Am I in the wrong here?

[Iisme]

Ok,
So I have this friend that knows about my tickle fetish and he has proceeded to tell his friends, his coworkers, and some of the people that we used to go to high school with about it, and I'm pretty sure he told his parents too. I'm kinda angry with him cause it's not his place to tell all these people (majority I didn't even meet until very recently) But he thinks I'm over reacting and that it's not a big deal.

So my question is, am I really over reacting? Or do I have the right to be angry at him?

 

[Comfort Eagle]

Nah, that was a dick move.

And quite suspicious that he found it interesting enough to run around announcing, at that.

 

[CrescentFenix]

I'd be really pissed at him, but that's just me. He just spread personal information about you to people you didn't know.

 

[socksoffplease]

You aren't over reacting. But he doesn't see that because it wasn't something that he's lived with. To us, it seems like a big deal because of the pretty large number of people who find it strange. But to him, it doesn't seem like he finds it weird which would be why it doesn't seem like a big deal.
But if you didn't tell him right in the beginning that you didn't want it spread around, then you're definitely in the wrong for getting mad.

 

[Sir Bombers]

You are definitely not in the wrong. Your "friend" had no business telling everyone about your business whether you made it clear that it was a secret and didn't want it spread to others or not.

Yeah it's not a big deal... to HIM... because he's not the one at the mercy of having a private secret exposed to people you probably don't want that information exposed to.

He possibly has no idea of the ramifications that could affect you (ex: new people that you've met thinking of you differently or any embarrassment you might or might not be experiencing ). It's really insensitive for him to telling your information...period.


You should totally tell him upfront that as a friend, it was totally unacceptable for him to be spreading word of your fetish to others, no matter if he feels it's a "big deal" to him or not. The issue is, it is a big deal to YOU and he should respect that as the "friend" he's supposed to be...

 

[dalekfire]

TGG brings up a good question. Why DID he decide to tell everyone about it, anyway? :huh

 

[socksoffplease]

You are definitely not in the wrong. Your "friend" had no business telling everyone about your business whether you made it clear that it was a secret and didn't want it spread to others or not.

Maybe I phrased my own opinion in a bad way. She's not wrong, but she shouldn't get too mad at him if it wasn't made clear to him, you know? A lot of people don't understand the reason that we keep it a secret and the stress that's felt once it's been told, so they just don't feel it's a secret unless told otherwise.

 

[Sir Bombers]

Maybe I phrased my own opinion in a bad way. She's not wrong, but she shouldn't get too mad at him if it wasn't made clear to him, you know? A lot of people don't understand the reason that we keep it a secret and the stress that's felt once it's been told, so they just don't feel it's a secret unless told otherwise.

The fact is that whether clear or not... it's not his or anybody's place to spread anyone's business... Just because you didn't have any indication from your friend that it was supposed to be kept private, does not allow anybody to assume that they can just go crazy and start telling everyone about someone's info; especially without them knowing it.

You don't know if the person wants it told or not, so as a friend, it is courteous just to not mention anything about their info at all...

With her being upset with it, he should have saw right then and there that it was a bad call to expose her info...but him saying that she's overreacting and it's no big deal clearly shows a blatant disregard for her privacy no matter how big or small the issue is. Telling all those people that were mentioned and not thinking about how his friend would feel about it is totally disrespectful and irresponsible. She has the right to be VERY upset for this.

 

[ress123]

In my opinion its common sense to keep your mouth shut when someone tells you something of that nature, that if it was a secret or not shouldnt matter.:sleep1:

 

[desk]

I never out myself anymore, only bad things can happen. You have enough positive feedback with Tickle Theater and TMF.

 

[DarkPoet]

That was a very serious breach of personal confidence, IMHO. I don't keep my fetish private, necessarily, but I'm very big on making sure that I the people who know about these kinds of things are people I trust, and if someone I trusted did that to me... well, I wouldn't be able to trust them anymore.

 

[Stage Whisper]

While we admittedly don't know the whole story about this situation, I would say that if someone did that to me, I'd be very angry with them. If a person tells you about a fetish, you should already understand that that is a personal thing, and they are sharing that information with you because they trust you... not because they want you to spread it around to everyone else on the planet. If your friend shares a very personal story with you, do you immediately go to post it on Facebook for everyone else to find out?

OP, I would be angry too. I suggest you get in contact with this "friend" of yours as soon as possible and explain that the situation is NOT okay with you, and why. I hope this issue clears up for you soon.

 

[ThePoorMaidsTum]

Sorry to hear this - I can only reiterate what others have already said, i.e. it is a complete breach of trust and you have every right to be highly miffed. If I suffered such a betrayal in future I wouldn't be able to trust the culprit as far as Zsa Zsa Gabor could kick a battleship...

It might be small consolation, but I'd like to think that the reaction of most of the people he has opened his big gob to would mirror that of posters on here. If someone told me something of such a personal nature, my first thought wouldn't be "Christ, what a weirdo she must be!", it would be "Why are you telling me this, you clown?"

In other words, most reasonable people would think poorly of him for his indiscretion rather than you. Human empathy - I'm sure all of those people have got a few secrets they would be hugely uncomfortable with being brought into the public arena.

I would let him know just how deeply this has affected you. If he can't see it, then he's not the kind of friend I'd want to have.

 

[socksoffplease]

With her being upset with it, he should have saw right then and there that it was a bad call to expose her info...but him saying that she's overreacting and it's no big deal clearly shows a blatant disregard for her privacy no matter how big or small the issue is.

Somehow.. I never looked at it that way. You're definitely right about that. I'm just trying to look at it from both sides.

 

[Mash]

To answer your question; no. You are not in the wrong.

In our culture, a fetish is WIDELY accepted as personal, private information. Giving out this information is universally known to be an act of confidence; meaning that it is a piece of information is not to be shared with a third party unless a consensus is made between the two original parties.

This is why I do not tell people I know personally, however. I do not trust people with information like this. There are people out there worthy of my trust, I'm sure; but that's a bigger gamble than I'm willing to take. I'm not trying to lecture you with this; merely explaining my own opinion. Everyone leads a different lifestyle, and chooses to make actions based on that lifestyle; and as we all know, every action has a consequence, whether it be good or bad.

 

[Nomming]

You're not over-reacting and he should be tried in the HAGUE.

I'd have more to say but everyone else did that for me.

 

[Iisme]

Thanks everyone for your feedback on this it really helpeded me out ^^

TGG brings up a good question. Why DID he decide to tell everyone about it, anyway? :huh

He thought it was a funny "kink" to have and he thought it was funny to tell those people but we had a good long talk last night and I told him it was NOT his place to tell people about my personal issues like that, and after a while he finally understood and agreed to stop being a huge blabbermouth.

 

[Nomming]

Thanks everyone for your feedback on this it really helpeded me out ^^


He thought it was a funny "kink" to have and he thought it was funny to tell those people but we had a good long talk last night and I told him it was NOT his place to tell people about my personal issues like that, and after a while he finally understood and agreed to stop being a huge blabbermouth.

Slap the lips off him.

Good work on getting it settled though.

 

[TickledToDeath]

You have every right to be PISSED to all HELL and then some!
Smack the taste out of his mouth!

 

[tickletorments1]

You are right to be mad at him, its a breach of trust,loyality,& privacy.

Could this extend to other things i would be guarded about taking him into my confidence on any delicate issue for sure.

On this site or among friends the situation is one thing, with strangers and the public at large, plus all the age group, and social grouping,peer grouping,quite a different issue, its definately a no no to out someone regarding a fetish.

 

[TickledToDeath]

Actually, trap him somehow, get him tied totally immobile and tickle TORTURE him beyond all mercilessness to pure insanity and total loss of control!
Then spit him out like the vile untrustworthy disrespecting trash he is!