Is it worth giving up?

[duderino84]

Stream of thought post. If it's depressing, sorry.

So, I've been into tickling since the early 2000s. That's when I discovered this forum.

As a guy, each year, it seems like less opportunities present themselves to explore "tickling". Many people don't get it. They don't want to get it, and that's fine with me, because "hey, why live a lie?".

Tickling has always been in my personal order of operations in terms of finding a partner. If they can't handle that, then I feel like there's multiple other areas we won't match on.

Everyone talks wistfully about the "joys of being ourselves", but the closer I look for more qualities in people, the less I find.

Have you ever just walked away from this life? Just gave up on tickling? On trying to date? Just be incognito?

 

[luvgirlsfeet]

I understand where you’re coming from with this and I’ve questioned myself and I don’t know what to do. It’s a catch 22 situation

 

[duderino84]

I think part of it is the combination of knowing the number of "false starts" I've had with people, along with knowing that a large number of people I've generally (being really liberal here) been able to call "friends" have gotten married/ had kids and moved on.

I try to keep a chin up and use Facebook dating here and there, but the way I grew up (not just being into tickling but like being musical/ working with bands/ trying to gig and diversified with interests) looking at partners... they're freaking boring a lot of the time.

So it's not just about tickling, but life itself.

 

[Libertine]

I'm afraid life in general is boring, which is quite frightening/annoying when one considers the alternative.

As far as persisting goes, as General Carl von Clausewitz said when his book, titled 'On War' was published posthumously in 1832, 'Even when the likelihood of success is against us, we must not think of our undertaking as unreasonable or impossible, for it is always reasonable if we do not know of anything better to do'.

And if all's fair in love and war, I suggest you just get on with it somehow, even if you honestly think you can go no further. Because I assure you, you can. And always remember that success will come in the strangest way, when you least expect it.

Attention, present arms, and forward march, old man!

 

[duderino84]

I can move on, I just believe many people are overly superficial.

I can see how I'm lucky to be alive, not with any substantial debt caused by people or other partners. I've just had a stressful go of it since 2023 (career woes) and lately flashbacks of the "good old days" (or maybe the "bad old days" when you get better mental vision) come back. I had more people to relate to, I was still doing the things I'm naturally good at; I just had one too many incidents that pushed me in a corner to stop.

Trying to move past that, in my opinion, is of higher value than busting the nut. Looking for any modern value in the things I enjoyed got more difficult and it has a weight when you don't know what to tell yourself to...carpe diem.

 

[WickedTouch]

I don't know you, but I have some thoughts. In the end, this is a cost-benefit analysis for the individual and the individual alone. If I could make it be otherwise for you, I would!

I've had many seasons of good and bad in relationships and tickling. Too many bad ones can cause the bitterness of uncertainty to dominate one's thoughts. Some years ago, after a long-term relationship ended with emotional scars, I took a while to get back into the idea of dating again. For a long time even the thought of it was very painful. I reflected a lot on what I might want in a future partner with fresh perspective. One thing I realized was that my previous relationship, which had little or no tickling in it, now helped me to realize I didn't want to compromise so much my love of tickling. But I also started a list of values and things I'd want in a future partner. It sounded like a good idea, but I'd find over and over it was nearly impossible to satisfy that list. I didn't even feel like I was being that picky, but the statistical probability of getting all those things to line up in a single person was...well, I might as well of played the lottery. I got somewhat depressed and gave up for a while, mostly just talking with people online in the community and being friendly to them. I got closer and closer with a particular girl who wanted to meet me. I liked her a lot. The thing was, she didn't check many of the boxes on my list, but when I met her, I realized that the list, which contained a handful of useful values, has mostly junk. We fell in love with each other and are now married. I never would have imagined many of the things that happened to me since the "dark ages," but especially marrying someone from the community.

My point in sharing the story is not to say that this to will happen to you for sure, but that there is an X factor in much of life that is totally unaccounted for. Luck, depending upon how you define it, happens to people. Luckiness is not a thing that defines how your life will go going forward–it more describes the past. You won't know how lucky you will have been, until enough of the past has passed. Luck is not everything. There is also effort, approach, attitude, among many other factors. But in the end, only you can determine if what you are putting in is worth what you may get out.

 

[Persuasive_ler_]

Firstly, well done for hanging in there 🙂

It can feel very unfair at times. In addition to finding someone we’re attracted to, care for and ‘click’ with… we have the extra burden of sharing our ‘tickle fetish’.

To meet someone you want to share the rest of your life with, who also enjoys tickling, is a big ask. That’s not to say it can never happen. But it might be worth giving yourself a bit of wriggle room to look outside that specific combination.

Keep persevering to find that someone you really care about, then maybe you can open a door to tickling somewhere in your life. Also, continue being open and friendly online with the hope that you meet someone who feels the same way.

It’s incredibly difficult and I’m sure there will be lots of setbacks, but as Libertine said, what choice do you have?

Good luck and keep going!

 

[duderino84]

Hey guys, thanks for trying to support.

I guess my "sign" I have took is, even though to me fetishism is more a case of nature to me, it's "special" for a reason, and I should probably be more guarded about it.

One of my carryover goals from 2024 is to do a better job of putting myself out there. I've always kind of been just a band and gaming nerd. One puts you in a loud bar around people, the other fits you into your basement, "cave" or wherever, and neither show off much personality.

I think if I substituted a bit of my time and started going to conventions and the like, I wouldn't end up posting my woes on here. I'm just kind of good at isolating when I don't have to be out and about.

 

[DebonairDavid]

I personally gave up on dating last year because I've been in the same situation when trying to meet and date women. Because of issues I've persistently struggled with, it wouldn't be fair for a woman I'd be with to put up with that for the rest of her married life. For me, I don't want to settle for women I'm not truly attracted to, and I've come to greatly value my independence which has completely changed my views on dating and marriage. However, I'm not going to knock anyone who's happily taken.

 

[pacattack]

Online dating is full of the ground apples of the dating pool in your area.

Most people who are happy living their life are happy living it, and you're not going to find them on a swipe right/left app.

In my experience, OLD users are usually pretty desperate and unhappy.

 

[Haptic513]

This is where I am at. I deleted social media and am watching less content overtime. I am pushing 40 and figure it may be time to drop it.

My only fetish experience is through paid sessions. While those models are great and the sessions were fun and therapeutic, I am a client.

I have tried Feeld and due to my job I didn’t post my photo. I always provided one early in the conversation and that is when the conversation stopped.

I don’t hate women or am an incel or whatever but if I am not attractive to any of them, and have a tickle kink on top of it, why am I trying? Why am I paying women to have a session? Why pay for dates when I have to disclose a kink they most likely will not indulge? And if they do indulge, they will most certainly tell their friends and then I am known as the tickle guy or the foot guy.

I wanted to go to NEST but thought better of it. I am going to take a vacation day spend money on gas, hotel, food etc. only to go to an event that is, I am assuming, mostly guys, some women do go with a partner, and I am not one that women want a session with.

It is not all bad. I have a job I like, I am getting into eating healthy again, I have great friends and family, and nieces and nephews to spoil.

So this goes unfulfilled. Big deal. My dream of being a first baseman was also squashed and things turned out fine. I remember reading a story, on Tickle Theater I do believe, there was a guy who dated a woman who indulged in his fetish. He married her and on the night of the wedding, in bed, he went to tickle her and she said something along the lines of “I don’t do that anymore.” I felt horrible for the guy and took something out of it.

So if you read my ramblings, thank you. I will gladly talk to anyone and read other people’s experiences. There is some other stuff I am not mentioning but that is unrelated to this thing of ours.

 

[DJYosef]

I debated commenting on this for a while, but I’ve pretty much given up on the fetish, even though I was getting a pretty regular amount of tickling in.

I think the monitization of feet was the first nail in the coffin for me, and then my inability to make lasting connections on here and other places. I seem to alienate a lot of tickling people lately, and I’m not sure why.

All that to say is although I miss it dearly, I do have many other things that I get to enjoy, and I’m thankful for that.

 

[Deleted member 298024]

Walked away? Not necessarily. But I've for sure placed my fetish on the back drop in other relationships I've been in. Even back when I was married I eschewed exploring what I realized was my fetish in favor of utilizing this forum to read stories or RP in chat to satiate my desires. I spent many nights alone taking care of myself, feeling that this was just what it was going to be and to get comfortable with it.

As now where I stand I have someone recently growing into his TK kink, and providing myself to him gleefully. But at the end of the day, when I sit and think about it, I know that for now, where I stand at this time, I'm the only one capable of fully handling myself to sate my needs. Keeping that mindset in place, even when things are going so incredibly has saved me from completely giving it all up.

I also wouldn't be able to even if I tried. I'm hardwired. It's me. It's who I am. It just is what it is.

 

[South_Atmo]

Many have already said it. Dating is pretty brutal nowadays. Adding in something like a tickle fetish on top of it... yikes. It's an uphill battle, that I, myself, figured I just wasn't built for. I won't go into the long stories about my experience, but something I have learned and am still learning is to not give up looking for love and acceptance from a potential partner, but... it's ok to put that on the back burner. You have to devote your time and energy towards yourself. It's a cliche saying for a reason. If you can't have that yet, fill your life with other things you can enjoy. But also, reflect on those past relationships and reflect on them hard. Sometimes life has a way of telling you that you aren't ready for something.

I don't know if you're baseball fan, but I am. I used to play and I relate a lot of life to baseball. It's a game of processes and adjustments. I went 0-5 this game and struck out every time I was up at the plate. What happened? What is being exposed and how can I seal that hole. What's my game plan? What is my approach? It's like facing a pitcher. When they see you can't hit a particular pitch, they will keep throwing it to you until you prove you can hit it. And no one can throw nastier curve balls than life.

I'll use an example from my life... my first 3 girlfriends all cheated on me. Each one was a heart breaker. It was the same deal every time from friends and family "Her loss.", "You didn't do anything wrong, it's all on her." This was even stuff I heard from a therapist, but after the 3rd time around of it happening, I refused to believe that there wasn't something I was doing wrong or, at the very least, couldn't improve on something... so... after I got over the "poor me" stage, I got to work. I have not had a successful relationship, yet, but I have not had an instance of being cheated on since I decided to reflect and figure out what was really going on. Now, like I said, I haven't had a successful relationship since, ok... what's the other reasons? Now, every time there's a breakup, I have to go through the same process. Ok... I hit the curveball... now here's the slider I can't hit. It's a long pain-staking process and some of us figure it out way earlier than others and I'd be remiss to say that, like baseball, there's luck involved. There're people who don't find love until they are in their 60s and 70s.

I'm not going to lie to you and say that you will find someone. There's always a chance you won't. That is a harsh truth. There are people that come to the major leagues and never record a hit. It's rare, but you have to humble yourself to the possibility of it happening. Try to get yourself over that fear, if you have it, because that can lead to pressing and trying to do too much. I know that from personal experience on both ends and it doesn't end well when you do that.

Focus on building up yourself. Focus on building your wealth. Give time to the ones who want to remain in your life and somewhere along the lines, have fun. I wish you nothing but the best of luck in this regard.

 

[duderino84]

Many have already said it. Dating is pretty brutal nowadays. Adding in something like a tickle fetish on top of it... yikes. It's an uphill battle, that I, myself, figured I just wasn't built for. I won't go into the long stories about my experience, but something I have learned and am still learning is to not give up looking for love and acceptance from a potential partner, but... it's ok to put that on the back burner. You have to devote your time and energy towards yourself. It's a cliche saying for a reason. If you can't have that yet, fill your life with other things you can enjoy. But also, reflect on those past relationships and reflect on them hard. Sometimes life has a way of telling you that you aren't ready for something.

I don't know if you're baseball fan, but I am. I used to play and I relate a lot of life to baseball. It's a game of processes and adjustments. I went 0-5 this game and struck out every time I was up at the plate. What happened? What is being exposed and how can I seal that hole. What's my game plan? What is my approach? It's like facing a pitcher. When they see you can't hit a particular pitch, they will keep throwing it to you until you prove you can hit it. And no one can throw nastier curve balls than life.

I'll use an example from my life... my first 3 girlfriends all cheated on me. Each one was a heart breaker. It was the same deal every time from friends and family "Her loss.", "You didn't do anything wrong, it's all on her." This was even stuff I heard from a therapist, but after the 3rd time around of it happening, I refused to believe that there wasn't something I was doing wrong or, at the very least, couldn't improve on something... so... after I got over the "poor me" stage, I got to work. I have not had a successful relationship, yet, but I have not had an instance of being cheated on since I decided to reflect and figure out what was really going on. Now, like I said, I haven't had a successful relationship since, ok... what's the other reasons? Now, every time there's a breakup, I have to go through the same process. Ok... I hit the curveball... now here's the slider I can't hit. It's a long pain-staking process and some of us figure it out way earlier than others and I'd be remiss to say that, like baseball, there's luck involved. There're people who don't find love until they are in their 60s and 70s.

I'm not going to lie to you and say that you will find someone. There's always a chance you won't. That is a harsh truth. There are people that come to the major leagues and never record a hit. It's rare, but you have to humble yourself to the possibility of it happening. Try to get yourself over that fear, if you have it, because that can lead to pressing and trying to do too much. I know that from personal experience on both ends and it doesn't end well when you do that.

Focus on building up yourself. Focus on building your wealth. Give time to the ones who want to remain in your life and somewhere along the lines, have fun. I wish you nothing but the best of luck in this regard.

Thanks. Yea I'm not a big fan of sports (isn't it all driven by statistics of players?) But I get your point. So in my late 30s I started to get the mindset that women in general are just more "fickle" naturally (to me) in that they'll just ghost out of what reasons they do or don't express.

In any case it's not really a healthy way to live, and given my current circumstances I'm not exactly "healthy" (headspace) lately anyhow. So I may as well just try to take care of my lot and make friends where available.

 

[South_Atmo]

Thanks. Yea I'm not a big fan of sports (isn't it all driven by statistics of players?) But I get your point. So in my late 30s I started to get the mindset that women in general are just more "fickle" naturally (to me) in that they'll just ghost out of what reasons they do or don't express.

In any case it's not really a healthy way to live, and given my current circumstances I'm not exactly "healthy" (headspace) lately anyhow. So I may as well just try to take care of my lot and make friends where available.

To answer the question about sports, there is a very vocal minority of people who are trying to make it that way, making assessments on players they have never seen based on a piece of paper, which is annoying because it takes away the human element and actually seeing players perform, but that's a rant for another day. LOL.

I really do wish you the best, man. My strong advice is to definitely get yourself into a better more consistently healthy headspace. You'll be much better off in the long run.