I hate TMF! Is this place any better?

[blootwentytoo1]

i've heard that it is.

So, a few weeks ago I make a completely harmless, innocent, and utterly unoffensive thread on there, saying that I think as a community we should start embracing our sexuality as a big part of who we are, and be out and proud about it as much as possible...

this meandered into the topic of dating, and I said that as a community forum, tmf is way too focused on the instant sexual gratification of men, and less on community. I also pointed out that it's not exactly a female friendly forum.

and that eventually i would like to start a forum that is.

The place erupted with rage at my "attack".

A few weeks later, i had the idea for subforums that myriads could add to correct this problem including a women's subforum (which tickle brits has), a subforum for dealing with tickling in relationships and dating, a community subforum, and a subforum to help people deal with coming out/being out.

i skipped to the end, and saw this -

"Can all male members of this forum who've just cum their pants to the thought of this jumped-up feminist getting tickle raped by a room of dominant men please make themselves known?"

and three other misogynistic comments. one was a reply to the comment above that said "brutal :lol: although she doesn't have a picture, and is probably unattractive"

i flagged it...nothing!

i pm'd the main admin Myriads.

He said this was not a rape threat, it was a "tickle-rape comment".


:cry :cry :cry :cry :cry :cry :cry :cry 😛issed 😛issed 😛issed 😛issed 😛issed



which is perfectly acceptable.

and this is after attacking me for saying that the place wasn't women friendly.

he said that "tickle rape COMMENTs" were ok, because they happen there all the time. which is actually something i pointed out among many other things that happen there all the time, to support my argument that the place isn't women friendly.

oh, and i also told him my subforum idea, to which he replied "this whole place is about community, so i'm not sure what you mean." and that a women friendly corner would be too much work to monitor. no shit!

 

[blootwentytoo1]

here's the thread in question, by the way

http://www.ticklingforum.com/showthread.php?t=181859

 

[blootwentytoo1]

i am in shock right now. i can't remember the last time a "heavily moderated forum" allowed rape threats of its female members! I just got this pm from him -

"We reviewed it. We read it as sarcasm speaking to the concepts you outlined in your OP. We polled some female users and they read it as sarcasm."

he's referring to this. this comment:

"Can all male members of this forum who've just cum their pants to the thought of this jumped-up feminist getting tickle raped by a room of dominant men please make themselves known?"

if you've read the thread, you know that an interesting "b story" to this is that as i was describing why tmf wasn't women friendly, i mentioned that there were few women posters on there and that a lot of them were professionals.

myriads then went on a very insincere rampage incited by my "calling all the women on tmf prostitutes and porn stars". obviously, no one could be so stupid as to interpret what i said in such a matter, but he needed some leverage in what he needed to turn into an argument (for some reason).

apparently this "insult" (which i will re-iterate is: hardley any women post on there and most of them are tickle prostitutes and tickle porn stars.) is the justification for not considering this to be a violation

"You basically made a post that directly insulted a huge segment of the forum. We didn't remove THAT when many took issue with it. When a lot of people called you on your insult, you ignored their issues with what you said, and even claimed you didn't say it when it was right there in you OP.
The post you have issue with is sarcasm. It speaks to the topic you created regarding women feeling safe here, and the attitude which you made your case to all of us in the thread."

 

[solleticoso1]

Ehm...

I red the first post, and agreed with you.

Then yhe other two posts... woman, you're erplying your own!! 🙂

I can't see any anti-femalism in this forum, such as in TMF.
A lot of women posts here. They're anm important part of this community.

Why create a "women-only" thread?? What will it be, a "ghetto"??

I can't see any "men-only" thread...

In a word: I don't agree with you.

That's only my opinion.

 

[11225]

It's quite a shock that TMF is giving you so much trouble. truthfully I hardly go there so I wouldn't know much about, nor have true experience since I couldn't fit in well with it.

In any case...(and I'm not positive that it's the best time for me to say this)...I think Tickle Theater is more friendly then TMF....but like solleticoso said...it's my own opinion.

 

[sweetpiggy221]

Hey hun! By the way welcome to Tickle Theater. I hope you find what you are looking for hun. I read all 7 pages of the thread that you posted on TMF.
I would have to say I'm shocked by the replies that were posted on that thread.

In my opinion, I agree and disagree with some of the points that you said in your first reply, but what I understand from life that there has to be reason why you believe it and said the things you said. I would like to hear the reason behind if you don't mind. I do agree with that some of the material on tmf is sexual gratification of men and is degrading to women.I think due to people's perspective and beliefs have a lot to do with why many people disagree with you. I know in my experience with the tickling community I have been degraded so many times that now I find it normal thing when it happens.

I actually admire you for your bravery. It takes a lot to stand up what you believe in when no one else will back you up. I really do hope you can create the site and the community that you were discussing in your thread.

 

[tk0]

I hate those guys.

 

[DarkPoet]

Hey bloo.

I think in general a lot of people, whether in this fetish or others, in these forums or out, the instant gratification is going to be dominant. Some people will treat places such as these as nothing more than growing media sources where their itch can be scratched. I think these tickling forums are better than the grand majority of sex-related sites when it comes to community. Maybe it's because of the slightly more "innocent" nature of our quirk. I wouldn't know.

In any case, male activity in our current society is bound to be more dominant, primarily because in our current society, a woman's sexual comfort is not something the world is all-together ready to openly discuss or promote. I invite you to think of it as the way black people were treated after laws of emancipation were passed. Sure, the law said play nice, but people were (and to a degree, still are) assholes.

Women are still in this type of taboo in our world. Maybe it's getting better.

Anyways, I agree that there should be a female-centered forum somewhere. Also, a place to talk about tickling in our relationships is probably VERY important! I know that such a place would be somewhere I might feel comfortable discussing the problem my girlfriend and I are dealing with now. In short, I agree with a lot of what you say. But whether it's here or TMF or any other website, you're going to come up against a pretty sick type of resistance. In fact, I haven't forgotten the post on the main page of THIS site by the admin requesting that men respect the women of our forums more.

Regardless of this resistance, I think you should take a few pieces of advice. 1, Remain calm. People are going to be assholes and you don't want to promote their actions by revealing that they're getting to you. Surround yourself with people you can trust on the subject so they can help you deal with it. One person's love is enough to help you deal with the hate of thousands. 2, Remain proactive. You'll probably get flamed for posts even like these, regardless of how true they may be. Screw 'em. You keep working at it. There are plenty of people here who believe in community and in female rights and appreciation of the differences of gender to be worth the effort. You alone are worth the effort. Everyone else just proves you right. 3, Do not forget the men who fight with you. Female superiority is just as bogus as male superiority. To say that, in general and for physiological reasons, women are better than men at X and Y, while men are better than women at A and B, is true logically and scientifically. That doesn't make one party better than the other. It just means life is better when we work together.

One more thing: Rape is desire bred by insecurity and impotence. Use this knowledge quietly for your benefit and self-defense. Just don't forget the ever present danger of insecure and impotent men (and women) in this world.

Anyways, just my $.02. Let me know if you want help or someone to talk to. Otherwise, I wish you the best of luck in your quest! I shrink back into my shadows, now.

 

[Celerich]

Making a sub-forum for women only seems silly to me, personally. Not that I think any of your opinions are invalid, I simply disagree with them. I think it has more to do with majority than validity. Most women don't have much issue on either forum, except the annoying member who pm's constantly about "Cyber-tickles" and "NOW!". Now, with all of that said, knowing that I disagree with your point, I wish you luck in this avenue. If you feel genuine in your opinion of this being an issue to be dealt with, or just an improvement, then power to you. Best of luck. Oh, and welcome to the TT!
-Joe

 

[blootwentytoo1]

This looks like the place for me. :wub

 

[Lummie]

I've not had to endure the hardships of being a girl on the internet(And I'm about to leave for work so I can't read the TMF thread), alas I can't comment much.

I wish you'd have picked a different Title though, I think it's a bit 'drama-queen' ish. Not saying that was your intention of course, just the vibe I get from reading it!

Beside that, welcome to the TT and I do hope you feel at home here!

 

[Duke Diablo]

Welcome to the forum, miss blootwentytoo. 🙂 I hope you'll enjoy your stay on our little corner of the wide web of the world. Should you encounter any trolling or unpleasantness, please report it to the staff, and we shall deal with it as soon as we can. Here, we try to be fair to people, regardless of sex, beliefs, race, or the colour of their eyes.

Now, personally, I agree with some points of your posts, how tickling-over-IP should be more about relationships and less about instant gratification of either party - but, things happening between two consenting adults are their business alone. If either party didn't want it, they should have said 'no' in the first place. Also, as someone who can also enjoy vanilla stuff, I don't think we should be just 'out and about' with our fetish. Hell, vanilla stuff or fetish stuff, I would never tell anyone what would happen when I would have sex. That thing is between me and the person I do it with. But, that's just my opinion. 🙂 I wish you luck in your endavours!

 

[drew70]

TMF = Too Much Favoritism

There is a strong clique mindset there. If your views and opinions differ from the mainstream, you'll get lynched. Once you get attacked by two or three cliquers, then the rest will just pile right on.

If you survive that and still refuse to cow-tow to the opinion police, then they'll resort to stronger measures. Their most recent tactic is the invisi-ban. That's where you're banned only you don't know it. You can still log in, post replies, start threads, and even send PM's. But nobody besides yourself can see any of it. It's like you're Bruce Willis in The Sixth Sense. Just a ghost that nobody can see or hear, but still convinced of your own existence.

I can only guess their intention is for the unwanted member to notice that nobody seems to respond to anything he says, and then simply lose interest and walk away. That way they don't have to bother with the inconvenience of explaining to somebody why they were banned.

 

[QueenBeeBeeMari]

Well,I always found this place to be a lot more friendly.The mods are very helpful and put a stop to any fighting pretty quickly before it gets out of hand.

If you survive that and still refuse to cow-tow to the opinion police, then they'll resort to stronger measures. Their most recent tactic is the invisi-ban. That's where you're banned only you don't know it. You can still log in, post replies, start threads, and even send PM's. But nobody besides yourself can see any of it. It's like you're Bruce Willis in The Sixth Sense. Just a ghost that nobody can see or hear, but still convinced of your own existence.

That is horrible,how can they treat their members that way?

 

[Comfort Eagle]

Just curious, why did you post a regular tickle thread on TMF like everything was perfectly fine over there, and then a little over 10 minutes later post this one about how much you hated TMF and most of the people there?

07-30-2010, 03:45 PM
http://www.ticklingforum.com/showthread.php?t=182811

07-30-2010, 03:56 PM
http://www.tickletheater.com/showthread.php?p=582031#post582031

 

[tickleemale12s]

i think the second one was 5:56 not 3:56

 

[melanie2]

I never heard of invis ban..is it something new?

 

[Smade1]

Have a look at this..

http://www.vbulletin.com/forum/show...-a-transparent-ban...&highlight=invisible+ban

 

[melanie2]

Thanks, Smade

To answer the OP..a forum is what you make of it..and for years after i joined the TMF i took it far too seriously..as i did with some other forums as well..posted far too much, got too involved in the every day life of online forums..i finally stepped back..no one's fault, just my own..i wasn't happy there so i left..i owe much to the TMF..if it hadn't been for that forum, i'd probably never have been tempted to write some stories, which i did write and posted as well..thanks to the TMF i met a lot of great people, six of whom i met in person over a period of months..

I admit to missing some of my friends from there who don't come over to the TT and post..Venray, Kurchie, Zod the sod, Milagros..just to name a few..o and Unclebill and Strider..and Dskodj...Bellystrokes..Mimi..is Mimi still there i wonder?

If you go into a forum and begin attacking how it's run etc, well you are going to have some problems..Myriads was always very helpful with me..the only time i aggravated him was when i sent him far too many messages begging for a story archive for Shadowtklr lol..oo and that's another friend i miss..🙁 but Myriads gave me good advice many times on how to handle the forum..some of which i wish i had followed..

You aren't going to please everyone..that was something i had to learn myself..i tried at first..but if you aren't happy there, just leave..

The theater is more slow paced and potentially drama free..it suits my mood now as i don't spend hardly any time online like i did..

 

[Comfort Eagle]

i think the second one was 5:56 not 3:56

It's listed to me under 3:56.

 

[drew70]

That is horrible,how can they treat their members that way?

History has shown us that virtually any mistreatment of people at the hands of those in authority can easily be rationalized. Not to overdramatize or suggest that mistreatment by admins on a fetish forum in any way carries a comparable impact as a tyranical dictatorship. But speaking strictly sociologically, there are parallels. There are similar principles at work, chief of which being the tendency of power to corrupt.

Mari, if you were to pose your question publicly at the TMF, you would likely get a long-winded noble response on how difficult it is to be a forum admin, and how hard it is to make tough decisions which by the way are NEVER made lightly, oh no. But as "painful" as these actions are, it's all done for the benefit of the community. The whole "greater good" diatribe.

Then would come the predictable group of regulars with their patented responses...

"I so agree!"

"Well said!"

"Praise be to the TMF admins!"

...and so forth. Many of them would then both subtly and not-so-subtly suggest that you are out of line for even raising the question. Why? Because according to them, the TMF is the owner's "home" into which we're all privileged to be invited. As such, we owe the owner a great outpouring of gratitude for such gracious and selfless hospitality.

In my opinion, this is pure crap. While Tickle Theater is more about artists and people and community, the TMF is all about commerce. Unlike Theater, virtually every free pixel of marginal space at the TMF is crammed with ads, sometimes completely unrelated to tickling. Now I don't have a problem with ads, as we all know that running a forum incurs some considerable overhead. But let's not kid ourselves here. While many look at the TMF as their "home," it is first and foremost a place of business. It is the TMF membership doing the owners a favor by participating, not vice versa!

The sad fact is that many TMF members are so guilt-ridden (traumatized) by their tickling fetish that they are overjoyed to find a place like the TMF where they won't be judged for it. Consequently they are reluctant to hold the admins accountable for questionable management practices. Also these instances often provide these same insecure, low-self-esteem members an opportunity to label those who question the status quo as "trolls," giving themselves the feeling of superiority they so desperately crave.

Of course there are real trolls that must be dealt with. Everybody knows this. But over there, that card is far too quickly and freely played. Don't like somebody's point of view? Can't refute their arguments with logic or legitimate debate? Easy. Simply label that person a "troll." It automatically invalidates anything they say, and simultaneously makes them public enemy # 1.

McCarthyism at it's best.

 

[meangry1]

I'm sorry; I didn't know a vbulletin you don't pay a fee to use was somehow linked to your freedom of speech.

Interacting with media in a manner of commerce isn't a rendered favor. It's a large scale part of what the TMF provides, you'd be a fool not to see that. I see the support bar on the right of this site every time I visit it. Don't act so pedantic in your manner with one site while forgoing the same responses here.

 

[PurpleStyle]

In any case, male activity in our current society is bound to be more dominant, primarily because in our current society, a woman's sexual comfort is not something the world is all-together ready to openly discuss or promote. I invite you to think of it as the way black people were treated after laws of emancipation were passed. Sure, the law said play nice, but people were (and to a degree, still are) assholes.

Women are still in this type of taboo in our world. Maybe it's getting better.

Bullshit. That might be true in the middle east where they're still in the dark age, but definitely not in a more enlightened society. There is absolutely no excuse for people in our society to act in such a manner towards women. Especially on such a forum. How many of those assholes keep their tickle fetish private? For fear of being ridiculed/ostracized? Isn't acting this way towards a woman just a little like the pot calling the kettle black?



That said.. one has to keep in mind, like it has been pointed out, the TMF is more about commerce. The TT is not. Why is that? From what I can gather, the owner of the TT pays the bills with his own money, not relying on ad revenue. The owner of the TMF? I don't know, but cash must be tight since 90% of the content there is filtered into my ad blocker. With that in mind, the owner of the particular piece of property - in this case, the web space - gets to make the rules. As much as I love my freedom of speech, they can control yours and mine (directly and indirectly). Don't like it? Well... you're free to harp about it to no avail, or leave. I haven't had this problem at the TMF, but then again - I don't really discuss my sexuality there. I mostly show up at the Politics & Religion forum to rip apart misguided christians. 😉

That actually brings up something relevant to the point. A good portion of the regular posters at the TMF seem to be right-wing conservative nut balls. Come to think of it, I should not be surprised by their behavior towards bloo. :lol Of course, all of the thinly-veiled barbs followed by crying 'rape threat' may not cast somebody in a positive light. Your best bet is to just ignore/forget these people as your viewpoints and theirs will never mesh. Isn't that obvious?

 

[drew70]

I'm sorry; I didn't know a vbulletin you don't pay a fee to use was somehow linked to your freedom of speech.

Well, that makes two of us who don't know that and two of us who never came close to insinuating that.

Interacting with media in a manner of commerce isn't a rendered favor. It's a large scale part of what the TMF provides, you'd be a fool not to see that.

What I see at the TMF is a very lucrative business. Most businesses regard their customers with a respectful eagerness to meet their needs. They don't make them feel like they owe the proprietor a debt of gratitude for the privilege of patronizing their place of business.

And if you're going to suggest that this principle doesn't apply because the TMF is free, then perhaps the analogy of a TV or radio station is more applicable. We can listen to the radio and watch aired television without paying for the service. And wonder of wonders, the station management often expresses gratitude for it's listener/viewer patronage. Why? Because they know that without our participation, they cannot make money from vendor ads. The TMF operates on the exact same principle.

I see the support bar on the right of this site every time I visit it. Don't act so pedantic in your manner with one site while forgoing the same responses here.

Don't even try to lay that BS on me, Meangry. I was very clear that ads are to be expected and that my issue with the TMF's ads was their blatant over-exploitation of them.

You gave the perfect example yourself by mentioning the support bar, if by that you're referring to the vertical bar of vendor advertisements. The difference is that at the TMF, you'll see their "support bar" not only when you first log in, but in every screen of every sub-forum. In my opinion, that's excessive. Here at theater they don't do that. Hence it's not excessive. So you can forget about trying to insinuate that my criticism of the TMF must also apply to Theater because the two are like night and day.

 

[jts963]

Well, that makes two of us who don't know that and two of us who never came close to insinuating that.

What I see at the TMF is a very lucrative business. Most businesses regard their customers with a respectful eagerness to meet their needs. They don't make them feel like they owe the proprietor a debt of gratitude for the privilege of patronizing their place of business.

And if you're going to suggest that this principle doesn't apply because the TMF is free, then perhaps the analogy of a TV or radio station is more applicable. We can listen to the radio and watch aired television without paying for the service. And wonder of wonders, the station management often expresses gratitude for it's listener/viewer patronage. Why? Because they know that without our participation, they cannot make money from vendor ads. The TMF operates on the exact same principle.

Don't even try to lay that BS on me, Meangry. I was very clear that ads are to be expected and that my issue with the TMF's ads was their blatant over-exploitation of them.

You gave the perfect example yourself by mentioning the support bar, if by that you're referring to the vertical bar of vendor advertisements. The difference is that at the TMF, you'll see their "support bar" not only when you first log in, but in every screen of every sub-forum. In my opinion, that's excessive. Here at theater they don't do that. Hence it's not excessive. So you can forget about trying to insinuate that my criticism of the TMF must also apply to Theater because the two are like night and day.

:coolthumbup

Great insights and contributions throughout this thread, Drew.