Is it wrong to tell a woman that she has pretty feet out in public areas?

[Paultickler]

I know a guy on youtube who make foot videos and he ask stranger girls if he could take a vid of their feet.


And they don't seems to feel bada about it

 

[chicago]

I like how all these dudes think they know more about women, than the actual women.

 

[Libertine]

I like how all these dudes think they know more about women, than the actual women.

Then again, we're the ones sleeping with heterosexual women, not you, so as a consequence have a better understanding of what it takes to bed them in the general sense than you do.

And furthering the theme of this vile colloquy, dear Ms. M., if one is interested in animal behaviour, does one question the animal or the anthropologist? 😀

 

[c7_assassin]

Tell her she has pretty eyes; if a girl likes you, she'll let you touch many parts of her body, including the feet.

 

[Jenna L.]

I agree with you on the possibility of a tickle session coming from a foot compliment being very slim. However not so much on the slapping or embarrassing part lol. But just wondering.... would you or have you slapped a guy for saying you have pretty feet? Just curious

Oh, I'd never slap a guy for saying something like that to me. I've never actually slapped a guy for any compliment or even a creepy remark. And I personally wouldn't laugh at them for complimenting my pretty feet. I'd probably just thank them and move on. But then again, I understand the tickling and foot fetishes. Not every woman does, and I can imagine more mean reactions from those that just don't get it.

 

[angeliquee]

I compliment people on their feet all of the time. I'm in ballet, so sometimes it's nice to be like "Oh, THAT'S what those should look like."

 

[angeliquee]

Tell her she has pretty eyes; if a girl likes you, she'll let you touch many parts of her body, including the feet.

Cackling to my grave. That's wisdom, sir.

 

[Phineas]

I know a guy on youtube who make foot videos and he ask stranger girls if he could take a vid of their feet.


And they don't seems to feel bada about it

What you don't see is the part of the interaction where he slips them a twenty before the camera starts rolling. Or lies about why he wants the video in the first place...

"I'm an art student" or "I'm a reflexology therapist" seem to be the two most popular lines they get fed. I can guarantee you he's relying on the fact that they don't know he's taking the video for fetishists to fap over to get them to say yes.

To be fair, though, a lot of women do seem to not mind showing off themselves as long as that's all you ask for. "Look, but don't touch", as it were. A lot of my female friends love to send me photos of their feet, but if I were to ask them for any kind of fetishy activities I'd get a lecture on boundaries or "not ruining the friendship".

 

[proud2tickle]

I like how all these dudes think they know more about women, than the actual women.

So your saying that if u have a penis u shouldn't be entitled to give advice and make a comment. this is how free speech dies. also not all women are going to agree and disagree the same. some here have agreed it isnt that big of deal and some here have said its a pretty much a crime. Everyone is gonna have a different opinion regardless of gender and everyone should be able to speak freely. region and where a woman is from is going to change their view too....

 

[emilyemilyemily]

If a girl wears sandals or flip flops; it is open compliment season. Like TickVix said(or, was pointing out)... It should be a innocent compliment(in passing).

Unless... 😉 - who knows...

that's like saying "if a girl wears a short dress, it is open rape season." flawed logic is flawed. and sexist.

 

[Phineas]

that's like saying "if a girl wears a short dress, it is open rape season." flawed logic is flawed. and sexist.

A compliment != rape. Leap of logic fail.

 

[proud2tickle]

A compliment != rape. Leap of logic fail.

yeah i dont see how complimenting something something in plain sight leads being the same thing that if a girl is wearing a short dress its rape season. rape is a serious and terrible crime. there again though as i said in my previous post everyone is going to look and think of this differently no matter what

 

[toyou444]

yeah i dont see how complimenting something something in plain sight leads being the same thing that if a girl is wearing a short dress its rape season. rape is a serious and terrible crime. there again though as i said in my previous post everyone is going to look and think of this differently no matter what

I'd have to agree there. Telling someone that a dress looks nice on them is not the same as saying you think they look sexy and love their tits.

~ toyou

 

[chicago]

Rape probably wasn't the best analogy but I see her point.

 

[angeliquee]

As long as a compliment isn't objectifying, ie, to some woman one has never met before: "hey, baby, you're lookin' reaaal good" vs. "You have pretty eyes/nice feet/I like your dress/delicate hands/etc", it's okay.

I think when someone says a genuinely innocent compliment, it shouldn't be taken as objectifying. Those women need to get over themselves.

 

[Phineas]

Rape probably wasn't the best analogy but I see her point.

Rape wasn't even on the same planet as her point. But yes, I suppose in the grand scheme of "what I'm wearing does not imply X", it's valid.

However. Tangent time.

I think it's funny that so many women complain that men can't take hints, read signals, etc. and then get pissy when men ask whether something that might be a signal, is in fact a signal - or, to keep sliding down this slippery slope, results in approach anxiety (which the OP has) because he has no idea how to strike up a conversation in a way that won't result in the woman potentially branding him a rapist and Macing him in the face. And if that fear seems silly, well look how quickly at least one female poster leaped from "compliment" to "OMG rape".

How many threads have we seen, recently, from young women who want to get their boyfriends to tickle them but can't figure out which "mega obvious" hint to drop? "I keep raising my arms over my head but he just sits there!". Well, duh; it's because he keeps getting told, and loudly, I might add, that "Just because I do X, doesn't mean I want Y!". So, he stops looking for X and waits for her to tell him she wants Y. Implying the young lady in question should just ask for Y results in a shocked answer of, "OMG, I couldn't do that!".

Face it, ladies; until so many of you stop speaking in riddles, you're gonna keep having guys who can't figure out which ones are and aren't. That's just one of the 'joys' we face as being men... and a little benefit of the doubt might be nice once in a while.

Me, I'm so jaded I don't bother with hints and signals. Probably explains why I've been single for a decade...

oh, and fun fact: I've read numerous dating advice books that indicate that you should "wear something eye-catching, to give interested parties something to comment on and strike up conversation". Sound familiar?

 

[emilyemilyemily]

Rape wasn't even on the same planet as her point. But yes, I suppose in the grand scheme of "what I'm wearing does not imply X", it's valid.

that was my whole point. my intent wasn't to compare rape to creepy compliments (i know they're two vastly different things); all i was trying to say that i think it's fucked up to say that a woman deserves your unwanted advances because of something she is wearing. women don't wear things to get unwanted attention. unwanted = unwanted, end of story.

 

[Cif]

Probably explains why I've been single for a decade...

Everything you said in your last post definitely explains why you have been single for a decade and should expect to be for another.

 

[Phineas]

that was my whole point. my intent wasn't to compare rape to creepy compliments (i know they're two vastly different things); all i was trying to say that i think it's fucked up to say that a woman deserves your unwanted advances because of something she is wearing. women don't wear things to get unwanted attention. unwanted = unwanted, end of story.

True. I fully agree with you insofar as a woman should be able to wear whatever she likes without inviting inappropriate comments from strangers. However...

You're still using "rape" as an analogy for "unwanted advances". Unwanted advances still != rape, simply because regardless of what the guy actually says, if you're not in the mood to talk to him it's by definition unwanted. "Hi, nice day" when you're deep in a book and don't want to be bothered is an unwanted advance. "Nice tits, wanna go out back and fuck?" is also an unwanted advance.

If it looks like I'm hammering on this point, it's because a lot of guys are afraid to talk to women because they think their "Hi, nice day!" is going to be interpreted as "Nice tits." And, given that you leapt to "rape" to describe "unwanted advances", in a sense it's not an entirely unfounded fear on the guys' part. I've got more stories than I can count of women jumping to really weird conclusions over totally innocuous things. It happens.

Speaking personally, I get a little irked when I hear women complain that guys don't have the "balls" to approach them in public anymore when the reason so many of them don't approach is that they get labelled as creepy when they do, no matter what they say, simply by virtue of the fact that they weren't able to correctly guess beforehand whether or not she wanted them to approach. It's not as easy as it seems, and the line between "unwanted" and "wanted" varies according to a dozen factors... very few to none of which the guy may know ahead of time. So he has "balls", and he takes the plunge, and bam; he guessed wrong. Unwanted advance. Creeper! Or, he guessed right. Wanted advance. True wuv! Cute Meet story.

You get the point.

Speaking of which...

Everything you said in your last post definitely explains why you have been single for a decade and should expect to be for another.

o rly?

What, exactly, did I say that's so horrible? Here are the points I've made since I started posting in this thread, up to and including my last post. Please tell me which which ones you think are false, and/or take offense to. I'm genuinely curious.

1) If you don't want a woman to think you're creepy, talk to her like she's a person, not an object.
2) Foot fetishists are notorious for blaming the fetish, and not the creepy behavior it inspires, for womens' disgust.
3) I've been told by a fairly decent number of women that they do like to show off outfits/pedicures/etc.
4) YouTube people routinely lie about how they acquired their 'footage'.
5) a compliment != rape. Corollary, unwanted attention also != rape.

and now, my last post, which is very, very heinous;

6) It's unfair to label men as stupid for not getting hints, and then turning around and claiming no hints are being given.
7) Some women look at all unwanted attention as equally horrible. Some men are afraid of this, and it results in confusion.
8) Evidence of the previous two points can be found over and over again in posts on this forum.
9) Some women aren't clear in what they want. Others are. Men have a hard time telling the difference. Be aware of that and cut us some slack.
10) It'd be nice to not be called a rapist so frequently (or, by extension, a horrible person who'll never get laid) by pointing out these things.

So, Cif, which is it? By my own personal assessment, I'm single because I can't tell whether or not women are interested, so I don't ask them out lest my unwanted advances be perceived as creepy and horrible, because I don't like to offend or upset people. And, since men are expected to do the out-asking in most societies, especially Western ones, women don't ask me out instead... so, no dates are had. No dates = single.

Then again, what do I know...

 

[Libertine]

Probably explains why I've been single for a decade...

If you want to stay warm sometimes you risk getting burnt by the fire. Just don't be overcautious

i think it's fucked up to say that a woman deserves your unwanted advances because of something she is wearing. women don't wear things to get unwanted attention. unwanted = unwanted, end of story.

How can we tell if it's unwanted unless we make the approach? Would you prefer to call us rapists for expressing interest, or wimps for not approaching you at all? Or- and if this is offensive forgive me, but there are precedents- are you a woman who genuinely has no desire for male companionship (and this does NOT mean I'm implying lesbianism; some heterosexual women simply don't like men) but is nevertheless speaking on behalf of women who may well be perfectly happy with men attempting to socialise for whatever reason?

Everything you said in your last post definitely explains why you have been single for a decade and should expect to be for another.

No- he simply has to learn to read the signals a bit better, in the way the native Americans or African bushmen follow game when they're hunting, a simile carefully chosen.

 

[chicago]

Women wear a lot of things for a lot of different reasons. I'd think most women ( who are not members of the site ) would be a little weirded out by someone they didn't know commenting on their feet out of the blue. I mean, that's the way I'm imagining it. Like, some lady is walking her dog or something and dude just goes "You got pretty feets." I dunno, where I'm from, people look at you funny for saying good morning if you're a stranger.

Do I think there's a situation where a compliment like that would fly? Sure, but in that situation - touching said woman's feet wouldn't be the obvious goal or only reason for conversation, and hopefully you would introduce yourself first and chat a little. I mean, you wouldn't go up to a woman wearing a low cut shirt and say "hey nice tits, dollface," and expect a good outcome.

I really really really want someone from here to go up to a random lady and compliment her feet in real life and then retell their account of what followed here, but it'd probably be a bunch of lies where compliment is given and then suddenly sandals are flying off and it's footjob time.

At any rate this thread is getting way too entertaining. Rape, guys being either too forward or too timid, and if they're too one or the other, it's the woman's
fault for giving out funny signals. I can't wait for page 6.

 

[bassman34472]

WoW! I had no idea that my original post would get so many comments and from so many people. If I ever have the balls to do this, I will report my experience back to the thread immediately. Keep the comments cumming!!

 

[proud2tickle]

Women wear a lot of things for a lot of different reasons. I'd think most women ( who are not members of the site ) would be a little weirded out by someone they didn't know commenting on their feet out of the blue. I mean, that's the way I'm imagining it. Like, some lady is walking her dog or something and dude just goes "You got pretty feets." I dunno, where I'm from, people look at you funny for saying good morning if you're a stranger.

Do I think there's a situation where a compliment like that would fly? Sure, but in that situation - touching said woman's feet wouldn't be the obvious goal or only reason for conversation, and hopefully you would introduce yourself first and chat a little. I mean, you wouldn't go up to a woman wearing a low cut shirt and say "hey nice tits, dollface," and expect a good outcome.

I really really really want someone from here to go up to a random lady and compliment her feet in real life and then retell their account of what followed here, but it'd probably be a bunch of lies where compliment is given and then suddenly sandals are flying off and it's footjob time.

At any rate this thread is getting way too entertaining. Rape, guys being either too forward or too timid, and if they're too one or the other, it's the woman's
fault for giving out funny signals. I can't wait for page 6.

I agree with you, what u said about where ur from saying good morning to a stranger is out there, but from where i am from not saying good morning to a stranger is out there...... and i agree with the low cut not getting a good result. but feet and elbows and knees are just funny enough in the real world where no one thinks they are sexual except for those of us here to be a good opening. but like u also said u cant except for it to mean ur gonna get to play with their feet just like u cant except to say you have a nice smile to get u in bed with someone, ur comment to open up communication as to be humorous if its a compliment or as to be something not focused on them. i believe that if some random guy where to say that shirt u have on really looks well on you, would be more offensive and close a girl up more because what does ever shirt cover, the breast!!!! and nice smile or a facial compliment is watered down. so i think something as completely stupid and funny as "you have some breath taking elbows" or "you have the most shapely feet i have seen" would actually take a girls mind off sexual content. in fact i have seen it done. and i respect you personally a ton. i think your insight is great and i am glad u share them. i think to often on this forum in general people see a difference of opinion as an attack instead of a well intend and non ill debate. while i will agree with you like 60% of the time it doesnt for me in any shape or form mean that the 40% of the time i dont agree have any less respect for u.

True. I fully agree with you insofar as a woman should be able to wear whatever she likes without inviting inappropriate comments from strangers. However...

You're still using "rape" as an analogy for "unwanted advances". Unwanted advances still != rape, simply because regardless of what the guy actually says, if you're not in the mood to talk to him it's by definition unwanted. "Hi, nice day" when you're deep in a book and don't want to be bothered is an unwanted advance. "Nice tits, wanna go out back and fuck?" is also an unwanted advance.

If it looks like I'm hammering on this point, it's because a lot of guys are afraid to talk to women because they think their "Hi, nice day!" is going to be interpreted as "Nice tits." And, given that you leapt to "rape" to describe "unwanted advances", in a sense it's not an entirely unfounded fear on the guys' part. I've got more stories than I can count of women jumping to really weird conclusions over totally innocuous things. It happens.

Speaking personally, I get a little irked when I hear women complain that guys don't have the "balls" to approach them in public anymore when the reason so many of them don't approach is that they get labelled as creepy when they do, no matter what they say, simply by virtue of the fact that they weren't able to correctly guess beforehand whether or not she wanted them to approach. It's not as easy as it seems, and the line between "unwanted" and "wanted" varies according to a dozen factors... very few to none of which the guy may know ahead of time. So he has "balls", and he takes the plunge, and bam; he guessed wrong. Unwanted advance. Creeper! Or, he guessed right. Wanted advance. True wuv! Cute Meet story.

You get the point.

Speaking of which...



o rly?

What, exactly, did I say that's so horrible? Here are the points I've made since I started posting in this thread, up to and including my last post. Please tell me which which ones you think are false, and/or take offense to. I'm genuinely curious.

1) If you don't want a woman to think you're creepy, talk to her like she's a person, not an object.
2) Foot fetishists are notorious for blaming the fetish, and not the creepy behavior it inspires, for womens' disgust.
3) I've been told by a fairly decent number of women that they do like to show off outfits/pedicures/etc.
4) YouTube people routinely lie about how they acquired their 'footage'.
5) a compliment != rape. Corollary, unwanted attention also != rape.

and now, my last post, which is very, very heinous;

6) It's unfair to label men as stupid for not getting hints, and then turning around and claiming no hints are being given.
7) Some women look at all unwanted attention as equally horrible. Some men are afraid of this, and it results in confusion.
8) Evidence of the previous two points can be found over and over again in posts on this forum.
9) Some women aren't clear in what they want. Others are. Men have a hard time telling the difference. Be aware of that and cut us some slack.
10) It'd be nice to not be called a rapist so frequently (or, by extension, a horrible person who'll never get laid) by pointing out these things.

So, Cif, which is it? By my own personal assessment, I'm single because I can't tell whether or not women are interested, so I don't ask them out lest my unwanted advances be perceived as creepy and horrible, because I don't like to offend or upset people. And, since men are expected to do the out-asking in most societies, especially Western ones, women don't ask me out instead... so, no dates are had. No dates = single.

Then again, what do I know...

I like what you said, doenst mean you or I are "right" it just means we agree the same. I champion libertine on this one too, and i rarely agree with him but i think he is spot on. dont become jaded..... i did. it doenst help. if your a romantic at heart, and not to over step my boundary with my assumption but i think you are, then you must try to risk the hurt and such. like me i dont think your afraid of rejection, but i do think your afraid to be taken wrongly as i am. We have men and women on both sides of the gender who have made well intentional approaches like yours and mine in the past that while you may really like a woman's smile it is always shrouded in doubt by some plan to eventaully get them in bed for u to get yours and then peace out.... that has honestly never been my intention, but it has been taking that way a time or six and sometimes its taking right. but u will never know until u try. because hey at the end of the day some women ( not all do not jump me on this) just want to have sex to and be done with it.

My challenge to u sir is to fight through the bad in hopes of obtaining the good

 

[Phineas]

Women wear a lot of things for a lot of different reasons. I'd think most women ( who are not members of the site ) would be a little weirded out by someone they didn't know commenting on their feet out of the blue. I mean, that's the way I'm imagining it. Like, some lady is walking her dog or something and dude just goes "You got pretty feets." I dunno, where I'm from, people look at you funny for saying good morning if you're a stranger.

Actually, it's kind of the same thing here. I used to work in San Francisco, and the number of people who had their heads buried in iPods and/or smartphones with earbuds who'd walk with their faces at the sidewalk, or who ride public transit with their noses buried in books/electronic devices, is staggering. I was told repeatedly to never talk to a woman on public transit unless she somehow let me know it was okay. They never look up, so I ignore them. Then, one day out of a blue a woman sits next to me and offers me a mint out of her Altoids box. I literally jumped.

Do I think there's a situation where a compliment like that would fly? Sure, but in that situation - touching said woman's feet wouldn't be the obvious goal or only reason for conversation, and hopefully you would introduce yourself first and chat a little. I mean, you wouldn't go up to a woman wearing a low cut shirt and say "hey nice tits, dollface," and expect a good outcome.

I said that on page one, actually. I apologize if my tangent caused anyone to think that I was implying that opening a conversation with "nice feets" was even remotely appropriate. I was merely commenting that, given all of the points I've made, taken collectively it's f*cking confusing, and it would be nice if the conclusion jumped to wasn't "rapist!" if someone made a misstep. I'm aware that that's probably asking too much, but it would still be nice.

I really really really want someone from here to go up to a random lady and compliment her feet in real life and then retell their account of what followed here, but it'd probably be a bunch of lies where compliment is given and then suddenly sandals are flying off and it's footjob time.

I'd like to say I've done it, but technically I haven't. I've always at least said "hello" first, but I compliment women on their feet all the time and it's never taken badly. Of course, like I said, it's never the first thing out of my mouth.

At any rate this thread is getting way too entertaining. Rape, guys being either too forward or too timid, and if they're too one or the other, it's the woman's
fault for giving out funny signals. I can't wait for page 6.

Agreed on the rape. That was kinda my point. And it's not the woman's fault - I just think it's amusing that we alternately bitch that men can't read signals and then angrily assert that women don't send them. We have threads asserting both right in these forums. I just think it would be nice if everyone put themselves in one anothers' shoes for a while... and yes, that's a pun.

How can we tell if it's unwanted unless we make the approach?

I've asked this question before. The answer I always get is, "you should check her out beforehand and tell from her body language."

"OMG, that guy is looking at me!"

Can't win for losing, really.

No- he simply has to learn to read the signals a bit better, in the way the native Americans or African bushmen follow game when they're hunting, a simile carefully chosen.

Ah, well that's the rub, isn't it? The onus is always on the guy. Every time he rolls the dice and loses, he's always told he should have done it better despite the fact that, let's face it, reading body language is a guessing game.

I see a cute girl. I try to make eye contact. She looks at me, drops her eyes, smiles, and starts playing with her hair. Does she want me to go talk to her? Hmm, well, the last book on flirting I read says yes; all three of those things are on the list of signals women supposedly give when they're interested, and there's three of them - most of the literature recommends a cluster of four, but I'd say three is close enough. Then again... the last woman I asked out who showed those signals said no. And I've heard women say things like, "I play with my hair all the time. It doesn't mean I like you". Or, "Women are socialized to be nice, so if she's smiling at you she's just being friendly." And on and on. So, do I go talk to her? It's a gamble. If she was interested, yay. I won. If she wasn't, what did I do wrong? Read the signals badly, of course; except that all of the signals listed were 'valid' according to the information available to me. Fact is, you never know for sure, and I'm still kinda baffled at how many people can't grasp that - of both genders. (What I also did wrong, according to her, was give her 'unwanted attention'. She may even go home and rant about it on her blog. Ugh, can't even sit in a coffee shop without guys trying to pick her up. Why do they think it's okay to do that? (Answer: dating advice literature tells men that coffee shops are good place to meet girls.))

In closing, when people assert to me that I'm just too inept to "read" people, I just share my favorite line with them. It was said to me by a woman whom I asked out on a second date, which was refused, and to whom I then said, "Well then, I'm interested in you but you've rejected me, so I should be on my way. Take care."

Her response?

"Just because I turned you down doesn't mean I rejected you."

Best,
P

 

[Phineas]

WoW! I had no idea that my original post would get so many comments and from so many people. If I ever have the balls to do this, I will report my experience back to the thread immediately. Keep the comments cumming!!

Please don't. It's obvious from your opening post that you don't know how to do it in a way that wouldn't end in fail.

And I don't mean that in a snarky way.