I find it interesting that some people say things like "TLDR", but the view count of this thread has increased by over three thousand views in a month. Clearly, someone out there is interested and probably reading our posts.
I'm glad to say that I have no regrets over what I've said. It's unfortunate that some people don't seem to even care, or are content showing themselves as people willing to spread confusion.
That being said, this post IS over a month late, and if nobody wants to even respond to it, that's fine.
Truth be told, I don't have the time to deal with never ending arguments either, especially when people aren't even trying to be civil or reasonable. This site may be some people's source of income, but it's not mine. I have too many other responsibilities to manage in my life to be prioritizing this. Life's too short to pay attention to bandwagons, some people here are proving they just want to be a part of that.
I actually just got around to reading this, and while I appreciate some of your compromise, there are STILL things you're saying about me that simply aren't true. I can't even fathom why anybody who read any of my posts would view me the way you describe me, as disingenuous.
But I believe that nobody can afford to give things like this too much importance. Not only out of my belief of what really brings a person peace, but common sense dictates that NOBODY'S identity truly depends on a group or what someone else thinks of them.
But as a place of discourse, this site has a lot to offer if people aren't afraid to speak their truth, and that requires encouragement. If value of the truth dies here, this place will ultimately be an utter waste of time except for those who delve in VERY old posts.
There aren't limits to the length of a post here, only what is written. I'm only sorry if I've gone off topic here and there.
As for people who may consider it too long to not be "misunderstood", if I'm commenting on several topics, I'm going to offer some explanation. I separate my points to avoid confusion. I'll add more spacing if it helps. If you're not in the mood to read it, that's up to you. I just ask that people DON'T put words into my mouth.
In the end, regardless of the length of what I write, the important thing to me is that I'm being honest. And I think that's part of the reason why people still visit this thread. So if nobody reads this, that's cool. The whole purpose of a discussion is to offer your perspective to shed light for those who wish to see. If you aren't interested, that's fine. I'm often uninterested in other people's opinions as well.
This is almost entirely in response to Jezebel Lee's post:
First, in case it comes into question, while harsh depending on the situation, analyzing someone's character, by definition probably wouldn't be considered an "ad hom" when they chose to mock or insult you indignantly. It's more of an attempt to point out an inconsistency in what was really deserved, especially if you weren't guilty of provoking them. Sometimes, people need to check themselves.
But the thing is, at this point, even if I KNOW someone can't take certain labels any other way than an "insult", if YOU feel entitled to slander me, I'm past the point of watching my language as long as what I'm saying is true.
You apologized for some of your crass accusation of me LONG AFTER I defended myself, but still want to judge the level of harshness in which I spoke, accusing me of "ad hom's"? Really?
First of all, you NEVER said that you were autistic until late in this discussion, and maybe never had on this forum, at least not recently.
You only mentioned this SEVERAL posts AFTER I suggested that you apparently didn't read all of my posts or ignored them and was probably why you felt entitled to accuse me of random crap.
After that, I guess that you chose to read and saw my post. I clearly mentioned that there were people on the forum who don't communicate the same way, in some cases due to autism. I'm assuming that it truly WAS only then that you actually read it, because after THAT, you chose to admonish me, calling me a hypocrite.
Furthermore you called me a hypocrite with NO grounds. I said nothing disparaging about autistic people. AT ALL. Out of respect for several people in my life and the commitment in my life to TRY to be a good person, I NEVER would. And I would apologize if I did.
LOTS of other people, on this forum even, are throw that term around crassly or flat out as a pejorative. Most recently, Phineas referred to people complaining about "fake videos" as "autists". Brotherted used the term "autistic" as a poorly chosen adjective to describe poorly communication skills in regards to talking about tickling.
Maybe YOU didn't take offense to THAT, but many people would consider that tactless and insensitive. And In my opinion, it's not like there weren't several other ways to describe poor communication, without labeling it as autistic. Could have easily said "drunken" or "illogical" instead. It's not like autistic people can't EXCEL over others in communication at times, especially when they want to.
But I'M a hypocrite? Because I responded to you FALSELY ACCUSING ME of reprimanding women for not entertaining a fantasy, your response is that I was "chastising" you? And unless I'm mistaken, you still claim I did?
Calling someone who is conducting themself as a trash talker "delusional" and having a "complex", after slandering me like a typical jerk makes me a hypocrite in my attitude towards autism?
If you don't want to make your situation clear to people, I can understand that.
But if you still choose to conduct yourself in a way that makes you look like a typical jerk, you'll be treated like one. Why on EARTH would you expect any differently?
You say most people would lose their "#!@%". Own your mistake, you're the only one who did this here. And if anybody else had done it, it would have been viewed as being just as unnecessary, if not asinine.
Many people don't want to acknowledge this, but the average person in the first world behind a computer DOES have a NUMBER of complexes that result in supposedly well-off people acting ill towards one another and themself for no good reason. It's why many consumer industries and unfulfilling institutions thrive. Ideas of inferiority, superiority, victimhood and oppression.
I'm not guilty for calling that out. It's logical to view that as the possible reason for someone attacking another unprovoked.
And to settle this once and for all, you said that I "seemed to take issue" with women giving realistic answers to tickleteasing's question?
To reiterate this for the THIRD time now, I DON'T think that it would be a good idea for someone to pursue this kind of relationship with a doctor.
If you in fact did READ my first post in the discussion, I stood in SOLIDARITY and understood the reason why some panic would be taken at the post and perceiving it as POSSIBLY coming off as a form of harassment against women.
In my FIRST post, what I specifically said was:
"The problem of course is that I'm sure that women here have received DM's like this because some screwed up people want to victimize people with requests designed to be disturbing. So women here who have a dislike or suspicion of this sort of unusual public comment is something that I can understand why, if not otherwise clarified, could be perceived as an attempt to harass someone."
And in a later post, I stated:
"I respect everyone's need to be cautious in order to keep themselves, their loved ones and other people safe. Personally, I don't have much to lose right now by giving people the benefit of a doubt to really figure them out, and I hope to remain a voice of reason to others as long as those are my circumstances. That's all I'm doing in this thread.
If people are going to live in a constant state of suspicion, just try to keep paranoia in check long enough to get to know people. Distrust disables your ability to perceive and think, and that's when people start appealing to prejudice and discrimination, leading to labeling and hurting harmless people and things. And sometimes, paranoia doesn't avert any disaster, it just makes it clearer to actual criminals what they have to appear like in order to trick you into trusting them."
Did you put those statements into the context of ANY of that in my posts? I don't think that you did.
And to correct something else, I used the term "authoritarianism", not "fascism" in regards to general attitudes on the forum of people being offended by other people's ideas, because, as far as I can ASSUME, they seem to only think that THEY have an authority define a problem.
That, like "kink shaming", was something that whether or not that was the intent, could easily happen if people didn't watch out.
Your apparent failure to read into the context of things is what made this such a problem. YOU took offense, but I did not actually accuse anybody of kink shaming. I said that this place was not someplace where kink shaming should be happening. After that, I specifically said in another post:
"This brings me to the topic of "kink shaming". Out all the unusual scenarios that I've seen come up here, sometimes, one gets questioned, scrutinized and stigmatized far more than others. The end result is that the member who posted feels ridiculed and unwelcome. And anybody like them feels discouraged bring anything like it up again.
We're all adults, and hypothetically, we should all be able to live with being rejected by peers.
But on a sexual forum, when you're rejected because you're apparently not allowed to ask "such a question" without explanation, that might not exactly be defined as kink shaming, but you're at least kink profiling out of prejudice for certain kinks and topics as opposed to others.
I find this is odd considering how many threads by people clearly state that they did or INTENDED to do something many would consider immoral or something the rules of this forum prohibits, but "legal alarms" didn't go off in the forum and the threads still remain. Really lascivious topics."
I still stand by what I said, but you apparently took this as a falsely critical statement on what was actually said. I'm sorry that you or anybody took my concerns that personally, but I was addressing the growing issue that the conversation was going to become inflammatory. I only did it because nobody was concerned about those other fetishist's feelings, as well as tickleteasing who I thought struggled to speak.
In the same vein, I said:
"You don't see this much push back for the innumerable threads about tickling unsuspecting people among other things.
And honestly, the reason for that is because most people don't want to be ganged up on, but they don't think about that when another person feels that THEY'RE ganging up on them."
Once again, where did I accuse anybody? I basically just made this point that we all have feelings that he nor his questions posed much danger and that he meant no harm, so maybe be sensitive to tickleteasing's feelings.
Because the reason I rose to defend him was because I am easily stressed and feel a sense of victimization in me in the world all the time. I was chronically homeless for years in my young adulthood. I don't think that I have to go into how much injustice I've seen. I'm prone to reacting much worse than I did when I perceive somebody being targeted.
But all I did was put the concept of getting ganged up on into perspective and suggest that people be considerate.
I "protected" him much like many people "protect" true friends and family from people who aren't necessarily threats, but they still feel concerned.
Regardless, I did it respectfully for tickleteasing and everybody here. You, on the other hand lashed out at me. It just shows which of us is truly conditioned to being criticized.
So as for why I didn't "support" you, I said that I support people who are alone, done nothing wrong and tried everything they could to avoid a conflict. I am not inclined to protect people who attack me or others. Unfortunately, that's what YOU chose to do to ME.
Responding differently when people are acting differently, doesn't make them disingenuous in their respect for them.
As for showing compassion towards more extreme cases of mentally ill/ neuro divergent people becoming particularly pugnacious or inconsiderate in their actions or words when they're angry, if they're capable of doing do, they will learn like everybody else does, with negative reinforcement, to control themself. When they're incapable of controlling themselves or learning, that's a tragic problem that requires a nursing or group home. But I'm likely not having conversations with those people with no ability to control themself here.
The worst case scenario is that they'll be pretty unsuccessful in dealing with society or go to jail. It's not always within their control or their fault, BUT I'VE SEEN BOTH HAPPEN. I've seen people born from mothers who did drugs while they were pregnant and got beaten daily while growing up, STILL get sentenced to penitentiaries instead of asylums when they made bad choices.
Most of them who could, when they have had this happen to them, learn to check themselves.
So when somebody says something false about me just because my opinion differs, they DO come off as having a complex of entitlement or unearned complacency. To act like that, usually, it's either because life hasn't been as hard for them as some of the people I've been around, or they've never been held accountable for their actions. Sometimes it can't be helped, but an apology could rectify many situations.
Overall, I appreciate that you acknowledged some of your faults. The ones you didn't I addressed just now.
But know that when you publicly accuse people of things to an audience of uninformed, potentially mob minded and otherwise just ignorant people, if the person subject to that treatment decides to address it, they'll do it however they see fit, especially if they're the only person who is going to defend their name from being slandered. And it's not always going to be to the whole crowd's liking.
You've said many times that due to your job, your personal life is something you don't think is helpful to share. Just the same, I would think that you wouldn't appreciate it if people said things about your personal life that weren't true.
If that's true, I think that you could show others the same consideration.
To TMF Jeff who is celebrating his birthday today, I want to say thank you for providing the groundwork for this community.
I must admit that sites like this and TickleTheater were very helpful in my developing a sense of comfort with my sexuality, as I had very little actual comfort with it during my early adulthood.
As of now, I've spent some time contributing what I consider to be the better aspects of myself, and I think that I have to walk away from it now.
Looking at how much I dedicate myself to this site with no affirmation that it's even appreciated, I myself have come to accept that I can't continue being involved in a group that for the most part doesn't have many active members who see fit to actively stand up for the Golden Rule, the rule of this site that sets it apart from the toxicity of other social media. If they're out there, too many good people remain silent. But the forums feel like a chore to participate in when you're one of few promoting civility and logic as opposed to trolling.
I've contributed some things, I think that's enough for now. I'm content. I'll still check in once in a while, but I think I'm done posting.
My only other point was that those who are comfortable and wish to contribute some day to not feel discouraged to do so if they really want to. Everybody's story matters.
