I'm Not Allergic To Eggs by Irving Krebb
As far back as my memories can be traced I have always been excited by tickling. Puberty didn't much matter as far as deciding what I was into - It was a thing that's always been...tickling...naked belly skin...adorable little feet with candy colored toes, even bondage...I'd been loving it from the start, and knew it, and wanted to indulge it as much as possible. Sadly, I wasn't a very good looking kid; the kind of kid girls would never date, or even want to be around, really. Not when there were other kids, better looking kids to fool around with. Tickling was something I fantasized about and sometimes watched from a distance. I remember when I was 15, I wrote a letter to The Universe - capital letters - an angry letter demanding to know why I was saddled with this strange obsession when other boys were "normal," always going on about breasts and asses, and, well, you get the picture. At 15 if a naked woman appeared in my room I would ask her to put on a crop-top, and some pants, and then we could play. Why was I chosen to bear this embarrassing burden, on top of all my other problems to boot...I felt like Michael J. Fox in Teen Wolf - I've got a six-dollar hair cut, a bad outside jump shot, I'm allergic to eggs, I mean, I have problems...I don't need this one. Writing the letter I was actually seething with rage...I believe it was my first nervous breakdown and there are still holes in the walls of that room in the attic that will attest to my rage. Tickling was a problem I didn't want.
At twenty-four, I realized it wasn't a curse, it was a gift. It was a mission. I didn't invent tickling I just liked it...I don't even know who invented it but I think it might have been the Hindu Gods at the time of creation. Tickling was just one, tiny, obscure thing which, like absolutely everything else in the World - had to be appreciated. Every - Thing - in the world needs people to appreciate that thing, whatever it might be, that's just how it works. Everything there is that we can see, touch, taste, smell, and feel - needs to be given the respect it deserves and appreciated to the fullest...just cause it "is." I wasn't cursed, I was tasked, and once I accepted my mission my life changed for the better, (in the sex department) because I was no longer afraid, or embarrassed. The Universe had provided me an answer I could live with and actually explain if someone asked. And now, two decades later, I can honestly say that I have done a lot of appreciating, taken a lot of notes, and I'm confident that I am an expert when it comes to tickling, and an insanely hard worker. Ask any of my Ex's - Ha!
Once I accepted my role as, let's face it, A Professional Tickler -I was right as rain. and anyone who thinks I should be embarrassed by something so silly, harmless, and innocent, ought to figure out what they're meant to appreciate, cause we all have something...no one gets off the hook when it comes to the Universe. Maybe if more people took the time to figure out what they're passionate about, or indulge it if they already know, the world as a whole might be happier. I mean, shit, as long as it's safe and no one gets hurt, what's the harm? And where's the shame in having fun?