How tolerant do you feel the members of TMF are, on average?

[chicago]

I've noticed the environment here seems very intolerant / judgmental. All feet people are seen as 'weird' or 'bad' based on the actions of a few. You're not a real man if you get a pedicure. Some people get really shocked if someone posts a nudie pic. "Creepy" gets thrown around at the drop of a hat, etc etc. And that's just what I can think of based on things I've read in the last few days. Ha. I admit, I'm probably at fault here too as I tend to get a little carried away with my opinion at times and word things a lot more harshly than I mean to. I just was wondering this as I browsed through TMF vs Fetlife. I feel like Fetlife, people express themselves a bit more politely. The attitude seems to be "It's not for me, but more power to you" when a person comes across something they're not into. (Provided that the 'thing they're not into' is something that doesn't seriously injure anyone / involves consenting adults / does not include touching strangers lol. )

Opinions?

My intentions with this thread are good and I'm really hoping it doesn't devolve into a shitstorm, though I can't control if it does.

 

[Jagermeistered]

Fetlife is more of a dating website. I understand that some individuals met on this site, and are couples; which is awesome!

No user is intolerant, they are just annoying...

 

[chicago]

I see Fetlife as more of a kinky Facebook, to be honest. There are various different discussions and groups, much like here. I didn't join for the longest because I didn't see the point as I was already an active member here, but once I did, I noticed more positive debates and genuine discussions about things that don't resort to name calling or other harsh words. Especially in the various tickling discussion groups.

No user is intolerant, they are just annoying...

I guess you have a point.

 

[meangry]

Fetlife is more facebooky, meaning it probably works out better for reasons involving your persona tied to a profile

 

[chicago]

Fetlife is more facebooky, meaning it probably works out better for reasons involving your persona tied to a profile

I didn't think of it that way. Makes sense.

 

[C.A.B.]

I judge everything and everyone, every moment of every day and I've never met anyone else that doesn't.

 

[Jagermeistered]

^ Minus, pumpkin-head, he attacks all of the nipples...

 

[Jagermeistered]

Fair enough. I was more speaking to the general attitude the forum's had as of late and some things I've read, but I understand what you're saying. We all form opinions on things and people constantly based on first impressions, but I find a lot of people in real life are more apt to keep those opinions to themselves until they have more information, knowing that they could be judging someone prematurely. Prejudging, if you will... That's just my perception, though.

Pay no attention to, CAB... 😛

 

[chicago]

Fair enough. I was more speaking to the general attitude the forum's had as of late and some things I've read, but I understand what you're saying. We all form opinions on things and people constantly based on first impressions, but I find a lot of people in real life are more apt to keep those opinions to themselves until they have more information, knowing that they could be judging someone prematurely. Prejudging, if you will... That's just my perception, though.

I was trying to promote the pumpkin-head, and you screwed my not so much, mojo... 😛

lol fixed 😉

 

[C.A.B.]

Fair enough. I was more speaking to the general attitude the forum's had as of late and some things I've read, but I understand what you're saying.

Well there's a difference between using judgement and having decorum and not behaving boorishly. If one reads of someone's penchant for using mutant hamsters in sex, and judges it disgusting, one need not post their disgust in a boorish manner. But if one feels strongly about something that perhaps is a major societal taboo, then one can and should voice their disapproval. On the flip side, there might be a self-serving motivation to those that wear their so-called "I'm non-judgmental" horseshit on their sleeve at every turn, they are in effect advertising, "Hey! I'm up for anything! Approach me!" Not in all cases of course, but the flag fliers certainly look suspicious. Kind of like how White Knights look to score points with the sex they think they are verbosely defending.

 

[C.A.B.]

Pay no attention to, CAB... 😛

Don't drink and post, Jag.

 

[chicago]

Well there's a difference between using judgement and having decorum and not behaving boorishly. If one reads of someone's penchant for using mutant hamsters in sex, and judges it disgusting, one need not post their disgust in a boorish manner. But if one feels strongly about something that perhaps is a major societal taboo, then one can and should voice their disapproval. On the flip side, there might be a self-serving motivation to those that wear their so-called "I'm non-judgmental" horseshit on their sleeve at every turn, they are in effect advertising, "Hey! I'm up for anything! Approach me!" Not in all cases of course, but the flag fliers certainly look suspicious. Kind of like how White Knights look to score points with the sex they think they are verbosely defending.

I agree with you. Should have picked a better choice of words for that.

And I see what you're saying, though I get the odd feeling you're implying something there. This topic came up in chat today among a few of us, and I was curious how the rest of the forum felt. Mostly I was curious to see if others felt like I did, or if I was reading into things too much.

 

[Jagermeistered]

Don't drink and post, Jag.

Okay, "boobs"... 😀

 

[C.A.B.]

I agree with you. Should have picked a better choice of words for that.

And I see what you're saying, though I get the odd feeling you're implying something there. This topic came up in chat today among a few of us, and I was curious how the rest of the forum felt. Mostly I was curious to see if others felt like I did, or if I was reading into things too much.

oh I don't know... But I really do not think one social media venue differs any from another in terms of the population of gutter turds vs classy folk... its a goodly mix everywhere. I get my share of plenty of classless slimy PMs on FetLife... from an even wider scope of different fetishists. It would be interesting to note that on the TMF, folks commune more on communal posts than on one's personal profile page. So maybe it just feels like there's more boorishness here. Don't know. But on the whole, trolls and mouth-breathers aside, I've never really felt major intolerance here... quite the contrary.

 

[chicago]

All good points. Im glad it seems like my perception is perhaps a bit distorted and not everyone is feeling the negativity I was. Maybe I need a vacation to SSF for a bit lol.

 

[Bohemianne]

It’s been unstable since 2007. In my observation, there are just people who really “intend/can/or may have accidentally” hit the bestselling and controversial topics enough to ignite flame, grab attention, invoke silent orgy, motivate dog-piling and unite faction, resulting to conflicts. And of course, the mind will always be… naughty and curly.

 

[Franky]

I'll second the whole "alpha" male crap I've been seeing around and I do remember some of it going on around here when I initially joined and only lurked about. Basically if a male does something that the other males view as feminine or emasculating whether it be pedicures to enjoying being tickled they get told by them that they're not "manly." And even when the females add their two cents they get disregarded, because kinky/fetishist type of females' opinions are not as important as the perceived opinions from kinky/fetish males of nilla females.
Yah, because kinky/fetish type of females only exist in the land of kink and fetish 24/7 and have absolutely no interactions whatsoever with nilla females ever in their entire lives. EVER...



And incase anyone is wondering and want a quick clarification about nilla and my use of female/male please keep reading, if not then please skip the rest of my post.
nilla - I like to use instead of saying "vanilla" to refer to a non-kinky person, a common term one may hear in the kink community.
Female/male - I use these terms typically instead of girl, boy, lady, gentleman, man, woman, etc. Why? Because they refer to one's gender not preconceived notions of one's culture, own ideologies, personal conduct, age restrictions, and/or using the wrong one can be insulting to those one is referring to. <- Basically using boy/girl when referring to an adult.

 

[C.A.B.]

I'll second the whole "alpha" male crap I've been seeing around and I do remember some of it going on around here when I initially joined and only lurked about. Basically if a male does something that the other males view as feminine or emasculating whether it be pedicures to enjoying being tickled they get told by them that they're not "manly." And even when the females add their two cents they get disregarded, because kinky/fetishist type of females' opinions are not as important as the perceived opinions from kinky/fetish males of nilla females.
Yah, because kinky/fetish type of females only exist in the land of kink and fetish 24/7 and have absolutely no interactions whatsoever with nilla females ever in their entire lives. EVER...



And incase anyone is wondering and want a quick clarification about nilla and my use of female/male please keep reading, if not then please skip the rest of my post.
nilla - I like to use instead of saying "vanilla" to refer to a non-kinky person, a common term one may hear in the kink community.
Female/male - I use these terms typically instead of girl, boy, lady, gentleman, man, woman, etc. Why? Because they refer to one's gender not preconceived notions of one's culture, own ideologies, personal conduct, age restrictions, and/or using the wrong one can be insulting to those one is referring to. <- Basically using boy/girl when referring to an adult.

I think you have a misunderstanding of what an Alpha Male really is. A true Alpha Male would not even be concerned with what the habits of other males are, nor would he even be bothered to comment on them. I believe what you are referring to are garden variety self-concious males that are insecure in their sexuality and need to trow shit-balls at others to prop up their own paranoia of being inadequate. True Alpha Males do not need to stoop to these levels. 😉

 

[General Zod]

I chose somewhat tolerant. The main place I see the most intolerance is P&R. From both sides. I guess that is why most of my posts are in SSF.

The best way to deal with this,or any site is,use the ignore button if people are really getting on your nerves.

 

[C.A.B.]

I chose somewhat tolerant. The main place I see the most intolerance is P&R. From both sides. I guess that is why most of my posts are in SSF.

The best way to deal with this,or any site is,use the ignore button if people are really getting on your nerves.

hey.. HEY!!! The first Rule of the P&R Forum is THERE IS NO P&R FORUM. Shhhhhhhhhh!!!!

 

[Flatfoot]

Kind of a tough question, but I think some of the threads acquire more steady tension than they did, some years ago. As far as Fetlife being more civil, I'm not sure. I get frustrated with Fetlife's discussion format, as discussions trail off, forever and ever (At least it is in Kinky and Geeky, where the over-moderation is quick to kill any thread that MIGHT be violating one of its eleventy-five commandments, including duplicated discussions!). Given the nature of a site like Fetlife, which focuses around a target audience of people who have extraordinary interests, I suppose I can see a general, non-judgmental theme of "I may not enjoy your kink, but I'll defend to the death your right to enjoy it."

Here, we're all more or less in the same boat, so we're probably more inclined to judge each other based upon some imagined standards of what a "tickle-person" should be.

 

[chicago]

Kind of a tough question, but I think some of the threads acquire more steady tension than they did, some years ago. As far as Fetlife being more civil, I'm not sure. I get frustrated with Fetlife's discussion format, as discussions trail off, forever and ever (At least it is in Kinky and Geeky, where the over-moderation is quick to kill any thread that MIGHT be violating one of its eleventy-five commandments, including duplicated discussions!). Given the nature of a site like Fetlife, which focuses around a target audience of people who have extraordinary interests, I suppose I can see a general, non-judgmental theme of "I may not enjoy your kink, but I'll defend to the death your right to enjoy it."

Here, we're all more or less in the same boat, so we're probably more inclined to judge each other based upon some imagined standards of what a "tickle-person" should be.

Well said. I really agree with your last point as well. People naturally notice the differences in each other first and foremost, but on Fetlife, people understand that everyone is going to have a bajillion different fetishes on their list and the chances of coming across something you find a bit 'out there' is expected, I think. I guess here, everyone's into tickling in some kind of way, so the differences between all of us are more apparent. And of course, the dichotomy of tickling being both sexual and playful at the same time I think plays a part. Meh, I'm rambling. Anyway, great post. Made the gears turn a bit lol.

 

[Amnesiac]

REACTIONARY is the word I would use.

By the time Fetlife became a thing for the kinky communities, the TMF had years-worth of veterans and social communities that set the tone and pace for the conversations and interaction here; trolls had to swim upstream, as it were.

Since Fetlife though, the TMF has lost--or segued--most of its veteran population that did all the socializing and now the trolls and more irritable members are becoming the primary contributors. With it comes the intense types of interaction that can easily turn into negatively charged responses and strangely specific question posts that we hadn't seen since the early 2000s. From there, it's easy to look at the forum and "conclude" that the forum has become more hostile, but I think it's more fragemented than that. The frequent contributors are either new of members of already-established groups.

And by groups I do NOT mean "cliques." I'd refer to it more as "upperclassmen" vs "underclassmen": neither one better or worse, but being in different places and therefore behaving in different ways and frequenting different circles and topics.

So it's a bit hard to say, but I imagine the Fetlife Breach has broken the old communal-style TMF into a more pluralistic one, and that can give it a sense of distance and chaos.

 

[meangry]

Alright, now that I am not using a phone to type a message, I'm going to be more indepth with a response to this.

I can't truly speak to the tolerance of members of the TMF. When I was posting on a much more consistent basis, and putting my thoughts and opinions out there, it was a little bit of a different time, with members (yourself included) dealing with a myriad of very oddball things. I think you are a lot like me in set respects, Red, which was why so many things at the time really struck us as odd. And maybe we were also going for some sort of sick desperation to stamp out the slew of absolute weird social behaviors. One that comes to mind was Knotamuzed, or whatever his name was, and the manner in which there was advertisement and acceptance of uprooting your entire life, both married with responsibilities and that, to seek out sexual gratification with tickling. Not going to lie, as deeply rooted as tickling is to my sexual leanings, it isn't consuming to the point where I think some of that behavior is acceptable. I was in the minority, and I accepted that, but there was a failure on the other end of people supporting this to give validity to this life choice. Cue up a lot of head clashing, and the like. There was also the deal with Aimee, where I took a shot at her behavior without explicitly saying her name, only to get a lot of people who were her friends to get all head waving in agreement with my point. Maybe I was intolerant. I also thought TMF was going deeper into the business of enabling bad life decisions for very surface level gratification.

I don't see much of the wellspring of that now, either because people left or because all of us in that period did a bit of growing up and became more sensible. I've heard of the underbelly to Fetlife from posters, and while there might be a more accepting culture there, it also comes with an exceptionally increased creep factor. An objectifying culture. "Are your feet ticklish? How would you like it if I came up to you and tickled your feet, slave?" Again, maybe it has to do with my own sensibilities, but the idea of leather and whips and chains and deep evident master/slave relationships doesn't jive with my lifestyle.

What must be said, here, is that there is still that level of trolling. Maybe it isn't Drew70 and the storm of bullshit that whole goddamn thing was, but now you get Dontaskjustickle and people that advocate socially unsavory things in the name of getting your rocks off. Or you get the Politics and Religion forum, which is nothing more than a hot garbage fire when it comes to how people treat each other and how it is moderated. The culture of that subforum is the very embodiment of disrespect and intolerance, which probably comes down to a great many of the people posting there using an escapist tickling fetish forum to let out their base personal philosophies under cover of anonymity. Because this is the root of it all; TMF is a place where a lot of people who have shunned this part of themselves, or keep it under wraps, let it out and let escape all their baser needs. And reality is, tolerance of all ideas means an acceptance of tickling strangers and that.

 

[Leo tickles]

I feel as though a lot of people around here think they know better than anybody else. Instead of being open or looking to accept a view point, they automatically single out the person with a group of their friends with back and forth banter that somehow isn't considered offensive.

The OP either tries to present their case and gets trolled further or just clicks off the site and only comes back for the clips, if at all.

I think this is because when the forum first started, the net itself was a novelty. Nobody cared what people's fantasies were, they were all just happy that somebody out there liked tickling. Now, the world is connected. My cell phone can do things almost as well as my computer. So, now that for many years it's been established that there are people into tickling, it became time to find friends. Unfortunately for late comers or those with a bad history, they get excluded and ridiculed unless they are females, but that's a different issue that is as old as time itself.