My name is Henry. I'm 22, Indigenous Australian and live in Melbourne, Australia.
I'm the result of an accidental pregnancy. Well, when I say "accidental", my natural parents didn't accidently have sex, I suppose, what I mean is an unwanted pregnancy. But 'unwanted' is such a harsh word, I reckon. So, my natural Mum was 13 when she fell pregnant with me, broke up with my natural father and moved to Melbourne from Adelaide to have me at 14. The only photo I've ever seen of my natural father is of a mugshot taken of him in 1990 and put in the national newspaper. He was wanted by police for a bunch of offenses.
I was given up for adoption and ended up in the hands of my folks. My Mum is from Australia and my father is from Bermuda. They previously adopted two Aboriginal children who are my brother, 29 and sister, 27.
My upbringing was relatively normal, my folks always wanted me to stay in touch with my heritage, and eventually I met my natural Mum when I was 14. Since then, we have shared a kind of like, sister/brother relationship. She's only 36 now. In fact, recently when I saw her, we were out and somebody mistakened her to be my girlfriend. Weird, eh?
My sister casts a dark shadow over me. I have been walking in her shadow for a long time now. Wait, maybe that isn't the right way to put it...I dunno, it's 1.42am and I'm pretty stoned. What I mean is, at a young age, my sister got caught in the wrong crowd. Drugs, sex, rock'n'roll, but take the rock'n'roll part away from it and replace it with the development of Bi-Polar Disorder and you have my sister downpacked. The poor girl copped it from the word "go". She was born with that infant alcohol syndrome, she was born like a month and a half premature.
Her life has been a constant struggle, whether it be of her own accord or just because shit fucking happens, and I empathise greatly towards her. As a consequence, however, I have constantly been battling to reach expectations from my parents, so that as the third child, I don't mess my life up like my sister has.
But the problem is, in many ways, I have messed my life up. I fell into wrong crowds, I've taken almost every drug under the sun (with the expection of the H-bomb ((although opium tea is good)), that disgusting, filthy shit called 'Crystal Meth', and Cocaine). I've dealt (or haven't dealt) with quite a heavy Marijuana addiction for almost 3 years now, and have recently developed an appreciation for Psychadellics. God, I hope my parents don't see this.
When I look at myself and kind of go over that previous paragraph 7 thousand times, I reflect on where I was 4 years ago compared to where I am now. Had I not ended up on the path I now walk along, would where I stand now be much different to where I'd be standing if I'd chosen a different path? I conclude, probably not.
I'm confident that I'm going to finish my teaching degree this year. I know I want to be a High School teacher. My folks have little faith in me, because I have disappointed them so much over the years, and I know that they worry that who I am may be a reflection of their parenting.
But one thing I've learned from being adopted, and this comes down to the whole nature vs nurture argument, is that no matter how much nurturing one receives, that inevitable nature can still get the best of them.
My 'nature'; my anger, my addictive personality, my anxiety...negative qualities of mine that cannot be answered for. I seek to find the answers from my natural mum, so I can see that somebody out there is like me, who shares the same genetic predispositions that I do. And as the questions consume me more, the answers drift further away...
...So, I sit here in limbo. Just Henry.
-Xionking
I'm the result of an accidental pregnancy. Well, when I say "accidental", my natural parents didn't accidently have sex, I suppose, what I mean is an unwanted pregnancy. But 'unwanted' is such a harsh word, I reckon. So, my natural Mum was 13 when she fell pregnant with me, broke up with my natural father and moved to Melbourne from Adelaide to have me at 14. The only photo I've ever seen of my natural father is of a mugshot taken of him in 1990 and put in the national newspaper. He was wanted by police for a bunch of offenses.
I was given up for adoption and ended up in the hands of my folks. My Mum is from Australia and my father is from Bermuda. They previously adopted two Aboriginal children who are my brother, 29 and sister, 27.
My upbringing was relatively normal, my folks always wanted me to stay in touch with my heritage, and eventually I met my natural Mum when I was 14. Since then, we have shared a kind of like, sister/brother relationship. She's only 36 now. In fact, recently when I saw her, we were out and somebody mistakened her to be my girlfriend. Weird, eh?
My sister casts a dark shadow over me. I have been walking in her shadow for a long time now. Wait, maybe that isn't the right way to put it...I dunno, it's 1.42am and I'm pretty stoned. What I mean is, at a young age, my sister got caught in the wrong crowd. Drugs, sex, rock'n'roll, but take the rock'n'roll part away from it and replace it with the development of Bi-Polar Disorder and you have my sister downpacked. The poor girl copped it from the word "go". She was born with that infant alcohol syndrome, she was born like a month and a half premature.
Her life has been a constant struggle, whether it be of her own accord or just because shit fucking happens, and I empathise greatly towards her. As a consequence, however, I have constantly been battling to reach expectations from my parents, so that as the third child, I don't mess my life up like my sister has.
But the problem is, in many ways, I have messed my life up. I fell into wrong crowds, I've taken almost every drug under the sun (with the expection of the H-bomb ((although opium tea is good)), that disgusting, filthy shit called 'Crystal Meth', and Cocaine). I've dealt (or haven't dealt) with quite a heavy Marijuana addiction for almost 3 years now, and have recently developed an appreciation for Psychadellics. God, I hope my parents don't see this.
When I look at myself and kind of go over that previous paragraph 7 thousand times, I reflect on where I was 4 years ago compared to where I am now. Had I not ended up on the path I now walk along, would where I stand now be much different to where I'd be standing if I'd chosen a different path? I conclude, probably not.
I'm confident that I'm going to finish my teaching degree this year. I know I want to be a High School teacher. My folks have little faith in me, because I have disappointed them so much over the years, and I know that they worry that who I am may be a reflection of their parenting.
But one thing I've learned from being adopted, and this comes down to the whole nature vs nurture argument, is that no matter how much nurturing one receives, that inevitable nature can still get the best of them.
My 'nature'; my anger, my addictive personality, my anxiety...negative qualities of mine that cannot be answered for. I seek to find the answers from my natural mum, so I can see that somebody out there is like me, who shares the same genetic predispositions that I do. And as the questions consume me more, the answers drift further away...
...So, I sit here in limbo. Just Henry.
-Xionking
