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Ask Alchemy

alchemy1

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Alright guys and gals, I know that other people here have done similar threads to this, but this is a brand new rehash of an old idea....I've just taken it and made it, you know, more awesome!

So, here we go, this is my official ask me anything about anything column. Enjoy and ROCK ON!!!!

Come on...I don't bite..unless you want me too. 😀
 

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Right up your alley

When and why did musicians first start referring to their instruments as "axes?"
 
Hey there Ig...na..Ig..natz... :no:

Hey there Fred

Actually musicians started referring to their instruments as Axes a real long time ago...like in the middle ages...you know, when their guitars actually were axes... So they would be out like...killing dragons...and shredding up the metal....and fighting Vikings (who also had awesome guitar-weapons)...and Hell demons and shredding a little more...impressing all the ladies with their cool rock hair and eating some stuff...and then shredding a little more... That's pretty much all they did. Yeah, I mean, it was really cool back then...not like today. So Freddy, that's why they're called axes. Of course they're not actual weapons anymore...not with things around like...cannons...and nuclear bombs...and Celine Dion... Hey, I think they should bring them back man. I mean, you could have like your big sharp axe you know...and you could be all like "Anyone who messes with me is gonna taste my axe!" and then you could crank up the volume and...well, you get the idea. Anyway...ROCK ON!!!
 
Thanks for the history, Alchy. I once asked the leader of a local band the same question and he, glaring at his lead guitarist, said, "They call them axes because they're always SHARP!"
 
What is the airspeed velocity of an unlaiden swallow?
 
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I, I don't know that. AHHHHHHHH.
Ho do you know so much about swallows?
You have to know these things when your a king.
...I spied some Monty Python
 
Who is a better overall guitarist

Steve vai, John Petrucci, or joe satriani
 
Huh huh, you said swallow...

Questions...answering the questions...

goodieluver said:
What is the airspeed velocity of an unlaiden swallow?

Uh...that's it? That's...what you want to know... Ok....
Well goodie2shoes, I don't know any swallows, but I do have an awesome way to find out. I mean, if we don't have any swallows, we need to make one and then see how fast it goes. Ok so, attached is my step-by-step to making your very own pla...er..swallow. So do that. Now, you have an awesome swallow...so lets see what it's airspeed velocity is....wow, that was like pretty fast...didn't fly very far...but still I mean, that swallow was like across the room in a like a second....so here we go.. 😎

Distance / The time of flight (of the awesome swallow) = air speed velocity

So there you have it Mr. Goodbar.
I hope you can sleep peacefully now.

(No swallows were harmed in this post...but I killed a bug just to watch it die)
 

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koopacooper said:
How long is a moment? 🙂

Gee cooper, that's a pretty deep question there. I tell you what, hang on a moment and I'll come up with the answer....
 
Answering the questions for the ladies...

nessonite said:
Alchemy...
How many roads must a man walk down really?

You know something Nessy, this is a question I've never really understood. I mean, not that I don't know the answer or anything, but seriously man, come on? Shouldn't it be how many roads must a man DRIVE down? Or...if you are like a biker or something, RIDE down? Look, the only way you're gonna be getting me to walk down a bunch of roads is if my car breaks down or something...I mean, if you have a car that's not really that great and the car breaks down on you, you could be walking down a lot of roads...or hitchhiking...
So here we go with another equation

Number of roads a man has to walk down is greater than or equal to how crappy your car is...unless you can get a ride

You know, like a ride to the car dealership to buy a NOT crappy car.
I mean, I would definately give you a ride..if I saw you with your crappy car...on the side of the road. And I would be like "Hey, your pretty lucky I came along or you would be having to walk down a lot of roads" and you'd be like "Oh Alchemy, I wish my car was not so crappy but I'm glad that I get to ride with you in your awesome-mobile...to the dealership...and maybe some coffee...and walking through the park and feeding the ducks and throwing things at people and laughing about it later..and..." Well, something like that, uh...you get the idea... 😛

Anyway, remember: buying cars can suck, but walking down lots of roads sucks even more. Hope that helps Nessy. 😎
 
another one

goodieluver said:
Who is a better overall guitarist

Steve vai, John Petrucci, or joe satriani

Wow goodie2shoes, you are like one inquisitive guy. Ok so...who's the better guitarist eh? Well, none of them and all of them. You see homeyGfunk, music is not a sport. When it comes to self expression, there is no best. I mean, ok so some notes that you hit can be bad if they are not the notes that you wanted to be playing, but besides that, it's all up to you. If you are talking about pure technical skill, the next question would have to be: as far as what? Also, techincal skill and technique are simply tools for better articulating your artistic expression. Now, i am a very technical player and love to shred and do Yngwie stuff...but I always remember that what I'm doing (all those supper fast sweep arpeggios and all) are simply means to an end, not the ends themselves. There are some guitarists that I know that are mind-blowingly technical, but if I can program what they are doing on a computer or drum machine or something and make it sound just like them, something is wrong. If a song is like a movie, shred techniques are like special effects...and lets face it, a special effect without a story or a plot is a pretty boring thing. And then again, in music, all of that is subjective anyway. So to answer your question, they are all the best...except those Nu-metal guitarists...cause boy do they suck. 😎
 
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alchemy said:
So to answer your question, they are all the best...except those Nu-metal guitarists...cause boy do they suck. 😎

Hell yes does Nu metal suck! No offense to anyone who likes it

Say, you wouldn't happen to know anything about what Marty Friedman has been doing lately, would you? All I know is that after he left Megadeth he went to play for some female pop singer in Japan named Aikawa Nanase. I don't know if there's a way to get whatever music he's made or what. Any info you can give would be nice! Thanks!
 
alchemy said:
Wow goodie2shoes, you are like one inquisitive guy. Ok so...who's the better guitarist eh? Well, none of them and all of them. You see homeyGfunk, music is not a sport. When it comes to self expression, there is no best. I mean, ok so some notes that you hit can be bad if they are not the notes that you wanted to be playing, but besides that, it's all up to you. If you are talking about pure technical skill, the next question would have to be: as far as what? Also, techincal skill and technique are simply tools for better articulating your artistic expression. Now, i am a very technical player and love to shred and do Yngwie stuff...but I always remember that what I'm doing (all those supper fast sweep arpeggios and all) are simply means to an end, not the ends themselves. There are some guitarists that I know that are mind-blowingly technical, but if I can program what they are doing on a computer or drum machine or something and make it sound just like them, something is wrong. If a song is like a movie, shred techniques are like special effects...and lets face it, a special effect without a story or a plot is a pretty boring thing. And then again, in music, all of that is subjective anyway. So to answer your question, they are all the best...except those Nu-metal guitarists...cause boy do they suck. 😎


True but there is a level of good and bad. Like i can say mozart is a better composer than me, this is a given. A lobotomized chimp is better than this modern garbage of 3 chord nonsense

Wow, i knew i forgot one in Malmsteen, but personally, petrucci is IMO the fastest player\finger picker i ever seen on guitar

Long live G3 and dreamtheatre
 
Mr. Sulu, fire the next question

Jade-Pegasus said:
Hell yes does Nu metal suck! No offense to anyone who likes it

Say, you wouldn't happen to know anything about what Marty Friedman has been doing lately, would you? All I know is that after he left Megadeth he went to play for some female pop singer in Japan named Aikawa Nanase. I don't know if there's a way to get whatever music he's made or what. Any info you can give would be nice! Thanks!

Jade-Pegasus? Man, I don't remember the horse from Clash of the Titans being green...I mean, Jade... Maybe it was my crappy TV...cause that horse looked white to me...not anything like jade..or jadish...or radish...
Anyway...
Well, Mr. Greenhorsethatflys, Marty Mcfly Friedman has been working on a new solo album entitled: Music for Speeding. Yeah, he did the J-pop thing for a while and then said, "hey man this is cool an all, but I am being called home to the metal." Actually, ever since the mid 90's he's been releaseing solo albums. I still think that his best work was on Rust In Peace. Yeah man, that album was awesome. Marty and Dave were all like CHUNK WAAAA CHUNK WAAAA CHUNK WAAAA CHUNK WAAAA and Dave was all "Possibly I see too much, hanger 18, I know too much!" and Marty was all like WIGGITY WAAA NA NA WAA NA NO WAAAA WA NA WIGGITYWIGGITYWIGGITYWIGGITYWIGGITY WAAAAAA
Yeah man, that rules!
So Mara Jade....I'd try someplace like Amazon...I mean, I know they would have the albums...they have everything there...except true love... 😎
 
Why is it, in a Windows 2003 Server environment, the "system partition" contains the boot files, and the "boot partition" hold the Windows 2003 system files??
 
Alchemy's emails are filmed before a live studio audience

wk23 said:
Why is it, in a Windows 2003 Server environment, the "system partition" contains the boot files, and the "boot partition" hold the Windows 2003 system files??

wk? does the wk stand for? Will kick? wok king? will kill? wild ketchup? and what 's with the 23? Oh...that's it, the 23 is how many ingredients and spices are in the wild ketchup...that's why it's wild. I'll have to try that sometime, cause let me tell you, regular ketchup just isn't doing it for me lately...maybe mustard...
Anyway wild ketchup, your problem is that your computer has too much..well, computer in it....and not enough typewriter. I'm mean, the compy I have has lots of stuff on it that I don't even mess with...and I bet some stuff that I don't even know about. I mean, someone like..pre..installed all these programs...and paintings...and pinball machines....and lots of stuff like that that I don't even use. I think i ran into one of those partitions once...and let me tell you, it was not fun at all...in fact, it was the opposite of fun...so that's my advise, stay away from partitions...and orange cones...
Rock On! 😎
 
If you drop an egg, it cracks\splatters

So how come if you drop a broken egg, you dont get a new egg

also, what theory\question is this?
 
Yeah, and while we're on the subject of eggs and chickens....Why the hell did the chicken cross the road??
I've actually experienced a moment in my life where I honestly wanted to know. I was driving to work, and I was late, and as I got to an intersection that leads to the freeway entrance starting to make a right hand turn, 2 chickens walked out in front of my car and crossed the street. I had to slam the brakes, and the car behind me almost hits me from behind! And without thinking about it, I yelled, "why the hell are these chickens crossing the road!!!" Then I actually started cracking up once it hit me. True Story!!
 
Ahhh...yes. The old "chicken crosses the road" ploy. Well I just explain it like this. Why do stupid people do stupid things? Cause they are stupid. Hence chickens cross roads cause they're chickens.

Now on to the next question: If two trains were flying to New zealand, dropping of 235 people on a dessert island of cannablelistic sand and collided into each other at 3pm pacific standard time on a wensday in june of 1368, what are the chances that the stars will call up their marshmellow friends on a planet inhabbited by weird trees on crack while being able to keep their tredmills from launching a barrel of grass onto a barbershop's customer's head?
 
Dream Jam Audition

If You Could Assemble Any 5 Past Or Present Musicians For A Jam Session, Who Would They Be? *testing 1..2...3* P/s Yes, I Am Available! Lol!
 
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