Being a single man sucks. No reall, it does.

[CrazyLikeAFox]

I'm male, 20, single, still a virgin and could hardly care less. But then I've always been blessed\cursed with long-sightedness, seeing things 10 or 20 odd years down the track. Now I'm having an early mid-life crisis, wondering how I'll look back on things when I'm on my death bed. And you know, I'm pretty sure of all the achievements in my life, getting laid will be pretty low on the list when I'm done. For me, inner peace came when I stopped looking towards others for affirmation and purpose in life.

Mind you it does get lonely at night.

 

[eveycoggy]

Some of you guys seem really nice. I think thats why you have such a hard time finding girls. Ill let you in on a secret kids its that nice guys finish last because they dont appeal to a womans sense of adventure. We dont want a boy whos going to be supernice and agreeable all the time since to us that makes us think that youre meek and wont stand up for us.

You gotta have a little bit of dirtyminded jerk or you look spineless. Just my 2 cents.

 

[Firedemon]

I know how you feel man. I'm single now too. Been so for just over 6 months and I'm STILL not completely over her x-( We had been dating for almost 2.5 years and losing her was a BITCH! I'm only now starting to come to terms with being single but my biggest fear is the same as yours: long term single-hood. I feel your pain man.

 

[Fleet]

Some of you guys seem really nice. I think thats why you have such a hard time finding girls. Ill let you in on a secret kids its that nice guys finish last because they dont appeal to a womans sense of adventure. We dont want a boy whos going to be supernice and agreeable all the time since to us that makes us think that youre meek and wont stand up for us.

You gotta have a little bit of dirtyminded jerk or you look spineless. Just my 2 cents.

Ah, but I do have a bad side. It shows too.

 

[eveycoggy]

Ah, but I do have a bad side. It shows too.

Tell me about it in a PM honey?

 

[kopfhorer1]

You're only 18? My problem at that age, I couldn't read the signs when a girl liked me. (maybe I still can't now?) I was alone thru 3 years of college. Plenty of dates, but no real GF.

At least you had the dates. Hopefully you had some fun there!

My one "tip"? If a girl has a BF don't let that automatically put her "off-limits" to you, she's probably waiting for someone better to come along...(yeah it sounds callous but it's not)

I always thought that if a woman tells you she has a boyfriend, it's her polite way of telling you "Hey, mister! If you're trying to pick me up or something, forget it!" OTOH, my own ex dropped me for "someone better", did she not?

It shouldn't take till you're 30; took me till I was 20 or 21 and I felt like such a "late bloomer"... I feel kinda the same way now, after a loooong dry spell...

My problem at 40? Don't run into many single women my age...

I get the screaming heebie-jeebies thinking that here I am in my 50's - and where am I going to find anyone to have fun with, let alone a potential life partner? Maybe it's time to sell everything, fly to Tibet and join a Buddhist monastery...

OTOH, my now-ex GF was in her mid-40's.

...For me, inner peace came when I stopped looking towards others for affirmation and purpose in life.

I hear you loud and clear on that point.

Mind you it does get lonely at night.

I hear you loud and clear on that point as well. 🙁

Moving right along, I found this rather edifying article on Scarleteen.com (nothing explicitly sexual here, but the site itself may not be work-safe). It explains quite concisely why breakups are so hard for guys compared to girls (fuck "male privilege"!).

 

[Dr. Bill Kobb]

I'm probably going to go see this later today. Not that it has any bearing on the thread. :blink

 

[Dr. Bill Kobb]

Moving right along, I found this rather edifying article on Scarleteen.com (nothing explicitly sexual here, but the site itself may not be work-safe). It explains quite concisely why breakups are so hard for guys compared to girls (fuck "male privilege"!).

I didn't read the article, but I think that how each of us deals with heartbreak is an individual thing. More and more women these days are coming up with the same sort of sociopathic("I'm never wrong/It's everyone elses' fault") worldview as many men have had for eons, so it really comes down to the individual at this point.

 

[Slaver123]

I get the screaming heebie-jeebies thinking that here I am in my 50's - and where am I going to find anyone to have fun with, let alone a potential life partner? Maybe it's time to sell everything, fly to Tibet and join a Buddhist monastery...

Moving right along, I found this rather edifying article on Scarleteen.com (nothing explicitly sexual here, but the site itself may not be work-safe). It explains quite concisely why breakups are so hard for guys compared to girls (fuck "male privilege"!).

You're in your 50s? There seems to be lots of 50+ singles groups. If you have kids you could try "Parents Without Partners" (that's how my Dad met his 3rd wife years ago)

If you're SUCCESSFUL in your 40s or 50s you should have no trouble getting a woman half your age; just show her your house and various other status symbols... (car, jacuzzi, Rolex; this doesn't work for me because I'm poor as a church-mouse in a Tibetan monastery)

 

[kopfhorer1]

...More and more women these days are coming up with the same sort of sociopathic("I'm never wrong/It's everyone elses' fault") worldview as many men have had for eons...

Hey, why should the guys have all the fun, hmm? 🙂

If you're SUCCESSFUL in your 40s or 50s you should have no trouble getting a woman half your age; just show her your house and various other status symbols... (car, jacuzzi, Rolex; this doesn't work for me because I'm poor as a church-mouse in a Tibetan monastery)

I'm not so superficial as to want a woman only because of her looks and/or status. My last long-term gf (before the most recent one) was anything but a supermodel. We got on because we clicked on certain levels. And I'm not so sure I'd consider a woman with a wallet fetish to be a worthwhile partner even if I were rich.

Singles groups for me have proven to be a downer (granted, it's been a while, and there aren't many around here). I object to being called a "single" anyhow. As a single woman pointed out a long time ago (in a magazine targeted at unmarried people no less), we aren't "singles", we're people. And I'm not necessarily looking for a wife at this point, mainly companionship and whatever else may or may not arise from it.

 

[sabaki]

kopf - sorry for advising you as if you were my junior. No disrespect intended. Although you seem young at heart, which is good. *hugs*

Looking at this thread, your posts in the gender thread, and your "gender" description as "y chromosome", you seem like you might be pretty alternative with respect to gender and personality. Is that the case? It definitely makes it harder to find a partner. :/ The classic sub male problem.

I was thinking more about FWB arrangements than one night stands... FWB seems pretty common in social groups that are poly friendly, which is nice.

Yeah, a close friend of mine just got the "Guess I'm not as poly as I thought I was" talk from a girlfriend of his, who went monogamous with her other boyfriend. It sucks. I think a lot of people agree with poly in theory and philosophy, but they are built (evolved 😛) a certain way, deep down in their brain, and they can't escape it.

 

[kopfhorer1]

kopf - sorry for advising you as if you were my junior. No disrespect intended. Although you seem young at heart, which is good. *hugs*

No offense taken. I appreciate your responses (I just re-read your first one). And yes, despite my age, I make it a point to avoid becoming closed-minded and averse to new experiences.

And thank you for the hug!

Looking at this thread, your posts in the gender thread, and your "gender" description as "y chromosome", you seem like you might be pretty alternative with respect to gender and personality. Is that the case? It definitely makes it harder to find a partner. :/ The classic sub male problem.

Not sure if I'm a sub in (what I take to be) the usual sense. I'm definitely not a typical male, at least as far as this culture goes. I have no use for sports (no offense to anyone here, I'm just not into them) or other superficial trappings of machismo. I'm sensitive, not because it's cool, but because that's how I am. And much as I desire, um, human contact, it's not for the purpose of acquiring notches on my belt (OK, maybe a little!). My curiosity about what it would be like to be female has nothing to do with submissiveness IMO but more to do with plain curiosity. Sort of like fantasizing what it would be like to walk on the moon.

I was thinking more about FWB arrangements than one night stands... FWB seems pretty common in social groups that are poly friendly, which is nice.

"Casual" sex (I'm not sure there even is such a thing) does have its merits. It's just never seemed to work for this boy. A friendship with that particular set of benefits included would be a lot more ideal. The challenge will be finding such an arrangement, me not presently living in a major city.

But right now, I need to crazy-glue my shattered heart back together. 🙁

Yeah, a close friend of mine just got the "Guess I'm not as poly as I thought I was" talk from a girlfriend of his, who went monogamous with her other boyfriend. It sucks. I think a lot of people agree with poly in theory and philosophy, but they are built (evolved 😛) a certain way, deep down in their brain, and they can't escape it.

Yeah, it's like, the car looks good in the showroom, and it's got great specs, but it performs a lot differently on the road! I suspected all along that this kind of thing might happen and unfortunately I was right. Long-entrenched social conventions don't get changed overnight.

 

[tallbuckeye]

I'm in the mid-40's and gave up dating years ago... got tired of how the relationships ended (my gf's wouldn't just break up with me, they'd move out of town!) Do I miss it.... generally, no. In fact I have a hard time imagining how I'd integrate a new person into my life... too much going on already. maybe that's the idea... keep busy and you'll think about it less. just a thought. Give it time... maybe this other guy will end up not being 'the one' for her.

 

[kopfhorer1]

I'm in the mid-40's and gave up dating years ago... got tired of how the relationships ended (my gf's wouldn't just break up with me, they'd move out of town!)

I suspect the reason they fled town was because of the town and not you! Seriously, you do have to kiss a lot of frogs, so to speak. Can't blame you for getting disgusted with it, though I myself am not ready to pack it in just yet!

Do I miss it.... generally, no. In fact I have a hard time imagining how I'd integrate a new person into my life... too much going on already. maybe that's the idea... keep busy and you'll think about it less. just a thought. Give it time... maybe this other guy will end up not being 'the one' for her.

As far as I'm concerned, her misrepresentation of her intentions, saying she was "poly" when the opposite appears to be true, is a deal-breaker. For all the other issues I might have had with previous girlfriends, they didn't play me for a fool and I didn't do that to them either. Even if my most recent ex did say that she wanted me back, I'd have to think long and hard, my longings for her notwithstanding. Now that I've had some time to think about things, I'm thinking that's probably not the only time she's blown smoke up my butt. I most certainly do miss and miss terribly the person that I thought she was. But this is a classic breakup scenario she's whipped on me, and I'm taking it as such. IOW, I need to (eventually but not too eventually) find someone who respects me a lot more than this person did.

Keeping busy avoids sinking into a total depressive miasma, no doubt. But I'm wary of using work (and drink and excessive eating) to avoid the very real task of moving through this. Even though I've done all three. 🙁