i just dont get it

[lergirl69]

I don't see him compromising at all! If you're in a relationship with someone who does something that you hate in order to fufill himself sexually, how exactly is he compromising?

I'm saying that because he KNOWS she doesn't like it, maybe he's taking it to a lesser level, than he would desire to do with a lee who loved it/wanted it/etc. Again, I don't know because I'm not him or her. Just throwing that out there as a possiblity.

But I do agree with kis (and I said this before)...it can't be all you. If there's something you want too that he's not doing....ASK HIM. If you'rE uncomfortable, or if you feel used, TELL HIM. If he's not willing to meet you halfway, then it's best to both move on.

 

[lergirl69]

Sorry why?....I didn't read the part that you are actually throwing up from this. Does he KNOW you are? Don't suffer in silence....or you'll begin to resent him. I agree with everyone. Time for the talk.

 

[why?]

firstly yes, he was in the room when i threw up, yet it still didnt stop him. hence i think its a biggre thing for him then he believes.

secondly, we have just talked, i phoned him and we decided we'll see how it goes and i laid all my cards on the table. but now im worried that hes just going to supress his want just to keep me.
would someone who really needed tickling do that or do you guys think that he'll either look for it somewhere else?
i dont know why im so paranoid, im a rational person doin a phd but it still really confuses me.

 

[lergirl69]

firstly yes, he was in the room when i threw up, yet it still didnt stop him.

😡 That's not cool. The safety of the lee should always be the first think on a ler's mind, and a lee should never, ever be pushed that far. That is why most of us use "safewords", which is a word the lee yells when she/he really wants it to stop, and the Ler MUST obey it. That way, the lee is always the one in control.

would someone who really needed tickling do that or do you guys think that he'll either look for it somewhere else?{QUOTE]

It differs with everyone. Some people's fetishes are stronger than others. To some, tickling is just a "perk" in the relationship, but not a neccessity. To some it's a requirement. Ask him honestly where he puts his priority and go from there.

 

[why?]

😡 That's not cool. The safety of the lee should always be the first think on a ler's mind, and a lee should never, ever be pushed that far. That is why most of us use "safewords", which is a word the lee yells when she/he really wants it to stop, and the Ler MUST obey it. That way, the lee is always the one in control.

we've tried a safe word but he still gets carried away. thats just the problem...i have coughin fits and everything but he just gets so carried away that it makes me wonder if its more of a problem then he realises.

i wouldnt mind so much if it was little spurts of tickling, but because i am so ticklish that i get such a bad reaction, it's all been tainted now

 

[kis123]

we've tried a safe word but he still gets carried away. thats just the problem...i have coughin fits and everything but he just gets so carried away that it makes me wonder if its more of a problem then he realises.

i wouldnt mind so much if it was little spurts of tickling, but because i am so ticklish that i get such a bad reaction, it's all been tainted now

I don't mean to offend, if I do, I apologize in advance.

If he tickles you to the point of throwing up and continues afterwards, he's showing you something you're choosing not to see. I've never heard of anyone on this forum EVER doing anything like that. I've heard of non-consentual fantasies; heard of people tickling prostitutes; heard about a lot of things. But never have I heard of anyone being so callous and selfish that they would tickle a person at all (much less someone they state to love) to the point of losing bodily functions only to keep tickling away afterwards.

If you continue to allow him to use you this way, he'll push the envelope further and further until he really does hurt you. I think he already has and I believe that you think the same but are trying to desparately hold onto the relationship.

Why?, it is not going to get any better-he doesn't respect your limits now and he won't later no matter how much you submit to him. A better question to ask yourself is why have you allowed this for so long? No man is worth giving your soul away to.

And I'll answer another question for you: his fetish/issue is very strong. If he's so into the tickling that he doesn't respect your safeword, do you really think he won't seek his pleasures on someone else if you stop "playing" with him?

 

[why?]

thats the thing, ive told him now exactly how i feel and that i think it is an obsession and at one point it was taking over not only our relationship but his life as he would lie to me about it or come home late because of the forum and other stuff.
im hoping that he finally understands what im sayin because he usually redefines what im sayin to suit him so even when i have stood up for myself he ignored it.

he has had his bad times with it but now im affraid ive made him think hes a weirdo when i dont at all as it is a normal fetish but the extent he was takin it was.

just wanna thank everyone for the constructive ideas and information

 

[maniactickler]

This guy is giving ticklers a bad name! he has some issues. my advice...run......run very fast!

 

[isabeau]

o god hon...that isn't right..tickling you to the point of throwing up? that is torture, plain and simple..you either need to talk to him about this..or and as much as i hate to agree with the maniac man...run fast..

 

[marcusb]

firstly yes, he was in the room when i threw up, yet it still didnt stop him. hence i think its a biggre thing for him then he believes.

🙁

Wow. And this person has feelings for you? I don't know if he's ever professed his love to you... but that is certainly NOT something a caring person would do.

Your situation... his boundless assult and disregard for your well being... it's not right.

Lay down the law my dear. If he can't play nice and respect your bounds even when you offer to undergo it despite your dislike of it then I say... no tickling. Period. You should NOT have to go through that.

 

[nenezinho]

Apparently I was more or less going in the wrong direction and I hope that I didn´t make you feel worst 🙁

Allaways remeber that you are special! And love is all about recognizing the special persson who is with us because he/se wants to be there and nowhere else.

You should be treated as a special girl like you try to be for him....and not as toy to use as he sees fit.

best of luck!

 

[LItickleree]

after reading all your comments and most of the other peoples i hear where your coming from. Its one thing to throw tickling in once in a while and maybe alittle to get him aroused while your in the bed....but to put someone through so much that they throw up and are coughing, thats just rediculous. At first i was like hmmm tickling isnt that bad just give him a chance then i read the rest and was like yea, this guy is definitly giving us a bad name. He seriously has a problem and if hes lying to you b/c hes coming home late from reading the forums thats bad too, it really seems like its running his life, which it shoudlnt, fetishes to me are something that is thrown into life to spice it up for the person....not to marinate it in lol. I hope you work things out, personally i can sepearte playful tickling from sexual tickling, and sexual tickling barely ever comes up in my life.

 

[kis123]

Don't lay all the responsibility at his feet; you have some issues of your own to deal with. Besides, all the talking in the world won't change him; you can't control that. But you can control yourself and your responses and reactions to his behavior.

I heard someone once say that we give others license to the way they treat us. If someone is mistreating you, it is your own fault for allowing the behavior. That statement changed my life; it took me out of that victim mentality and gave me power and control over my own life.

Simply put, if you want to keep allowing him to basically assault you without regard to how it makes you feel, go ahead-no one here can stop you. But the people on this forum who love tickling take care of their lees (unfortunately with a few exceptions). They go through great lengths to make sure their lee is comfortable before, during and after the tickling session. It is a fun experience enjoyed by both ler and lee. They would never do anything that would cause harm and would obey safewords. Your boyfriend does not fit the profile of the ticklephiles here so I hope you don't believe we all behave this way because we don't.

 

[new2sceenbob]

I would seriously like to try and explain it!

ok, i'm not a fan of tickling, i dont really like it, i dont understand what kicks people get from it, i dont know how you can make it sexual and then have it as entertainment, i dont know how you can have it as porn and then not consider it sexual whilst you tickle your friend. but my partner has a tickling thing and though i hate it i am trying to understand it...please make a few things clearer to me please

I would seriously like to try and explain it! I do have the fetish and I find tickling to be extremely sexually arousing. Virtually every activity that a person finds sexually arousing with another person, even normal sex, is arousing because it make you feel connected to the other person. I mean that in the sense that you are either affecting the other person, or being affected by them. With normal sex, you are affecting and being affected by giving and receiving sexual pleasure. For me tickling is so arousing because I am so greatly affecting the person that I'm tickling! In fact, that person is all consumed by what I am doing to them, and I know it! It is like I am touching their very soul! I truly hope that I have been able to shed some light on this matter for you...

Sincerely,
Bob

 

[why?]

i have comfronted things with him before. but i feel he is quite naive as well as me being a person who is too eager to please. he has used the line "if u loved me u would" so many times.
i know the forum...well one individual in particular...has led him astray in his ideas of tickling, my feelings about it and basically to disregard any issues i had or have with it.
i think we need time to see whether he can change as he said he will completely go by what i say and if i dont want it we wont do it and if i want it to stop it will.
am i being unreasonable to cut out a lot of the things he likes for a short time or at least reduce them a lot due to things that have happened?

 

[kis123]

I'm sorry but.....sometimes you just have to go there!

am i being unreasonable to cut out a lot of the things he likes for a short time or at least reduce them a lot due to things that have happened?

UNREASONABLE???

Are you really serious, or are you that whipped?

I hate to be blunt, but it's about friggin' time you put your foot down and demanded some respect! It's going to be hard to get at first because you've spent a year giving him carte blanche over your life and the bedroom. You've allowed him to assault you with tickling you hate but compromised to give him anyway. The "if you loved me you would" defense is for teenagers who don't know any better; adults should know better than this!!

You may be thinking, "well if I don't give him what he wants, he'll leave." You might be right about that. If that's the case, was he really worth keeping around? You'll find a better guy for you five minutes after the door hits him in the backside after walking out! If he really loves you, he'd respect you. Then again, if you loved yourself, then you'd set some boundaries and he'd respect you.

This comes back to you; when you really get tired of being his tickle toy and love slave, you will do something about it and will stick to it regardless of outcome. Being alone is better than being with someone who disrespects and abuses you.

 

[why?]

you're totally right kis123. i just thick i got seduced into his ideals of his fetish as ive never been confronted by one before. we're both in our early 20's so i think i have to learn to stand up for myself and he has to learn to compromise.

i think i just needed to talk to people who understand this tickle thing to make me realise i wasnt being harsh so thank you everyone!

 

[Bugman]

After reading further here,RUN do not walk to the neare'st exit.There is no reason for you to be treated like that and it will not get better.Good luck to you.

 

[lergirl69]

Best of luck to you, why.

 

[kis123]

you're totally right kis123. i just thick i got seduced into his ideals of his fetish as ive never been confronted by one before. we're both in our early 20's so i think i have to learn to stand up for myself and he has to learn to compromise.

i think i just needed to talk to people who understand this tickle thing to make me realise i wasnt being harsh so thank you everyone!

Glad I could help.

I can spot a people pleasing, self-sacrificer from 10miles. I was a former member of the People Pleaser's club. I occasionally drift back into old behaviors, but I catch myself.

I wish you well-I hope you know that I didn't mean to be hurtful more than I meant to make you think

 

[why?]

Glad I could help.

I wish you well-I hope you know that I didn't mean to be hurtful more than I meant to make you think

no honestly you've helped a lot! my bf made me promise not to tell any of our friends about it so ive had noone to talk to about it.

as i said before, ive never dealt with a fetish so didnt know how far they go or how they work so just accepted it.

thank you so much for your help you're a

 

[Mitchell]

Hi, why. I'm Mitch. Welcome to the forum. I've read your posts, and the other members replies, and here is how I see things.
First off, it seems to me that your boyfriend is very lucky to have you. If you have allowed him to continue tickling you, after the incident where you became physically ill from it, you are truly being extremely selfless, and sacrificing your own needs for his. This is a very admirable quality, and any guy would be lucky to have that. That being said.
I never like to get on my soapbox, and preach to people what they should do. I will thus post this from an "I" position. If I wasnt into the tickling interest and fetish, and I hated it as much as you do, and my girlfriend or wife tickled me to where I became physically ill, I would have to have a serious talk with that person. I would tell them that I loved them, and wanted to accomadate them, but that they were going to have to compromise with me. I would tell them that I would give the tickling my best shot, but that they were going to have to modify their techniques. I had suggested to another person on here to perhaps set an egg timer or stopwatch, for a reasonable amount of time that you think you can endure tickling, be it 30 seconds, one minute, or whatever. When the stopwatch goes off, if you dont feel ill, or physically overcome, rest for a bit, and then set the stopwatch again. This way, the tickling takes place for very brief periods, your boyfriend gets his tickling in, but it isnt unending torture for you. This is an option I can think of for compromise.
Good Luck. I hope you can find resolution with your boyfriend over this issue, and I hope what I said would be of some help.

Mitch

 

[why?]

I had suggested to another person on here to perhaps set an egg timer or stopwatch, for a reasonable amount of time that you think you can endure tickling

you see, we have tried this because he was getting annoyed that i couldnt do the tickling thing for too long...so he set his watch for 2 minutes, which doesnt seem like a long time, but due to the known length of time it was more intense and this is where the "physical illness" occured, especially as he went over the time.

i have told him that i dont think it can work if we dont sort things out and we both have to compromise and he's promised he'll try so we'll just have to wait and see what happens...who knows, he might learn something new we both love

 

[Mitchell]

I'm sorry to hear that, why. I hope that the two of you can sort things out with this issue. Good Luck.

Mitch

 

[Iggy pop]

I think you two are just not compatable. You tried to compromise and that did not work. He is a tickle fetishist, and you cannot stand tickling. It's not good match, and you should not subject yourself to something that make you violently ill. This relationship is not going to get better, it is only going to get wore, so, in my opinion, you should both found people you are more compatable with. If the realtionship is of extreme importance, and you really want to save it then you could try hypno-thearpy with counseling. Still, that is iffy at best.