Being a single man sucks. No reall, it does.

[kopfhorer1]

A woman who I've been seeing for a year or so met someone else whom she thinks might be the one and just gave me the let's-just-be-friends talk. She said she hopes we can be friends some day. Maybe so, maybe not. I'll take that with a grain of salt.

I'm doing my god-damndest not to slip into self-pity or will-I-be-alone-forever or mad-at-the-world mode, but shit, goddmn, it's tough, especially since single men seem to be stuck in the bargain bins of the dating market. I am not looking forward to another lengthy dry spell. 😛issed

I know, I know. There are folks in Haiti and Chile who've got things a lot worse than I can even think of having them. But right now, it feels bad enough to me.

 

[Slaver123]

Remember, Obi Wan said "Don't give in to hate..."

Singleness is horrible (unless you just wanna bang a different bimbo every night)

But if you want a real relationship, which is supposedly what women are after too, being single is horrible.

As for the woman who found someone else; don't bother calling her, don't try to be "friends"- she doesn't want you and she could very easily end up using you as her shoulder to cry on each time this new guy screws her over. Women have no control over who they're attracted to, so they consistently turn down the good ones (like me and you)

But who am I to talk? Been seeing a "friend" for over a year now- I fill the role of her gay guy-friend even though I'm straight, and we'll never be an "item". But I can't seem to find anyone else, and she mostly fills my need for female companionship.

None of this will be a problem once androids are invented...

 

[melanie2]

well it's her loss..hugs you hard..sighs..'i'm so sorry..

 

[Dr. Bill Kobb]

The following picture is of no help at all to your situation, kopf, but it gave me a laugh, all the same:

 

[eatshit]

Dont shut out the idea of friendship. And i think she did you a favor. Who wants to be stuck with someone that may be thinking you arent the one for them?

 

[revboy]

if the dry spell goes on for more than 6 years, just let yourself go insane...you'll be a lot happier. Although i don't wish this on you at all, however, i DO wish you the best of luck!🙂

 

[juggernaut]

The following picture is of no help at all to your situation, kopf, but it gave me a laugh, all the same:

The more appropriate caption is "If it's got tits or tires... it'll give you problems."

 

[mikepd]

Ouch....Yea,the "let's be friends." That's fine & dandy if your the one delivering that news. When your on the recieving end........not so much

 

[sabaki]

Eh... being single is underrated. Once you separate out the self-esteem issue (which is: do you want a relationship so that you know someone thinks you are worthy of having a relationship with?), relationships are just more available sex along with tons of issues and responsibilities. Your own love is the most important love you'll ever receive. Sex with yourself is reliable and good. Being valuable in your own eyes lifts you out of the bargain bin.

Plus being single lets you eat what you want, go where and when you want, play video games up to stupid hours of the morning, and have no-strings-attached sex without worrying whether it's going to hurt someone's feelings. Single people are more physically attractive because they tend to care more about their appearance.

Removing yourself from the dating pool lowers the supply of men and so increases their price, if you want to keep using the market metaphor (which isn't a bad one). Men are definitely treated differently than women when it comes to dating. It's just something you have to deal with. :/

On the other hand, it hurts when you love someone and they don't love you back the same way. i hope you feel better.

 

[Journia]

Kopfohrer, being a single person does not suck. That's one of the best positions to be in as a man.

I mean, you can do so much. have tons of female friends, get to know people. Work outyour problems. And, this is what I do, go and help peopl;e. like, on a daily basis. Just do stuff for people. It really makes you happier, and the right onew might be down any of those avenues. It's really fun whewn you look at it that way. Like, me....

Of course...
I'm a lil coocky too but that's not the point!

 

[Duke Diablo]

Being single isn't so bad... actually, I find it quite good.

That said, I'm really sorry that your relationship didn't work out, Kopf. Being friends can work, but doesn't have to. See what comes out of it, how things develop, and don't push either end.

Also, do not let that girl define the way you think about yourself. Now, go to the mirror, mister, and find your top 10 qualities. Tell yourself in the mirror: "Kopf, you are... *list of virtues*" , and repeat that 20 times.

 

[kopfhorer1]

thank all of you for what you've said thus far. I wasn't sure what to expect. I love you guys. (virtual group hug).

if the dry spell goes on for more than 6 years, just let yourself go insane...you'll be a lot happier. Although i don't wish this on you at all, however, i DO wish you the best of luck!🙂

Man, I'd love to go insane, if you mean what I think you mean. Not just for the obvious reasons but to reassure myself that I'm still desirable. Yes, I admit it, I'm a typical male who's suffered a severe hematoma of the ego.

Rick, Nerrad - I hear you both loud and clear! (But the things with tires you can buy a manual for and fix with the right tools!)

Amniac - I hear read you loud and clear especially about the self-esteem issues. Yes, I do see having a girlfriend as a kind of validation, like lots of folks do. Though by the same token I'll never be convinced that solo sex is as good as the real deal. And as attractive as NSA sex sounds, sensitive geek type that I am (I wish I could be otherwise) I'm not only too shy to pick someone up in a bar or club, I tried something like it twice during my college years with less than optimal results. It seems to be one of those things which looks better on paper than in real life. A FWB arrangement (emphasis on "friend") would be best if I can arrange that.

And yes, it hurts tremendously when someone who seemed to be into me turned out to not to be so much so (see also: betrayal). Granted, she told me she was polyamorous, and I was (mostly) down with her seeing other people (she's bi), but to have this dropped on my head - I'm having trouble comprehending it let alone dealing with it, even though everything I've read thus far about polyamory said that this could happen.

Journia - I wish I had tons of friends, male or female, but having spent much of my life until recently as an involuntarily-loner-geek, well, I have a lot of catching up to do in that department, and I'm not sure where to begin.

And yes, you are coocky, but that's what makes you great! I'll take "coocky" over boring any day!

Duke Diablo - I'll run that top-10 list tomorrow when I'm (hopefully) more rested and when I'll (hopefully) not feel like I've got freon running through my veins instead of blood. I can think of one item though. One girlfriend, who'd had her share of callous, careless users, was totally amazed at the level of respect and tenderness with which I treated her.

 

[Slaver123]

Yeah, the self-esteem thing is a huge hurdle...Gotta be complete and whole within yourself, not dependent on having a partner. Too much of this world's successes depend on someone ELSE liking you or playing along- not just in love but in business as well. If you luck out and lots of other people buy your products you get to call yourself a "self-made man"...

My own "dry spell" (no serious official relationship) has been more than 6 years but I've been insane for decades so I don't need to go more insane to cope....

 

[Journia]

Journia - I wish I had tons of friends, male or female, but having spent much of my life until recently as an involuntarily-loner-geek, well, I have a lot of catching up to do in that department, and I'm not sure where to begin.

And yes, you are coocky, but that's what makes you great! I'll take "coocky" over boring any day!

Dude, I've got no friends. lol. I just act like an angel.

You know...

Angel.

 

[Bebob4999]

Love and relationships suck monkey balls.

Single=Epic win! No responsibilities, no whining and nobody to disappoint the shit out of you. Because love, most of the time, even after YEARS, is a disappointment.

 

[QueenBeeBeeMari]

I'm so sorry to hear that but you'll find someone else.I know you will.

 

[Dr. Bill Kobb]

The more appropriate caption is "If it's got tits or tires... it'll give you problems."

Or at the very least, be hell on the bank account. 😉

 

[kopfhorer1]

As you can probably tell, I feel a little better than I did yesterday, though I'm not completely out of the proverbial woods yet, not by a long shot. (And for some stupid reason, I felt horny as hell this morning. WTF?)

Dude, I've got no friends. lol. I just act like an angel.

You know...

Angel.

As in "guardian angel", helping people, as you've pointed out earlier in this thread?

Love and relationships suck monkey balls....

Hey, this is a family forum here! No weird stuff!! 🙂

Or at the very least, be hell on the bank account. 😉

And the question in both cases is, how much bang per buck? (ba-da-bump!) 😀

I'm so sorry to hear that but you'll find someone else.I know you will.

Thank you. (virtual hug) I fully intend to. Only a matter of when and how. Naturally, I don't feel much like putting myself out there at this particular moment, but in the long run, life's too short to sit at home alone in front of the computer (like I'm doing now! Eep! 🙂 ).

 

[Duke Diablo]

Glad you're feeling better, m8. Time heals all wounds, slowly. Allow yourself to feel crappy for some time, but don't let it take over you.

If you need someone to talk to, feel free to hit me up with a PM.

Did you do the counting of virtues yet?

 

[Fleet]

Oh man, I'm in the same boat with you Kopfhorer. I haven't had a girlfriend since 4th grade. I'm 18 now. My friends tell me that I have until I'm thirty before it's too late to even bother finding love or sex. That is good news for me because I thought either 21 or 26 was the cut off. But I don't know how old you are. Hopefully you're young and have plenty of time and experience with relationships and sex to help you get through this mess.

I know it's hard to avoid falling into self-pity and the "I'm so doomed and I'm gonna die alone" mode. If that does happen to you, don't let it get too out of hand. That sort of thinking lead me to do desperate, crazy shit. For example, I went on a hunger strike in order to get a girlfriend. It didn't work. Women I don't know talk to me about it now, just asking how things are, but I'm such a fuck up that I constantly drop the ball. This lead me to recently attempt suicide. The thing is, I can't find sex and relationships on my own. You probably don't care, but I'm about to get to my point. Which is don't let self-pity get out of hand, or else you'll end up embarrassing yourself like me. Because it's a cruel world and embarrassment makes your struggle a lot harder.

Being single and feeling unlovable is like waging a guerrilla war. It's long, messy, complicated, scary, and can result in some bad things. So don't do like me, and some failed guerrillas, and fall into the error of adventurism. Just hang in there, keep trying the normal methods, and voice any worries and self-pity in a mature manner (like you did here).

And if you can find some friends to help you get what you want in your love life, whether they are setting you up with someone or whatever, then accept their help. If you don't have any outside help now, try and seek some out. It will help greatly.

 

[Fleet]

Being single and feeling unlovable is like waging a guerrilla war. It's long, messy, complicated, scary, and can result in some bad things. So don't do like me, and some failed guerrillas, and fall into the error of adventurism. Just hang in there, keep trying the normal methods, and voice any worries and self-pity in a mature manner (like you did here).

To expand on this, guerrillas often have to rely on insufficient supplies and manpower. Myself, and I'm sure plenty of other TT posters, often have to rely on insufficient experience and low numbers of opportunities with women/men. The guerrilla army, in order to grow and become stronger, must often raid it's enemy's weak spots in order to get supplies. Since us loners aren't exactly fighting with anyone, we can't really "raid" anyone per se. But what we can do is try to create opportunities for ourselves.

Consider the vast number of people out there in the world, most of which probably wouldn't give us the time of day, an enemy base. Inside of these hordes of people are other singles. We must "raid" the world in order to get them to be with us. Once we have the attention of the other singles, then we have opportunities with which to work and expand our experience. How you "raid" the world should depend on your life's conditions, your individual situation, etc.

This whole one-on-one thing, where we meet people we barely know, and then get disappointed because they aren't single, can be an arduous process. Unfortunately, it's the only method that won't make you look insane. However, if you can make hunger strikes, threats of suicide, and begging others for help work, then why not try it? Keep in mind that you need to think about such crazy things long and hard before you attempt them. Taking risks is part of being "single and looking" but so is caution. So if you live in a pretty populated places, then chances are there will be local singles events such as speed dating. Try those first. You know your conditions best, so try and create opportunities outside of the usual places of meeting singles, much like the guerrilla when he gets creative.

But I'm sure you could have figured this all out on your own though. But some people need a little mental push though.

I'm still in the process of figuring things out. To use the guerrilla metaphor again, I haven't expanded into becoming an orthodox army because my opportunities and such are still insufficient. We must all draw up our own strategies and prepare for our own, personal Long Marches. The process will definitely suck, but the end result will be worth it if done right.

 

[Nevordan1]

You think being alone is bad? Well try being with a girl you met here who claimed to have the same fetish as you, and has zero interest in it since 5 years ago. We do it on my birthday and there's no enthusiasm on her part. I wish I could put a gun to my head and end it but I don't even have a friggen gun!

 

[Fleet]

You think being alone is bad? Well try being with a girl you met here who claimed to have the same fetish as you, and has zero interest in it since 5 years ago. We do it on my birthday and there's no enthusiasm on her part. I wish I could put a gun to my head and end it but I don't even have a friggen gun!

Damn, that is a problem. Don't blow your brains out, just try to move on. I won't give you more advice than that because I don't know anything about your life. At least you had someone though.

 

[Nevordan1]

Be sure you're getting the real thing or you may end up stuck in a hole you can't climb out of, AND dirt is being kicked in your face from above.

I'll gladly pay you Tuesday for a real tickle fetish enthusiast today.

 

[Slaver123]

Oh man, I'm in the same boat with you Kopfhorer. I haven't had a girlfriend since 4th grade. I'm 18 now. My friends tell me that I have until I'm thirty before it's too late to even bother finding love or sex. That is good news for me because I thought either 21 or 26 was the cut off. y.

You're only 18? My problem at that age, I couldn't read the signs when a girl liked me. (maybe I still can't now?) I was alone thru 3 years of college. Plenty of dates, but no real GF. Looking back I see now how some girls were giving me all the signs but I was too thick-headed to pick up on it.

My one "tip"? If a girl has a BF don't let that automatically put her "off-limits" to you, she's probably waiting for someone better to come along...(yeah it sounds callous but it's not)

It shouldn't take till you're 30; took me till I was 20 or 21 and I felt like such a "late bloomer"... I feel kinda the same way now, after a loooong dry spell...

My problem at 40? Don't run into many single women my age...