Do men like smart women?

[Sacrifice]

I like smart women. Not snobs and sarcastic brats but smart yes. Im not spending money on dinner and a movie or a play or whatever to some imbecile with the IQ of a houseplant. Been there done that.

 

[chicago]

I like smart women. Not snobs and sarcastic brats but smart yes. Im not spending money on dinner and a movie or a play or whatever to some imbecile with the IQ of a houseplant. Been there done that.

No sarcastic brats eh? Too bad. *crosses Sacrifice's name off the list*


lol 😉

 

[Sacrifice]

No sarcastic brats eh? Too bad. *crosses Sacrifice's name off the list*


lol 😉

Alas ticklishgiggle my belongs to another as my sig says! But if it didnt and you lived in New York City I would love to take you out on a date and....... 😉

 

[chicago]

Alas ticklishgiggle my belongs to another as my sig says! But if it didnt and you lived in New York City I would love to take you out on a date and....... 😉

Tell me more of this "and ......"

 

[Sacrifice]

Well I see by your pics that you are quite the looker ticklishgiggle so I have to restrain.....and believe seeing you it aint easy! Youre hot!!! But im taken unfortunately!!!

 

[chicago]

Well I see by your pics that you are quite the looker ticklishgiggle so I have to restrain.....and believe seeing you it aint easy! Youre hot!!! But im taken unfortunately!!!

Don't worry about it. 😉

 

[drew70]

I wonder how women look at these guys who flash their MENSA membership and boast of their "high intelligence." I have to chuckle at such self inveigling, because it demonstrates not only an over-inflated ego, but that they don't know the first thing about true wisdom, and are ultimately fools in spite of their learning.

I can honestly say that barring mental handicaps, intelligence in a woman is completely irrelavent for me, as far as a quality of attraction. What's more attractive to me are things like character, warmth, personality, sense of humor, and the capacity to love and be loved. She can be as smart as Steven Hawking, or as dumb as a box of rocks. If she has the above qualities, I'll be head over heals.

 

[STL_fan]

I like smart women. I like average women. I like not-as-smart women.

But here's a secret: it's nice when you're a little bit smarter than her.

But, that's all it is: nice. I'd never refuse to go out with a girl who is smarter than me. (Far from it, if you know me personally.) But there's a minor ego boost/satisfaction when you're a little bit smarter - it feels like she can look up to you.

Now, as for intelligence. Ok, I'll be the first poor schmoe. There's a certain primal, unholy (though minor) glee in having 5 more IQ points than a girl I date.

I'll be the second - that was very well put. A lot of my female friends have expressed the sentiment of enjoying 'looking up' to a guy, like they can depend on him. Same thing.

Anyway, my honest opinion. I suspect a lot of guys - even the ones who say they like smart women - get that same ego boost when they're a little smarter too.

 

[Redmage]

I suspect a lot of guys - even the ones who say they like smart women - get that same ego boost when they're a little smarter too.

Not me. A relationship like that feels very uneven to me. It's hard to decide whether I'm taking advantage of her, or being placed in a caretaker role that I didn't ask for. I feel each at different times. I also eventually feel as though I'm contributing more to the relationship than my partner is, and I feel as though I have to tone down my interests and the things I say.

Since I'm a Dominant sadist, it might feel counterintuitive for me to want a relationship with an equal, but it isn't really. My kick in BDSM comes from taking the power that my partner surrenders to me, combining it with my own, and using that to make lovely things happen for both of us. If my lady gives me less to work with, it's not as much fun.

All in all I find that there are way more debits than credits in this kind of relationship. I stopped doing these a while ago.

 

[STL_fan]

Not me. A relationship like that feels very uneven to me. It's hard to decide whether I'm taking advantage of her, or being placed in a caretaker role that I didn't ask for.

Whoa, hold on a minute. I'm not talking about an Einstein/ditz relationship here. I'm talking about a tiny bit smarter. Tiny bit. More like Avenger's 5 IQ points example.

At that level, I find it very hard to believe you feel like a "caretaker" or that things are "very uneven".

 

[Redmage]

Whoa, hold on a minute. I'm not talking about an Einstein/ditz relationship here. I'm talking about a tiny bit smarter. Tiny bit. More like Avenger's 5 IQ points example.

At that level, I find it very hard to believe you feel like a "caretaker" or that things are "very uneven".

If the difference is great enough that you're sure it's there, then the difference is greater than 5 IQ points. You can have that much variability in the same person tested on different days.

If I can tell she's less intelligent than me, it doesn't work for long.

To an extent though this is a false standard. There are a number of different kinds of intelligence. An example from mainstream media illustrates the differences that we see in real people: Who was smarter - Archie Bunker or his wife Edith?

I have a feeling that most people posting here are judging intelligence based on the sort that they use the most themselves. I fall into that too if I'm not careful. It's more complicated than, for example, whether or not she's as good at chemistry as I am. But she has to be as good in her chosen arena as I am in mine.

 

[steph]

Question guys...

When we say "smart," are talking book smart or street smart? Because I think there's a difference. I mean you can be one and not the other.
XOXO

 

[Stewart42]

I won't date a woman unless she's smart. Holding up (indeed, improving on) her end of the conversation is a must for me.

I can have my head turned by a great body as much as the next guy, but if she isn't clever and in posession of a sense of humour, there's nothing there for me.

Stewart

 

[Redmage]

When we say "smart," are talking book smart or street smart? Because I think there's a difference. I mean you can be one and not the other.
XOXO

Yes, you can be. And there are other kinds of smart - emotional intelligence, mechanical intelligence, etc.

As I mentioned earlier, I think that the natural tendency is to treat the type of intelligence each of us uses as the most important one, or even as the only one there is. I do it myself, even though I try hard not to.

There's nothing wrong with having a preference. But we need to acknowledge it for what it is and not raise our own wishes to the level of natural law. If someone prizes education and can't see themselves building a relationship with anyone much less educated, there's nothing wrong with that - it's good that they know their own minds. But neither they nor anyone else should take it as a normative standard.

For myself, there are some differences in what we very broadly call "intelligence" that create barriers too high for me to overcome. Exactly what it takes to do that is fairly flexible - in fact I've come to prize partners who have a high degree of intelligence of a type that I lack. Being able to draw on their strengths helps to make up for my own weaknesses. But be that as it may it's still a standard I apply to my relationships simply because they don't work for me any other way. That has advantages for me, and it has drawbacks.

Over 20 years ago, a friend told me something when I was getting up on my soapbox about the importance of "intelligence." She looked at me over the tops of her glasses and said, "Intelligence is an asset, not a virtue." I'm still teasing new meaning out of those seven words.

 

[isabeau]

i think that david and i are equally smart but in different areas. i am smarter than he is in things such as literature, music, civil war history, tudor england, and certain knowledge of the world. he is smarter than i am in math,(ugh), mechanics, industry, sense as in common, designs, drawings and computers, although i am learning more in the latter. so i think we level out. and we never run out of things to talk about.

isabeau

ps i usually beat him at jeopardy 😀

 

[Strider]

Do men like smart women?

Personally, yeah, I do.

I can get my head turned by physical appearance, but if a girl has a subscription to Foreign Affairs or The Economist and can discuss the implications of destabalization in the Russian Caucasus, then I really get interested.

 

[Bagelfather]

There is smart, and there is too smart sometimes...

I like to date women who are intelligent and can keep up a conversation on a wide variety of topics. It is also helpful for me to date someone who has had the same experiences.

Several months ago I met a cute Jewish lady in the area who was fairly open to things (including tickling) and I was dating her but nothing too serious. We had had numerous dates. She kept wondering when I was going to tie her up etc. I explained I wanted to get to know her better before I did that.

Then one day she slept over at my house (and litteraly it was slept over, nothing much else). In the moring I made breakfast for us and I was working out while watching one of my shows on TiVo as I really needed to work out (been avoiding it). Anyway she tried to get me into conversations about science related things that were well beyond my knowledge. She was a computer techie who made nearly 6 figures. She looked at me and said "I think I'm smarter than you."

In my head I was thinking "gee and you wanted to get in my pants so badly... hmmm not such a smart move braniac."

After that I did not call her again, and she never called me. There it ended.

So yes, I like dating smart women. I don't care if they are smarter than me but anyone who rubs your face in it is just an ass in my book.

 

[CaptainQuantum]

Re: do men like smart women?

That depends on the situation. If the guy isn't too concerned about doing things with her other than having sex, or if he wants to sell her some swamp land, the answer is no. All other cases, yes. 😀

 

[CaptainQuantum]

So yes, I like dating smart women. I don't care if they are smarter than me but anyone who rubs your face in it is just an ass in my book.

That has more to do with personality than intelligence level IMO

 

[MrPartickler]

~

DISCLAIMER: The following discussion is full of generalizations, but they're just my humble opinons based on personal experiences and observations.

This is another one of those questions that, when asked, most everyone says what one is supposed to say. That's not to say folks don't answer honestly, but rather they/we try to intellectuallize attraction and "chemistry," which simply doesn't work. So the answers hardly ever jive with reality.

I think most guys <i>are</i> somewhat intimidated by women that are smarter than them, taller than them, run faster, make more money, physically stronger, more "experienced," etc. If you ask guys to admit this, many won't admit it, but ladies (and guys) know what usually happens in reality. Again, not always, but usually. That's proof enough.

Most women usually try to "dating/marry up" in all these categories. (Many will not admit to this or try to rationalize it when asked outright, too.) Most guys are more comfortable and confident when "dating/marrying down." It's somewhat of a vicious cycle, IMHO. People just tend to do things we feel are most "normal." It's what we're used to seeing; as a result, we're more comfortable in those roles. That in turn makes them more likely to occur.

.....

That being said here's my answer: I grew up fairly nerdily, went though my "smart is cool" stage, and was a dateless wonder. LOL I don't think I'd ever dated a woman I thought was smarter than I am. That's because of three reasons: 1) The smart women I was attracted to weren't attracted to me, 2) Intimidation, 3) I had no game. <-- biggest reason

Fast-forward to the present. I think would connect more with a woman who has at least gone to undergrad. Note, this does NOT imply "smartness" to me, and it wouldn't rule out someone who hadn't, but it just seems like I would have very little in common with a woman who hadn't. Other than that a sharp wit, humor, common sense, a sweet disposition and personality are all that's needed. And while we're being honest...looks (Yes, I AM an guy...you got me! lol) If she's also *really* smart, all the better. Add in a healthy dose of ticklishness and WOW!

I'm surrounded by people with tons of book smarts all day. Those mean exactly nil to me in relationships....so much so that <i>I</i> usually "dumb down"--very obviously and humorously so--in my interactions with folks--men, women, whoever. Why? Because I have nothing to prove, and if I'm not at work, I want to have fun. Encyclopedias aren't fun to me, so why should I think they are for anyone else? If she wants someone to spit out answers to arcane questions, I have one word: Google. If she wants to do the same to me the next word is: Goodbye

Hmm...maybe this explains why I have connected very little with women in my field (engineering)? (Although with other fields, I'm not as sensitive to it.) Jebus. Turn down the geek! Puh-lease! lol

 

[chicago]

DISCLAIMER: The following discussion is full of generalizations, but they're just my humble opinons based on personal experiences and observations.

This is another one of those questions that, when asked, most everyone says what one is supposed to say. That's not to say folks don't answer honestly, but rather they/we try to intellectuallize attraction and "chemistry," which simply doesn't work. So the answers hardly ever jive with reality.

I think most guys <i>are</i> somewhat intimidated by women that are smarter than them, taller than them, run faster, make more money, physically stronger, more "experienced," etc. If you ask guys to admit this, many won't admit it, but ladies (and guys) know what usually happens in reality. Again, not always, but usually. That's proof enough.

Most women usually try to "dating/marry up" in all these categories. (Many will not admit to this or try to rationalize it when asked outright, too.) Most guys are more comfortable and confident when "dating/marrying down." It's somewhat of a vicious cycle, IMHO. People just tend to do things we feel are most "normal." It's what we're used to seeing; as a result, we're more comfortable in those roles. That in turn makes them more likely to occur.

.....

That being said here's my answer: I grew up fairly nerdily, went though my "smart is cool" stage, and was a dateless wonder. LOL I don't think I'd ever dated a woman I thought was smarter than I am. That's because of three reasons: 1) The smart women I was attracted to weren't attracted to me, 2) Intimidation, 3) I had no game. <-- biggest reason

Fast-forward to the present. I think would connect more with a woman who has at least gone to undergrad. Note, this does NOT imply "smartness" to me, and it wouldn't rule out someone who hadn't, but it just seems like I would have very little in common with a woman who hadn't. Other than that a sharp wit, humor, common sense, a sweet disposition and personality are all that's needed. And while we're being honest...looks (Yes, I AM an guy...you got me! lol) If she's also *really* smart, all the better. Add in a healthy dose of ticklishness and WOW!

I'm surrounded by people with tons of book smarts all day. Those mean exactly nil to me in relationships....so much so that <i>I</i> usually "dumb down"--very obviously and humorously so--in my interactions with folks--men, women, whoever. Why? Because I have nothing to prove, and if I'm not at work, I want to have fun. Encyclopedias aren't fun to me, so why should I think they are for anyone else? If she wants someone to spit out answers to arcane questions, I have one word: Google. If she wants to do the same to me the next word is: Goodbye

Hmm...maybe this explains why I have connected very little with women in my field (engineering)? (Although with other fields, I'm not as sensitive to it.) Jebus. Turn down the geek! Puh-lease! lol

Yeah, that was pretty much the best answer yet. It's probably what a lot of people were thinking and either didn't want to or couldn't think of how to say.

I'm going to pretend like the question was reversed.

"Do girls like smart guys?"

And I'm going to answer in terms of my own opinion. Honestly, I don't like talking or hanging out with someone that is obviously, obviously, obviously smarter than me. A guy that uses such words that I need to have a thesaurus attached to my side or that continually talks about subjects that I have no experience in. I find that intimidating and it actually is pretty frustrating when it feels like you're trying to communicate with someone that's speaking another language. However, that's only with someone that is "obviously" smarter than I am. Even if the person has an IQ of 5 million, for example Dave2112 lol, as long as they have a sense of humor, are witty, can have a good conversation, and don't hold it against me when I ask, "What's that?" or "What does that mean?" then it really doesn't make a difference. I admit, sometimes I don't like asking what something means or for someone to explain something, but if I'm comfortable enough, it doesn't bother me. Now, if the person is not as smart as me it is pretty much the same thing. If they're "obviously" an idiot and tYpEs LyKe Dis and can't put a sentence together and thinks bathroom humor is the highest form of humor, then I'm probably going to get annoyed and walk away, but if that person is just over-all a nice person, even if they don't understand some of my references or jokes or things I talk about, I'm not against being friends with that person or having to explain myself a few times.


Yeah. I'm done for now.

 

[ticklingfeet4fu]

Interesting question, my response is if they are smart they do.

 

[MrPartickler]

If they're "obviously" an idiot and tYpEs LyKe Dis and can't put a sentence together ...

LMAO. Too true. A definite turn-off.

 

[suprticklishgrl]

I think most guys <i>are</i> somewhat intimidated by women that are smarter than them, taller than them, run faster, make more money, physically stronger, more "experienced," etc. If you ask guys to admit this, many won't admit it, but ladies (and guys) know what usually happens in reality. Again, not always, but usually. That's proof enough.

Most women usually try to "dating/marry up" in all these categories. (Many will not admit to this or try to rationalize it when asked outright, too.) Most guys are more comfortable and confident when "dating/marrying down." It's somewhat of a vicious cycle, IMHO. People just tend to do things we feel are most "normal." It's what we're used to seeing; as a result, we're more comfortable in those roles. That in turn makes them more likely to occur.

thank you for answering so honestly. that was one of the best responses, mainly because it wasn't diluted with the fear of not being politically correct. not many people admit to it actually occuring.

"Do girls like smart guys?"

Honestly, I don't like talking or hanging out with someone that is obviously, obviously, obviously smarter than me. A guy that uses such words that I need to have a thesaurus attached to my side or that continually talks about subjects that I have no experience in. I find that intimidating and it actually is pretty frustrating when it feels like you're trying to communicate with someone that's speaking another language.

Now, if the person is not as smart as me it is pretty much the same thing. If they're "obviously" an idiot and tYpEs LyKe Dis and can't put a sentence together and thinks bathroom humor is the highest form of humor, then I'm probably going to get annoyed and walk away, but if that person is just over-all a nice person, even if they don't understand some of my references or jokes or things I talk about, I'm not against being friends with that person or having to explain myself a few times.

also a great response. thanks tgiggle. for me personally, i need a guy who's smarter than me (maybe not so much the math, but more the business savvy type) stronger, better dancer, and all that. and likely because of all that (and because i live in corporate america) he will get paid more than me (even though i'm still going to be that 3% of CEO who is female). but the reason i want it that way is because i've grown up my whole life with this passion for learning new things.

but yes, people who just KNOW everything are boring if all they talk about is what they know. it's impressive for the first 5 minutes, and then you start to wonder why they don't have more people skills to be able to tell that you're not connecting.

 

[TicklishLurker]

To the women:
Do you feel like you have to "tone it down" and sink down a level if he's not as intelligent as you are? Or would you rather pursue your own growth of knowledge to the best of your abilities and surpass him?

Mmm - I have no paitence for men who are dumber then me. They irritate me and make me want to yell at them. So I wouldn't tone it down, but I would tell them to get the hell away from me. I like a man my equal or smarter, just like I prefer them older then me.