I had an awesome New Year's but it would've been a lot more fun if we'd talked. A few people were missing from my hour or so long buzzed text/phone hilarity...ness...es. Or whatever.
Nooo! You gotta slap your own face with the glove until your cheek turns red, open the condom and scream, "WHY DID YOU SLAP ME?! AND WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU GOING TO DO WITH THIS MISTER?!?!"