-
If you would like to get your account Verified, read this thread -
The TMF is sponsored by Clips4sale - By supporting them, you're supporting us. -
>>> If you cannot get into your account email me at [email protected] <<<
Don't forget to include your username
best lines on t.v.
- Thread starter TicklingDuo
- Start date
strokeofgenius
TMF Poster
- Joined
- May 18, 2001
- Messages
- 90
- Points
- 0
You're right....the Simpson's are the best 🙂
When Homer become a monorail conductor:
Bart: Wow. I'm so proud of you, dad...
Homer: Really? Do you want to change your name to Homer Jr.? The kids can call you "HoJu."
When Homer become a monorail conductor:
Bart: Wow. I'm so proud of you, dad...
Homer: Really? Do you want to change your name to Homer Jr.? The kids can call you "HoJu."
Alex Warfield
TMF Master
- Joined
- Oct 25, 2001
- Messages
- 626
- Points
- 0
It's good to see everyone finds Homer as amusing as I do
Flanders: "Hidilly hey!"
Homer: "Go away, Flanders"
Flanders: "Toodelly doo!"
Flanders: "Hidilly hey!"
Homer: "Go away, Flanders"
Flanders: "Toodelly doo!"
Alex Warfield
TMF Master
- Joined
- Oct 25, 2001
- Messages
- 626
- Points
- 0
Now one from SNL. This is from Weekend Update:
Jimmy Fallon: "Residents in Los Angeles were awakened by a small earthquake early this morning that registered 2.5 on the Richter Scale. The quake was powerful enough, however, that it caused several car alarms...to stop.
Jimmy Fallon: "Residents in Los Angeles were awakened by a small earthquake early this morning that registered 2.5 on the Richter Scale. The quake was powerful enough, however, that it caused several car alarms...to stop.
Alex Warfield
TMF Master
- Joined
- Oct 25, 2001
- Messages
- 626
- Points
- 0
Sorry to do 3 in a row, but I couldn't leave this one out. Also from SNL's Weekend update:
Will Ferell as Harry Caray: "In Scotland, they cloned a sheep. Which alot of people thought was fun. Hey! what if...Hey!"
Will Ferell as Harry Caray: "In Scotland, they cloned a sheep. Which alot of people thought was fun. Hey! what if...Hey!"
strokeofgenius
TMF Poster
- Joined
- May 18, 2001
- Messages
- 90
- Points
- 0
Another classic
When Barney makes his movie:
Barney: I'm Barney Gumble, and I'm an alcoholic.
Lisa: Mr. Gumble, this is a Girl Scout's meeting.
Barney: is it? Or is it that you girls can't admit you have a problem.
When Barney makes his movie:
Barney: I'm Barney Gumble, and I'm an alcoholic.
Lisa: Mr. Gumble, this is a Girl Scout's meeting.
Barney: is it? Or is it that you girls can't admit you have a problem.
Groucho Marx
In the 1950's show "You Bet Your Life" Groucho once had this conversation with a male contestant:
Groucho: How many kids do you have?
Joe Blo: Nine
Groucho: Nine?! Why so many??
Joe Blo: Well, I like my wife.
Groucho: I like my cigar, but I take it out every now and then!
In the 1950's show "You Bet Your Life" Groucho once had this conversation with a male contestant:
Groucho: How many kids do you have?
Joe Blo: Nine
Groucho: Nine?! Why so many??
Joe Blo: Well, I like my wife.
Groucho: I like my cigar, but I take it out every now and then!
TheRhythmDoctor
Guest
- Joined
- Jun 26, 2001
- Messages
- 328
- Points
- 0
Whose Line Is It Anyway?!
Drew Carey: Now as you all might know, Africa is a large country on the other side of ---
Greg Proops: HAHAHAHA!!!
Drew: Huh?
Greg: It's also a continent, if you're a geographer!
-----
(Scenes from a Hat)
Drew Carey: "Inappropriate anecdotes on a celebrity talk show."
Wayne Brady: Hahahaha...No. And so, I left the body in the trunk... and everybody's like, "Ooh. What's that smell?" And--
Colin Mochrie: So things are tough; I'm a big hole. And--
Robin Williams: So I said, "Get off me, Grandma! I'm done!"
Wayne Brady: And then, I'm watching through the window...and there's Robin and his grandmother! I'm like?!?
Ryan Stiles: Anyway, long story short, this is the stone I passed!
Drew Carey: "Bad choices to make when your genie grants you three wishes."
Colin Mochrie: Uh, two cokes and some chips.
The Rhythm Doctor
Drew Carey: Now as you all might know, Africa is a large country on the other side of ---
Greg Proops: HAHAHAHA!!!
Drew: Huh?
Greg: It's also a continent, if you're a geographer!
-----
(Scenes from a Hat)
Drew Carey: "Inappropriate anecdotes on a celebrity talk show."
Wayne Brady: Hahahaha...No. And so, I left the body in the trunk... and everybody's like, "Ooh. What's that smell?" And--
Colin Mochrie: So things are tough; I'm a big hole. And--
Robin Williams: So I said, "Get off me, Grandma! I'm done!"
Wayne Brady: And then, I'm watching through the window...and there's Robin and his grandmother! I'm like?!?
Ryan Stiles: Anyway, long story short, this is the stone I passed!
Drew Carey: "Bad choices to make when your genie grants you three wishes."
Colin Mochrie: Uh, two cokes and some chips.
The Rhythm Doctor
TicklingDuo
3rd Level Yellow Feather
- Joined
- Oct 23, 2001
- Messages
- 3,733
- Points
- 0
Right on, Scot
Here's a few more from The Odd Couple:
Oscar, to the guy trying to sell his exorcism book -"We're not spending a nickle on anything but beer"
Felix to Oscar, regarding Oscars spending habits -"This from a man who spends 60 dollars a month on potato chips"
After Oscar sits in one of Felixs "hand" chairs -"I feel like an M and M"
After Myrna sits in one of the "hand" chairs -"I kinda feel like I'm insured by Allstate"
When Felix awakes to find a strange woman in his bed -"It's not my birthday"
The paratrooper who notices Oscar won't jump out of the airplane -"What are you? One of them sissy boys?"
Here's a few more from The Odd Couple:
Oscar, to the guy trying to sell his exorcism book -"We're not spending a nickle on anything but beer"
Felix to Oscar, regarding Oscars spending habits -"This from a man who spends 60 dollars a month on potato chips"
After Oscar sits in one of Felixs "hand" chairs -"I feel like an M and M"
After Myrna sits in one of the "hand" chairs -"I kinda feel like I'm insured by Allstate"
When Felix awakes to find a strange woman in his bed -"It's not my birthday"
The paratrooper who notices Oscar won't jump out of the airplane -"What are you? One of them sissy boys?"
TicklingDuo
3rd Level Yellow Feather
- Joined
- Oct 23, 2001
- Messages
- 3,733
- Points
- 0
More from The Odd Couple:
"Last night I had a dream I was sitting in a hand and it made a fist"
"Isn't this an inventive tree? It's a conversation piece."
"Tell it to shut up"
Felix to Murray the cop, while Murray is watching Felix on t.v. -"MURRAY, USE YOUR COASTER!"
Drew
"Last night I had a dream I was sitting in a hand and it made a fist"
"Isn't this an inventive tree? It's a conversation piece."
"Tell it to shut up"
Felix to Murray the cop, while Murray is watching Felix on t.v. -"MURRAY, USE YOUR COASTER!"
Drew
Some of my favorites from Babylon 5...
Centauri Ambassador Londo Mollari to his assistant Vir, when Vir interrupts his romantic encounter:
"What do you want now, you moon-faced assassin of joy?!?"
Commander Susan Ivanova, leading a fleet to liberate Earth, when ordered to indentify herself by an enemy destroyer blockade:
"Who am I? Iam Susan Ivanova, Commander. Daughter of Sergei and Sophie Ivanoff. I am the right hand of vengeance. I am the boot that will kick your sorry ass all the way back to Earth! I am Death incarnate, and the last living thing that you will ever see. God sent me."
Captain John Sheridan and Vorlon Ambassador Kosh Naranek, when Kosh has taken him to the abandoned, unfinished bowels of the station:
Kosh: (makes an odd sound like a dozen voices muttering, singing, crying, laughing, whispering and sighing all at once) "There"
(A door opens on groaning hydraulics)
Sheridan: "What, you want me to go inside, is that it?"
(Kosh does not answer)
Sheridan: (Peering into the darkness) "Why? What's inside there?"
Kosh: (makes the sound again) "One moment of perfect beauty."
Narn Ambassador G'Kar to Lyta Alexander, bargaining to obtain a sample of her Telepath's DNA:
"Would you prefer the mating to be conscious or unconscious? I'd prefer conscious, of course, but I don't know what your pleasure threshold is."
Minbari Ambassador Delenn, leading a squadron to defend the station against an invading force of Earth destroyers:
"You face three Minbari Warcruisers. Only one human Captain has ever defeated a Minbari warship in battle, and he is behind me. You are in front of me. If you value your lives, be somewhere else."
And of course, G'Kar reading from the holy Book of G'Quan, quoted in my sig below.
Centauri Ambassador Londo Mollari to his assistant Vir, when Vir interrupts his romantic encounter:
"What do you want now, you moon-faced assassin of joy?!?"
Commander Susan Ivanova, leading a fleet to liberate Earth, when ordered to indentify herself by an enemy destroyer blockade:
"Who am I? Iam Susan Ivanova, Commander. Daughter of Sergei and Sophie Ivanoff. I am the right hand of vengeance. I am the boot that will kick your sorry ass all the way back to Earth! I am Death incarnate, and the last living thing that you will ever see. God sent me."
Captain John Sheridan and Vorlon Ambassador Kosh Naranek, when Kosh has taken him to the abandoned, unfinished bowels of the station:
Kosh: (makes an odd sound like a dozen voices muttering, singing, crying, laughing, whispering and sighing all at once) "There"
(A door opens on groaning hydraulics)
Sheridan: "What, you want me to go inside, is that it?"
(Kosh does not answer)
Sheridan: (Peering into the darkness) "Why? What's inside there?"
Kosh: (makes the sound again) "One moment of perfect beauty."
Narn Ambassador G'Kar to Lyta Alexander, bargaining to obtain a sample of her Telepath's DNA:
"Would you prefer the mating to be conscious or unconscious? I'd prefer conscious, of course, but I don't know what your pleasure threshold is."
Minbari Ambassador Delenn, leading a squadron to defend the station against an invading force of Earth destroyers:
"You face three Minbari Warcruisers. Only one human Captain has ever defeated a Minbari warship in battle, and he is behind me. You are in front of me. If you value your lives, be somewhere else."
And of course, G'Kar reading from the holy Book of G'Quan, quoted in my sig below.
Last edited:
My Favorite Show is Northern Exposure 🙂
"Hey babe!"
"Hello.Who are you?"
"What's it look like? I'm the subconscious manifestation of your
primal male fantasy fixations. What's in the *basket*?"
The Big Bad Wolf and Maggie
----
"The rainforest of my psyche has been sprayed with defoliant!"
Bernard
---
"You give 'em what they want. That's the role of journalism."
"No, Maurice. That's the role of professional wrestling!"
Maurice and Joel
---
"There's lots of ways to blaze a trail. I always think back to those
unsung heroes of the past. Like that prehistoric gourmet who looked at that lobster and said, "I'm gonna eat that." Or the first healer who picked up a knife and said, "Let's operate boys." You see, adventures come in all shapes and sizes. Like getting your haircut. Falling in love. Even getting behind the wheel and backing out of the driveway can be a sublime act of faith, as well as a monumental act of courage."
Chris
---
"How big?"
"Inordinately large."
Chris and Holling about Shelly's feet
---
"You know my friend Tooley? He had his fair share of both religiously
inspired and chemically induced visions. I think he had the
healthiest take on it all. He said to me, Chris, as long as they're
still on the wall and not crawling up your leg. Let 'em ride!"
Chris
Lots of words...but perfect...so perfect!
Jo
"Hey babe!"
"Hello.Who are you?"
"What's it look like? I'm the subconscious manifestation of your
primal male fantasy fixations. What's in the *basket*?"
The Big Bad Wolf and Maggie
----
"The rainforest of my psyche has been sprayed with defoliant!"
Bernard
---
"You give 'em what they want. That's the role of journalism."
"No, Maurice. That's the role of professional wrestling!"
Maurice and Joel
---
"There's lots of ways to blaze a trail. I always think back to those
unsung heroes of the past. Like that prehistoric gourmet who looked at that lobster and said, "I'm gonna eat that." Or the first healer who picked up a knife and said, "Let's operate boys." You see, adventures come in all shapes and sizes. Like getting your haircut. Falling in love. Even getting behind the wheel and backing out of the driveway can be a sublime act of faith, as well as a monumental act of courage."
Chris
---
"How big?"
"Inordinately large."
Chris and Holling about Shelly's feet
---
"You know my friend Tooley? He had his fair share of both religiously
inspired and chemically induced visions. I think he had the
healthiest take on it all. He said to me, Chris, as long as they're
still on the wall and not crawling up your leg. Let 'em ride!"
Chris
Lots of words...but perfect...so perfect!
Jo
Strelnikov
4th Level Red Feather
- Joined
- May 7, 2001
- Messages
- 1,812
- Points
- 0
That 70's Show - Red, the "dad" character, to one of the young guys:
"You don't have bad luck. Bad things happen to you because you're a dumbass."
Danger Mouse cartoon - DM and sidekick Pinfold are riding on woodpeckers. Pinfold's mount starts losing altitude. DM tells him:
"Pinfold! Keep your pecker up!"
Strelnikov
"You don't have bad luck. Bad things happen to you because you're a dumbass."
Danger Mouse cartoon - DM and sidekick Pinfold are riding on woodpeckers. Pinfold's mount starts losing altitude. DM tells him:
"Pinfold! Keep your pecker up!"
Strelnikov
TicklingDuo
3rd Level Yellow Feather
- Joined
- Oct 23, 2001
- Messages
- 3,733
- Points
- 0
One of the silliest lines from Seinfeld concerning Elaines friend who is sick:
Elaine:"She has Lyme disease"
Jerry:"I thought she had Epstein-Barre syndrome"
Elaine:"She does have Epstein-Barre, it's Epstein-Barre with a twist of Lyme disease"
Drew
Elaine:"She has Lyme disease"
Jerry:"I thought she had Epstein-Barre syndrome"
Elaine:"She does have Epstein-Barre, it's Epstein-Barre with a twist of Lyme disease"
Drew
Dave2112
Level of Cherry Feather
- Joined
- Apr 17, 2001
- Messages
- 10,294
- Points
- 0
Bill Doltrieve on King of the Hill, after hearing about how Bobby used his new fighting technique on Hank - "I wish I had a son to kick me in the nuts...
From Ren and Stimpy - Ren: "Stimpy, sometimes your wealth of ignorance amazes me!"
Stimpy: "They don't call me stupid for nuthin'!"
From Ren and Stimpy - Ren: "Stimpy, sometimes your wealth of ignorance amazes me!"
Stimpy: "They don't call me stupid for nuthin'!"
