A thought on "breaking" scenes: "layered" safewords

[Redmage]

A while back there was a thread on "breaking" scenes, which were defined as scenes in which the goal is to get the 'lee to use his or her safeword. This squicked me a bit since in my world a safeword is something you don't want to hear. It's an emergency signal indicating a serious problem.

But, different people might use it different ways. So even though I see real value in keeping the safeword sacrosanct I moved on. Recently though I thought of a solution that keeps safewords reserved for emergencies while still allowing for the sort of play that some people like. Once I thought of it, it was so obvious that I can't see how I only now got it.

Just use two safewords. For example "uncle!" means "I give up! I can't take any more!" while "red" means "There's an emergency! Get me out of this NOW!"

 

[Artoo]

I was talking about this with a few people the other day.

I would only use a safeword in the context of an emergency (for example, if I was having an asthma attack or something).

Two safeword is something I have seen used before, like saying "Amber" if you want a quick break, and "Red" for an emergency. It's useful, though if I'm honest I'd prefer to use neither. When I'm 'leeing I find it's all about letting the 'ler take control, and saying "Amber" would make me feel like I was calling the shots.

 

[Redmage]

Artoo, I don't want to diverge too far into safeword theory, but a lot of bottoms feel that using a safeword is taking control of the scene away from the top. But from my perspective as a top, when a bottom uses a safeword it's a signal that I have already lost control of the scene - it has gone somewhere that I didn't want it to go, and the bottom needs to bail out.

What I'm suggesting here is a little different from that, and a little different even from the usual yellow/red safeword hierarchy. I'm talking about a tool for use in scenes where the whole point is to get the bottom to use a safeword. But rather than use the safeword that's meant for emergencies I'm suggesting that the players use a special safeword that's only used in this type of play.

 

[Artoo]

Gotcha.

But, for all practical intents and purposes, what would be the difference between using a layered safeword such as "amber" or "uncle", when the objective is to get the bottom to cry "red" and when "red" is being used because the scene has gone out of control?

 

[BellaRisa]

Yup

Artoo, I don't want to diverge too far into safeword theory, but a lot of bottoms feel that using a safeword is taking control of the scene away from the top. But from my perspective as a top, when a bottom uses a safeword it's a signal that I have already lost control of the scene - it has gone somewhere that I didn't want it to go, and the bottom needs to bail out.

What I'm suggesting here is a little different from that, and a little different even from the usual yellow/red safeword hierarchy. I'm talking about a tool for use in scenes where the whole point is to get the bottom to use a safeword. But rather than use the safeword that's meant for emergencies I'm suggesting that the players use a special safeword that's only used in this type of play.

I understand, in fact I've practiced this, where 'aardvark' meant I give up and 'Red' meant STOP something's very wrong 🙂

 

[-Hari-]

having two is a good plan, personaly I still prefere none at all 😀

 

[tickledgirl]

having two is a good plan, personaly I still prefere none at all 😀

If there are none at all, how do you deal with emergencies? (Not criticizing, just wondering how that works.)

 

[♡AimLEE♡]

Time Limits?

 

[Redmage]

having two is a good plan, personaly I still prefere none at all 😀

Well, that's a different sort of scene altogether. Not necessarily bad, but you can't make a 'lee use a safeword unless s/he has at least one.

Gotcha.

But, for all practical intents and purposes, what would be the difference between using a layered safeword such as "amber" or "uncle", when the objective is to get the bottom to cry "red" and when "red" is being used because the scene has gone out of control?

Because using the "I give up" safeword means that the scene has gone as you both wanted it to. Using the "I'm in trouble" safeword means that it hasn't. And it's a good idea to keep them separate so that if you hear "Red" you know you need to respond quickly to a problem.

 

[Musicroxmysox]

I think that 's a very good idea. I mean it's not for everyone, and most people don't want to ever have to use their safeword....but for some of us having a safety net is good. Especially those of us with some health issues.

 

[-Hari-]

If there are none at all, how do you deal with emergencies? (Not criticizing, just wondering how that works.)

Im confident that I (and most other people im sure)would be able to tell if there was an emergancy, just a case of staying in tune with your lee and paying attention to them, communicating with them.

The random few times theres been genuine reason to stop, its been easy to notice, theres a massive difference between the noises and expressions someone makes when theyre being tickled and when theyre in genuine distress.

 

[tommytikl]

Like I said in another post...
I use a Red and yellow signal with the same meanings as a traffic signal.
STOP means stop now because something is VERY wrong.
Yellow, just means slow up a bit, I want to catch my breath but don't want the play to stop...I usually just move to another spot or reduce intensity.
I have had Yellow much more often than Red, infact I only remember one RED sign and that was because of a digging cuff...

This brings out that "layered" approach to safewords.

 

[Redmage]

But neither Red nor Yellow really does what I'm talking about. If the goal is to make the 'lee "give in," then you don't want either "slow down" or "emergency stop."

Like I said in another post...
I use a Red and yellow signal with the same meanings as a traffic signal.
STOP means stop now because something is VERY wrong.
Yellow, just means slow up a bit, I want to catch my breath but don't want the play to stop...I usually just move to another spot or reduce intensity.
I have had Yellow much more often than Red, infact I only remember one RED sign and that was because of a digging cuff...

This brings out that "layered" approach to safewords.

 

[Irish4406]

I think the use of 2 safewords would only be applicable if being tickled by someone who doesn't know you that well. For instance at a gathering or something like that. I never even thought of the idea but now that i have seen this post i think it would be very handy for me, but only because i have asthma and someone who doesn't tickle me on a regular basis may not know when to give me a break to catch my breath. I found the safeword very annoying at the last gathering we attended because i just needed a break but everyone just stopped as soon as i said it, so i think i would definitely use 2 in a large group situation.

Irish

 

[CrystalLight]

More or less, I wouldn't choose an alternative safeword to indicate being "broken" but not ready to quit. Perhaps why I choose to make up frantic conversation as I play.

A good idea for those that want that though, Redmage. 🙂

 

[Snail Shell]

Yup. With me and Kitten it's:

Yellow: Hold up a second, I need a break.
Red: Stop, I'm uncomfortable. My arm's numb or something. Please check on me.
Potato: Stop the scene. Something's really wrong.

Snail Shell