viewing our new fitness centre?
old man: only if there are plenty of young ladies there in lycra. besides i'd be dangerous at the gym me, im 44 manly and more fertile than a compost heap.

9)
Me: hello there Madam i'm calling from.
lady: what's your number?
Me: the business number?
lady: please, so i can disturb you the way you've just disturbed me!
*lady banged the phone down.*

8)
Me: Would your wife be interested in talking to us?
Man: no, the bitch is cooking my tea and better not burn it.

7)
Me: Hello there..
Them: Goodbye there!

6)
Me: is there anything that puts you off the club at all?
Lady: you ringing me actually
Me: i can get someone else to call you back if you'd like?

5)
Me: would you like to come down to the club to have a look around?
Man: i'd rather have my rectum removed.
(i think that's the best comeback i've heard in a long time!)

4)
Me: so what do you think to the offer then madam it would greatly benefit your business.
Lady: i'd be very tempted but i had an affair with the owner of their company and i'd rather not bump into him again.

3)
Me: Good evening am i speaking to the homeowner?
Man: that you are.
Me: im calling on behalf of your local fitness centre.
Man(in a strained voice): Just a minute
Me: should i call back later?
Man(even more strained): Nope shouldn't be long now.
*splash in the background and toilet flushes*

2)
Me: hello there
Old lady: Oh hello stephen!
Me: sorry i'm not stephen, i'm calling from...
OL: come now stephen you can't fool your own nana.
Me: its really not stephen. i'm calling on behalf of
OL: *laughing* Come on stephen you've tried this one before.
Me: can't get anything past you nana. mum says she'll ring you later.

1)
Me: Hello there sir, i'm calling your business on behalf of..
Man: I dont care. i'm NFI!
Me: pardon?
Man: not fucking interested!
Me: very good, i'm NFB. you work that out.
(Got my 1st official warning for that)

 

[Artoo]

Haha, all pure gold - especially Stephen's Nana
Just thought I'd add my own from when I was in telesales...

Me: "...so what do you think of our patented alarm sytem?"
Man: "I'd be interested, but I'm actually robbing this house at the moment, so it's got to be a no..."

Me: "Hello, can I speak with the homeowner?"
Man: "I'm afraid he's dead."
Me: "..."

And when I've been on the receiving end of a call...

Person: "Hello, can I interest you in [something]?"
Me: "Oh, I would be, but I'm standing in 4 1/2 feet of ocean so I'm a little preoccupied right now..."

(true story)

 

[milagros317]

I always say rude things to telemarketers, I must confess. Like: "I'm on the federal don't-call list, you f**king s***head!"

 

[milagros317]

Oops, I hope you never heard that from me.

 

[locker669]

When they used to call I would always say I was 16 and there isn't anyone over 18 at home.

 

[Saeria]

I've done the telemarketing bit.. i hated it... I'd get bored and give the sales pitch in such a fierce accent no one could understand me, or i would say something dumb like "This is Mrs. Bairds and i'm calling from your bread box". I was the only one who could troubleshoot the dialer and still get away with paying minimum wage so they couldn't fire me.

 

[Libertine]

Years ago in my teens I was very polite to the pleasant young woman who rang to tell me I'd been 'specially selected' to receive some discount magazine subscriptions. I told her it was nice she'd called because no-one ever phoned me, and in a small hopeful voice asked if the magazines came in Braille.

She burst into tears, excused herself, and hung up.

I felt it had been a good day's work...

 

[TropicThunder]

I am the worst person for calls like that. I'm not usually mean or anything but I tend to pepper them with questions of my own. It's the same with people who come to my door with bibles in their hands. We used to do all sorts of dares on eachother and my boyfriend thought of the best one.

One time there were two Mormon guys going door to door in my neighborhood. I answered the door topless, with a long green skirt and a flower in my ear. Then I lit up a joint and invited them inside.

 

[myth77]

Please, unless they're rude, please be nice to a telemarketer. We are real people with f***ed up jobs I've been in telesales, telemarketing, appt setting, etc. So let me throw in a few prize conversations I've been in:

Me: Is Mrs___ available?
Husband: I'm afraid she's on her knees right now, sucking my..."
(at that point I hung up)

Me: Is ____ available?
Man: Listen here you little b****...:
(again I hung up)

Me: Is ____ available?
Man: If you ever call my f***ing house again, I'm going to come through this phone and cut out your tongue!"

All of this was in the last week . And this is for people who have requested a phone call, but assume that it's a random telemarketing call.

Don't be rude to telemarketers if you don't have to...or I will come find you and destroy your...

*sigh*

 

[MrMacphisto]

1)
Me: Hello there sir, i'm calling your business on behalf of..
Man: I dont care. i'm NFI!
Me: pardon?
Man: not fucking interested!
Me: very good, i'm NFB. you work that out.
(Got my 1st official warning for that)

LMAO....

 

[TheTickleMonster]

Years ago in my teens I was very polite to the pleasant young woman who rang to tell me I'd been 'specially selected' to receive some discount magazine subscriptions. I told her it was nice she'd called because no-one ever phoned me, and in a small hopeful voice asked if the magazines came in Braille.

She burst into tears, excused herself, and hung up.

I felt it had been a good day's work...

is it bad that this made me lol? lol

 

[fightinggirl666]

Years ago in my teens I was very polite to the pleasant young woman who rang to tell me I'd been 'specially selected' to receive some discount magazine subscriptions. I told her it was nice she'd called because no-one ever phoned me, and in a small hopeful voice asked if the magazines came in Braille.

She burst into tears, excused herself, and hung up.

I felt it had been a good day's work...

LMAO! I officially love you hun Great work!

 

[drewskee]

Years ago in my teens I was very polite to the pleasant young woman who rang to tell me I'd been 'specially selected' to receive some discount magazine subscriptions. I told her it was nice she'd called because no-one ever phoned me, and in a small hopeful voice asked if the magazines came in Braille.

She burst into tears, excused herself, and hung up.

I felt it had been a good day's work...

Fucking awesome.

 

[Texas_Tickle]

I always say rude things to telemarketers, I must confess. Like: "I'm on the federal don't-call list, you f**king s***head!"

I tried that and the dude (in a real smart ass tone) said 'I'm calling from Canada so good luck enforcing that law'

 

[kis123]

I tried that and the dude (in a real smart ass tone) said 'I'm calling from Canada so good luck enforcing that law'

Unfortunately this is one of the main reasons those of us who market/have marketed have problems. You're already calling overworked tired people during their dinner and family time as it is; at least be respectful about it.

I've gotten through some of the toughest customers with patience, compassion, and rapport-building. I've had people screaming at me through the phone in the beginning become my best customers. I think I'm somewhat of a phone masochist of sorts because the tougher the customer, the greater the challenge to me.

 

[Texas_Tickle]

Unfortunately this is one of the main reasons those of us who market/have marketed have problems. You're already calling overworked tired people during their dinner and family time as it is; at least be respectful about it.

I've gotten through some of the toughest customers with patience, compassion, and rapport-building. I've had people screaming at me through the phone in the beginning become my best customers. I think I'm somewhat of a phone masochist of sorts because the tougher the customer, the greater the challenge to me.

No, I was being polite. I just explained I was on the no-call list and he got rude and basically said because he was calling outside of the US, there was nothing I could do about it, as US laws do not apply to Canada (which I guess he had a point, but he could have said it without being an ass)

 

[kis123]

No, I was being polite. I just explained I was on the no-call list and he got rude and basically said because he was calling outside of the US, there was nothing I could do about it, as US laws do not apply to Canada (which I guess he had a point, but he could have said it without being an ass)

Uh-oh! Let me clean up.......

I didn't mean you said anything wrong--I was talking about the marketer. Sorry for any confusion.