Or maybe not hated, but at least disliked or ignored? I'm going through that rather pleasant feeling right now. Long story short, I made friends with a rather well-known member of this forum several months back. We seemed to have a lot in common, and seemed to have fun chatting. All the sudden, things start to go downhill for me. I lose my job, and am just feeling rather depressed in general. So, I decide to take a little hiatus from the boards. I felt like I needed to get my head screwed back on straight. So eventually, I find a new job, am feeling better, and come back. I send this gal a note, letting her know that I'm alive and well, and that I'm sorry for not keeping in contact. Nothing. A few months go by without a reply. I think, OK, maybe she just didn't get the note. Sent another one a few nights ago just to check in. Again, nothing. I'm not trying to whine or anything. I just miss my friend is all. I know for a fact she's been posting regularly since then, which is what makes this all so odd. What on Earth did I do? Was she just offended that I needed to take some time for myself? If so, I'm not apologizing for that. We all need some "me" time every now and then. I don't know. Sorry to have bugged you all with this. It just sucks.
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So, do you ever feel like you're hated? *Rant alert*
- Thread starter Adam
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Or maybe not hated, but at least disliked or ignored? I'm going through that rather pleasant feeling right now. Long story short, I made friends with a rather well-known member of this forum several months back. We seemed to have a lot in common, and seemed to have fun chatting. All the sudden, things start to go downhill for me. I lose my job, and am just feeling rather depressed in general. So, I decide to take a little hiatus from the boards. I felt like I needed to get my head screwed back on straight. So eventually, I find a new job, am feeling better, and come back. I send this gal a note, letting her know that I'm alive and well, and that I'm sorry for not keeping in contact. Nothing. A few months go by without a reply. I think, OK, maybe she just didn't get the note. Sent another one a few nights ago just to check in. Again, nothing. I'm not trying to whine or anything. I just miss my friend is all. I know for a fact she's been posting regularly since then, which is what makes this all so odd. What on Earth did I do? Was she just offended that I needed to take some time for myself? If so, I'm not apologizing for that. We all need some "me" time every now and then. I don't know. Sorry to have bugged you all with this. It just sucks.
amk714
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Adam, when you contacted this friend, I assume you meant you emailed or PMed her. If she still wants to be your friend, maybe she's been too busy to respond, or doesn't check her email/PMs often. If she doesn't want to know you anymore (for whatever reason), then she's probably ignoring you. Don't let it get you down. There are many other women here for you to be friends with (sorry, I'm not one of them, so don't contact me 😛). Good luck. 🙂
Butterfly wings
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Try getting back in contact with her Adam. I'm sure you still have her e-mail address or some type of way to reach her. If it means that much. Then if you can do that then tell her why you had to have some away ''me'' time and then try and see nicely though why she suddenly stopped talking to you and you being friends.
Good luck. I hope they turn around and everything works out now with this member friend of yours. 🙂
Good luck. I hope they turn around and everything works out now with this member friend of yours. 🙂
Sultrybrunette
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Adam said:
Well I know its not me. Hmmmm I bet you will have some girls thinking why didn't he contact me? Glad things are going better for you though.
Adam sorry hon. maybe she closed out her pms. i know i always try to answer all my pms. wish i could think of something to say. hang in there, maybe she will read this thread and realize her mistake. good luck. you sound like a nice person.
isabeau
isabeau
Hiryu
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Adam said:
Sure. I feel that way a lot sometimes but, I think it's mostly paranoia. I've had to learn to just let it go. I know I sometimes rub people the wrong way but, it's not intentional. I say what's on my mind and try to be tactful unless I'm in the mood to pick and play. Also with your not getting a response it could be a number of things. Maybe she didn't see the pm or email or whatever or it could just be that she's easily offended or down right odd. There are people like that. The only thing I can think of to tell you is to try again but, don't make a habbit of it or you may end up pushing her away for good.
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Adam, Iam very sorry to hear about what happened to you. Sometimes for no apparent reason, certain people just drop out. I've had that happen to me two times in the last year plus on here, except in both cases the girls in question left the forum, at least to my knowledge. In both cases, I was keeping in contact with them at first through pm, and then through regular email, and for no apparent reason, they just stopped writing.
I was having a conversation not long ago with a very wise member of the forum, who I will not name for privacy reasons, and they told me that while there may not be an explanation as to why, and while it may be hurtful, that sometimes online the degree of accountability is less than in real life. People have busy lives, other pressures, decide to leave the forum, and what not, and friends get lost in the shuffle. I have been there, and I know it hurts. One of the people who I had this situation with, departed the scene about a month ago, at a very critical time for me, when I needed a friend, and greatly disappointed me. I was very hurt for a while, had hoped I would hear from her, and as time has gone on, realize I likely wont. As others who posted in this thread pointed out, there are many other great members of the forum to converse with. After hearing the advice of the person I spoke to about my issue, I, too had to come to this realization.
Iam sorry to hear about what happened to you, Adam, but I do think it productive that you posted about your situation. You have your friends and the members of the forum here to support you. If you ever want to talk about this further, feel free to message me anytime. Take care.
Mitch
P'S One other point: What made the situation last year even more bizarre, was that I had struck up a personal friendship with the girl in question, and had been very helpful to her when she first joined. It was then relayed to me, by a mutual friend of ours, when she left, that she wanted "nothing more to do with tickling, or the forum". I sat there thinking to myself: "Am I tickling, and am I the forum, arent I her friend Mitch, who she said she likes?" It was all so outrageous. There was no rhyme or reason for her decision to disassociate from me. We hadnt had any words of any kind, and everything seemed to be going well. This, along with your situation, enforces the wise member of the forum's point to me about accountability online. It is unfortunate that things have to be this way, but, at times they are.
I was having a conversation not long ago with a very wise member of the forum, who I will not name for privacy reasons, and they told me that while there may not be an explanation as to why, and while it may be hurtful, that sometimes online the degree of accountability is less than in real life. People have busy lives, other pressures, decide to leave the forum, and what not, and friends get lost in the shuffle. I have been there, and I know it hurts. One of the people who I had this situation with, departed the scene about a month ago, at a very critical time for me, when I needed a friend, and greatly disappointed me. I was very hurt for a while, had hoped I would hear from her, and as time has gone on, realize I likely wont. As others who posted in this thread pointed out, there are many other great members of the forum to converse with. After hearing the advice of the person I spoke to about my issue, I, too had to come to this realization.
Iam sorry to hear about what happened to you, Adam, but I do think it productive that you posted about your situation. You have your friends and the members of the forum here to support you. If you ever want to talk about this further, feel free to message me anytime. Take care.
Mitch
P'S One other point: What made the situation last year even more bizarre, was that I had struck up a personal friendship with the girl in question, and had been very helpful to her when she first joined. It was then relayed to me, by a mutual friend of ours, when she left, that she wanted "nothing more to do with tickling, or the forum". I sat there thinking to myself: "Am I tickling, and am I the forum, arent I her friend Mitch, who she said she likes?" It was all so outrageous. There was no rhyme or reason for her decision to disassociate from me. We hadnt had any words of any kind, and everything seemed to be going well. This, along with your situation, enforces the wise member of the forum's point to me about accountability online. It is unfortunate that things have to be this way, but, at times they are.
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Ignatz
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Adam, you've received sound counsel from all quarters on this thread. The one question in my mind is whether, back when your own life went south and you took your hiatus, you notified your friend that you were doing so. Or did you just drop off the face of her earth for an extended period? Reading your original post, it sounds very much like the latter. (Depending on how distressed you were at the time, you may not even remember.) I'm not trying to be harsh...it happens to the best of us when we're on the ropes...but is it possible you hurt and confused her as much then as she has hurt you now by her silence?
Sultrybrunette said:
LOL. Definitely not you, Sultry. I realize there could be any multitude of reasons why I haven't heard from this person. I'll get over it either way. It just sucks when you feel like you've made a connection with somebody, and they just dissapear. 🙁 Of curse, I have some catching up to do with you as well, Sultry. I hope you've been doing well. 🙂
mon, I know just how you feel .... I made a connection about this time last year (about late October, actually, if memory serves) with a great girl (I'll just call her "M") out in LaLa land (via MySpace). now, normally I don't believe in this sort of thing ... meeting a "love interest" over the internet, but she kept at me ... so I figured why not see where this goes ... after all, what do I have to lose, and I haven't had a real love in my life for quite awhile (hence the suspicions).
to make this short, her grandmother fell down the stairs and went into a coma, so M had to fly to London to be by her side, eventually having to make the decision to cut off life support. we conversed via email/IM the whole time she was there, but the last night I ever heard anything from her ... we were IM'ing, and I asked to her to please call me ... because I just wanted to hear her voice ... and to console her. she said she was going to ....
I waited days for that call that never came ... my emails went unanswered ... nothing on the IM ... it's like she disappeared from the face of the earth.
It affected me for a bit, but not in the way one would think. I was so confused .... all I wanted to know was .... WHY ... ??
I still have her pictures ...
to make this short, her grandmother fell down the stairs and went into a coma, so M had to fly to London to be by her side, eventually having to make the decision to cut off life support. we conversed via email/IM the whole time she was there, but the last night I ever heard anything from her ... we were IM'ing, and I asked to her to please call me ... because I just wanted to hear her voice ... and to console her. she said she was going to ....
I waited days for that call that never came ... my emails went unanswered ... nothing on the IM ... it's like she disappeared from the face of the earth.
It affected me for a bit, but not in the way one would think. I was so confused .... all I wanted to know was .... WHY ... ??
I still have her pictures ...
Ignatz said:
I suppose it's possible. We had been chatting on IM for a while, but around this time, had been doing so less frequently (she hadn't been online as much). We still traded messages back and forth, though. I'm not saying I was extremely close to this girl, but I did value her support and friendship. I'm just saying that her silence really confuses me, because it seems so unlike her. She always used to answer her PMs, but as it stands, she's the only person not to write back when I returned. As for my hiatus, it didn't last much longer than a month, IIRC. If that did offend her, then I do sincerely apologize. It was just a really depressing time for me. Nothing was able to cheer me up. I guess it's possible that I inadvertently made her think that I was abandoning her. In any case, that was clearly not my intention. If I hear from her again, that'd make me very happy. If not, I'll move on. Let's just all be friends! 🙂
I'm hoping that it's a misunderstanding of some kind. I'd hate to think she would just suddenly refuse to talk to you. If she's no longer interested in you, then she at least owes you a dear john letter. I would continue to make every effort in contacting her until you learn the truth. If she's still interested, super cool. If she's not, then let her go.
Yep, ive felt that way before man. As for your situation over there though, if you know she been around then for sure she's seen this post so she woulda checked her PM or what have you. Dont let it get ya down man, her loss 🙂
Hiryu
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What Storm_Cat said happened to him got me thinking. I'm not saying that that's the case but, I think there are some people out there who pull this kind of junk on people just to know that they are hurting someone. Like people who create viruses and release them anywhere on the net just because they're so sick and screwed up that causing problems for others gives them some freaky thrill. It may sound like a big waste of time to lead someone on, get their hopes up then, break all contact but, virus hackers spend hours creating destructive programs in order to bring about a similar effect, hurt. Again, I'm not saying that that is what has happened to either of you but, it is something to consider.
kcantankerous
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You know I did or am currently ignoring someone from my old workplace. It's interesting, when it happens to you it sucks but conciously or unconciously you, or in this case I do it aswell. I'm doing it because I don't want to talk about why I'm doing what I am. But for you people here I can say cause she was hitting on me and she is definately not my type, and she has nothing to offer me. In other words theres no advantage to be in contact with her anymore; and no it was nothing to do with sex or fetishes. What I'm doing may hurt her or it may not, but choose not to talk to her to learn what twisted logic she has. I hope she hates me so we never speak again. I think its best for both of us.
Hiryu said:
I did consider that, but that happened a year ago ... I'm over it now, although one could think that by reading Adam's story it opened an old wound for me. It just reminded me, and I related ... I'm not bleeding, but oh so cautious these days.
Storm_Cat said:
You know, I don't want to be a downer, but it IS possible you know, that she did disappear from the face of the earth. I mean, how many of us here, if something were to happen to us, have someone who would alert the forum or anyone on the forum?
This is a reality when you get to know someone via the internet. Sometimes it moves on to RL and sometimes it doesn't. If it doesn't, anything could happen to them and you'd never know.
Sobering, I think.
I thank each and every one of you guys for your kind words. Don't think she's dropped off the face of the Earth or anything, though. If I actually revealed who this person is, you would all likely be quite surprised. She's very well known around these parts, and posts frequently... and I should note, talks to just about everybody. That's really why I'm so confused. I know she's been around, and likely seen my messages. Why she's doing this, though, only she knows.
amk714
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I've already posted, but since this has been going on for some time, I'll do so again. Adam, maybe you should stop contacting her and see what happens. If she wants to get in touch with you, she will. If she doesn't, you'll know soon enough. Happy Holidays. 
Goodieluver
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I feel that often, and when you address the issue, it leads to you being the victim\enemy and then the excuses. I have a good song quote for this action tho
"Why does everyone feel like my enemy, don't want any part of depression or darkness.
I've had enough, sick and tired, bring the sun or I'm gone... OR I'M GONE!
I'm backing out, I'm no pawn, no motherfucking slave to this -
Never lied, never left, never lived, never loved
Never lost, never hurt, never worry about being me or anyone else
Not a care, no concern. Don't give a shit about anything!"
"Why does everyone feel like my enemy, don't want any part of depression or darkness.
I've had enough, sick and tired, bring the sun or I'm gone... OR I'M GONE!
I'm backing out, I'm no pawn, no motherfucking slave to this -
Never lied, never left, never lived, never loved
Never lost, never hurt, never worry about being me or anyone else
Not a care, no concern. Don't give a shit about anything!"
Aah, I've given up trying. I got some really good advice/information from someone closer to this situation. Seems it's not the first time this lady has done this to the guys. So, with that in mind, I no longer feel like I need to bother with it. I wish her no ill will. I'll be moving on now. 🙂
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