How do you get a guy to fall in love with you?

[SamuelKhan]

Sigh!

I have trouble getting ladies to fall in love with me...perhaps that eye in the middle of my forehead is sort of a turn-off...

 

[Leo tickles]

I've been looking for 6 years now and still going.

If you let the frustration get to you, you'll be like the hundreds of girls I've met that fall in love within an hour just to have something to cling to. Don't change. Be you. Keep going, that's all you can do. Hell, that's all I can do.

 

[kis123]

Well I think that you should tell my Mom that love just happens and not to rush it. That's the thing drew, I have yet to come across a guy who is lucky enough to catch my interest. Thanks for saying that I am physically attractive. Another thing people need to understand is that I am an ONLY CHILD and I am the ONLY ONE who can make my parents into grandparents. That is a VERY tough situation to go through. Please understand that everyone.

Everyone does understand that; what your family needs to understand is that is the downside of the only child issue and that's completely out of your control.

Let's play a little bit of "what if?", and please understand that this is only a scenario. Let's just say you did find someone, have a whirlwind courtship and romance, then get immediately married. Then what if you find out down the road that someone was unable to reproduce (either you or him). What then, will your mother still be upset? You got married just like she wanted you to, but now you still can't give her what she wants. What do you do now?

Marriage doesn't guarantee children, hence the number of infertile and childless married couples around the world. Now the next time your mother comes at you with the "when are you going to settle down, get married, and give me grandchildren" questions, give her the scenario I gave you and see what happens next.

And no one here can tell your mother anything, you're a woman in your thirties and capable to to tell her yourself. Since you don't live with her, you don't have to leave yourself open to the conversation if you don't want to. When she starts in on the stuff you don't like to discuss, tell her "wow, look at the time, I really have to go!" "Love you mom, talk to you later!"

As far as love is concerned, I subscribe to the theory that you don't look for love, love finds you. You have to be ready to receive it when it comes so take care of any internal issues you may have so you leave as much relationship baggage behind as possible. We all come with some baggage, but keep it to a minimum whenever you can.

You can either settle for just anyone or you can wait for the right one, the choice is yours.

 

[chicago]

I've been looking for 6 years now and still going.

This post explains a lot.

 

[DLazarus]

Well it's like I said before I think life will just be easier if I just give up on love alltogether.

Jen, Please don't give up on love. You have just not made contact, yet, with the right guy. Try to relax and just let it happen. The right man is out here somewhere and one day the two of you will find each other.
I've seen your picture and you are very beautiful. You are going to make some lucky man a great wife one day.

Don't let your mom drive you crazy over this either. It's your life and no one else should be telling you when it is time for you to do anything.

I hope you will find Mr. Right soon and you'll be very happy forever.
Take care Jen.
Don

 

[GirlWhoLikes2Laugh]

Sweetie, stop stressing about all this crap. Every day... Why doesn't he call me? Why won't he go out with me? How can I make a man love me? Should I just give up on love?

STOP STRESSING ABOUT IT!

You need to get on with your life. Find things that you enjoy doing and start doing them. Don't think of it as giving up on love because it's not. It's just you learning how to be comfortable with you and learning how to enjoy your life.

If you meet a guy while you're doing something you enjoy, at least you'll know that you have something in common. If you don't, at least you're not wasting all your time making yourself miserable over being single.

You Must CHILL.

I will chill more that I just made the decision that I am giving up on love and that it sucks it my opinion. I mean I'll still go on dates and stuff but I won't expect that anything will come from it. Whatever happens, happens. I know I am repeating myself but I am an ONLY CHILD AND I AM THE ONLY ONE WHO CAN MAKE MY PARENTS INTO GRANDPARENTS denver. Please for the love of God, understand that.

I will get on with my life and just forget above love. It'll be a lot easier.

 

[slap'n'ticklee]

Oi behave, tut tut 😉

Get your jugs out...

I really feel for you Jen it sounds to me like you give yourself enough grief without the addition from your parents. I sort of understand your statement here; I'm not a single child, I have an older sister who's married but has told everyone that she will not be having babies, so I get the typical 'when are you gonna have kids' etc etc.

I think perhaps you could do with flirting a bit more, if you give the body language then maybe some guys will react in a positive way, that doesn't help with wanting one to fall in love with you. I think you have to be yourself and from what I've read from your posts you come across as very down to earth, honest and friendly, a man will love you for who you are, don't change, love will come to you, be yourself 🙂

I wish you all the best in finding that special guy.

Another thing people need to understand is that I am an ONLY CHILD and I am the ONLY ONE who can make my parents into grandparents. That is a VERY tough situation to go through. Please understand that everyone.

 

[GirlWhoLikes2Laugh]

I want to thank everyone for their support so far.

 

[cloudgazer2k]

hey babe...you aren't the only one. my dad was the only male, for he had 3 sisters. i'm an only child. the legacy of my family depends on if i have a male child in the future. it's not something i want to have to deal with, but i do.

love does suck, but it has perks. i know you'll find someone, if you aren't looking.

 

[GirlWhoLikes2Laugh]

hey babe...you aren't the only one. my dad was the only male, for he had 3 sisters. i'm an only child. the legacy of my family depends on if i have a male child in the future. it's not something i want to have to deal with, but i do.

love does suck, but it has perks. i know you'll find someone, if you aren't looking.

I know you are trying to help cloudgazer and I do appreciate it. However, if someone tells me that I'll find someone when I am not looking for it one more time, I think I may go nuts, LOL .

 

[GirlWhoLikes2Laugh]

Everyone does understand that; what your family needs to understand is that is the downside of the only child issue and that's completely out of your control.

Let's play a little bit of "what if?", and please understand that this is only a scenario. Let's just say you did find someone, have a whirlwind courtship and romance, then get immediately married. Then what if you find out down the road that someone was unable to reproduce (either you or him). What then, will your mother still be upset? You got married just like she wanted you to, but now you still can't give her what she wants. What do you do now?

Marriage doesn't guarantee children, hence the number of infertile and childless married couples around the world. Now the next time your mother comes at you with the "when are you going to settle down, get married, and give me grandchildren" questions, give her the scenario I gave you and see what happens next.

And no one here can tell your mother anything, you're a woman in your thirties and capable to to tell her yourself. Since you don't live with her, you don't have to leave yourself open to the conversation if you don't want to. When she starts in on the stuff you don't like to discuss, tell her "wow, look at the time, I really have to go!" "Love you mom, talk to you later!"

As far as love is concerned, I subscribe to the theory that you don't look for love, love finds you. You have to be ready to receive it when it comes so take care of any internal issues you may have so you leave as much relationship baggage behind as possible. We all come with some baggage, but keep it to a minimum whenever you can.

You can either settle for just anyone or you can wait for the right one, the choice is yours.

I am glad that you understand kis . I think I'll just limit my interaction with my Mom on the phone instead of in person since she's stressing me out with all this stuff about not having a family. One thing is for sure, I WILL have a kid before I turn 40 and they're ways to do it without having a man in my life such as adoption, artificial insemination, or using a woman as a surragate Mom. I know one thing for sure, I DON'T want to have my first kid at 40. I mean no offense to women who do have their first child at 40 but for me, I'd rather not do it. As I get older, having a kid becomes more risky and it's safer for me to have a kid before I reach my forties.

That's just the way I feel. Hope people can respect that.

 

[jersey_tickler]

Your day will come, Jen! Kirsten is almost 33, she knows what it's like to be in your shoes (cause you both wear 8s). Almost all of her friends have spouses and children by now and she's a late bloomer. But a wise man, once said: "Better late than never"!
Even my dad didn't married to my mom until he was over 31. My Uncle Brian remarried at age 40 and now has a wonderful wife named Michelle and a beautiful daughter Brielle. My cousin got married when he was my age, and is now Kirsten's age, married and a baby on the way as well.

And Jen, your parents need to know how lucky they are, that you are not lesbian and are willing to reproduce. My friend Charlie that i told you about, was killed, and his parents will never be grandparents, EVER! Because his only brother is gay, and hates children. Your parents need to realize that it takes time, which they do have. And they're not exactly in the old folks home from what you told me about them.

You won't find love, it will find you!!!!

 

[GirlWhoLikes2Laugh]

I'm sorry, Jen. you seem like a nice person, but you're just feeling sorry for yourself here.

Only child or not, it's not your responsibility to breed. You're an adult. You can do what you want. You shouldn't be thinking about your parents when it comes to decisions that affect only you.

Getting a life doesn't mean that you're closing yourself off to love. It just means that your getting a life. Women that have interests and hobbies are good. Women that don't are scary.

I'm kinda new here and I only know you from your posts. Obviously that's a very limited view, but I don't think I've ever heard you talk about anything on here other than dating and man problems.

What do you like to do that doesn't require a significant other? Do you have any hobbies? Is there anything that you enjoy doing?

Well denver I do like to ask for advice on here about dating and man problems because I don't have anyone else I can really talk to about those subjects. I don't have siblings, my Mom's side of the family wants nothing to do with my parents or I because of their messed up values nor do my Dad's side of the family wants anything to do with my parents or I. I do have a life of course but it's a lonely one because I am currently in between jobs, I don't have a close relationship with my cousins because most of them are at least 8 years or more older than me and I have just a few friends.

I like to do a lot of things. I like to tennis, hang out with my friends, walks on the beach, dancing, go to the movies, working out, listening to music and those are just the highlights. I do talk about other things other than dating and man problems. Are you in a relationship denver? If so, good for you. It's easy for you to say don't listen to my Mom when YOU don't have to deal with her. She's a very outspoken woman who doesn't respect boundaries most of the time who all she does lately is complain that I don't have a job at the moment and I don't have a family. It's getting on my nerves . So my solution will be just to limit my interaction with my Mom on the phone and if she starts getting on my case then I will just get off the phone as politely as I can.

Also, I am going to think of my situation this way which I think will be very helpful. They basically decided to have one child. If I have kids, fine, if I don't, I don't and it's fine too because it's their fault I am an only child in a way. They could've adopted another one and I don't know how hard they looked because they told me there were no other children available at the time. My Mom a while back wanted to try invitro fertilization and she wasn't working at the time and without my Dad's support she couldn't do it. I think that having one child is like putting all your eggs in one basket and you get what you get. I am quite sure that if I had a sibling/s they would be married and have kids so they would become grandparents. However, the situation is the situation so they just have to deal with it like I do.

 

[GirlWhoLikes2Laugh]

Your day will come, Jen! Kirsten is almost 33, she knows what it's like to be in your shoes (cause you both wear 8s). Almost all of her friends have spouses and children by now and she's a late bloomer. But a wise man, once said: "Better late than never"!
Even my dad didn't married to my mom until he was over 31. My Uncle Brian remarried at age 40 and now has a wonderful wife named Michelle and a beautiful daughter Brielle. My cousin got married when he was my age, and is now Kirsten's age, married and a baby on the way as well.

And Jen, your parents need to know how lucky they are, that you are not lesbian and are willing to reproduce. My friend Charlie that i told you about, was killed, and his parents will never be grandparents, EVER! Because his only brother is gay, and hates children. Your parents need to realize that it takes time, which they do have. And they're not exactly in the old folks home from what you told me about them.

You won't find love, it will find you!!!!

So you think that just because Kirsten is almost 33 that she's a late bloomer because most other people are married with children? I don't think that she's a late bloomer because my definition of someone who's a late bloomer is really someone who gets married in either their late thirties or later. She's just fine and everyone does things in their own time with some of the help of God or which ever comes first.

You won't find love, it will find you!!!! That's another saying besides, you'll find someone when you least expect it, that if I read one more time, I will go nuts, LOL because no offense I think those are misleading and bullshit statements.

 

[Bugman]

ONLY CHILD AND I AM THE ONLY ONE WHO CAN MAKE MY PARENTS INTO GRANDPARENTS denver. Please for the love of God, understand that.


Maybe i missed something jen.Do you want children?If so i hope you meet a nice guy and have all you want.But you don't owe it to your parents or anyone else to have children.You are an adult and its your life.If i were in your position i would tell my mother to MYOB in no uncertain terms.

 

[GirlWhoLikes2Laugh]

Bugman, you need to read what I said in my most recent post. I am NOT going to let my Mom get to me and that's the most important thing I said in that post.

 

[Bugman]

Bugman, you need to read what I said in my most recent post. I am NOT going to let my Mom get to me and that's the most important thing I said in that post.

Sorry jen i did miss that.Good for you!!😀

 

[GirlWhoLikes2Laugh]

Thanks bugman.

 

[kis123]

I am glad that you understand kis . I think I'll just limit my interaction with my Mom on the phone instead of in person since she's stressing me out with all this stuff about not having a family. One thing is for sure, I WILL have a kid before I turn 40 and they're ways to do it without having a man in my life such as adoption, artificial insemination, or using a woman as a surragate Mom. I know one thing for sure, I DON'T want to have my first kid at 40. I mean no offense to women who do have their first child at 40 but for me, I'd rather not do it. As I get older, having a kid becomes more risky and it's safer for me to have a kid before I reach my forties.

That's just the way I feel. Hope people can respect that.

Now that's what I'm talking about!!

Would I prefer you find the man of your dreams and do it "traditionally?" Sure I would! But if tradition hasn't found your doorstep, there are other ways to have the child you desire. I feel (based on personal experience) that a two-parent upbringing is best, but I did both the two parent and single parent thing and I've never seen a kid with their forehead stamped "raised in two-parent/single parent home!" No one should care as long as the child's needs are being met. That can happen through biological parents, stepparents, or non-traditional parents.

 

[jersey_tickler]

Jen, I meant that she was a late bloomer compared to her friends.

You're starting to worry me, dudette, call me sometime if you need to talk. But please, after nine, lol!

 

[Chuck D]

I say we should all go back to the old old skool way of doing things.. club the guy/girl you want over the head with a big wooden tree looking club and drag their unconscious body back to your place.. if you get them there, they are yours 😛

 

[GirlWhoLikes2Laugh]

I agree with you Chuck D. We should go back to the cave people days, lol .

 

[Horatio]

The girls I have found myself attracted to had the following qualities. Note that none of these have anything to do with looks:

Self confidence - Even if they didn't feel it, they acted like it

Good listeners - good eye contact. Act like he's the only person on the planet while he's talking Oh, and laugh at his jokes

Interesting - when they talk, it's interesting. Note - this isn't about being well-read or worldly. Talk about something you know well (and no, not all about YOU 😉)

Charming - smile a lot. Touch his arm or shoulder periodically to emphasize a point. A little touching conveys friendship, not flirting (unless you want it to)

Looking at my list, I can see that it would work for guys too.

 

[GirlWhoLikes2Laugh]

Jen, I'd agree with what most said. You have to be yourself. If someone is going to fall in love with you it will just happen. There's no making it happen or even wishing for it to happen. It takes time and chemistry. Oddly enough I don't think we even have control over who we truly fall in love with unless we just ban ourselves from them. Based on your recent posts I'd say you're just trying too hard lately and just need to let things happen as they may. Things seem to happen when you least expect them and when you are not exactly seeking them out. If you just let yourself focus on other things, you'd be surprised what can happen. Just my .02.

Sandee

I just want to say that I agree with you Sandee that I do have to be myself. However, it's very hard for an Asperger person to be themselves when most of the time they act differently than most people do. I mean I would say that I had friends in my early years but wasn't able to keep them. Most of the people (aside from my family) don't appreciate my being different because of the way I act. I would say most people make fun of me, reject me, ignore me and I might find someone who likes me but it's hard for me to make friends. I am just so tired of being rejected, it's become a major part of my life. I know I am pretty much liked on this forum but in the dating world, I sometimes wonder why I bother.