I need some advice

[tickleteasing]

Ok I am trying to decide if I want to go to nest this year and let me explain why I am trying to decide. I get along well with a lot of the people at the gatherings thats not the problem. My problem is at the gathering I see a lot of friends running up to eachother and tickling them because they know one another well enough to do this. I do not know anyone on tmf or well anyone on tmf who would be for certain to be going to nest this year well enough to do that. I am friendly to them and there friendly to me, but I feel like after being at nest two years I still am kind of awkward at gatherings. Again, the people are nice and some of the sweetest people I know but I do not know anyone this well. Also, its hard for me to see something so intimate out in the open.

 

[trelax1]

look at the bright side, you have a two year advantage on those of us who have never attended 😉

 

[darkhand]

The best way to assure that you never know them that well is to not go to NEST.

I'm not trying to be a jerk, but if you want to get to know people and make friends it seems counter-intuitive to not go.

Tickling is intimate to some and playful to others...even this can change based on the context. True, the first few minutes you have known someone it is probably wildly inappropriate to tickle them, but get to know that person for a while...outside of the fetish...and who knows what will come of it.

 

[-Hari-]

like mentioned, if you wanna be at the stage those other you speak of are, then go, and get to know them 🙂

 

[ticklebunny 2]

I say just take some time and think about it. It might help to mentally make a list of pros and cons-that might help you decide what you might want to do on whether you want to attend NEST this year or whether you do not want to attend NEST this year. I say what might be best is to take some time and think about it carefully like I said weigh the pros and cons and "play it by ear" and see how that goes. Or make a list of pros and cons-type a list and go over it and see what you think. In the meantime I would do what I could to try to make time to get on the forum more and chat -make more friends and talk to others-talk to those friends you have chatted with and seen-spend time w at other past NESTS, get different views. I think you making this thread was a good idea-might help you figure out what you want to do. But at the end the decision is up to you-you got to do what is best and right for you, do what makes you feel comfortable, that is the only way you really can make the right decision for you-really only true way you can really know you will have a great time or not. Be true to yourself and do what you feel is best and what works for you. I hope that this has helped. Good luck on your decision tickleteasing and best of luck on whatever you decide to do. Tickles and hugs

 

[Libertine]

My problem is at the gathering I see a lot of friends running up to each other and tickling them because they know one another well enough to do this. I do not know anyone on tmf or well anyone on tmf who would be for certain to be going to nest this year well enough to do that. I am friendly to them and there friendly to me, but I feel like after being at nest two years I still am kind of awkward at gatherings. Again, the people are nice and some of the sweetest people I know but I do not know anyone this well. Also, its hard for me to see something so intimate out in the open.

There's a saying in England, 'Cut your coat according to your cloth', which literally means 'Live within your means', but is also interpreted as 'Do want you want, within your ability'.

Each person has to decide for him/herself how any sort of behaviour in which he or she wishes to engage would be interpreted by other people. To use myself as a (probably bad) example, I don't do this sort of thing at NEST, because (apart from already being with someone) I've learned over the years that my appearance and manner can sometimes be interpreted as intimidating. This means that even if my intention is innocent or humourous/harmless, the action might be misinterpreted.

So you have to look at yourself carefully before doing anything in a group or one-on-one situation to make sure that it doesn't make anyone uncomfortable. For example, Zac Ephron could get away with stuff that would put you or me in prison.

Cut your coat according to your cloth.

I hope this helps.

 

[tickles]

There's a saying in England, 'Cut your coat according to your cloth', which literally means 'Live within your means', but is also interpreted as 'Do want you want, within your ability'.

Each person has to decide for him/herself how any sort of behaviour in which he or she wishes to engage would be interpreted by other people. To use myself as a (probably bad) example, I don't do this sort of thing at NEST, because (apart from already being with someone) I've learned over the years that my appearance and manner can sometimes be interpreted as intimidating. This means that even if my intention is innocent or humourous/harmless, the action might be misinterpreted.

So you have to look at yourself carefully before doing anything in a group or one-on-one situation to make sure that it doesn't make anyone uncomfortable. For example, Zac Ephron could get away with stuff that would put you or me in prison.

Cut your coat according to your cloth.

I hope this helps.

.....this is very good advice in my opinion. There are many males looking for lady lees so it is just going to be more difficult to have exactly what you might desire. Being a lady at NEST alone I can tell you that the men that DIDN'T take liberties made me feel more at ease than the ones who got pushy (and there were a few)....err on the side of caution and enjoy what comes your way.....but don't forget that women can get spooked easily in these type of scenarios.

 

[kered]

..... There are many males looking for lady lees so it is just going to be more difficult to have exactly what you might desire. Being a lady at NEST alone I can tell you that the men that DIDN'T take liberties made me feel more at ease than the ones who got pushy (and there were a few)....

I met tickles at the 08 NEST and what she said is true.

I have been to three NESTS and as of yet I have not really been in a scene or had a session with anyone. It doesn't matter that much to me as I just enjoy talking and socializing with the people there. I also intend to go in May and do the exact same thing whether I can arrange a session or not..

 

[nenezinho]

Likewise...i´m generally shy and not the guy that will come to a girl and ask her to tickle her...or get into a scene.

Also many people i do not know them that close to be so confident about it (i admit that´s changing with many).

Still, i went 2 times in a row and plan on making it 3. Never felt bad being "tickle shy". There´s allways people to talk with, there´s allways others who by any reason are just hanging around relaxing and getting to know each other.

Like Libertine said, we must act like we feel confortable, and be sure everyone will respect. If someone doesnt.......you dont have the ability to befriend all 100plus Nestees so focus on those who welcome you as you are.

 

[RChello]

hmm i'd say...

tickle everyone and anyone as fast and furious and as quick as you can upon getting to NEST ....So while you're being escorted out you have no regrets 😀 (sorry a bit too much caffiene today) Seriously though...Having been to couple NESTS I've realized that NEST may not be for everyone... the large gathering thing anyway. It sounds like that after 2 NESTS you still have a confidence issue in attending them, and that's fine...again , NEST or a large gathering is not everyone's thing...You may have discovered by talking it out here that NEST may not be for you...Good luck in what your looking for...and most of all have fun while doing it!

 

[tickleteasing]

.....this is very good advice in my opinion. There are many males looking for lady lees so it is just going to be more difficult to have exactly what you might desire. Being a lady at NEST alone I can tell you that the men that DIDN'T take liberties made me feel more at ease than the ones who got pushy (and there were a few)....err on the side of caution and enjoy what comes your way.....but don't forget that women can get spooked easily in these type of scenarios.

Can you explain what you mean by not taking liberties? Oh and I met you at nest and it was a real pleasure to meet you

 

[Morpheus72]

A couple of thoughts...

I think the best way to overcome awkwardness in groups of people is to put yourself out there, in groups of people. You may be feeling that people think of you in a certain way, and it may not be true, and getting to know one or more people better may lessen the awkwardness you feel.

I can totally identify with what you are saying about tickling in the open being very intimate and making you feel uncomfortable.

I do get the feeling, though, that part of what you are saying, coupled with your sig line, is that you are bummed out that you're not finding that "steady tickle partner" at NEST. Others who frequent gatherings probably can tell you better, but it seems to me that for a single male, a gathering is a very difficult place to find this. Others have said it countless times on the forum -- get to know ladies first, and then the tickling may come.

 

[Libertine]

Can you explain what you mean by not taking liberties?

As 'TMF' males, we have to admit that because we are in a sexual minority, even those women who share our kink may be wary of us. Therefore, without being too 'nice', we still have to maintain the sort of behaviour which puts women at ease. In this case, 'taking liberties' has to include anything which might make a woman uncomfortable, even if you think it's harmless.


Obviously uninvited touching or crude speech is a no-no. But standing too close, staring too much, not taking 'no' for an answer, (and I'm afraid a female 'no' is often pronounced 'not just now', 'maybe later', or 'sounds like fun, do you mind if I think about it?') or just constantly hovering nearby are also examples. Remember, a woman's 'yes' or invitation to proceed is almost invariably nonverbal outside of porn films, so you have to learn to read the signs.

The way some women perceive men can be a strange thing- for instance, a tall, silent handsome type is seen as intriguing or mysterious, a short silent average type is seen as shy or awkward, even if their respective behaviour is exactly the same.

I doubt Brad Pitt or whoever's hot these days has ever been accused of sexual harassment in his life. But we lesser mortal men have to be realistic.

 

[ticklebunny 2]

I am sorry to hear tickleteasing that you feel so awkward and strange at gatherings. Yet I understand and I can get what you mean by saying in some ways you view tickling as too intimate and too personal, that defininely can be and could be very awkward and uncomfortable in some ways. I know what you mean. I still struggle to feel at home or comfortable around big time crowds of people especially strangers. I don't really ever really feel at home in situations like this, don't know if it is social anxiety or what. Yet ever since I was young and even in high school-especially also in college-I did not ever really feel like I belonged and I felt really out of place with my peers and others around me whether they be my peers. I always have been able to relate lots better to older people a few yrs old then me or much older then me-than peers my own age. It always has been. I think that is because w older people I feel I can be myself and don't have to impress, accept me and be a bit more forgiving of my flaws and lot more understanding-since they know what a journey it can be for one to feel confident in one's skin.

While I had a really fun time at NWOT-co-host of the gathering I have to say in many ways I felt quite a bit out of my element-felt really a bit awkward-yeah while the people that attended were really nice and nice meeting them-I still did not feel socially in my element-I felt a bit awkward and new to the scene and felt not the most comfortable, that was only a semi big group setting in close quarters-not even a huge gathering event-only like a semi small/big gathering-nothing real big. So I know what you are saying. I guess I can't really offer advice to you-but I would say just go with your gut and go w your heart-do what makes you feel comfortable, yet still while doing this-also don't be afraid to venture out of your comfort zone at times-strengthens one's self-but most of all be true to yourself. Be a gentleman like you have been, listen, first most be a friend, keep treating women w honor and integrity and kindness-keep the motto of yours-helping women feel comfortable and keep on being a gentleman and I am sure you will go far, soon or later you will get your chances to be tickled and to tickle. It just takes time, just try to patient, be a friend, gentleman, and keep a open mind, try not to take it to heart. Hugs friend.

 

[tickleteasing]

Like I said I do not want to rule out the possibility of nest I am thinking of going again I just feel that I am at ease with talking to the people at nest fine, but talking about tickling with the people at nest is still hard. I know that sounds like being a a hot dog eating convention and being afraid to buy a hot dog but thats what its like.

 

[BlackestLily]

I think Libertine has completely nailed this! Excellent thought process, and I find it to be very true in gatherings I've attended.

I think it's hard being both genders at a gathering. As a male ler, you want to get in some action because it's probably at least a portion of the reason you're going. The same goes for a female lee. But underneath it is still personal for people. There are groups of friends who know each other well enough to know their touch is "always" invited. But it can be taken as being a creeper if the person doesn't know you that well and you do the things Libertine listed (staring too long, uninvited touch, saying inappropriate things). Even at gatherings, all proper social rules will apply unless otherwise noted by a person.

If you are soft spoken and less outgoing, you're probably at a bigger disadvantage than someone who goes out of their way to be friendly and give off a non-threatening demeanor to everyone. Social practice makes perfect...or at least better. 🙂