how do you bring up your fetish to someone your dating?

[Vamp]

I'm just pointing out how it looks when people read posts.

You look like a barrel of fun!

 

[Vamp]

Oh and about your situation dude. (And girls I'm sure this would all work the other way round if you're trying to get your man into it too, I just can't be arsed to type "him/her" a dozen times)

OK, This is roughly how I play it: Next time you're making out or having a cuddle (just make sure it's a nice intimate moment thats probably leading to sex), ask her what HER fetish is. If she says she hasn't got one tell her you've never met a girl who didn't have a fetish. She's bound to ask you what yours is at this point. Say "Why? are you feeling adventurous?" If she says "no" then cease all intimacy: Lights on, clothes on, lets watch a documentary about soil erosion.
But hopefully she says yes: Tell her to close her eyes and place her arms above her head and really gently start tickling her. Tell her to keep her eyes closed and not to move. I'd reccomend trying not to have a huge indulged grin on your face at this point either, but to look deadly serious (in a humorous kind of way) or just look appreciative and relaxed. (At this point, if she blurts out "You like tickling??" or something like that, SSHHH her and ignore it) Tell her she's doing well. Tell her you're going to make it worth her while. You want to try and make this at least a little bit of a game for her so you could say something like "the longer you last the more I'll make it worth it for you" or "you can move when you admit you have a fetish! or at least a kink" and then when you think she's made a good effort for you, make it worth her while. Give her the best orgasm you can.

Notes: It's best to try to approach this when your girl is all wet because she's wanting a certain favour off you at this point. If she denies you your pleasure, deny hers. Switch the lights on, clothes on, lets play chess. If you're derided, give her your opinions of exactly how you view her behaviour. Don't get angry because it'll show her that the experience has phased you. Just show your dissapointment and don't do anything that she wants. Why should you?? Well there you go, thats how I come at it. You'll get better at it the more you try.

 

[Vamp]

With any luck, you'll meet a nice, fun and open-minded girl like Nekoto's and you won't need that dog-training style routine. It's only really for people who need a good lesson on the principals of "give and take".

 

[Hiryu]

Nice info from Vamp and MT! Very impressive!

 

[kis123]

He sounds like a first class jerk.

He was-that's why I left his dusty a**!!

What matters is that I'm happy now and maybe will resolve my trust issues with time. In the meantime, I'm having a lot of fun!

 

[poptart]

After Coment

thank you all for responding to my question.

though i did not tell her about my fetish, i am pretty sure she is into tickiling also!! she slept over in my dorm and we were making out and she started tickiling my sides... i laughed and squirmed a lil and she said and i quote.... "i like torturing you"..... i think that is a great sign.

AND... her feet are tickilish... but only one at a time, and it switches from foot to foot. sometimes neither foot is tickilish....wierd huh?. but she likes when i rub her feet so its all good.

thanks guys you were A LOT of help


Sincerly...Poptart....Blueberry Poptart...did i spell poptart right?

 

[Blackrook]

To start with, stop calling it a fetish. A fetish is a form of mental illness

how do you bring up your fetish to someone your dating? do you just tell the person out right or do u let them figure it out by themselves?


the person im seeing said she has a sock fetish, but im pretty sure it's not a true fetish, i think she just likes socks in the same sense that i like hats in a non-sexually way. i almost told her then about my tickle fetish but i decided not to cuz i didnt no how she'd react but i dont no how i would tell her.

And just because you like tickling doesn't mean you are mentally ill. Call it an interest or a preference. Use neutral language and keep vague what your other interests might be. Even though it's trendy to call tickling a fetish, from a communication standpoint, it's not very smart. Those who know what the clinical definition of a fetish is won't split hairs with you on their way out the door. I've tried to get this message across on TMF many times without success. Some people will never learn.

Rook

 

[elfriend]

It's some thing hard to do but you should just tell her. I proded it out of Tidas. But he told me and it didn't weird me out at all I was actually intrigued by it. I became I convert in the end and enjoy it! You should alway be honest and tell the truth and if the person can't accept who you are you shouldn't be with them.

 

[Vamp]

And just because you like tickling doesn't mean you are mentally ill. Call it an interest or a preference. Use neutral language and keep vague what your other interests might be. Even though it's trendy to call tickling a fetish, from a communication standpoint, it's not very smart. Those who know what the clinical definition of a fetish is won't split hairs with you on their way out the door. I've tried to get this message across on TMF many times without success. Some people will never learn.

Rook

Skimping around the word "fetish" by saying "interest" or "preference" looks really lame and insecure. It makes you look like you're uncomfortable with your FETISH. It's going to be totally obvious to your partner that it is indeed a fetish anyway so come clean in a confident way and don't make a big deal out of it.

 

[CaptainQuantum]

I proded it out of Tidas. But he told me and it didn't weird me out at all I was actually intrigued by it. I became I convert in the end and enjoy it!

To that post and those sole shots I have to say......wow. Just, wow.

 

[Bagelfather]

tickling and dates

In my personal ads I place (not on adult sites mind you) I do list in my huge personal ad that one of the things I am looking for in someone is a person who is tickling, and I do mention that I am ticklish myself.

When getting to know someone I created (as you may have seen in an other post) a game where I have 52 questions based on a deck of cards and the questions vary from philisophical Three Clubs "If you could have the job you wanted, but it meant moving away from all your friends, would you do it?"
to silly Queen Clubs "Do you think robots are secretly living among us?"

One of my questions involves tickling.

Five Diamonds "Tickling,like it, hate it, don't care, or no effect?"

In emails it is fun to do this, or in person, or in online chat. I had someone ask me to pick a question on occasion. This is a great time to bring this one up. I don't do it at first, in fact I do a number of other questions before I'll "pull this on" out.

The last person I did this with said "loved it under the right circumstances" and that she is very ticklish (which I found out tonight in the parking garage).

Not a guarantee, but something. Everyone has their own level of what they want out of tickling, but you shouldn't settle for something that doesn't make you happy.

If people are really curious maybe I'll post the text of my ad to you, or here.

 

[kis123]

Skimping around the word "fetish" by saying "interest" or "preference" looks really lame and insecure. It makes you look like you're uncomfortable with your FETISH. It's going to be totally obvious to your partner that it is indeed a fetish anyway so come clean in a confident way and don't make a big deal out of it.

Here's one of the many definitions of fetish per dictionary.com:

-An abnormally obsessive preoccupation or attachment; a fixation.

And here's one for you "body-part" fans:

-Something, such as a material object or a nonsexual part of the body, that arouses sexual desire and may become necessary for sexual gratification.

Not everyone here sees their love of tickling as a fetish. Personally, I went without it for over twenty years, if I had to, I could go without again. A fetish sounds as if it's a must-have or a deal maker or breaker in life.

It's not as easy for people to "come out" or "come clean" as you think. If you feel the need to tell everyone after a few dates, that's fine. There are some who just don't have it that way.

For me, it's better to come out with someone who I've bonded to and learned to trust with my intimacies. It's hard for me to trust so it's hard for me to share. I'll take the risk of my "secret" coming out in time.

 

[TickledToDeath]

Blunt and straight forward.

"I love tickling and being tickled..." Then upon asked further....I go into detail!

 

[Dandy Jack]

Hard to discuss

how do you bring up your fetish to someone your dating? do you just tell the person out right or do u let them figure it out by themselves?


the person im seeing said she has a sock fetish, but im pretty sure it's not a true fetish, i think she just likes socks in the same sense that i like hats in a non-sexually way. i almost told her then about my tickle fetish but i decided not to cuz i didnt no how she'd react but i dont no how i would tell her.

I always have problems discussing my love of tickling. Too many people think that it's weird. I have yet to really meet a woman that thinks it's ok that I am not paying for a session. Most women that I have met who are extremely ticklish... just hate to be tickled. That takes the fun out of it for me.

You never know where you are going. You only know whare you have been.

 

[kis123]

I always have problems discussing my love of tickling. Too many people think that it's weird. I have yet to really meet a woman that thinks it's ok that I am not paying for a session. Most women that I have met who are extremely ticklish... just hate to be tickled. That takes the fun out of it for me.

You never know where you are going. You only know whare you have been.

If you think it's tough for a man to express himself about his tickling passions, think of how hard it can be for a woman. Men have been in positions of knowing what they want and pursuing their desires since time's beginning. Women just got the right to vote eighty-plus years ago and the feminism movement since the 1970s. A man who's confident and pursues what he wants is a man, a woman who's confident and pursues what she wants is oftentimes called a bi**h.

And if you want to include women of color in the mix, some of us are just getting started in so many areas not previously accessible. If you broke down the membership here, there's a huge male-female ratio. But if you break it down by ethnicity and further break down male-female, the statistics would be astounding!

I went through a ten-year marriage not even familiar with my love of tickling. I had buried it in my teens to the point that I forgot it's existence. Now with only 2+ years under my belt, I need to learn more about it myself. I don't have the answers to give anyone who asked me about my tickling passions anyway. I need time to adjust to it, much less having to explain it to someone else.

 

[TickledToDeath]

Thankfully I have the LOVE of my life and I don't have to worry about expressing myself to any future "Dates" but in general........I have been and always be VERY open to anyone about it. Comes rather easy for me.
I don't care what people think about it or me with it. Its only Tickling!!!!!!!

 

[CaptainQuantum]

To kis123, I don't think you can compare the difficulty women have introducing their fetish to partners to that of men. As I've said in another thread, many men have the attitude "I don't care if she wants me to swing from a chandelier as long as it means getting laid." True, it would be nicer to find someone who is genuinely interested in trying it, but I'm just saying it will never be anywhere near as difficult for women as it is for men. Provided the woman is willing to just settle for guys who are just doing it to get laid, and thats as far as it goes. And admittedly, most women probably would not want to settle for that.