I need Advice!

[P[a]pi]

Yep, truth. And if she doesn't want to tickle you anymore afterward, then probably not a good match.

 

[MaleTickleeDC]

She looks at tickling as a form of punishment, period. I've known girls like this. They rely heavily on tickling as a nonviolent punishment to even up a perceived imbalance of authority, or perhaps to create one in her favor. When he told her he liked it, that probably blew her away.

Really? You've known girls that use tickling as a form of punishment? That's interesting. I've never met girls who do that, or at least I didn't know about it if they did. Do those girls primarily use tickling to punish their significant other?

 

[MaleTickleeDC]

As far as the OP's situation goes, it sounds to me like this is a very young female we're dealing with here and the concept of a fetish is just too much for her. She probably still has in her mind the notion of sex as this magical, wonderful, Hollywood-style experience, where romantic music is playing in the background as things get hot and heavy. The idea of throwing a fetish in there, any fetish, just screws with her concept of what sex should be. She probably also has problems with porn, sex toys, etc. You just have to decide whether you want to deal with that.

 

[rhiannon]

DAJT,

I found your post very enlightening and logical I have to admit, but this part here I'm not sure about:

This is why it's seldom a good idea to blurt out to somebody - even somebody close - the extent to which tickling stimulates you sexually. No matter how much the TMF's Moral Minority lays guilt trips of "dishonesty, trickery, yadda yadda," it's nobody's business but your own.

I mean...we're talking about a girlfriend here, a SO! If people ever want the chance to fulfill their sexual desires, they really should be honest with their partner. Everything else would just be counterproductive.

 

[DontAskJusTckle]

Really? You've known girls that use tickling as a form of punishment? That's interesting. I've never met girls who do that, or at least I didn't know about it if they did. Do those girls primarily use tickling to punish their significant other?

Absolutely. You have to understand that there is a big wide world outside of the TMF in which tickling is not associated with fetish or sex. To most people, it's an annoyance in small doses, and abuse in larger doses.

The girls I mentioned previously (of whom Cyro's girlfriend reminds me) all grew up with at least one or more brothers. The girls used tickling as punishment/incentive. Being girls not prone to physical violence, tickling was an excellent tool to get their brothers to either back off or motivate him to follow directions when she was in charge.

When these girls started having boyfriends, they naturally employed the same tactics for the same reasons and most often, with the same positive results.

Because it works.

Until she comes across a one-in-a-thousand guy who actually likes being tickled, and throws her world topsy turvy.

DAJT,

I found your post very enlightening and logical I have to admit, but this part here I'm not sure about:

This is why it's seldom a good idea to blurt out to somebody - even somebody close - the extent to which tickling stimulates you sexually. No matter how much the TMF's Moral Minority lays guilt trips of "dishonesty, trickery, yadda yadda," it's nobody's business but your own.

I mean...we're talking about a girlfriend here, a SO! If people ever want the chance to fulfill their sexual desires, they really should be honest with their partner. Everything else would just be counterproductive.

It's not really clear (at least to me) just how significant she is. Cyro refers to her as his "girlfriend." That could mean they are head over heals in love, or it could mean they've yet to even have sex. We don't know how far along that path they are.

If they ARE in a sexual relationship, then I agree it would be better if she were on board with tickling him for fetish stimulation. That's the perfect world scenario. But it's not always arrived at easily. In Cyro's case, for whatever reason she's not on board with servicing his fetish desires. To me, that indicates that they are either not that committed in their relationship, or she's got some deep-rooted objections, which by the way are just as valid as his desires. Either way, she's not ready for this information.

Also, it can't be overstated that holding back such extremely personal information absolutely DOES NOT qualify as "dishonesty." It's something that one chooses to share, or not. As long as it remains unshared, the option to share or not to share is still there. Once shared, that option is forever gone.

So while I agree it's good information to share with somebody receptive to it, I stand by my recommendation to pick and choose carefully the time to do so (if at all). I stand by my recommendation to refuse to be guilt-tripped by those who erroneously suggest that sharing this information is a requirement of "honesty."

 

[GQguy]

I think when most people(or at least me) said "honesty" it meant that he shouldn't have lied about saying he didn't like tickling. He just turned a tricky situation into an even trickier one. Not only is he a kinkster but a liar too? As a guy and girl get to know one another certain details will come out gradually. When it comes to fetishes you want them to come out at the right time. If you're not having sex....then it's none of their business. Simple. Charm and charisma are necessary in delivering some of these details. I prefer to deliver the news of my fetishes in a light hearted fun manner. I usually center the fetish on the individual and not on the object or act itself. For instance....instead of saying "I have a fetish for feet" say "YOUR feet really turn me on" or "tickling you really turns me on" all the while in the middle of love making. Having a sit down serious chat is NOT necessary or advised.

Remember...it's only as weird as one makes it out to be.

GQ

GQ

 

[DontAskJusTckle]

I think when most people (or at least me) said "honesty" it meant that he shouldn't have lied about saying he didn't like tickling. He just turned a tricky situation into an even trickier one. Not only is he a kinkster but a liar too?

Yes, I agree. It's one thing to withhold information. It's another thing to give deliberate misinformation. Technically it's dishonesty. He never should have said anything to begin with, and therefore lied in order to "take back" the information. Had he never mentioned anything at all, he'd be golden.

Still, it's not like he's lying about something he did. He's lying about how he feels about something. People do that all the time.

"No honey, I'm not mad."

"No, I think your butt is perfect."

"I'm so happy your mother is coming to visit."

Cyro's girlfriend was likely uncomfortable knowing about his fetish. Lying to her alleviates that discomfort. There IS such a thing as too much honesty.