This, lol. I'm still very upset with my ex... been about four months now. As much as I hate what she did to me, I can't go on forever holding a grudge about it. And truly, I still love her... its just very hard to let go sometimes... ugh.
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grudges- how long is healthy???
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This, lol. I'm still very upset with my ex... been about four months now. As much as I hate what she did to me, I can't go on forever holding a grudge about it. And truly, I still love her... its just very hard to let go sometimes... ugh.
Excess
3rd Level Indigo Feather
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Keeping the knowledge of what the grudge originated from and holding a grudge are two different things. I myself tend to not hold grudges any longer than I feel the other person does. People fight, and sometimes it gets ugly, but it happens and letting it dictate your relationships is stupid.
I categorize my grudges and place them on different levels as someone would use shelves. Some I care about for 5-10 mins, some have popped in and out of my life over decades.
My last grudge was with a former employer 2.5 years ago whose idea of a HR department was an ivy league law school graduate who made her decisions by who smoked with her at lunchtime. No one could stand her, but all her smoking buddies got the promotions and increased responsibilities while the rest of us watched. She had the professionalism of a tabloid newspaper! She was a gossip and culturally ignorant--totally void of any diversity training (but remember, she was the HR director).
She is on my unique level of what I call "the fireman's club"-only a few "special" people wind up there. In other words, if she were on fire, I wouldn't piss on her to put her out!! Those special people become my fuel I use when I need to get to the next level. I think of them when I want to throw my hands up and quit. I think of them when they talked about me behind my back and made their stereotypical assumptions about me. No one thought I'd get my MBA, but I got that sucker kicking and screaming; most of the people in that office barely had bachelor degrees.
When people mistreat me, I get angry, hurt, sometimes depressed. But I don't stay there because I have a point to prove; first to myself, then to my naysayers. I always end up better than I did when I started and even if they never see my progress, I know I'm better. Success is always the best revenge to me...........
My last grudge was with a former employer 2.5 years ago whose idea of a HR department was an ivy league law school graduate who made her decisions by who smoked with her at lunchtime. No one could stand her, but all her smoking buddies got the promotions and increased responsibilities while the rest of us watched. She had the professionalism of a tabloid newspaper! She was a gossip and culturally ignorant--totally void of any diversity training (but remember, she was the HR director).
She is on my unique level of what I call "the fireman's club"-only a few "special" people wind up there. In other words, if she were on fire, I wouldn't piss on her to put her out!! Those special people become my fuel I use when I need to get to the next level. I think of them when I want to throw my hands up and quit. I think of them when they talked about me behind my back and made their stereotypical assumptions about me. No one thought I'd get my MBA, but I got that sucker kicking and screaming; most of the people in that office barely had bachelor degrees.
When people mistreat me, I get angry, hurt, sometimes depressed. But I don't stay there because I have a point to prove; first to myself, then to my naysayers. I always end up better than I did when I started and even if they never see my progress, I know I'm better. Success is always the best revenge to me...........
:TklDuo-Ann
2nd Level Black Feather
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I don't tend to hold grudges. But, there are things that tend to stay with me. I think the principle is the same. If it keeps coming back to haunt you, there's something that you need to deal with. Whether you deal with it with the person you're holding the grudge against or not, you need to address things...for your own peace of mind if nothing else. Exactly how you do that will depend on the specifics and your own personality.
Holding grudges can impact your life and your spirit in so many ways.
I held a grudge for several years after someone tried to do something absolutely horrid and it could have been life-threatening. Fortunately their acts did not flare up as they had hoped but the fear and hatred that grew from that was pretty overwhelming at times. I didn't realize how much fear I had within me until the day I moved from that house to another far away. And I held the grudge against him for a long time.
Just within the last few years I realized how much it drained on me. I prayed about it and reviewed it myself and I did something First, I wrote a letter to him, that I never sent, and wrote out all my feelings and expressed all my anger. I let the feelings flow until I got through the anger and then I found my written words forgave him. I then took the letter and burned it.
I had to look beyond the act and see what may have driven him to do that. By stepping back and looking at the big picture I was able to come accept the fact that there are people in our lives who may do something "against" us and they are SO wrong. BUT... those people who do us wrong help us to appreciate the people in our lives who encourage us, love us, and help us. By getting rid of the negative feelings it frees your heart and soul to focus on the positive people and things in your life.
As Ann said above.... your own peace of mind should be your focus. I have forgiven him, in my own way. It was a good lesson and I've learned from it and I've moved on. It's not worth my time to waste a moment of energy or thought on what happened. It's over, it's done but I will never forget the lesson.
I am surrounded by strong, energetic, fun people who I love and who love me. I'm blessed.
I held a grudge for several years after someone tried to do something absolutely horrid and it could have been life-threatening. Fortunately their acts did not flare up as they had hoped but the fear and hatred that grew from that was pretty overwhelming at times. I didn't realize how much fear I had within me until the day I moved from that house to another far away. And I held the grudge against him for a long time.
Just within the last few years I realized how much it drained on me. I prayed about it and reviewed it myself and I did something First, I wrote a letter to him, that I never sent, and wrote out all my feelings and expressed all my anger. I let the feelings flow until I got through the anger and then I found my written words forgave him. I then took the letter and burned it.
I had to look beyond the act and see what may have driven him to do that. By stepping back and looking at the big picture I was able to come accept the fact that there are people in our lives who may do something "against" us and they are SO wrong. BUT... those people who do us wrong help us to appreciate the people in our lives who encourage us, love us, and help us. By getting rid of the negative feelings it frees your heart and soul to focus on the positive people and things in your life.
As Ann said above.... your own peace of mind should be your focus. I have forgiven him, in my own way. It was a good lesson and I've learned from it and I've moved on. It's not worth my time to waste a moment of energy or thought on what happened. It's over, it's done but I will never forget the lesson.
I am surrounded by strong, energetic, fun people who I love and who love me. I'm blessed.
DimpleToes
2nd Level Indigo Feather
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It depends on what happen and with whom. I have grudges for yrs and yrs. I may speak with them politely but inside I want to give them some pain. Wrong me shame on you.. do it again shame on you. over and over again.. then its off and will take yrs for trust to be re-established if it ever does on my end.
