I have a problem concerning sex, what do you think about it?

[Dark Crane]

Well, I've never thought that this day would come. But here I am to say that... Yeah, I'm leaving TMF...

I posted it also on "Mainstream", but here's a better place to discuss it...

So, I'll start saying what happens with me. I'm 27 and I'm into tickling since my early childhood. My first memories are from the time when I was 4 or so. And I grew up thinking that tickling women was an awesome thing. I've always been attracted by women and, as soon as I found out that a woman was ticklish, she became so much more attractive...

I took it easy during all my life. When I was a teenager, my friends started masturbating with pornography and naked women photos. Well, at the time, I hadn't understood the way I'd sexualized tickling yet. I tried to masturbate with this type of material, it was impossible for me. But I didn't think there was something wrong with me, I just thought that I needed something closer. I always had strong love connections with women. Love bonds were special and invariably I always got connected with a girl...

When I was 14, I first kissed. It was a horrible experience, it was forced by the group and both me and her didn't want it. I just kissed again when I was 17. And, with this girl, I stablished a wonderful bond. But she was for another city, the relationship didn't happen in the way I wanted. I went into depression for two months. That was when I met the woman of my life...

We started dating quickly. And my dick was so hard next to her that it was throbbing. One day I got a cramp in my scrotal sac. I decided I must do something. Then, I thought I could try with tickling...

Yeah, I did it...

I'll continue in the post below...

 

[Dark Crane]

I finally started jerking off. Meanwhile, I was dating quietly and had never thought that this would be a problem. My girlfriend was ticklish and that was great for me. But I didn't just get turned on by tickling. I got excited kissing, I got excited with the touch, with several things she did. A few months after that, we decided to have our first time. And at that time, I was itching to get laid. Because I was addicted to jerking off and I thought I would feel the same way...

For various reasons, we didn't make it that day. She was very stuck, I was very stuck, nothing happened as I expected. Nothing happened that day, nothing happened on the next try. And not on the other. And not on the other again. There were about 10 times we tried and failed. It was a mixture of guilt and pain, with a desire for it to end soon, with a feeling of failure, with a fear that I would be cut off, with sadness, with the feeling that I was not capable...

We did everything together. And it was sensational. I've always been crazy about her. I never needed the tickling to turn me on for her. But we couldn't get penetration at all. And I kept jerking off madly. When we were together, he always masturbated her. And it was all very good. But penetrative sex had become taboo for us. And since that time, it has traumatized me...

 

[Sensualswitch10]

What does any of this have to do with leaving the TMF?

 

[Dark Crane]

In March 2016, shortly after we completed 3 years together, she broke up with me. I know that was one of the reasons. And that always pissed me off, because I found it frustrating not being able to ejaculate with the woman I loved...

However, as our relationship was very tense and with a lot of stress for both of us, it wasn't too difficult to get back to my normal life. We were teenagers, we couldn't handle our relationship with the necessary maturity. I kept masturbating to tickling videos or thinking about tickling. There was no fault at that time. I went back to talking to my girlfriend a few times later, but it always stopped. She came to talk to me, nothing continued. In 2018, we stopped talking. It was then that I met TMF. I was only an observer for a while, I only became an active member in January 2020. Since then, I have been posting regularly...

But I always wanted to talk to her again and try to get us back together. Because the connection we had was incredible. The only bad thing was the penetrative sex and nothing, nothing more. I know this is a very important aspect, but it was the only. I've always loved her. But there was a very strong fear inside me that kept me from going to talk to her. And my fear was having to face this trauma. The trauma that I was an asshole unable to enjoy having penetrative sex with my girlfriend...

 

[Dark Crane]

What does any of this have to do with leaving the TMF?

Well, I'll explain it along the posts...

It was then that, that year, I made the decision to look for her again. Because I thought things in our relationship could work out this time with both of us more mature. My fear continued, but I wanted to face it...

After some time, we met again. And it was beautiful, amazing, wonderful. It's been amazing. She is a wonderful woman and today I understand how important she is in my life...

The thing is, in all that time, I haven't been with anyone else. And she hooked up with some men. Dated twice. With the first one, it didn't work. With the second, in turn, succeeded. I opened up and talked about my paraphilia openly, which I had never done at the time. And, at first, she took it in stride, said that we would make it together. But the speech has changed a little and I'm afraid I won't be able to. If I put pressure on myself before, now everything is a hundred times worse...

I don't feel comfortable being here anymore. I feel like crap, I feel guilty. I can't, unfortunately, masturbate with tickling anymore. My mind blocked it out. I can't masturbate to anything. I get excited next to her, but I can't masturbate. And I'm in a lot of pain. And a lot of hate for me. So I decided to leave, considering that I don't feel comfortable being here anymore...

Only now have I started to see the tickling fetish as a problem. Well, he became one. It wasn't, but I made it one...

 

[Dark Crane]

At some point, I'm going to have to face this head on with her. And I'm very, very afraid of not being able to. Because I can't even jerk off anymore. Not even thinking on her being tickled by me...

I was a tickle video junkie for 10 years. Deciding to abandon this overnight is difficult, but I don't have the mental health to continue. I know that the issue must be much more psychological and traumatic than physiological, but I can't be here comfortably anymore...

And I would really like to know if anyone goes through or went through this problem too. Because, as I said, the idea of ​​not being able to please the woman I love so much is absolutely frustrating. And honestly, if she leaves in the future because of something related to this, I don't know if I'll have the strength to deal with it...

If you've read everything up to this point, thank you so much. Because it's been a while since I wanted to blurt out. And now I would like to read some of your opinions...

Good night...

 

[robmic]

You definitely need professional help! Until you get it, you will always be in this circle of hopelessness.

 

[the.hedonist]

I finally started jerking off. Meanwhile, I was dating quietly and had never thought that this would be a problem. My girlfriend was ticklish and that was great for me. But I didn't just get turned on by tickling. I got excited kissing, I got excited with the touch, with several things she did. A few months after that, we decided to have our first time. And at that time, I was itching to get laid. Because I was addicted to jerking off and I thought I would feel the same way...

For various reasons, we didn't make it that day. She was very stuck, I was very stuck, nothing happened as I expected. Nothing happened that day, nothing happened on the next try. And not on the other. And not on the other again. There were about 10 times we tried and failed. It was a mixture of guilt and pain, with a desire for it to end soon, with a feeling of failure, with a fear that I would be cut off, with sadness, with the feeling that I was not capable...

We did everything together. And it was sensational. I've always been crazy about her. I never needed the tickling to turn me on for her. But we couldn't get penetration at all. And I kept jerking off madly. When we were together, he always masturbated her. And it was all very good. But penetrative sex had become taboo for us. And since that time, it has traumatized me...

Why couldn't you have sex with her? Was it erection problems?

There is a huge community of kids trying to give up porn and mastirbation because they can't have sex with real women or get hard from them. It sounds like maybe this is your issue? Damaged by porn.

You need to give up porn and masturbation for a while and focus on getting a healthy sex life. You can still incorporate tickling kink into your sex life. Later you can come back for porn.

Don't leave TMF just go inactive for a while and come back when you're ready.

And join nofap forum. It'll help you understand the problem you're having

 

[the.hedonist]

Also if you're struggling to stay erect in sex, take viagra. You cab use it the first time to get your confidence up and you won't need it after.

No masturbation or porn for a week, take a viagra, then sexy time

 

[WheresThe Clip?]

Simple, try viagra

 

[tmcp]

And holy shit, learn to be concise and to get to the point. This didn't need to be 8 separate posts, I can sum this all up into like 1 sentence.

 

[teamtickleguy]

And holy shit, learn to be concise and to get to the point. This didn't need to be 8 separate posts, I can sum this all up into like 1 sentence.

What's the sentence? If only there was a sentence to summarise all issues in life. Better still, a one sentence solution!

Sometimes thing can be over thought and over explained, but life is pretty complex - not everyone can process things that simply. I expect writing it down would have helped the OP at least.
Dark Crane's experience dates back a while, so the context can be important when looking for advice - like his 14 year old self would have thought and acted differently to his current self, but that doesn't mean his current actions/thoughts aren't still influenced by what happened previously. Life is so fluid, we're all just doing our best bumbling along, learning as we go!

Anyway, back to the OP.... as Robmic alluded, I think there is cycle of issues here that you don't seem to have been able to pinpoint or resolve, and probably professional help (or medical if it's becoming a physical issue) is the way to go. I'll share some of my own experience below, it may help - I don't seek any advice on it myself, so apologies if it seems like I'm just going on about my own issues.. just trying to align them with yours in case there's anything in there that might be useful or reassuring to hear.

Do you think you may be on the asexual spectrum? Some of what you said suggests you really value a romantic connection, which leads to you feeling turned on, but then the sex element just doesn't happen. Are you feeling under pressure to give that to a woman, but deep down it's not something you truly want for yourself?
Guilt can come in at that point, because you're not able to give the person you love what she desires, or explain to her why you can't.
Also, is there anything else in life that could be causing stress/anxiety, and therefore leading to these issues?


The asexual thing is something I've thought about a lot recently as my sex life and desire has always come second, not just to tickling, but also to romantic/physical attraction. Genitalia to me is unattractive, but I enjoy being physical and sexual with a partner and am turned on more by other characteristics in the opposite sex. I do masturbate, but mostly with tickling. I've never had a problem getting erect for this so can't really speak for that... and I've never experienced much pain in that regard.. you do mean physical pain, when masturbating?

Tickling comes along so early for many of us, maybe we it's difficult for us to fully develop or associate that feeling of being horny/ejaculating with anything other than tickling.

Tickling will have clouded many TMF members' judgement and perceptions of their relationships. I've had two very ticklish partners, and one who wasn't ticklish. Sex with all three was mostly well-received, and tickling was incorporated, with two of the partners knowing that I enjoyed it. But only with one of them was the sex every regularly passionate. I felt with the others I could take it or leave it, but I still desired physical closeness and affection. With all relationships the sex stopped after a couple of years.. and the whole thing ended after 3 - I tried to attribute it to various elements of life that may have been putting a strain on the relationship, but ultimately it may have just been that my desire had waned.

Recently a fourth partner emerged, who like the person you describe, is someone I've had a connection with since we were much younger, and she's drifted in and out of my life according to our locations/hobbies etc - of all these partners, she's the one I'd feel closest to, and best matched with and it's brilliant when we are together. She's ticklish in some places, but when we came to have sex, a few times in succession I wasn't up for it and felt very guilty because I wanted that closeness, for both us, and it was horrible that I couldn't fully explain to her why this was happening. It was then that I started to think maybe I'm just asexual. I don't need/desire sex that often, I mostly feel that I'd be having sex purely to please my partner. Tickling will always be there, but I've maintained good relationships without it. I've therefore concluded (for now) that I should be seeking partners who also desire a relationship that fits somewhere on the asexual spectrum. If they're ticklish, it's a bonus.

Sorry that was long - thanks for all your contributions to the community, I've definitely enjoyed a lot of what you've shared. Wishing you all the best with the next chapter 🙂

Cheers
TTG

 

[laughtermech]

Dear Dark Crane,

Firstly, thanks for sharing your thoughts and feelings on this forum�� That’s not an easy thing to do to put yourself ‘out there’. Secondly, please know that your thoughts and feelings are not uniquely yours; so many others (myself included) have had various versions of the issues you’ve expressed with romantic relationships and how tickling does/does not fit into those relationships. Thirdly, if you have the ability, talking with someone trained to help work through even just a few of these issues can be life changing and life affirming. So many times we as humans get so entrenched in our ways of thinking and can’t see any way out. Talking with others who have been trained to help see different ways of looking at and approaching a problem can be SO invaluable. All of these issues you bring up are intense and heavy, but may not seem as intense and heavy when you gain perspective thru a therapist, counselor, psychologist, or psychiatrist. I hope you’ll consider reaching out to someone who has worked in these realms professionally and can help you in how to approach these issues with calm and clarity. You’re always welcome to reach out to me via email at [email protected]. I personally think we put WAY too much pressure on performative sexual acts between two people and don’t spend enough time with the actual human to human connection between those two people. I do wish you well and do say again that reaching out for help is a courageous and necessary act for all of us. We all need help along the way here. No one is immune to needing help at some point along this long journey we’re all on here. Take good care of yourself, be kind to yourself, and never forget that you have inherent worth as a human being. You belong here. Hang in there! It’ll get better. TLM

 

[Dark Crane]

I posted this same message on Mainstream section, now I'll post it here:

First of all, thank you very much for all the answers and kind words. I'll answer all posts soon, be sure of that. They were very important for me. It's very gratifying to know that I managed to do something positive in this forum that I loved so much...

Here, I discovered the meaning of companionship like never before. I was finally able to have contact with people who had the same fetish as me, I had access to incredible materials and I was happy. Everything I did was from the heart...

Therefore, my wish is that this forum remains very active and that more great media can be shared here...

For now, I'm leaving. Who knows, maybe one day, with peace of mind, I'll be back. It took almost 7 years for me to get back together with the girl I always loved, we never know what tomorrow will bring.

Many thanks again my friends. See you soon with your answers...

 

[Haptic513]

I just started to ween myself off of content. I removed the social media apps (did not delete my accounts) and am not going to any sites. I have had my chances with great women but was always thankful they never amounted to anything because of my kinks. I think the pandemic made it worse. With no socializing, I turned to social media and really enjoyed the lives and connecting with models and producers. I am only on this site for the discussion forum. I started watching interviews on YouTube of different kinds of sex workers (strippers, escorts, BDSM/fetish). They all had the same story of a horrible childhood. I know from experience that is not the case for all the models and producers we follow. In fact, in the interviews, the fetish workers said they liked their clients the most and felt like they were a form of therapy to to their clients. After watching the interviews I thought, if just one model had the story of these women, I could not watch it. Then I figured out how much time was going into my consumption and decided to take a break on a whim. I still want to stay connected to the community and even attend some kind of event and I will be having a session in July. I am not against content or about to go on a soapbox, but personally I just need to evaluate my consumption and decide what is healthy. I think it is great the TMF exists so people can connect and find out at a young age (I was 19 when I found this forum) that they are not alone. Good luck Dark Crane and I hope you get what is best for you.

 

[TKL_M28_LI_NY]

Omfg! Tldr.
Give us ONE SENTENCE.
Maybe ONE PARAGRAPH tops - what is the issue?

 

[Jon56]

For any guys reading this topic, did anyone struggling with sexual activity because of this fetish ever try masturbating with a fake pussy toy to get used to the sensation whenever you get off? Maybe while also looking at pov porn of women's facial reactions while they get penetrated or make themselves orgasm so you can mentally prepare for being in that situation? Maybe that will help some guys out. I never used one so I have no idea if it feels the same or not. I'm not saying tickling fetish porn is always bad, but maybe you can condition yourself to appreciate other forms of getting pleasure and pleasuring women your attracted to by switching back and forth between different types of porn and every time you get off you pretend your inside someone just like you would during real sex? Maybe also watch porn that mixes tickling and other forms of sex together? I know some sources say to heal ED you should swear off porn all together because it's never the same as the real thing and messes you up mentally but if you can't stay away from it maybe you can minimize the damage by the kind you choose to watch and what you fantasize about?

 

[bandt001]

Dark Crane,

You are not alone in having this experience, and because of that there are professionals who can help with the challenges you describe. Give yourself some grace, find professional help, and with some time you will stop having to carry this heavy burden around. Wishing you the best,

B

 

[FFT32]

Thank you OP for sharing your thoughts and experiences. We all have our own history both good and bad with fetishes, sexuality and relationships.

Sharing and learning from each other is one of the many things I love about the TMF.

Weather you ultimately decide to stay or leave us, thank you for contributing and good luck!

 

[Dark Crane]

Dark Crane,

You are not alone in having this experience, and because of that there are professionals who can help with the challenges you describe. Give yourself some grace, find professional help, and with some time you will stop having to carry this heavy burden around. Wishing you the best,

B

Hey, my friend! How are you?

Well, I haven't seen this topic here in a while. How long has it flown since then...

It took me about 6 months to get back since I left in January 2023, but I did and here I am. And I'm happy with that...

Now I know that I have freed myself from a toxic relationship and I really hope that, in the near future, I can establish a great relationship with a woman that I love and who loves me back...

Thanks for your support and see you around on TMF!

 

[Dark Crane]

Thank you OP for sharing your thoughts and experiences. We all have our own history both good and bad with fetishes, sexuality and relationships.

Sharing and learning from each other is one of the many things I love about the TMF.

Weather you ultimately decide to stay or leave us, thank you for contributing and good luck!

Thanks for you support, my friend!

I remember those times and it was really difficult for me to deal with all that was happening. But today I see that I have matured a lot through this experience and I'm a better man now. I've been absent from the forum during something about 6 months at the time, but I came back and it was a great thing that I did...

As I said in my post above, I wish to establish a great relationship with a woman that I love and that honestly loves me back the way I am...

And I promise me that I'll keep this in my mind!

See you!

 

[bandt001]

Hey, my friend! How are you?

Well, I haven't seen this topic here in a while. How long has it flown since then...

It took me about 6 months to get back since I left in January 2023, but I did and here I am. And I'm happy with that...

Now I know that I have freed myself from a toxic relationship and I really hope that, in the near future, I can establish a great relationship with a woman that I love and who loves me back...

Thanks for your support and see you around on TMF!

That’s great news! I’m truly happy for you and look forward to all the great things your life has in store.