Gatherings...open or closed events?

[TicklingDuo]

There've been some questions in recent months about gatherings and who does or doesn't get to attend them. There've also been some questions about the attitudes of those hosting them. Since this is an issue that could cause some misunderstandings, hurt feelings or hostility, I thought I'd address it from my own perspective both as a host (of our own small CAT gatherings) and as an attendee of gatherings held by others (NEST).

First, I'd like to point out that a gathering is almost always a private party. {The only ones I've seen that don't screen people in some way are those who are in it as a part of an adult fetish industry business. Granted, I may have missed others. But, I'm speaking of those I've personally heard about and/or taken part in.} As with any other private party, the host(s) will invite those with whom they have a comfortable relationship and will enjoy visitting.

Unlike most private parties, the host may also begin to open their gathering to others who may be interested as space and comfort levels allow. This can help more folks get to know one another and become more comfortable in the community. But, it is still a big step for a host to take since they are responsible for the security of their guests and the gathering space. Not everyone is comfortable in doing this. It's a risk to allow people you don't know to attend.

Those who do allow strangers have to have some way of maintaining a level of security. While this may limit the number of people who are able to attend, it also limits the risk of there being trouble. It is a necessary evil. So, how DO hosts determine who to accept or not accept?

As with any social event, one way is to ask others who are attending. If someone knows and can vouch for the person as being safe, then that says a lot. The difficulty in a community as large as this is that there are constantly new people who simply haven't gotten to know others yet. There are also people in the community who simply don't spend a lot of time online where others can get a feel for who they are. How does a host deal with that?

There are a few ways. We have to look at behavior online. If the person seems to be open and respectful towards others online, that is a good indication that they're likely to act in similar fashion in person. If they're constantly causing trouble or being offensive online, then (barring someone having personal knowledge otherwise) we can only assume that they will do so in person. When someone asks to attend a gathering, most hosts will have them fill in a questionaire to get a feel for who they are and what they expect. This can help a bit, but isn't perfect. We can also take the opportunity to contact other hosts. If someone who is a stranger to us has attended anothers' gathering, they can let us know how things went and recommend that we do or don't accept them based on their own experience with the person. If the person is unknown across the board, it's the hosts decision to take the risk or not.

This is all far from being a 100% accurate way of doing things. That is why some hosts simply stick to smaller gatherings with folks they know. If you've ever hosted a party in your home, you know how much effort can go into planning and preparations and how nervous you can be about things going well. Imagine doing that same party for a group of total strangers and you have some idea of what a host may feel in preparing for a gathering.

Some may question why we bother putting notices up in forums and groups to announce the events if not everyone can be welcomed. That would be a valid question...and likely one that would cause the most confusion. This is simply one way of letting others know that we're here and would like to begin having others join us. While many factors will still play in to who is or isn't able to attend, it's an effort to broaden the spectrum of guests and draw in new people. Again, it isn't perfect. Totally acceptable people may be turned away simply because of a lack of space or familiarity. But, in a community spread across the world, most of whom are total strangers to one another, it's a small step towards bringing us together.

Some may ask who can host a gathering. The answer to that is easy. ANYONE can host a gathering. The Tickle Scene web site (link below)gives some helpful information on planning your own gatherings. We encourage others to do so...if for no other reason than simply because of the fact that so many can't travel long distances and have nothing in their immediate area. (That's why we started the CAT gatherings.) If you don't have a gathering in your area and have been unable to get to one hosted by someone else, consider starting your own.

Not every gathering has to be large or known by others for several years. Even NEST (the biggest gathering around to date) started with a few guys hanging out to talk tickling. That's the way to start. Too many people don't make the effort because they think it has to be a big production. It doesn't. It simply has to be safe and fun. It doesn't even have to include play. Getting together for dinner, drinks or whatever and simply discussing our common interest is just as valid as anything else.

One final thought. As a guest, I wouldn't even consider attending a gathering where the host didn't take the responsibility of screening guests seriously. While there are people (generally refered to as DMs...or dungeon moderators) around at most gatherings who help to oversee things so they don't get out of hand, it's still not something that I'd skip. You want DMs around in case there's a problem...not because there will be one.

I hope this helps some of those who may have been questioning things to see where THIS gathering host is coming from. I'd hate for folks to think we're a bunch of stuck up prima donnas. We really aren't! We're just ordinary folks like the rest of those here who are trying to have a little fun...and invite a few friends to join us. 😉

Any other questions, comments are welcomed and encouraged. I'd really like to hear what people think.

Ann

 

[Texas_Tickle]

I personally think that screening is needed and those who do not behave usually do not get asked back. It's a strong power that people wield when deciding who gets invited vs. who does not. I just hope that in the process we as a whole do not get lost in power and forget why we are here, to start with. The last thing anybody wants to see is a high-school type "we're all that" clique running around.

As far as being spoiled, stuck up prima donnas, well you're gonna find those types in all walks of life, and at all ages but from what I have seen, people hosting the gatherings have been nothing but very warm and inviting people.

 

[JoBelle]

Ann,
Well stated, darlin'!

You know my concerns on this issue, and I'm thankful that you started a thread that clearly stated my views without my having to type anything. 😛 Great minds and all that jazz.

I'm curious as well to hear from the lurkers who may want to be a part of the more public side of our community and have put it off possibly due to some misconception of what hosts are all about.

Joby

 

[TicklingDuo]

😛 Great minds and all that jazz.
I'm curious as well to hear from the lurkers who may want to be a part of the more public side of our community and have put it off possibly due to some misconception of what hosts are all about.

Joby

GREAT minds??? I thought we were all just warped! lol

I agree on wanting to hear from others...esp. those who may have questions and concerns themselves. I hope people will feel comfortable enough to step forward and speak their minds. We (gathering hosts) really do care what folks think and want to be sure that everyone knows that we don't take these issues lightly.

If there is anyone who doesn't feel comfortable posting comments here, please feel free to contact me personally via PM or via e-mail at [email protected]. I promise to keep your identity strictly confidential. I'll simply post the concern here (in my own words so others don't recognize your writing style) and address it for the sake of others who may share it.

Ann

 

[dvnc]

It's a good question, Ann. Given that a gathering is a private social event, who attends is up to the host. When someone starts a fund for public events, I'm certain someone will step forward and start such events as an open, public forum.

I just don't see such great attendance, given how many mails I've received in the last 5 years, asking about privacy and safety.

As for cliques, if they exist in events, I've been lucky enough not to be embarrassed by their presence. Anyone here that's met me already likely is chucklin' at the concept of an in-crowd at the West Coast Gathering.

I'm certain that there ARE groups of friends, there, though. That's basic social behavior. There are folks that, socially, don't mix well. Hosts take a good deal of time to integrate them folks. Some shy kids WANT an assist, that way, and integrate well once someone is standin' by 'em.

Safety and privacy are the biggies in the request category, right after the "can I tickle/be tickled" question. Never seen an event where such wasn't primary in the focus. Hope I never do. I know such event exist. That's part of why most of those that host are now in the habit of exchanging info wit' one another. I've learned from new hosts, continually, and expect that to happen more.

When it comes right down to it, there are more folks who WANT to be sure that their privacy and safety are being considered, and those folks are, in my experience of half a decade of events, very much fun to meet.

Doing these monthly, for over 5 years, is my point of reference. Only NEST has anywhere near the numbers of attendees, and a similar duration, and they screen, too, for much the same reasons. Safety is a biggie, and the privacy of that info is covered there, too.

My $0.02,

dvnc

 

[Phineas]

I'm glad this thread was started, as I've been thinking more and more about the place of gatherings. Not only in the community as a whole, but (more importantly) in my own participation in the community.

Here've been my concerns, puzzlements, and "fears" about attending such events.

* First of all, given the level to which gatherings are promoted and discussed here on the TMF, it tends to give the impression that gatherings are THE be-all and end-all of the tickling community. In fact, Jen just posted in the NY Tickling thread a few topics down "why would you want to pay money to tickle someone when you could just go to a gathering?".

Well, there's the rub, ain't it? For whatever reasons, whether it be attendance screening, distance, distaste for the particular company in the local scene, scheduling, money, whateva... gatherings are simply not an option for many people, and assuming everyone can or will go is pretty silly.

* Secondly, assuming I could solve all the issues inherent with attending, once I actually get there, I'd probably be too terrified to even sit down. Not because I'm a ragingly shy person (anyone who's been unfortunate enough to observe my amusements in the chat room can testify to this; scary thing is, I'm like that in person, too), but because we're always being subjected to endless missives about security, the responsibilities of doms, scene aftercare, yadda yadda yadda... I'd be terrified of breaking some obscure little "rule" buried deep in Paragraph B Subsection Q about not wearing Brut because it causes handcuff rashes. Do I really need to memorize the entire Constitution of BDSM, a "community" full of practices I'm not entirely comfortable with, just to go hang out with fellow ticklephiles, have some beer, and maybe get my hands on a foot or two? It's intimidating, and a put-off.

* Spousal Inhibition. My wife is not one of us. She's amused by my fascination with the subject, but I don't know if she'd allow me to go to a gathering without her. Taking her along, though, is also something I fear. While I'm sure every effort is made to ensure the comfort and safety of all participants (especially the women, they are, after all, the commodity and focus of such an event for many of the men attending), I still get the feeling that bringing an adorable, sociable Chinese lady to one of these things would be akin to dangling meat in front of a pack of lions. (😉). Even if she was comfortable, I wouldn't be.

* General comfort level. This is the one I apologize for in advance, as it's going to make me sound *real* shallow... but these things appear to be primarily male-dominated, what with the hosts having to bend over backwards to ensure that "enough" women attend. Sitting around with a bunch of strange guys talking about my sexual fetishes is not my idea of a good time. And to be honest, as much as I love the ladies here, the majority of them don't fit my preference when it comes to tickling. (This is not to say they're not beautiful; but as I've mentioned in the past, my attraction tends toward Asian, especially Chinese now that I'm so familiar with the culture.) So until more hot Hong Kong actresses start appearing on the guest lists, I'm probably just going to sigh in resignation and move on.

Anyway. Not putting down gatherings in any way; I think they're a great idea. However, you did ask about why people are concerned about attending, so here you go from the ol' Phinmonger. Flame away.

 

[crydun]

There've been some questions in recent months about gatherings and who does or doesn't get to attend them. There've also been some questions about the attitudes of those hosting them. Since this is an issue that could cause some misunderstandings, hurt feelings or hostility, I thought I'd address it from my own perspective both as a host (of our own small CAT gatherings) and as an attendee of gatherings held by others (NEST).

Unlike most private parties, the host may also begin to open their gathering to others who may be interested as space and comfort levels allow. This can help more folks get to know one another and become more comfortable in the community. But, it is still a big step for a host to take since they are responsible for the security of their guests and the gathering space. Not everyone is comfortable in doing this. It's a risk to allow people you don't know to attend.

Yes it is. Especially when you are a female host. That's why it's important to get to know these people beforehand and have plenty of back up in case a problem arises.

There are a few ways. We have to look at behavior online. If the person seems to be open and respectful towards others online, that is a good indication that they're likely to act in similar fashion in person. If they're constantly causing trouble or being offensive online, then (barring someone having personal knowledge otherwise) we can only assume that they will do so in person. When someone asks to attend a gathering, most hosts will have them fill in a questionaire to get a feel for who they are and what they expect. This can help a bit, but isn't perfect. We can also take the opportunity to contact other hosts. If someone who is a stranger to us has attended anothers' gathering, they can let us know how things went and recommend that we do or don't accept them based on their own experience with the person. If the person is unknown across the board, it's the hosts decision to take the risk or not.

Yes, and even that's not always accurate. Some people start off really good on-line.... until you get to know them. It's important to remember that while your sitting behind that anonymous PC of yours, the person on the other end is scoping your character. Make sure you're being true to yourself. It pays in the long run.

Some may question why we bother putting notices up in forums and groups to announce the events if not everyone can be welcomed. That would be a valid question...and likely one that would cause the most confusion. This is simply one way of letting others know that we're here and would like to begin having others join us. While many factors will still play in to who is or isn't able to attend, it's an effort to broaden the spectrum of guests and draw in new people. Again, it isn't perfect. Totally acceptable people may be turned away simply because of a lack of space or familiarity. But, in a community spread across the world, most of whom are total strangers to one another, it's a small step towards bringing us together.

Some may ask who can host a gathering. The answer to that is easy. ANYONE can host a gathering. The Tickle Scene web site (link below)gives some helpful information on planning your own gatherings. We encourage others to do so...if for no other reason than simply because of the fact that so many can't travel long distances and have nothing in their immediate area. (That's why we started the CAT gatherings.) If you don't have a gathering in your area and have been unable to get to one hosted by someone else, consider starting your own.

Yes, that's what bear and I decided to do. We are preparing for NWOT and I'm really looking forward to it. The more gatherings that are hosted, the better chance of us meeting one another.

One final thought. As a guest, I wouldn't even consider attending a gathering where the host didn't take the responsibility of screening guests seriously. While there are people (generally refered to as DMs...or dungeon moderators) around at most gatherings who help to oversee things so they don't get out of hand, it's still not something that I'd skip. You want DMs around in case there's a problem...not because there will be one.

you said it sister! I won't even go in chat room that are unmoderated for any length of time. Too much chaos!! and if there is that much chaos in a room with text, imagine what it would be like with people walking about and talking about? this is why a gathering host must do his/her research before taking this in. Talk to other hosts and get a feel for what flies and what doesn't. And, of course, visit the Tickle Scene to learn the ropes. Ok Ok I'm done rambling... for now!

*dvnc fixed your quotes for ya 😉*

 

[dvnc]

Ah, thanks Phineas. Good points, all. I appreciate your questions. While I ain't the be-all and end-all, I do have some answers for ya, and responses, so ya know some of us are listenin'.

* First of all, given the level to which gatherings are promoted and discussed here on the TMF, it tends to give the impression that gatherings are THE be-all and end-all of the tickling community. In fact, Jen just posted in the NY Tickling thread a few topics down "why would you want to pay money to tickle someone when you could just go to a gathering?".

That's part of the problem. Y'see, not ALL gatherings do such, but all gatherings WEAR such 'cause the few are rather, well, visible.

For example, y'won't find a bunch of posts in Tickling Discussions from me, concernin' my events. That's what the Gatherings section is for. I had, however, hosted monthly events in California for half a decade.

I also HAVE paid for play. Had to know, after having such recommended. It's different than a gathering, which is different than playing with a potential partner, one on one. Three distinctly different entities. All have been good to me. Ain't all the same, though, and sayin' otherwise cheats some of ya out of findin' that out on your own. Nice lady, though. Just ain't my thing.

Well, there's the rub, ain't it? For whatever reasons, whether it be attendance screening, distance, distaste for the particular company in the local scene, scheduling, money, whateva... gatherings are simply not an option for many people, and assuming everyone can or will go is pretty silly.

Agreed! Heck, only approximately 10% of this forum has attended such events (given NEST's 80-something attendees and the 8000-something TMF members, plus the few hundred always seen as guests, plus the fact that not EVERYONE into this is here on the TMF).

It's part of why the chat room has less people that have posted to it than the forum has attendees. Only a percentage register, and only a smaller subset of those will chat. Typin' requirements aside, it just ain't for everyone.

There's also DESIRE. Some folks just don't want to go meet a GROUP whose focus is a sexual interest. Ya don't see many vanilla folk meeting up with the stated definition of the meets bein' that they want to have sex in a vanilla fashion. We, the attendees and hosts of gatherings, are exceptional, that way, in that we're an exception to that overlying rule. 😉

Agreed. Not everyone wants to "share" this the same way.

Not everyone here FEELS the same about this, either. Some don't have the ability to separate the sexuality from tickling. Some don't have the sexual focus at all, but have a fascination with tickling. Some don't dig bondage. Some don't dig the remote possibility that the room of people ain't PRECISELY as they are. Makes it hard if one's homophobic, or has racial prejudices, etc.

Nevermind that some folks JUST AIN'T SOCIABLE. High school is over for the legit forum members. Social stuff ain't as omnipresent as in high school.

Gatherings are about the possibility of meeting others into this, for those that ARE into such. Gatherings aren't a requirement. Heck, meeting strangers ain't a requirement.

* Secondly, assuming I could solve all the issues inherent with attending, once I actually get there, I'd probably be too terrified to even sit down. Not because I'm a ragingly shy person (anyone who's been unfortunate enough to observe my amusements in the chat room can testify to this; scary thing is, I'm like that in person, too), but because we're always being subjected to endless missives about security, the responsibilities of doms, scene aftercare, yadda yadda yadda... I'd be terrified of breaking some obscure little "rule" buried deep in Paragraph B Subsection Q about not wearing Brut because it causes handcuff rashes. Do I really need to memorize the entire Constitution of BDSM, a "community" full of practices I'm not entirely comfortable with, just to go hang out with fellow ticklephiles, have some beer, and maybe get my hands on a foot or two? It's intimidating, and a put-off.

Ah, but that's the host's responsibility to tell you, before the event. Mine, for example, actually have a set of predetermined "rules" designed to both protect them bold souls volunteering to be tickled, and to cover safety and legalities involved.

At a West Coast Gathering, like most other events now, there are clearly defined practices. No booze or druges, no sex on premises, nudity only if prearranged with permission of the whole damned room, etc.

Before play, we discuss the basics of a safeword (where the 'lee can say a word or phrase not commonly used to indicate they need to pause or stop). Someone will monitor the play, so that the 'lee has someone attendin' to their safety.

Even then, though, it's 'not normal' in that there are things done and practiced that aren't part of the norm in our culture, nor indeed in most others.

* Spousal Inhibition. My wife is not one of us. She's amused by my fascination with the subject, but I don't know if she'd allow me to go to a gathering without her. Taking her along, though, is also something I fear. While I'm sure every effort is made to ensure the comfort and safety of all participants (especially the women, they are, after all, the commodity and focus of such an event for many of the men attending), I still get the feeling that bringing an adorable, sociable Chinese lady to one of these things would be akin to dangling meat in front of a pack of lions. (😉). Even if she was comfortable, I wouldn't be.

That's a biggie for many, male AND female. A few partners have attended once, found it squicked 'em, and didn't attend again. For some, it's cool. For some, it ain't. Very specific.

OTOH, anyone givin' you or your beauty a hassle would be bounced from an event on the West Coast, wit' a quickness. Given that the the East Coast is known to be more assertive than peace-and-love California, well, y'get the idea. Any event allowin' such without firm correction should be made known. It's my experience that the few times that such has come anywhere close to happening, it's been corrected. Some folks get banned from nearly all events countrywide for such, especially given that most us hosts know one another and get along well. 'Cept Ann and I. We fight like children. 😉

Oh, a correction - it's the 'LEES that get the added security, not just women. The few men bold enough to volunteer are generally more nervous than the women. Why? 'Cause some men in our interest are punks when it comes to givin' a guy a break about such. Like one kink is cool, and the other ain't. Funny thing

* General comfort level. This is the one I apologize for in advance, as it's going to make me sound *real* shallow... but these things appear to be primarily male-dominated, what with the hosts having to bend over backwards to ensure that "enough" women attend. Sitting around with a bunch of strange guys talking about my sexual fetishes is not my idea of a good time. And to be honest, as much as I love the ladies here, the majority of them don't fit my preference when it comes to tickling. (This is not to say they're not beautiful; but as I've mentioned in the past, my attraction tends toward Asian, especially Chinese now that I'm so familiar with the culture.) So until more hot Hong Kong actresses start appearing on the guest lists, I'm probably just going to sigh in resignation and move on.

Ah, and that's another thing that's individually specific. Some guys WANT to SEE that this forum, and AMT, aren't really 5 geeks from the middle of nowhere posing as a large group. The number of times a guy has actually stopped me, privately, at a gathering, or mailed me afterward to tell me that they appreciated the chance to SEE such was a big surprise at first.

Too, some folks can 'play' and not be seeking a lover. Jan and I have never, and will never, be involved. My wife would really object. However, I've tickled Jan dozens of times at gatherings. When we've visited outside of them, we hang like vanilla friends. We've helped one another with vanilla things. She had my family over for dinner, invited me t'her birthday t'meet all her kin.

Gatherings are about more than a "free tickle". They're social. If a body wants that, they're grand. If one doesn't, well, they're not really a big deal.

Oh, and a brief tease, 'cause I'm me - there was the most amazin', bright, attractive young Asian woman that hosted the last event I attended. Delightful to tickle. Wonderful company. Her boyfriends is really cool, too. Told ya it was a brief tease. 😉

Anyway. Not putting down gatherings in any way; I think they're a great idea. However, you did ask about why people are concerned about attending, so here you go from the ol' Phinmonger. Flame away.

Phineas, you rock. Your ability to state perspective without insultin' me, given how personal gatherings are to me, is laudable, brother. Props t'ya, man.

dvnc

 

[TicklingDuo]

First, thanks for posting this Phin! I'm glad to see that someone had the courage to honestly voice things publicly. I hope it will encourage others to do the same...though you've likely hit on most of the major issues...at least those I've heard. I'll try to address each issue here. Bear in mind that this comes from my perspective as both a host and an attendee and is simply my own opinion.

* First of all, given the level to which gatherings are promoted and discussed here on the TMF, it tends to give the impression that gatherings are THE be-all and end-all of the tickling community.

This perception has been a problem for ages. I remember when I first got involved in the online community and was invited by an individual (with whom I'd been talking online for a while) to attend NEST as his guest, I was told basicly that "You haven't lived until you've been to NEST."

Statements like this are not meant literally...at least not when said by anyone I've personally encountered. Nor are they meant to make those who don't/can't attend feel inferior. They are simply enthusiastic plugs by folks who have found them to be enjoyable and want others to be able to share that fun. Unfortunately, they CAN sometimes come across as being pushy or superior at times. It's something that hosts and attendees alike need to be more sensative to.

Discussing events, either before or after, here on the TMF is a way of sharing like anything else we share here. I suspect the reason they get noticed more is due to the exchanges that take place between those who will be taking or have taken part and are psyched about it.

* gatherings are simply not an option for many people, and assuming everyone can or will go is pretty silly.

This is a very valid observation. I know of many people for whom a gathering is a total impossibility because of their particular situations...wife they don't wish to deceive by telling her that they're going elsewhere, etc. But, there are also people who simply aren't interested in this more public setting. They are more private in their lives and don't wish to be around a group of people when engaging in play. There's nothing wrong with that. Everyone has their own way of doing things and each is valid as long as they don't hurt anyone.

* Secondly, assuming I could solve all the issues inherent with attending, once I actually get there, I'd probably be too terrified to even sit down. ...because we're always being subjected to endless missives about security, the responsibilities of doms, scene aftercare, yadda yadda yadda... It's intimidating, and a put-off.

I'm assuming that you're refering to the articles that have been shared in recent weeks. These are simply to educate folks on the fact upon which we base our gathering rules. While reading and understanding them would be a good education for many, hosts really HAVE to understand these things to some degree in order to ensure the safety and comfort of their guests. To not do so would be like leading people on a safari with no knowledge of the terrain or the wildlife you're likely to encounter. It's simply dangerous and irresponsible, IMO. While others are encouraged to understand these things, the obligation to do so isn't necessarily there.

AFA the rules go, they reallya ren't complicated and can be broken down to...1) act respectfully of the people and property, 2) don't touch without asking and 3) don't get drunk or stoned while you're there. There's really a great deal of freedom to play and enjoy ourselves while staying within those parameters.

* Spousal Inhibition. My wife is not one of us. She's amused by my fascination with the subject, but I don't know if she'd allow me to go to a gathering without her. Taking her along, though, is also something I fear. While I'm sure every effort is made to ensure the comfort and safety of all participants (especially the women, they are, after all, the commodity and focus of such an event for many of the men attending), I still get the feeling that bringing an adorable, sociable Chinese lady to one of these things would be akin to dangling meat in front of a pack of lions. (😉). Even if she was comfortable, I wouldn't be.

Another very valid point. I think the main difficulty here is the simple fact that there are some who want to attend strictly for the purpose of finding someone to "attack". One of our struggles as hosts has been to remind people (and not just the guys) that not everyone is going to want to play and that they shouldn't press the issue. There are people who won't attend simply because they want to be able to do what they like when they like regardless of the feelings of others. THAT is a big reason for the screening and rules. These gatherings are largely based on the consent of individuals and are not geared toward non-consentual play of any kind.

Bringing/Not bringing a spouse who isn't one of us is a very personal choice and one that shouldn't be made lightly. There are many factors to consider...even if the spouse is open to your participation. As with telling a spouse about the love of tickling to begiin with, nobody can make it for you. And nobody should try to do so or pressure you to do so. It's disrespectful.

* General comfort level. This is the one I apologize for in advance, as it's going to make me sound *real* shallow... but these things appear to be primarily male-dominated, what with the hosts having to bend over backwards to ensure that "enough" women attend. Sitting around with a bunch of strange guys talking about my sexual fetishes is not my idea of a good time. And to be honest, as much as I love the ladies here, the majority of them don't fit my preference when it comes to tickling. (This is not to say they're not beautiful; but as I've mentioned in the past, my attraction tends toward Asian, especially Chinese now that I'm so familiar with the culture.) So until more hot Hong Kong actresses start appearing on the guest lists, I'm probably just going to sigh in resignation and move on.

I think this is likely to be the case for many others as well. And ya know what? There's nothing wrong with that. Each individual has their own preferences. Some may enjoy the opportunity to simply gab with others and know that they aren't alone. Others may want to play but (like you) would have a particular type of person with whom they'd prefer to do so. If they don't see what they're after and have no interest in simply visitting, then why come? For them, there's not much point. They'll find what they want elsewhere or keep looking. That's cool.

Anyway. Not putting down gatherings in any way; I think they're a great idea. However, you did ask about why people are concerned about attending, so here you go from the ol' Phinmonger. Flame away.

LOL I don't think you come across as putting anything down. You did what many likely want to do...voice concerns that you'd like to see addressed and let your voice be heard. It's easy for those of us who are involved in gatherings (on either side) to get so carried away in our enthusiasm about them that we come across in ways that are less than appetizing. We need the check of feedback like this in order to remain focused...and to make the present gatherings more accessible to those who DO want to attend. Thanks for helping us to do that.

Ann

BTW, if you really want a flame...***hands you a book of matches***...knock yourself out! 😛

😛

 

[TicklingDuo]

most us hosts know one another and get along well. 'Cept Ann and I. We fight like children. 😉
dvnc

***Swats Dave*** DO NOT!!! 😛

Ann

 

[Phineas]

there was the most amazin', bright, attractive young Asian woman that hosted the last event I attended. Delightful to tickle. Wonderful company.

there's an exception to every rule, obviously. you'll find those sorts are rare, given how many Zhongguo Nan-Ren I've spotted here on the TMF. IE, none. 😡 Even if there are, how many'll be local? Again, LINGGE REN.. *

(Translation for the Mandarin-impaired: Zhonggguo nan-ren = Chinese woman. Lingge ren = zero persons. Laugh at my terrible Chinese.)

Still, one can dream. Or live vicariously through others. Or even entertain a glimmer of hope that your wife was serious when she told you that if you became a millionaire, she'd buy you a Japanese Schoolgirl.

😀

 

[TickledToDeath]

Case and point...briefly

Any and all Hyenas Club Gatherings have gone off without one sigle glitch,complaint or incident and I have received nothing but compliments for all who have attend one of My Hyenas Club gatherings hat I was a safe,trustworty host who provided a safe,comfortable atmosphere and experience for all who attended.
These compliments have come from people who are very well know in the community...such as Mistress Mia, lite, njjen, guitarpete, maxspeeer, josie the ticklish pussycat and others.
I personally provide security and guarantee everyones saftey at every one of my Hyenas Club gatherings.

TTD

 

[AffectionateDan]

:::GLARES into the rear view mirror:::

***Swats Dave*** DO NOT!!! 😛

Ann

BOTH of you knock it off, or so help me, I'll turn this Forum right around!

🙄

 

[TicklingDuo]

Re: :::GLARES into the rear view mirror:::

BOTH of you knock it off, or so help me, I'll turn this Forum right around! 🙄

Well HE started it! lol 😛

Ann

 

[twinkletoes78]

Re: Re: :::GLARES into the rear view mirror:::

Well HE started it! lol 😛

Ann

LOL 😉 you guys are a hoot!

 

[AffectionateDan]

Re: Re: Re: :::GLARES into the rear view mirror:::

LOL 😉 you guys are a hoot!

Hee! 😀 That's what we do! Gotta get the giggles ONE way or another!

 

[dvnc]

Hee hee... Just realizin' that this thread went humorous on us. Ain't it s'posed t'be about how we're oppressin' the masses or somethin'?

Given the lack of commentary, other than my esteemed digital compatriot, Phineas, nobody seems game t'speak. I'm hopin' that everyone knows that even the HOSTS don't all agree, and that the process of discussion is a damned sight better than silence, especially where this topic is concerned.

Mind ya, if it's just two or three people, then no worries.

dvnc

 

[TickledToDeath]

Don't even get me started on this one.🙄

TTD

 

[TicklingDuo]

Re: Case and point...briefly

Any and all Hyenas Club Gatherings have gone off without one sigle glitch,complaint or incident and I have received nothing but compliments for all who have attend one of My Hyenas Club gatherings hat I was a safe,trustworty host who provided a safe,comfortable atmosphere and experience for all who attended.
These compliments have come from people who are very well know in the community...such as Mistress Mia, lite, njjen, guitarpete, maxspeeer, josie the ticklish pussycat and others.
I personally provide security and guarantee everyones saftey at every one of my Hyenas Club gatherings. TTD

I hate to do this but...

I'm glad to see you removed our name from that list. That has NOT been our experience with you. Nor has it been the case for at least one of the others on your list. Intentions may be all well and good. I don't believe that you mean to offend or mislead. But actions speak much louder than words. You don't seem to realize how some actions are taken by others. Put it into practice and we'll consider supporting your events...and having you at ours.

Ann

 

[Phineas]

Re: Re: Case and point...briefly

I hate to do this but...

I'm glad to see you removed our name from that list. That has NOT been our experience with you. Nor has it been the case for at least one of the others on your list. Intentions may be all well and good. I don't believe that you mean to offend or mislead. But actions speak much louder than words. You don't seem to realize how some actions are taken by others. Put it into practice and we'll consider supporting your events...and having you at ours.

Ann

Ann,

feel like going into any more depth on this one? (privately, if need be). I'm always interested in hearing how these things are run, both well and ill; all we ever hear is how great the last gathering was, and we never hear about the bombs.

 

[dvnc]

Do lemme blow my own horn. I've had events where people went outta bounds. Had a drunk get so soused he passed out. Had hosts find their first experience to be their ONLY desired one. Had harsh words. No event is perfect. Some are just WAY more outta bounds. Mine never have been that far, and it was too far for me.

They ARE social events. Sometimes, socially, people can suck. Happens. So far, what I know has happened has been atoned for, as best can be done.

Ann's sayin' TTD's been outta bounds. TTD's already not goin' t'NEST, as he declared in a NEST thread. There's issues here, clearly. TTD's brought this up again. Ann's callin' him on it. So am I.

There's issues 'tween ways to play. Safe vs. most extreme. Boundaries versus excitement. That list is long.

There's issues 'tween levels of play, from ticklefights to complex bondage.

There's the issue of sexuality during play. Most of "us" are turned on, but most youths are turned on while dancing. Neither is a problem if self-control is evident. What's okay for one person ain't okay for another.

What's okay for YOU is up to you. This means you CHOOSE to attend. If you don't get clear on what's gonna happen, if you don't see to the level of safety that you expect, there are ugly surprises.

If you like surprises, go for it.

Many of us hosts now confer, so that, for a majority of events, there's a unified degree of safety. Max Speers' NEST is such an event. So's CAT, clearly. West Coast represented here, AND via NEST. The list is also long, there. It's even pointed out on Ann's fine site.

This also means that even the HOSTS disagree on what's cool and what ain't. Ann don't agree wit' TTD, clearly. I don't either.

This, folks, is where we all choose up sides and fight about who's cooler. Remember high school. This is that SAME damned game.

If you don't like safety rules, and screened guests, don't go to such events. If you do, contact Ann, Max, QB, Danimal, Me, Andy, Mia, Bella, Jo, Kate, Crydun, Ticklebear, Spencer or any of the others who have such stringent adherence to such safety checks. If you want the wild ride and the risk, anyone can just take that risk. Go to it.

Ask your host what protections you have. Ask what the event rules are. It ain't hard to get a safety check identified. If you don't know how, check the Tickle Scene site. Check the West Coast Gatherings site. They both delineate such.

You're all grown-ups, here. You all can look, see, hear and decide for yourselves.

As for the details of what TTD did, ain't my place t'say, nor do I think it relevant. Someone I respect knows he didn't play well and safely at an event. That's enough for me. That it ain't all is too much for me. That it's starin' me in the face is, too.

TTD is a hell of a friendly guy. Fun to hang with. Ain't someone I'd recommend to play with, though, 'cause he broke boundaries and is publically lyin' about it, here:

Any and all Hyenas Club Gatherings have gone off without one sigle glitch,complaint or incident and I have received nothing but compliments for all who have attend one of My Hyenas Club gatherings hat I was a safe,trustworty host who provided a safe,comfortable atmosphere and experience for all who attended.
These compliments have come from people who are very well know in the community...such as Mistress Mia, lite, njjen, guitarpete, maxspeeer, josie the ticklish pussycat and others.
I personally provide security and guarantee everyones saftey at every one of my Hyenas Club gatherings.

TTD

Back to the topic, though. His ARE open events, even if not all the respected folks in this community agree with his perspective on them. I won't attend 'em, that's for sure. Would take a lot to change my perspective on that, now, too.

dvnc

 

[TicklingDuo]

Re: Re: Re: Case and point...briefly

Ann, feel like going into any more depth on this one? (privately, if need be). I'm always interested in hearing how these things are run, both well and ill; all we ever hear is how great the last gathering was, and we never hear about the bombs.

Phin, I can appreciate why you ask. I'll skip the details and simply confirm Dave's points. Bottom line? Someone doesn't respect the rules and boundaries, I want nothing to do with playing with them until they learn to do so. Ed crossed that line. I'd made the mistake of inviting him even after hearing several reports that he'd done it before and refused to acknowledge or change it. That was my first mistake. Not addressing it properly at the time was my second...and hopefully my last.

To tie it in with your point in asking, I mishandled the situation by not confronting it immediately. I chose to be non-confrontational...mainly because I was ill and didn't have the energy for it at the time. What I would normally have done would be to put a halt to anything that was inappropriate and discuss the difficulty with those involved. If all are in agreement that the situation will then be kept safe, fine. If not, they're gone.

Ann

 

[Phineas]

Ann,

that's a sufficient enough answer. thanks for the explanation. 🙂

 

[njjen3953]

Originally posted by TickledToDeath
These compliments have come from people who are very well know in the community...such as Mistress Mia, lite, njjen, guitarpete, maxspeeer, josie the ticklish pussycat and others.

I personally provide security and guarantee everyones saftey at every one of my Hyenas Club gatherings.

I was not going to add to this thread as I am not invloved with the group of hosts that are contributing here. But, since TTD has mentioned me, I feel I must say something.

One of the reasons I started SBG was as a result of the Hyenas Charity gathering in 2001. I was a Hyenas Moderator and very involved with the group. I was also the one who suggested using the club that this event was held at since I knew the owner. TTD made all the arrangements with her, but as the event drew closer, I noticed that no rules were sent out to the attendees. Being familiar with this club and many like it, I know that they have house rules that must be adhered to for the safety of everyone present. I contacted the owner and she told me she had sent the house rules to TTD weeks before. He had dismissed them completely.

Several times TTD and I have discussed safety and rules and he has always assured me that rules were not necessary. That was the last Hyenas event I have been to and plan to attend. TTD's gatherings are more of a "free-for-all". That is not a safe environment that I'd recommend for anyone especially a new person to the scene. It is implied, by lack of rules and the behavior modeled by TTD that a bound lee means everyone attack. I remember one gathering that I was late to because of traffic. There were several male lers there and when the 1st female arrived, she was pounced on. The attack was initiated by TTD himself. This was told to me by the female herself. She knew no one there personally and was assured safety by TTD. It took quite alot to get her to ever come back to a gathering again based on that experience. Fortunately she had been to another gathering before and knew that some gatherings DO follow strict rules.

Based on this, I feel my name should not be included on this list of Hyenas Club praisers. I do not feel that TTD holds a safe gathering at all.

Jen

 

[QBWeaver]

ok... it's a gaggle of geese
A flock of ducks
A herd of cattle
a school of fish

What do we call a group of Hosts?

hehehehehe