in an uncomfortable position

[LonelyKimiko]

Lets assume for a moment that it was an actual background check, with all the details I quoted in my other post.

Wouldn't it be better then for them and the girl to know these things even at the cost of his privacy, than to her to wind up in a relationship with a man who doesn't have his life together?

This is why background checks exist to begin with. The only difference here is instead of business interests, they're protecting their daughter's interests- something that is a hell of a lot more important.

It may not seem right or fair, but it is and not only that, but the will have done their daughter a huge favor and saved her from a possible disaster.

Thats if it was a background check. If it wasn't, which I don't think it was, then its all the more laughable.

His dirty laundry being exposed is surely embarassing. But if thats all it was, and especially if they came upon this information completely by accident (as I stated before), then this has been blown up to be something it is not and more thinking needs to be done by everyone.

I would prefer just her to know than the parents, cause I dont think things that go in in the bedroom are anything to do with them. I'd still be dubious of the fact that they looked up the info in the first place though 🙁 .

 

[Sockstickler]

This brings to mind a conversation I had with Kal a while back, where he said something about my user name here. I told him that I actually had a different one on each site that I frequented. That's probably a good defense. I went to google and put my name in, and all of my public screen names, and this site actually didn't come up once.
Not that I'm hiding anything. I just wanted to check and see for myself. 🙂

 

[Celtic_Emperor]

Vlad is correct. A conventional "background check" conducted by a private investigator or information broker would NOT include Internet usage history. That information could only be obtained from the user's ISP, which would require a subpoena, or from the user's browser history stored on a computer.

I agree partially with Kimiko that if the parents were poking around on someone else's computer without permission, that would be an invasion of privacy. On the other hand, if they stumbled onto the information from looking up Vman's screen name on a search engine, no invasion occurred because the information was publicly available to anyone.

Thank you. 🙂

Accidentally finding more information they didn't want or intent to find or think they would find is more likely, in my opinion, then them being sick people who are out to dominate and ruin their daughter's love life.

 

[Celtic_Emperor]

I would prefer just her to know than the parents, cause I dont think things that go in in the bedroom are anything to do with them. I'd still be dubious of the fact that they looked up the info in the first place though 🙁 .

This is all assuming they LOOKED it up in the first place. The internet is not secure.

I posted your SN in a search and I found several good leading hits on the first page alone, and all of them lead to this website.

It's much more likely they heard about his SN but couldn't contact him, so searched for him to get an e-mail and found this place instead.

Its so easy for this type of thing to happen. Unless we want to go on thinking they are nazi parents for no reason good enough. 😛

 

[blackmagicjack1]

Thought I was done with this, but I guess not.

First Kimiko: If you have an opinion share it, you are doing yourself a dis-service if you feel strongly about something and just hold it in. Besides anybody who resorts to flaming isn't really worth worrying about. My opinion.

Second Vlad: In my opinion if you want to know something about someone you ask them. It shows respects and maturity. Looking up a username on a search engine is not accidental, it is premeditated (it is a conscious action). Much more could have been accomplished just asking the guy over dinner and talking to him in the way of communication and getting to know each other. As for the doing their daughter a favor, that's debatable. If the parents have any concern for her happiness, then in the end it will be her decision for who she ends up with and for how long. Besides trying to convince someone of something they don't want to believe is very difficult to do anyway. As someone mentioned before, dating is about getting to know a person. Don't get me wrong, I believe parents should look out for their kids, but educating them properly is a hell of a lot more effective than looking over their shoulders constantly. Why? Because a parent cannot always be there.

At this point I am done with this thread. I've stated my opinion and I accept the counter points even if I do not agree with them.

 

[LonelyKimiko]

Could be 🙂

Then again, I did a websearch on me, and found some other guy in Wales. Hope he's not getting emails from people thinking he's me 😛 .

 

[Sockstickler]

Well, that would explain why those ones I sent you never got through 😛
Then again, are you sure that isn't the mysterious "Blooble?" 😉

 

[Celtic_Emperor]

Second Vlad: In my opinion if you want to know something about someone you ask them. It shows respects and maturity. Looking up a username on a search engine is not accidental, it is premeditated (it is a conscious action). Much more could have been accomplished just asking the guy over dinner and talking to him in the way of communication and getting to know each other. As for the doing their daughter a favor, that's debatable. If the parents have any concern for her happiness, then in the end it will be her decision for who she ends up with and for how long. Besides trying to convince someone of something they don't want to believe is very difficult to do anyway. As someone mentioned before, dating is about getting to know a person. Don't get me wrong, I believe parents should look out for their kids, but educating them properly is a hell of a lot more effective than looking over their shoulders constantly. Why? Because a parent cannot always be there.

At this point I am done with this thread. I've stated my opinion and I accept the counter points even if I do not agree with them.

Under definite knowledge of how this went down, I would agree. But again, thats assuming they looked up his name with the intention to find out more than just a way they could contact him electronically.

It's ASSUMING they looked up the name to be malicious. With the lack of information readily available, I simply don't think this is a wise appraisal to be making, though you are free to make it.

I will give it to you that it is ideal, but we can't assume the conditions by which this information was attained.

It is not an accident to look for a name, thats true. But it is not a crime to do so. They are not responsible for what the internet gives them.

I just looked up my own name to prove a point.

Lets assume a friend of a friend asked for my SN. Lets say they said "Vladislaus Dracula", and that is the ONLY name they gave them.

Well, I just put in that name and the first two links were to me, this account, and this website.

Obviously a person who just puts in "Vladislaus Dracula" is going to get too many hits. So it would not be a crime to intentionally narrow that margin by putting in specific things like "Vladislaus Dracula SN", which is what I put in just now.

This works to help defend the parents, because they wouldn't have any foreknowledge of keywords they could use to help find incriminating evidence. Therefore, checking up on him extensively to deliberately aqquire his personal information (enter the alleged background check) is not possible unless the daughter knows about these things and told her parents and he's mistaken about how they know these things and he's just assuming it was a background check because he trusts that his girlfriend has said nothing to her parents and she may even be lying and feeding him false information to cover herself so he won't get angry.

Did any of you ever think of it that way? No, I don't think so.

 

[MistressValerie1]

Its just kinda annoying, cause sometimes I want to make my point of view heard, but I know that my post will draw negative and unwanted attention from others, and so I just decide not to post it.

Even though sometimes it is indeed best to keep one's own counsel, you should never feel intimidated from posting a valid opinion here.

In moderating, although we give more leeway to people engaging in a mutual disagreement where it's clear that all of the parties are willing to take it as well as dish it out, we would be far less tolerant of someone becoming rude or abusive to a member who isn't looking for a fight. The posts that we have deleted are more telling than the ones that remain.

 

[Celtic_Emperor]

Even though sometimes it is indeed best to keep one's own counsel, you should never feel intimidated from posting a valid opinion here.

In moderating, although we give more leeway to people engaging in a mutual disagreement where it's clear that all of the parties are willing to take it as well as dish it out, we would be far less tolerant of someone becoming rude or abusive to a member who isn't looking for a fight. The posts that we have deleted are more telling than the ones that remain.

Thats so true. If you just take a backseat to everyone else, they will eventually see you as meek, timid, and someone that can't help themself and they eventually begin to browbeat you because you are so submissive and it creates this vicious cycle where you don't allow yourself to have a word, a thought, or you are simply afraid to.

This is just as much your fault as it is theres. People sense weakness like sharks smell blood, and if you aren't going to represent yourself, you're going to get lost in your own indecisiveness.

So many forums are screwed up because they have leaders that are like this.

 

[Sockstickler]

Thats so true. If you just take a backseat to everyone else, they will eventually see you as meek, timid, and someone that can't help themself and they eventually begin to browbeat you because you are so submissive and it creates this vicious cycle where you don't allow yourself to have a word, a thought, or you are simply afraid to.

This is just as much your fault as it is theres. People sense weakness like sharks smell blood, and if you aren't going to represent yourself, you're going to get lost in your own indecisiveness.

So many forums are screwed up because they have leaders that are like this.

It's true. I can come up with a list of forums like that easily. The fact is, if you have something to say about something, come on out and say it. That's the beauty of a forum like this. You're surrounded by good people who are willing to listen to your opinions, and everyone's as free to speak as anyone else. I have as much right to speak up as Vlad or Norm or Nessie or Val, and so do you 🙂

 

[Celtic_Emperor]

To add to that even further, for me, its much more how you say the things you say versus actually saying them. It is entirely possible to be both diplomatic and defend your stance at the same time. I've done that before on many occasions, and so have others.

Theres not nearly enough people acting this way though, since these types of people tend to be rare gems among the hordes of members a site could have. And the less of them there are, the less balance and stability the site has overall. Most people are either one or the other, but never both.

It is also possible to enter extremes of diplomacy where all you're doing is appeasing people (which reverts you back to being meek), and then there is such a thing as being too outspoken for your own good. These types of people are commonly called "loose cannons", and they are more often than not the ones that suffer the most both because they are too distant in their extremes to be associated with and that they are usually the ones that get banned or are likely to get banned.

So there is such a thing as balance. Unfortunately theres not enough of it out there.

Of course this is another subject matter entirely.

 

[-Kunoke-]

I don't think this is so much an argument over whether parents have the "right" to run a backround check, as it is an argument over whether they should have.

Here's my opinion.

Unless a parent has a very good reason to run a background check or even look around at what his/her daughter's boyfriend was doing online, they shouldn't. They can, that much is true...but I mean, if there doesn't seem to be anything abnormal to cause them to run a background check, why should they? That's where it becomes a question of morals. Even if I don't think it's right for them to do that, they do have the right, and it could be as simple as them being not so trusting. That does not change the fact that they handled finding out about you in a very inappropriate and immature way, albeit legal. I agree with everyone here really. It's mixed. Neutron made some points actually about them having the actual right to do it, but the others against that made points about it being wrong. Any hostility in the matter is pretty uneeded though. 🙂 I don't want to start any fighting.

Now as for the situation. I don't really know everything about it, I don't think any of us do, because there might be more to it than you're saying, Vman. I'm not sure, but one thing is for sure. If you did something to make them want to run a background check (strange behavior, or anything suspicious), then it's good that they did so. But otherwise, they really shouldn't have. I'm going to echo some other people and give you this advice. Tell them you just want to be adult about the situation and explain to them how tickling is for you. If they don't want to accept it, then what you should do is talk to your girlfriend about it. How does she feel about the situation? Maybe explain the same thing to her if you haven't already. And of course, echoing again, if the girl is 18 or over, then you and her have the control. Don't let the parents try to take it.

Best wishes to you.

 

[vmandude1]

ok, sorry for the long absence. to answer some questions. both sarah and i are 18, and the relationship has only been on for just over a month now. i have no plans of marrying her any time soon, but, i do hope that our relationshp lasts long enuff that we would be getting married in the future, say, 3-4 years maybe. and her parents did a backround check, got my login name, and searched it on google. any more questions that i missed will be answered next time i post. and also, i love her, and she loves me, theres no freakin way id break up with her just because her parents are paranoid about me.

 

[flightless_me]

i actually am going through an "invasion " of privacy issue right now with my current boyfriend. I found out he got on MY computer to saved some posts i made and some i didnt. And was going to question me about the posts i made here. He feels that all this place is is a sexual deviant place where people gather and talk about tickling. Well look at this...im talking about an issue totally non tickling. He doesnt seem to even consider that i actually feel less like a freak since i got in here. This really bites!

 

[ILove2Tickle1]

i actually am going through an "invasion " of privacy issue right now with my current boyfriend. I found out he got on MY computer to saved some posts i made and some i didnt. And was going to question me about the posts i made here. He feels that all this place is is a sexual deviant place where people gather and talk about tickling. Well look at this...im talking about an issue totally non tickling. He doesnt seem to even consider that i actually feel less like a freak since i got in here. This really bites!

Well that's just great. < /sarcasm> I don't know what to suggest about that one, except that you get the chance to poke arround his computer a little bit and see what turns up on HIS computer. Turnabout is fair play, don'cha know. Not to mention you could ask him a few questions about what's really deviant. What's concidered the norm now was concidered extremely deviant 10 years ago.

 

[Cbarton]

How about a quick straw poll? How many poeple in this arguement (either side) actually ARE parents?

My daughter is under the age of 10, so I'm safe for now. But, when she is of dating age, I will watch closely EVERY guy she goes out with as long as she is under my roof. Heck, I'm already watching the boys in the neighborhood, at school, and at church to see how the behave now so I can know if they will treat her like a lady. Unless your a parent, esp. of a daughter, I don't think you can fully understand the situation. If she started dating some reprobate, I would be watching him very closely, and even consider such a google search and the rest. This is MY daughter, the one I prayed night and day for when we were told we had infertility problems. Children are precious to their parents.

Would I do that with everyone? Of course not! But if they act or talk in a way that sets off the warning sirens, it's my responsibility as her father to love and protect her. All we have is V-man's side of the story, and I'm not taking sides against him per se. But, he must have said or did something to trigger their parental alarms. It is also possible her parents are psychotic, paranoid nut-cases. We don't know the whole story!

Back in the old days of arrainged marriages, the father (usually) mase sure he knew well the man, his family, and his reputation before giving his daughter to be wed. Any father worth his salt will do the same. Did they do it the right way? We don't know for sure, for the term "background check' is used very gernerically, as Vlad has shown.

I hear all the arguements about the guys' rights being violated. Don't the parents have a right to know who the guy is that is courting their daughter? I may not totally applaud the method(s) the parents used, but I can certainly emphathize on why they did it.

 

[Celtic_Emperor]

How about a quick straw poll? How many poeple in this arguement (either side) actually ARE parents?

My daughter is under the age of 10, so I'm safe for now. But, when she is of dating age, I will watch closely EVERY guy she goes out with as long as she is under my roof. Heck, I'm already watching the boys in the neighborhood, at school, and at church to see how the behave now so I can know if they will treat her like a lady. Unless your a parent, esp. of a daughter, I don't think you can fully understand the situation. If she started dating some reprobate, I would be watching him very closely, and even consider such a google search and the rest. This is MY daughter, the one I prayed night and day for when we were told we had infertility problems. Children are precious to their parents.

Would I do that with everyone? Of course not! But if they act or talk in a way that sets off the warning sirens, it's my responsibility as her father to love and protect her. All we have is V-man's side of the story, and I'm not taking sides against him per se. But, he must have said or did something to trigger their parental alarms. It is also possible her parents are psychotic, paranoid nut-cases. We don't know the whole story!

Back in the old days of arrainged marriages, the father (usually) mase sure he knew well the man, his family, and his reputation before giving his daughter to be wed. Any father worth his salt will do the same. Did they do it the right way? We don't know for sure, for the term "background check' is used very gernerically, as Vlad has shown.

I hear all the arguements about the guys' rights being violated. Don't the parents have a right to know who the guy is that is courting their daughter? I may not totally applaud the method(s) the parents used, but I can certainly emphathize on why they did it.

THANK YOU.

I already whole-heartedly agree with you, and I'm not even a father.....yet. It may not seem like much to you, especially in this thread and circumstance, but if I could, I'd buy you a drink in honor of your parenting ability. :happy:

You're doing the right thing, and don't let the times tell you your parenting is outdated, impractical, or anything of the sort. You're doing right by your daughter and you know it and you've done her a huge favor that she won't fully realize, be aware of, or be grateful for, for a long time.

But one day, when your little girl is all grown up, she's going to come to you one day, hug you tight, and before she leaves to make her own family she'll say "thank you daddy".

I'm not a parent, but I would imagine hearing that from my children, even just those three words, would make all the effort worth it in the end. It's not about forging our children into what we expect them to be, it's by giving them the best possibilities you possibly can, and protecting them as much as you possibly can until that can be a reality. So many people misunderstand this as controlling your children, and its sad really. 🙂

 

[Jade-Pegasus1]

Shit man, this whole ordeal has got me scared shitless. What if somebody does an internet search on MY s/n? I may just have to start a new account or something, 'cause I use this name a lot....... :grind_tee

 

[Camel26]

Moral of the story: don't piss off your girlfriend's parents...let them think you're vanilla...it will keep your sanity and theirs!!!

I think if youre looking out for your daughter, fine...but really, there are worse things to fly off the handle about than tickling...I dunno...I still say he needs to chat with them and let them know his intentions...but I understand both sides...V man...let us know how you are babe!!!! good luck!!!!

 

[Celtic_Emperor]

@ Jade-Pegasus:

I just did. Look:

http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&q=Jade-Pegasus&btnG=Google+Search

And ALL I did was put in your username. This was a single search, and as you can see, links to tickletheater are returned as soon as the 4th link, each with their own brief discription in regards to you (one of the link discriptions discribes what this site is, and the link itself goes straight to your profile). If I was a parent of a teenage daughter you're dating I'd be worried about the first of the links, because it discusses "how many people have you tickled to date". Thats all I'd need to see to be concerned about you around my daughter.

I didn't have to go out of my way to search for it either, and now I have complete access to your posts, your thoughts, and your activity whether I wanted it or not.

The parents aren't to blame for doing what is expected and natural; it's the internet's fault for being so informative. You wouldn't need a background check for this, did I?

Hell, maybe google searches will make background checks obsolete one day. :awe:

EDIT:

And lets not forget, if you use that name anywhere else, then those accounts and sites will be revealed as well. Using a secret SN doesn't change anything really if people even begin to suspect you're the same person. To be secure, you'd basically have to be a lurker who doesn't say anything or do anything.

And if thats so, then well, its pretty sad really, and pointless.


Maybe the moral of this story is to be more honest with yourself and others, especially in the early going. Hiding never solves a problem, it just postpones it and makes it worse, as it will be revealed sooner or later. You have the choice though to decide whether it's in shame and disgrace, or completely on your terms and in self-confidence.

 

[steph]

Please~if "mommy and daddy's" opinion mean that much, run like hell~it's what your life together will be like anyway. Good Lord!

FWIW, my parental units were a-holes~they don't know whether to wind their butts or scratch their watch~their opinion doesn't mean jack when it comes to who I spend my life with...
XOXO

 

[bellylicker3]

I absolutely agree on the invasion of privacy deal!...thats pretty messed up

 

[Omegan1]

Wow, i read all off this thread and i must admit, there are some really great people on here, some. It did kinda turn into a slugfest, but thats just because people have strong morals and opinions.

The situation as it stands i would say:
A background check? i do not see anything wrong with it, if i had a daughter i would be protective cause i know what people out there are like. I can see how it would be an invasion of privacy, but thats what you get posting on a public forum on the net. Im not open to telling everyone about my fetish, ive only told my gf and that is because she knows that she loves me and that it doesnt make me any different, seen as shes into bondage and gentle spanking with essence of leather so we came to a comprimise which is good. If i was the father yes id be protective and would want the guy that my daughter is dating to talk to me about it and have a mature conversation. As for the people who detest the idea of background checks.... its legal etc... And no mater what is legal or not there is always opinions against it, so you never can win but you can always seek help from friends etc and also try to understand both sides of the river without getting wet.

 

[tk0]

Damn, Vman! They went all maury on you. Seriously though, I don't see how they found out unless you either didn't do your internet clean up or they traced your ip address