my friend keeps getting drunk..and he knows better than anyone what drinking does to him. he is an alcoholic, drink has ruined all his careers and his relationships.. what can i do now? it is so frustrating.. he says he loves me, yet won't listen to me..should i continue to communicate with him? i know i started a thread about this a while back.. i'm at my wit's end here..
-
If you would like to get your account Verified, read this thread -
The TMF is sponsored by Clips4sale - By supporting them, you're supporting us. -
Check out Tickling.com - the most innovative tickling site of the year. -
>>> If you cannot get into your account email me at [email protected] <<<
Don't forget to include your username
i am at my wits end...
- Thread starter isabeau
- Start date
luvgirlsfeet
Level of Triple Citrine Feather
- Joined
- Nov 15, 2004
- Messages
- 40,691
- Points
- 83
I remember a thread like this not long ago of which i had responded to as well You've done the very best you could do to help him quit drinking. I know that its difficult for people to stop, drinking smoking gambling etc with professional help or friend/family help. I honestly dont know what more you can do for him. I'm sorry your going through this
luvgirlsfeet said:
yea i know i'm sorry to bring it up yet again, however today was the first time we talked for some while..however i intend to block him and maybe block him forever. i have my own problems to deal with.and also he says i'm just like him , which isn't true.. i control my drinking
maniactickler
Level of Ruby Feather
- Joined
- Mar 11, 2002
- Messages
- 23,101
- Points
- 48
Lose him fast.
giggleygirl25
2nd Level Red Feather
- Joined
- Jun 21, 2001
- Messages
- 1,311
- Points
- 0
Izzy, i think in the best interest of your sanity...it might be best to step away from the situation at least for alittle while, if the guy decides his life is worth more than staying numb with alcohol...he might stop...til then realize you've probably done all you can for him and the rest is up to him.
giggleygirl25 said:
thanks giggleygirl..that is exactly what i intend on doing..he tried arguing with me, said i was just like him..i am in no way like him. he was talking about going out with a gun, or some such nonsense..
Izzy,you can't do anything for you friend,and don't allow him to drag you down any further.Unless he gets some professional help,i'm afarid there is not much hope.He is the only one who can decided to change his ways hon,let it go.
tickleshotel
Level of Double Ruby Feather
- Joined
- May 7, 2001
- Messages
- 24,051
- Points
- 0
Izzy I know that you want to be there for your friend and support him but the fact remains,it seems he listens to your advice for awhile and then when he gets in the mood to hit the bottle,it;s like you can talk till your blue in the face and getting nowhere...It is clear to me unless he makes some changes,he is going to DO what HE wants whether it hurts you,hurts him or he does something stupid,or worse yet goes on a drinking binge and dies..
Sorry hun,I know it isn;t easy with what he is putting you through but sometimes the truth hurts..
Sorry hun,I know it isn;t easy with what he is putting you through but sometimes the truth hurts..
TicklishLurker
4th Level Red Feather
- Joined
- Jan 13, 2006
- Messages
- 1,949
- Points
- 0
I know this sounds cold, but having a brother who's an alcoholic I've become rather bitter, watching him going back to the bottle repeatedly.
Cut him from your life. Tell him to get sober or get the Hell away from you.
You can't save someone who doesn't want it. No matter how many coast guard boats you send out, a man who wants to drown will drown, period.
Cut him from your life. Tell him to get sober or get the Hell away from you.
You can't save someone who doesn't want it. No matter how many coast guard boats you send out, a man who wants to drown will drown, period.
ticklishscribe
3rd Level Violet Feather
- Joined
- Apr 27, 2002
- Messages
- 7,697
- Points
- 38
I aggree with Hotel and Lurker Izzy. A gentleman (who was also an old friend) lived with our family for awhile and it was no picnic in any way. In fact it got so bad he was drinking it (wine) faster than he could make it. I am sorry to say it but you must cast him away and save yourself..
happydarwin
TMF Master
- Joined
- Jul 30, 2005
- Messages
- 968
- Points
- 18
Speaking from a purely biological standpoint it is difficult if not impossible to understand just how a person feels when they are chemically addicted to a substance such as alcohol. However, I must agree with the previous post and reiterate that you cannot help someone who doesn't want help. I can only offer words of encouragement to stay strong and be yourself but even that may seem as little consolation when confronted with a close associate who is destroying their own life. In the final analysis, my opinion would be to let your friend go, the decision to get help is his and his alone. That is my opinion, take it for what it's worth.
HappyD
HappyD
kered
Level of Ruby Feather
- Joined
- Dec 1, 2005
- Messages
- 23,122
- Points
- 0
I'm with Jami on this. I've seen both sides of the bar business for over twenty years and have buried a few friends who drank too much for too long. My opinion is that he is using you. It is now up to him to realize his need to stop. Some people can handle being casual drinkers.........some can't seem to stop. Your friend can't stop until he decides to stop for good. Sorry to put it this way, Sis, but I've seen it happen too many times.TicklishLurker said:
happydarwin said:
thank you happy..sorry i didn't see your post when i was responding earlier.. i'll try to stay strong and im always myself.
thanks Kered, brother.. seems the general consensus is to back away which i am doing...
We've had this conversation before.....
I said it before and I'll say it again--you cannot save a person from themselves. Until he wants better for himself, in the gutter he will stay! You say he loves you? He does, but he loves his alcohol more and even most. Until he hits rock bottom, HE WILL NOT CHANGE NOR WILL YOU DO IT FOR HIM!!
Please use your love and compassion on someone who will benefit from it. It's awfully hard to watch someone running towards the cliff and no way to stop them, but that's exactly what you're going to do in order to save your own sanity. He doesn't care if he drags you in his self-made pit. Run while you can, pray often, and hope he lives long enough to get his act together!
I said it before and I'll say it again--you cannot save a person from themselves. Until he wants better for himself, in the gutter he will stay! You say he loves you? He does, but he loves his alcohol more and even most. Until he hits rock bottom, HE WILL NOT CHANGE NOR WILL YOU DO IT FOR HIM!!
Please use your love and compassion on someone who will benefit from it. It's awfully hard to watch someone running towards the cliff and no way to stop them, but that's exactly what you're going to do in order to save your own sanity. He doesn't care if he drags you in his self-made pit. Run while you can, pray often, and hope he lives long enough to get his act together!
kis123 said:
thank you kis...yea some love he has..he has promised me before.. i will use my love and compassion on those who actually get some benefits from it, like my husband..i do believe i will not talk to him any more. i simply cannot trust him..i know i shouldn't have started this thread yet again, but damn it, i got at my wits end and needed some confirmation that i am doing the right thing.. i sometimes wish i didn't have such a big heart.
Mastertank1
2nd Level Yellow Feather
- Joined
- Jan 21, 2006
- Messages
- 3,375
- Points
- 0
Sooner or later this person
Is going to crash and burn NO MATTER WHAT YOU DO!
I had the same experience with a best buddy who came home from 'Nam a junkie; I helped him kick smack, but then he became an alky. I finally learned the hard way that you cannot help someone who does NOT WANT TO RECOVER!
My guy cost me two jobs and a GF before I finally gave up on him and cut him loose.
The bottom line is that sooner or later, a person laike this WILL crash and burn, and the ONLY thing you can do is to GET OUT FROM UNDER so they don't destroy YOU when they immolate themself!
Please hon, don't let your vast compassion get you hurt this way; give up, back off, and pray for his soul. Only God can help him now; no human is powerful enough.
Is going to crash and burn NO MATTER WHAT YOU DO!
I had the same experience with a best buddy who came home from 'Nam a junkie; I helped him kick smack, but then he became an alky. I finally learned the hard way that you cannot help someone who does NOT WANT TO RECOVER!
My guy cost me two jobs and a GF before I finally gave up on him and cut him loose.
The bottom line is that sooner or later, a person laike this WILL crash and burn, and the ONLY thing you can do is to GET OUT FROM UNDER so they don't destroy YOU when they immolate themself!
Please hon, don't let your vast compassion get you hurt this way; give up, back off, and pray for his soul. Only God can help him now; no human is powerful enough.
My mother is an alcoholic, and no amount of love, support, money, reasoning, begging, or pleading could get her to stop drinking. Unless an alcoholic decides to stop drinking herself, there's nothing you can do to stop her.
In my Mom's case, she eventually hit bottom, found AA, and was clean and sober for about 10 years. Unfortuantely, a few years ago she started drinking again. She hid it for a while and then after we figured it out, she acted like she was a normal social drinker, even though it was obvious to the rest of us that whe wasn't. I'm just glad she didn't make a drunken scene at my wedding.
None of her children have cut off contact with her, but her drinking certainly strains her relationship with all of us, especially my youngest brother. He bore the brunt of her alcoholism, since he was raised by her, but my other brother and I were raised by our father.
In my Mom's case, she eventually hit bottom, found AA, and was clean and sober for about 10 years. Unfortuantely, a few years ago she started drinking again. She hid it for a while and then after we figured it out, she acted like she was a normal social drinker, even though it was obvious to the rest of us that whe wasn't. I'm just glad she didn't make a drunken scene at my wedding.
None of her children have cut off contact with her, but her drinking certainly strains her relationship with all of us, especially my youngest brother. He bore the brunt of her alcoholism, since he was raised by her, but my other brother and I were raised by our father.
Mastertank and Icycle thank you for your response..i myself had alcoholic parents of sorts.. dad was a nice drinker, mom was a mean one..she would go on late night rampages after drinking. i have decided for myself to cut ties for now..not sure if i will talk to him again..i know he has had it rough..viet nam vet, ruined relationships, his brother dying last fall, and that guy was his closest friend..but still..he knows very well what alcohol has done to him..and i've had enough..that might seem selfish, but i hate him when he is drunk..
isabeau said:
Melanie, you're not selfish. When people like that just continue down the path of self destruction, there's only so much you can do. You have your own life and issues to deal with. Don't let him drag you down. You can do only so much for him.
Being completely honest, i have somewhat of the same issue myself and i too am grappling with a solution. It seems to be the general consensus to get away from a person who won't help themselves, but i have come to an impasse (sp?) as to how to really go about that without doing more emotional harm than good for a person who obviously can't, or won't, take care of themselves. It's hard to walk away when you still care, even a little bit.
But i do agree that getting away from you friend for the time being would be the best course of action. I have seen first hand what happens when you try to intervene... sometimes it doesn't work out positively. As it stands, i really hope somehow it works out for you.
But i do agree that getting away from you friend for the time being would be the best course of action. I have seen first hand what happens when you try to intervene... sometimes it doesn't work out positively. As it stands, i really hope somehow it works out for you.
Saeria said:
thank you for those words of encouragement.. yes i know also first hand what happens with people who drink..self destructive to say the least.. i am breaking away for now.. i have to.. thanks again
From my experience, it's really not the "self" destructive part that becomes so dangerous as the "everyone around that self" destructive that is the hardest. Without realizing, they pull those around them down into their quagmire of destruction. It's far too easy to facilitate them just to make that discomfort of conflict go away... for a little while at least. Maybe also, finding a way of pointing out how one's actions can so adversely effect others' lives without being accusatory would help as well?
