Favorite "Family Guy" Quote?

[CheshireCatNY]

That show kicks ass....quite a few quotes come to mind....

#1: (the whole family is at the Child Protective Services Department)

CHRIS: "Is this where babies come from?"

BRIAN: "Yes Chris, this is where babies come from."

CHRIS: (looking at Lois) "YOU TOLD ME I CAME FROM YOUR VAGINA!!"

#2: (Peter, Lois and Stewie are at the Child Pychiatrist)

LOIS: "Oh no, this is Stewie's first violent act."

STEWIE: "Actually, my first violent act involved that ticking time bomb that I left in your uterus when I left. Happy 50th Birthday, Lois!"

#3: (Chris and Stewie at Stewies Birthday Party)

CHRIS: "Hey, birthday dude! You want some ice cream?"

STEWIE: "Yes, but no sprinkles. For every sprinkle I find, I shall kill you."

#4: (Stewie at the Airport talking to the desk clerk)

STEWIE: "Now listen to me...(looks at agent's name tag) Jo-LENE. I've got an army to raise and I must get to Nicaragua. I require a window seat and an in-flight Happy Meal AND NO PICKLES. OH, GOD HELP YOU IF I FIND PICKLES!"

#5: (Peter after first seeing that Joe is in a wheelchair)

PETER: "HOLY CRIP, HE'S A CRAPPLE!"

 

[Celtic_Emperor]

Right on man. Lets see, I know there are some really good ones but I can't remember most of them well enough to quote them.

"Ugh! Sometimes I feel I've married a child!"- Lois to Peter

"Oh?! So I'm a child huh?! Well, you know what that makes you? A pedophile! And I'll be damned if I'm going to standhere and be lectured by a pervert!"- Peter to Lois

*******
"Somebody stop him!"- Lois (as Cleveland is about to kill Quagmire for sleeping with his wife)

*Emperor Palpatine walks up to them*

"Good! Let the hate flow through you!"- Emperor Palpatine

"You're not helping!"- (Lois to Palpatine as she pushes him away)


ROFL, when I saw the emperor the other night, that was funny! 😀

 

[nessonite1]

It may be (probably is) because it's from the episode that aired tonight on [AS] but I've always loved this line:

Peter: I knew it! As soon as that show [Dawson's Creek] came on the air I said 'I'm gonna be the one that has to kill these kids!'
Lois: It's true, he did say that.

Another...

Diane (news anchor): Asian reporter Tricia Takenowa filed this report...All by herself!!

 

[nessonite1]

hahaha just remembered another...

When Stewie describes his multi-racial foster family as a "grab bag of genetic party favors"

😀

 

[Iluv2Btickled]

man...sooo many..I'll do my best;

"Dont worry, I have an idea. An idea so smart my head would explode if I even began to know what I was talking about" -Peter

" Oh yes, yes. I LOVE CRACK! I'm ABSOLUTLY COO-COO FOR CRACK!"-Stewie

(Peter at KFC) "You mean to tell me I flew all the way to Kentucky to have some of your chicken, and, and the colonel isnt even in today?" -Peter

"Henothere. Hedead" -Worker

(Peter stares at the worker) "What?"

"Henotcomininhedead"

(stares blanklythen yells in his face..) "Is Mr. Sanders in?"

"watwongwityou? Isayyouhedead!"

(stares some more then yells again) "THE COLONEL!!"

I've got loads but that's all I can think of for now.

 

[BigNorm]

i love this show alot. my favorite among all lines are as follows:

"Cigarretes killed my father and raped my mother." - some random congressman

 

[nessonite1]

That was good normie. 😛 The very best Family Guy insult was when Stewie called a little girl a "mealy mouthed crotch pheasant".
Another one I liked (though it's mainly visual) was;
Lois: Brian you've certainly been enjoying your wine lately
Brian: What...it's only my second glass (is shown sipping from a Big Gulp)

😀

 

[Budweiserbob!]

Darn, all my fav's are taken!

 

[AphxA1]

"optimus prime is jewish" peter when he sees optimus prime attend service in the synagogue.-peter

"I cant go in my room, theres an evil monkey that lives there"

"yes crack, im crazy for crack"-stewie

 

[Iluv2Btickled]

"yes crack, im crazy for crack"-stewie

Already said it 😛 altho urs is somewhat of a misquote..but ah well! luv ya anyway.

 

[SF85]

Salesman - I'm here selling volcano isuraNCE.
Peter - But we've never had a volcano around here before.
Salesman - Then don't you think it's time we had one?
Peter - ... Touche, mister salesman.

Also the massive fight with the bad coupon chicken cracked me up.

 

[wraven]

"Brian look. Theres a message in my alphabits. It says OOOOOOOOOO."--Peter
"Peter those are cheerios."--Brian

"They all said mean hurtful things to me and shoved pinecones up my ass."--Mort Goldman

 

[Goodieluver]

Peter-Mr weed? I cant come into work today, i was in a terrible plane crash, my family is dead and i am a vegetable....i'll see ya tomorrow
::later at the game::
Oh hey mr weed, oh that plane crash? Yeah turned out to be gas

Peter Griffin: Lois, I can't find my favorite pair of underwear.
Lois: Which one? The one where you ripped hole in the right buttcheek from when you got stuck in that airplane bathroom from when you got the trots?
Peter Griffin: No, I'm looking for the pair with the rip in the left buttcheek from when I had to hold it in because it was that extra long Palm Sunday service and I thought blowing gas would offend Jesus so I let it rip in the vestibule after service and it sounded like Louie Armstrong.
Lois Griffin: Top drawer.

Chris-I dont think i like feet as much as you do mr quagmire
Quagmire-Sure ya do, everybody loves feet!

Peter- "listen chris, i read a book that say women are from venus, so heres what you get her. Thick layers of sulfuric acid, viscous rock and coronae,which appear to be collapsed domes over lava chambers, heres 5 dollars"-peter Griffin

"Holy water? Wheres that acid i ordered?"
"Mets suck, yankees, suck, knicks suck....kRYPTON SUCKS"

Peter Griffin: You're not fat, Chris, you just come from a long line of husky Griffins. Like your great uncle, Jabba the Griffin.
[flashback]
Jabba the Griffin: Mak ya nak ya mook ya wookie nipple pinchy.

Man this is almost as bad as that time i forgot how to sit down

Lando griffin-You'll get chills
all through your body
and you'll lose
all control
of your bladder
and your sphincter
thats your butthole

Cause, if you use toad
then I'm tellin you
you can kiss your life goodbye

Yeah when you use toad
it'll mess you up
It'll make your mama cry
thats no lie
you'll choke on your tongue and die

Gotta give it up
(gotta give up the toad now)
its no joke
buddy give it up
(you gotta give up the toad now)
or you'll croak
buddy give it up
(gotta give up the toad now)
and dont smoke
or you'll see
it hurts to pee

There'll be blood
gushing from you
everytime that you cough
and forget getting lucky
it falls off

So you better wise up
cause I'm tellin you
toad is one lando forbids

Gotta give it all up
or your gonna see
your whole life will hit the skids
and your kids
will be born without eyelids

Gotta give it up
(give up the toad now)
(thanks to you)
just give it up
(give up the toad now)
(thanks to you)
give it up
(give up the toad now)

I'm no fool
Landos cool
YEAH!

Too many more to list

 

[max cross]

Doctor: Well Mr. Griffin you're fine.
Peter: Hey, are you comin' on to me?
Lois:No, he is not coming on to you, he's saying ur healthy.
Doctor: Can't it be both?

Peter: Dont worry, I read a book on this once
Brian: Are you sure it was a book? Are you sure it wasn't nothing?
Peter: Oh ya

"have you girls ever been penetrated?"-Quagmire

"This must be where God goes when he has to stop taking blow"-Peter

 

[eener]

Brian: "Count me out I'm not going to the theater again with Peter"

:Griffin family sitting in audience:

Woman on stage: when you were young Uncle Vanya would wash your hair, Uncle Vanya would read by the candle to you all nigt"

Peter: What the hell is this? Somebody throw a freakin pie already"

 

[TDM251]

One of the best quotes from family guy really requires one of 2 things. 1) is that your talking to a friend who has watched family guy or 2) 6 people to say the quote
So here goes:
Judge: So I sentence you to 2 years in jail
Peter: Oh no
Lois: Oh no
Chris: Oh no
Meg: Oh no
Brian: Oh no
Kool Aid man: Oh YEAH!!

-or-

Peter: Alright were offically on welfare. Comon kids help me scatter car parts across the front lawn.

Mailwoman: Quite a nice moat you got here
Lois: Well it does keep the black knight at bay.

 

[Goodieluver]

black knight: "The road to Knighthood is paved with honor and nobility, not LSD and sideburns.

doctor-mayor west you have lymphoma
west-...oh my
doc-what were you trying to do rolling in that waste
West-i was trying to gain super powers?
Doc-well thats just silly!
West-silly yes.....idiotic....yes......::end of skit::

 

[bigbear_92801]

My favorite is when Peter screws up plans for a birthday party and he goes out on to the porch and sits next to Brian who casually says, "If your going to pull a party out of your ass, you might want to stand up."

 

[Timewarp]

five words: heh heh heh, ooohhhh riiight.

 

[max cross]

Adam West to his hand: You are a filthy *****

 

[BigNorm]

i present to you my favorite character:

 

[Soletickler211]

Brain after walking in on Meg kissing the image of Tom Tucker on the television: "GASP! Yikes! Awk-warrrrd!"

Another good one is when Neil (The AV geek who loves Meg) takes her clipboard... Meg: Give it to me! Give it to me, Neil!
(Neil pulls out a tape recorder and plays it back)
Recorder: Give it to me! Give it to me Neil!
Neil: Oh yeah, that'll work juuust fine.

My ALL TIME favorite episode was just on last night's Adult Swim, where Peter takes over directing "The King And I." Lois goes off on a rant after the play is finished about how "This isn't even entertainment! This......BLOWS!!!" After that is a short pause and Peter says "Umm..." and lets out a very loud minute-long fart and the audience goes into fits of laughter. The very last line of the episode is when Lois and Peter make up after which Peter says "Heh heh.... hey were you there when I fahted?" End theme and credits. All time favorite line. I can't stop laughing after seeing that one. Family Guy is in my opinion the funniest show on television. Why the hell did Seth MacFarlane have to make a piece of crap like "American Dad?" That show is idiotic.

 

[Iluv2Btickled]

Why the hell did Seth MacFarlane have to make a piece of crap like "American Dad?" That show is idiotic.

Cuz he wasnt sure if Family Guy would return to the Air..thanks to the stupd people who at first deemed it unfit.

Did you guys see the first episode when it came back on the air about the underlining joke of why they got kicked off, and Peter said something like " yeah we'll return once all the other shows that took our place go down the drain like "The Tick, Dark Angel,..etc" and he named every show that had been on in its place that ended up sucking and getting canceled which is why they brought it back. 😀

 

[Goodieluver]

Cuz he wasnt sure if Family Guy would return to the Air..thanks to the stupd people who at first deemed it unfit.

Did you guys see the first episode when it came back on the air about the underlining joke of why they got kicked off, and Peter said something like " yeah we'll return once all the other shows that took our place go down the drain like "The Tick, Dark Angel,..etc" and he named every show that had been on in its place that ended up sucking and getting canceled which is why they brought it back. 😀

"Everybody, I've got bad news. We've been cancelled. (Lois: How could this happen?) Well unfortunately, Lois, there's just no more time left on the schedule. We just have to accept the fact that Fox has to make room for fantastic shows like Dark Angel, Titus, Undeclared, Action, That 80's Show, Wonderfalls, Fastlane, Andy Richter Controls The Universe, Skin, Girls Club, Cracking Up, The Pits, Firefly, Get Real, Freaky Links, Wanda At Large, Costello, The Lone Gunmen, A Minute With Stan Hooper, Normal Ohio, Pasadena, Harsh Realm, Keen Eddy, The Street, American Embassy, Cedric The Entertainer, The Tick, Louis, and Greg The Bunny. (Lois: Is there no hope?)
Well I suppose if all those shows go down the tubes we might have a shot

Whats funny is seth green was the one who did Greg the Bunny and sadly andy richter didnt take off

 

[TheFactor]

Peter:WHOA...whoa...whoa...whoa...whoa...whoa...whoa...whoa...whoa...
whoa...whoa...whoa...whoa... Lois this isn't my batman glass.
_________________________________________________________________

Peter🙁Part of "I need a Jew")

Lois makes me take the wrap!
Because our checkbook looks like crap!
Because I can't give her a Slap!
I need a Jew!