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i am at my wits end...
- Thread starter isabeau
- Start date
I haven't been around much the last couple of days, and just came across this thread. Here is my view.
It has already been said, but I will say it again. When a person has any kind of problem, be it substance, or psychological, and does not want to get help, and then ends up hurting others due to their problem, there is nothing you can do. I've gone through this, especially in regard to psychological problems, with other relatives and friends, and no matter what I tried, patience, suggestion of therapy, threats to distance myself from them if they did not stop the destructive behavior, nothing seemed to work. Eventually, as painful as it was, I had to distance myself from it, for my own well being. It sounds to me that, despite all the pain you have over this problem, this individual does not want to help themselves, and wants to be destructive to himself, and others. In such a case, even though it may sting greatly, you should distance yourself from him, for your own well being, unless he gets help, and changes his actions. It does not make you cold. Self perservation is the first law of nature, except in cases of your children, or perhaps immediate family. Otherwise, if you are going through so much pain by dealing with him when he's like this, as painful as it is, distancing yourself might be best in the long run. Hopefully, he will see the light of day, and want to do something, for himself. If not, then that would be most regrettable, and it would show he holds such little value for both himself, and his friends, that he isnt worthy of your friendship if he's like that.
I pray he can do an about face and help himself. For his own sake, and those around him. Unless he does, distance might be the best option.
Mitch
It has already been said, but I will say it again. When a person has any kind of problem, be it substance, or psychological, and does not want to get help, and then ends up hurting others due to their problem, there is nothing you can do. I've gone through this, especially in regard to psychological problems, with other relatives and friends, and no matter what I tried, patience, suggestion of therapy, threats to distance myself from them if they did not stop the destructive behavior, nothing seemed to work. Eventually, as painful as it was, I had to distance myself from it, for my own well being. It sounds to me that, despite all the pain you have over this problem, this individual does not want to help themselves, and wants to be destructive to himself, and others. In such a case, even though it may sting greatly, you should distance yourself from him, for your own well being, unless he gets help, and changes his actions. It does not make you cold. Self perservation is the first law of nature, except in cases of your children, or perhaps immediate family. Otherwise, if you are going through so much pain by dealing with him when he's like this, as painful as it is, distancing yourself might be best in the long run. Hopefully, he will see the light of day, and want to do something, for himself. If not, then that would be most regrettable, and it would show he holds such little value for both himself, and his friends, that he isnt worthy of your friendship if he's like that.
I pray he can do an about face and help himself. For his own sake, and those around him. Unless he does, distance might be the best option.
Mitch
Knight and Mitchell thank you..it's rather ironic, but i believe i am somewhat like him after all..i know i hate myself when i drink too much and do very foolish things, l. and end up hurting those i love, or else post stupid things..
Ethical Edward
TMF Expert
- Joined
- Jun 17, 2006
- Messages
- 317
- Points
- 0
I watched my dad die of a heartattack this past June 23 because of his heavy drinking and sickening dietary habits as you well know Isabeau. He laughed at life at age 70 and said "the day I die will be my happiest day" and other Jim Morrison-like "I cant live any other way" type slogans. I watched my father die in the ambulance and in the hospital. He didnt have the courage to quit drinking for his family and in my opinion died a disgrace and a failure and ill never forgive him or visit his grave for it. Your friend isnt your friend Isabeau...friends dont do things like that. Let him hit bottom or worse, youve done all you could and hes just going to take you with him like my father almost took me. People have to travel their own road in life. Even when that road inevitably leads to a dead end. 
Mastertank1
2nd Level Yellow Feather
- Joined
- Jan 21, 2006
- Messages
- 3,375
- Points
- 0
Another point about unrepentant alcoholics;
They are not all as out of control and helpless as they make out.
Sometimes, they deliberately choose to get drunk because it gives them an excuse to behave in ways they want to anyway, but don't quite dare to without the excuse of being an alcoholic to absolve them of all reponsibility!
Along the lines of; "I'm an Alcoholic! I'm sick! It's a disease, so it's NOT MY FAULT! You can't hold me responsible for what I do while I'm drunk! That's SO
UNFAIR!"
And so on and so on. If you ever catch them pulling that, you must cut them loose and allow them no slack at all, because at that point they're using the alcoholism to take advantage of you, and every other person who cares about them.
You can't feel guilty about it; you have not just a right but a duty to protect yourself!
They are not all as out of control and helpless as they make out.
Sometimes, they deliberately choose to get drunk because it gives them an excuse to behave in ways they want to anyway, but don't quite dare to without the excuse of being an alcoholic to absolve them of all reponsibility!
Along the lines of; "I'm an Alcoholic! I'm sick! It's a disease, so it's NOT MY FAULT! You can't hold me responsible for what I do while I'm drunk! That's SO
UNFAIR!"
And so on and so on. If you ever catch them pulling that, you must cut them loose and allow them no slack at all, because at that point they're using the alcoholism to take advantage of you, and every other person who cares about them.
You can't feel guilty about it; you have not just a right but a duty to protect yourself!
rajee
Level of Cherry Feather
- Joined
- Jun 19, 2001
- Messages
- 10,971
- Points
- 38
Your welcome Izzy. Perhaps if those closer to him say a prayer for him some how sometime some day some spiritual wisdom and guidance will awaken him.
All there is left is hope and optimism when reality socks us in the gut.
All there is left is hope and optimism when reality socks us in the gut.
