Boundary Issues Concerning Women

[Wolf]

Can you read? I said in my opinion, stop twisting my words, my point is it's entirely childish for people to argue with other people opinions on here. This entire thread is unnecessarily long because people fight over an issue that isn't even their fight its dolls. At no time did I mention anyone's opinion is invalid or superior. I said that ifor instead of arguing on a thread people could make a real difference. Please qoute me where I said anyones opinion is less significant than mine, or even where I said face of the matter is, instead of this is much opinion.

okay.

I see so many people being champions of rights and protector of the innocent when their real life resume shows no such sacrifice. To those who want to defend and protect the innocent I say go volunteer at your local fire department or join the volunteer program as a deputy Sheriff. Be a rescue sqaud member or emt. Hell go join the national guard and fight for your country and serve people in your state in times of crisis.

You're making a clear implication about other people's life experiences, without knowing anything about them, and state clearly that they shouldn't be weighing in on this, and then you do just that.
So, what makes you different than any other "keyboard warrior"?

 

[proud2tickle]

i agreed with you on how you said to act towards women and how your reliable even though you aren't the most physically attractive person. I was like mad props, way to go. However you are now showing that you must take everything so personal like you have to be insecure because someone makes a statement you feel it's your duty to defend it. Not what I gathered from you in reading your post, you have let me down since I thought I was reading such intelligence minus the arguing.

You cut off that last qoute when I said social media and facebook in general, that was the main focus leading into that qoute... and how do I know that "most" as I Clearly stated, people don't have those resumes, well there is 1.8 million people in the entire arm forces, 1 million firegfighters, 1.5 million police and 1 million rescue/emt personnel. All together that is 4.3 million people, which is actaully less because probably 10-20% of those people hold rolea in both.... the military has been less than 1% of the entire population sinice 1993. So that meand in a country that has 330 million citizens with an estimated 365 million people living here that less than 5% of it's population at the very max to include veterans has actually constantly done more to champion rights, which is one side of this coin, and protect the innocent. So unless this forum and as i was truly pointing out sociial media has an anomaly of representation different than the standard i showed here i could easily use the term most as that is roughly 95%. What makes me different is I refuse to agrue about someone else's situation and say I am right vs you are wrong. I will state my opinion and move on. But I will not be subject of personal attack and slander.

 

[Wolf]

i agreed with you on how you said to act towards women and how your reliable even though you aren't the most physically attractive person. I was like mad props, way to go. However you are now showing that you must take everything so personal like you have to be insecure because someone makes a statement you feel it's your duty to defend it. Not what I gathered from you in reading your post, you have let me down since I thought I was reading such intelligence minus the arguing.

You cut off that last qoute when I said social media and facebook in general, that was the main focus leading into that qoute... and how do I know that "most" as I Clearly stated, people don't have those resumes, well there is 1.8 million people in the entire arm forces, 1 million firegfighters, 1.5 million police and 1 million rescue/emt personnel. All together that is 4.3 million people, which is actaully less because probably 10-20% of those people hold rolea in both.... the military has been less than 1% of the entire population sinice 1993. So that meand in a country that has 330 million citizens with an estimated 365 million people living here that less than 5% of it's population at the very max to include veterans has actually constantly done more to champion rights, which is one side of this coin, and protect the innocent. So unless this forum and as i was truly pointing out sociial media has an anomaly of representation different than the standard i showed here i could easily use the term most as that is roughly 95%. What makes me different is I refuse to agrue about someone else's situation and say I am right vs you are wrong. I will state my opinion and move on. But I will not be subject of personal attack and slander.

Like on Facebook or other social media, people act out and become come keyboard warriors. Not unlike most of the post on here with this particular thread.

You did mention Facebook and social media, right before addressing it to the people in this thread.

You waded in, talked smack about everyone else (apparently in comparison to yourself, otherwise, why mention it?), and then gave your opinion.
That's all. Happens all the time.


As for insecurity, I can't say I'm any more secure than the next guy.
Although I don't make it a habit of talking smack about people being keyboard warriors, and then whining about slander.

P.S. It's not slander to point out what you were doing.

P.P.S. It's also not slander to point out that you might not understand what slander is.

 

[proud2tickle]

Yes "not unlike" which is way of saying comparisons. I never once said people shouldn't give their opinion. That is where you are slandering me. You are giving a false statement that my reputation is one of thinking that others people's opinions are irrelevant or not allowed when nothing could be further from the truth and at no time did I state that. That is completely untrue. I am not a against opinions, i am agaisn't people arguing in a place that is not designated for arguements which was the purpose of my post. People took doll's personal pain and made a debate over it where half argued for rights and half argued over protection of how to treat people. That is where the keyboard warrior comes in. When it's more important to prove that someone's stance is right than to just simply have differing opinions and let it be while she is obviously suffering, and in contrast go out into the real world and do some actual good. I apologize if you feel personally attacked, not the intention as I said no argument, intent is people should state their opinion and move on as I siad and this thread and gone entirely to long.

 

[Wolf]

Yes "not unlike" which is way of saying comparisons. I never once said people shouldn't give their opinion. That is where you are slandering me. You are giving a false statement that my reputation is one of thinking that others people's opinions are irrelevant or not allowed when nothing could be further from the truth and at no time did I state that. That is completely untrue. I am not a against opinions, i am agaisn't people arguing in a place that is not designated for arguements which was the purpose of my post. People took doll's personal pain and made a debate over it where half argued for rights and half argued over protection of how to treat people. That is where the keyboard warrior comes in. When it's more important to prove that someone's stance is right than to just simply have differing opinions and let it be while she is obviously suffering, and in contrast go out into the real world and do some actual good. I apologize if you feel personally attacked, not the intention as I said no argument, intent is people should state their opinion and move on as I siad and this thread and gone entirely to long.

You don't owe me any apology. You didn't say anything that applied to me.
I didn't see anyone arguing "rights vs. protection".
Who was arguing in favor of "creep's rights?"

 

[Milligrams]

Wow,

I'm sorry for all the crap you've been through and are still going through. I don't know you too well, but I have seen you in the chatroom from time to time. You are always kind to everyone.

I think you expressed many concerns of a great number of women here on tmf. I hope more guys will read this thread and possibly learn something from it. I echo your sentiments about setting boundaries and not wanting to humiliate or hurt anyone else. It is a very difficult thing to do. However, as others have stated, setting your boundaries is nothing you (or anyone) should feel bad about. In my view, saying NO to being reduced to an object of other people's (sexual) desires simply means that you are affirming yourself as a person, an agent, a subject, a human being. Unfortunately, women have to face this dynamic waaaaay more often than they should... not to mention that they are often attacked for saying NO to being reduced to an object (as you clearly were Doll). For those reasons, I think that your frustrations and exhaustion are completely understandable... and I believe you are completely justified in starting this thread. I mean, you’re just asking for 1) basic mutual respect and 2) the other person to recognize/respect your limits and desires.

I don't really have an easy solution to your problem, but I just hope that you never feel bad for saying NO.

 

[WheresThe Clip?]

Dear Doll, as a 50 +, attached male in the UK, I hope you can bear with my rambling thoughts here.

Despite her best intentions, my partner bless her, can never really understand the depth of my Tickle fetish, or my submissive proclivities, despite her occasional efforts to indulge me. As such it remains more fantasy than reality.

As the years have progressed however I have developed other sub fetishes (which ironically I have had more success with) such as: Caning, Male Chastity, Facesitting/Smothering, Ball Spanking, Sex (yes I consider that only as a sub-fetish) etc. etc.

Now a few years ago, I became aware of the existence of a UK 'lads mag' model through this forum, who has worked extensively in the soft glamour/fetish industry, and has her own paid membership site. A quick folder check (as I posted this) finds me with over 2700 pictures of her, and of course umpteen video clips. She has been a complete obsession since I discovered her. Thus it recently dawned on me a few weeks back, that I would put her now in the category of a sub-fetish. Such is the male psyche.

But this is her business, her livelihood, she gets paid to tease and titillate susceptible types like me.

Now I have loosely followed you on here, and looked in on your on blog. You strike me as a intelligent, free spirit. However I believe you are giving far too much of yourself on here, in the mistake that it is a dialogue, when in essence you are providing free adult entertainment.

If you have ever heard of Hardin's theory known as 'The Tragedy of the Commons', you will know that any FREE RESOURCE will be spoiled by the many acting in their own self interest to the detriment of everyone.

Therefore if you want to be a resource (and not get bummed/burned) you need to start charging a membership fee for what you are currently giving freely, or instead completely rethink your approach to how you participate on this forum as a woman.

Tragedy_of_the_commons

 

[proud2tickle]

This is what I needed to hear...I've recently lost someone's trust in me because I was being annoying during a busy time, and I feel terrible about it because I've tried for so long to avoid being that kind of person and yet I still made the same kind of mistakes, no wonder she thinks I'm a creep, and typing this probably will make me look worse. I just wish I can have a chance to earn back her trust, not because I want to tickle her, but because I genuinely regret what I've done. Guess I have a lot to learn.

Very touching, i hope you get the chance to make it right.

 

[Wolf]

This is what I needed to hear...I've recently lost someone's trust in me because I was being annoying during a busy time, and I feel terrible about it because I've tried for so long to avoid being that kind of person and yet I still made the same kind of mistakes, no wonder she thinks I'm a creep, and typing this probably will make me look worse. I just wish I can have a chance to earn back her trust, not because I want to tickle her, but because I genuinely regret what I've done. Guess I have a lot to learn.

If you really regret what you've done, you'll leave her alone.

 

[proud2tickle]

Worst advice ever. If you are truly sorry and you think you can be everything she needs, take it slowly but pursue. Forgiveness is up to her, not you or me or someone else. She has been hurt. Let her decide whats best for her. If you think you can truly be that person them rise to the occasion l. If not than let her be. Love isn't an equation, it doenst keep count of right or wrong, it's the most powerful force in the universe and if you have it in your heart than I hope you show it to her one last time

 

[Wolf]

Worst advice ever. If you are truly sorry and you think you can be everything she needs, take it slowly but pursue. Forgiveness is up to her, not you or me or someone else. She has been hurt. Let her decide whats best for her. If you think you can truly be that person them rise to the occasion l. If not than let her be. Love isn't an equation, it doenst keep count of right or wrong, it's the most powerful force in the universe and if you have it in your heart than I hope you show it to her one last time

You realize this is someone he met on the forum, no more than two months ago; I don't think love is a term that can be properly used here.

I can't speak for women, but I'll bet there's nothing a woman likes more than a guy she hardly knows acting like he's her freaking soulmate.
Most guys you've seen pull that "we're made for each other, I'm not giving up" crap that you see in romantic comedies end up getting served with a restraining order.

 

[proud2tickle]

Oh I thought it was a real life relationship off of the site. I wasn't aware that you meant someone on here. Thought you were consolidating the issue to real life like doll talked about with her boyfriend.

 

[CapturedDoll]

Therefore if you want to be a resource (and not get bummed/burned) you need to start charging a membership fee for what you are currently giving freely, or instead completely rethink your approach to how you participate on this forum as a woman.

Tragedy_of_the_commons

I wanted to finally have my last say on this issue now that I've been able to take a step back and look at everything with a clearer head. That last statement and the basis of your post has stuck with me and really made me ponder about my time here past, present, and future. Thank you for that. I hated to read that... but it was true.

When My Bf found out about all this- first off he was VERY upset I didn't tell him about any of what's been going on. That's on me. I didn't want to bother him with issues I thought I could handle myself. Now BECAUSE of all this.... we are closer than EVER. It made my relationship stronger, and our Tickle relationship blossoming into something I've only ever could have dreamed of. I was spending SO MUCH time here I actually had withdrawal symptoms the first few days. That's unhealthy not just for me but anyone. But NOW that I can depend on getting tickled regularly... the drive to be here has lessened. I miss it... but... both of us stepping up our game at home has made us both happier and much more relaxed. That should be the goal for any relationship. And to reconfigure this lifestyle... to make my Bf more comfortable... and to mix it so that we both feel safe and secure... that has to be our #1 priority.

To respond to something you wrote- I'm not really a "free spirit". I may appear that way... yes but I'm pretty hard headed when I have my mind set on something, I'm very open minded and giving. Caring. But... I have my limits. Trolls and creeps and scumbags who participate in illegal activities are definitely my limit. People cheating are my limit. Cat fishing me is a limit. Being sent a virus that destroyed my computer is a limit. Hostility towards me and others is a limit. (Not that I've had much at all thrown at me... thank goodness. But still... I care. Bottom line. Maybe too much sometimes but I'm not going to turn myself into a wall because some people can't control their behavior. And on the flip side I have to look at my own behavior and adjust because strangers are unpredictable. I learned that thanks to my very upset and understandably so Bf.

But... just because I've had to lower my expectations of what I can expect here... it's all ok! -it is what it is. I"m just stepping away from a lot of the drama I see. I think when it's in a person's nature to give and give and give... they (me) end up losing a lot more. I began to feel taken advantage of. This is supposed to be fun... and I've waited too long to participate on this board just to throw my hands up and be done with it. All I had to do was reconfigure things. With my Bf. I've sort of had to take what Lady GaGa did and said into my own life. As she said "I'm not taking that picture... I'm not signing that autograph..." etc etc. Because if you feel I am a celebrity... Celebrities have to take precautions as they don't get hurt or taken advantage of. And that's exactly what I have begun to do. I never enjoyed saying no. Some people didn't like hearing no... but... that's life. I'm not thrilled to ever hear no either. LOL I love hearing how much of an important fixture I am here... and want to continue to be that. But... to say simply: priorities just have to be prioritized. And that's a good thing. 🙂 It certainly has worked in my/ our favor.

On $$$$- I never see myself charging. I may accept tips at some point and gifts. ( I love the thought of being given feather bouquets, stockings, tickle weapons... things like that at Fetish Parties. 🙂 I may have to start Kickstarter's in the future to accomplish the goals I think would be great for me and this Community. Up until now I have not asked for a penny. But how I interact here HAS changed in the sense that now my eyes are open to near everything. Which is what I KNEW would happen eventually. What I did not take into account was the level of mental instability here. I knew there would be that... but not to the extent I have found. Aside from hardcore mental trauma and the like...People wallow in misery around here and that's not healthy to be around 24/7. I myself have a hormone disorder which make me very emotionally unpredictable every month during my period. But... I'm controlling that as best I can. Learning how currently.... But...The issues most people face I cant help with. Most can't unless you are a Mental Health Professional. And it got to the point I felt backed into a corner to be a problem solver. Or to create things for everyone because I have seen the complaints 1 billion times through out the years - the complaints about what people are getting and what they aren't: aka women) And the Tickle world at large. Aka Productions, Photography etc. I can't be responsible for what other people are getting or not getting. But I put that weight on my shoulders and now I'm taking off that weight. I do what I want, when I want. And how I interact is at my and my Bf's discretion. Aside from that not much will change except how much time I spend here. I have other sites and blogs to run... and... I have many more contributions to make aside from what I've already done. I'd like to run an alternate, moderated chat room a couple times a month... I'd love to go to Fetish parties. And more... But that all will take time to sort out. I have so many ideas I'm getting in my own way of accomplishing them with the time I spend here. So.. in order to accomplish all of my dreams (and some of yours)... and to stay in a good mood... yes my time will be limited.

So your statement hit home as did all the ones that my BF had to make. So I just need to be more careful which I was taught at 5 years old. Time to go back to that way of thinking. Taking more precautions is a good thing for everyone not just women.

*hugs and tickles to EVERYONE*

Doll

 

[Wolf]

I wanted to finally have my last say on this issue now that I've been able to take a step back and look at everything with a clearer head. That last statement and the basis of your post has stuck with me and really made me ponder about my time here past, present, and future. Thank you for that. I hated to read that... but it was true.

When My Bf found out about all this- first off he was VERY upset I didn't tell him about any of what's been going on. That's on me. I didn't want to bother him with issues I thought I could handle myself. Now BECAUSE of all this.... we are closer than EVER. It made my relationship stronger, and our Tickle relationship blossoming into something I've only ever could have dreamed of. I was spending SO MUCH time here I actually had withdrawal symptoms the first few days. That's unhealthy not just for me but anyone. But NOW that I can depend on getting tickled regularly... the drive to be here has lessened. I miss it... but... both of us stepping up our game at home has made us both happier and much more relaxed. That should be the goal for any relationship. And to reconfigure this lifestyle... to make my Bf more comfortable... and to mix it so that we both feel safe and secure... that has to be our #1 priority.

To respond to something you wrote- I'm not really a "free spirit". I may appear that way... yes but I'm pretty hard headed when I have my mind set on something, I'm very open minded and giving. Caring. But... I have my limits. Trolls and creeps and scumbags who participate in illegal activities are definitely my limit. People cheating are my limit. Cat fishing me is a limit. Being sent a virus that destroyed my computer is a limit. Hostility towards me and others is a limit. (Not that I've had much at all thrown at me... thank goodness. But still... I care. Bottom line. Maybe too much sometimes but I'm not going to turn myself into a wall because some people can't control their behavior. And on the flip side I have to look at my own behavior and adjust because strangers are unpredictable. I learned that thanks to my very upset and understandably so Bf.

But... just because I've had to lower my expectations of what I can expect here... it's all ok! -it is what it is. I"m just stepping away from a lot of the drama I see. I think when it's in a person's nature to give and give and give... they (me) end up losing a lot more. I began to feel taken advantage of. This is supposed to be fun... and I've waited too long to participate on this board just to throw my hands up and be done with it. All I had to do was reconfigure things. With my Bf. I've sort of had to take what Lady GaGa did and said into my own life. As she said "I'm not taking that picture... I'm not signing that autograph..." etc etc. Because if you feel I am a celebrity... Celebrities have to take precautions as they don't get hurt or taken advantage of. And that's exactly what I have begun to do. I never enjoyed saying no. Some people didn't like hearing no... but... that's life. I'm not thrilled to ever hear no either. LOL I love hearing how much of an important fixture I am here... and want to continue to be that. But... to say simply: priorities just have to be prioritized. And that's a good thing. 🙂 It certainly has worked in my/ our favor.

On $$$$- I never see myself charging. I may accept tips at some point and gifts. ( I love the thought of being given feather bouquets, stockings, tickle weapons... things like that at Fetish Parties. 🙂 I may have to start Kickstarter's in the future to accomplish the goals I think would be great for me and this Community. Up until now I have not asked for a penny. But how I interact here HAS changed in the sense that now my eyes are open to near everything. Which is what I KNEW would happen eventually. What I did not take into account was the level of mental instability here. I knew there would be that... but not to the extent I have found. Aside from hardcore mental trauma and the like...People wallow in misery around here and that's not healthy to be around 24/7. I myself have a hormone disorder which make me very emotionally unpredictable every month during my period. But... I'm controlling that as best I can. Learning how currently.... But...The issues most people face I cant help with. Most can't unless you are a Mental Health Professional. And it got to the point I felt backed into a corner to be a problem solver. Or to create things for everyone because I have seen the complaints 1 billion times through out the years - the complaints about what people are getting and what they aren't: aka women) And the Tickle world at large. Aka Productions, Photography etc. I can't be responsible for what other people are getting or not getting. But I put that weight on my shoulders and now I'm taking off that weight. I do what I want, when I want. And how I interact is at my and my Bf's discretion. Aside from that not much will change except how much time I spend here. I have other sites and blogs to run... and... I have many more contributions to make aside from what I've already done. I'd like to run an alternate, moderated chat room a couple times a month... I'd love to go to Fetish parties. And more... But that all will take time to sort out. I have so many ideas I'm getting in my own way of accomplishing them with the time I spend here. So.. in order to accomplish all of my dreams (and some of yours)... and to stay in a good mood... yes my time will be limited.

So your statement hit home as did all the ones that my BF had to make. So I just need to be more careful which I was taught at 5 years old. Time to go back to that way of thinking. Taking more precautions is a good thing for everyone not just women.

*hugs and tickles to EVERYONE*

Doll

Nice to see you back, CD.
Glad to see the assholes didn't run you off for good.

 

[CapturedDoll]

Nice to see you back, CD.
Glad to see the assholes didn't run you off for good.

Thanks Wolf. 🙂 😉 Never could!

 

[matt62]

Glad to hear that you've worked out how to proceed, Captured Doll! You sound like someone who learns and grows from experience, which is pretty rare, and impressive. Strangely enough you popped into my mind out of the blue earlier today before you had posted - I knew you had been silent for a while and I suppose in the back of my mind I was hoping you were okay. Good to read your post now. You're making perfect sense! Wishing you all the best.

 

[tummytickler69]

hug sorry this happened to you

 

[WheresThe Clip?]

I wanted to finally have my last say on this issue now that I've been able to take a step back and look at everything with a clearer head. That last statement and the basis of your post has stuck with me and really made me ponder about my time here past, present, and future. Thank you for that. I hated to read that... but it was true.

Doll, I have to say if there was ever one post I have made on here that I fretted about afterwards, it was my earlier one on this thread. Therefore it is a real relief to me that you have been able to use it to bring some clarity.

Lets face it, this isn't an easy thing to be at times, and sometimes the TMF isn't always an easy place to be (for instance I have been banned from receiving/answering personal messages on here for about a decade now, due to a row with a female member that got out of hand). Yes I could have set up a new account, but then I decided staying away from personal messaging was probably a good thing.

It sounds like you are making adjustments that we all have to make. In my case that companionship has to win out over this fetish. Anyway it isn't all doom and gloom, so keep laughing and enjoy the good bits.

 

[CapturedDoll]

Glad to hear that you've worked out how to proceed, Captured Doll! You sound like someone who learns and grows from experience, which is pretty rare, and impressive. Strangely enough you popped into my mind out of the blue earlier today before you had posted - I knew you had been silent for a while and I suppose in the back of my mind I was hoping you were okay. Good to read your post now. You're making perfect sense! Wishing you all the best.

Thank you Matt I appreciate it. 🙂 *hugs*

 

[CapturedDoll]

hug sorry this happened to you

That's alright. All good now. 🙂 To move forward sometimes we all have to go through things to grow from. I knew there was bound to be issues I learned over time I couldn't quite see yet.

Wax on... wax off. (Tickle on.. Tickle Off.)

 

[CapturedDoll]

Doll, I have to say if there was ever one post I have made on here that I fretted about afterwards, it was my earlier one on this thread. Therefore it is a real relief to me that you have been able to use it to bring some clarity.

Lets face it, this isn't an easy thing to be at times, and sometimes the TMF isn't always an easy place to be (for instance I have been banned from receiving/answering personal messages on here for about a decade now, due to a row with a female member that got out of hand). Yes I could have set up a new account, but then I decided staying away from personal messaging was probably a good thing.

It sounds like you are making adjustments that we all have to make. In my case that companionship has to win out over this fetish. Anyway it isn't all doom and gloom, so keep laughing and enjoy the good bits.

I wish I could have responded the next day. I fretted myself for the first couple weeks about my abrupt absence. But I knew I would be bringing this thread back up so... 🙂 Thank you for your well thought out candor. Navigating this is all still a very much ongoing process. And usually a fun one thankfully. 🙂 But... when you're part of a Community or anything long enough we are all bound to see some jerky behaviors... wtf, and duh moments. So.. reaffirming what I need just had to happen. It sucked it had to happen with a thread like this but I was at a loss as to what to do... and emotionally compromised. This Community means a lot to me. I don't now think badly of almost anyone I was upset with. Except the virus holder. That sucked. But as I just ordered a new tablet for myself being its my birthday.. woohoo!

Happy Days friends. Cheers!

 

[rdhd]

Just caught up with this thread again..... thanks for the updates, Captured. I had begun thinking something bad had happened; glad to hear it was "bad", but not destructive, and you've thought some things through. Good to see you do have a head on your shoulders, even if you are a blonde.... 😉
Anywho, good to see you back, even if only on a limited basis.

 

[CapturedDoll]

Just caught up with this thread again..... thanks for the updates, Captured. I had begun thinking something bad had happened; glad to hear it was "bad", but not destructive, and you've thought some things through. Good to see you do have a head on your shoulders, even if you are a blonde.... 😉
Anywho, good to see you back, even if only on a limited basis.

lol 😉 Thanks rdhd 🙂

 

[magic fingers]

And guys wonder why more women aren't on the forum or in the chat room.

 

[schiller]

Please don't do it for anybody but yourself. This is supposed to be for FUN.