Is private messaging taboo?

[Nate6]

Recently I've tried to be more proactive in trying to connect with women 1 on 1 using private messaging. Obviously acting like a horny jerk would is always unacceptable no matter the situation and the chat room and visitor messages seem way too public for me since the rules say you should ask permission in front of everyone in order to chat with someone. Also in some public posts I've read people call others who message them awful names and make them feel terrible I'm sure. (Unless they truly deserve it) It all seems so difficult in a place that exists so we don't have to feel weird or different for a love of tickling. I'm just wondering if I've been doing the wrong thing. Without someone making me feel stupid for publicly seeking advice, I'd really appreciate the help.

 

[maniactickler]

I send a fair share of PMs. the result is usually a return message of about 1%

 

[Some1Getme]

The success rate for PMs is ridiculously low for me as well. It is nothing you are doing wrong. Just keep your spirits up and keep trying

 

[Nate6]

I get responses, mostly very nice ones, but after the 2nd or 3rd there's like a wall. Like getting to know someone isn't a good idea. Maybe there's a lot of people who ruin it for others but I don't know.

 

[Some1Getme]

I am not sure. Don't let it discourage you

 

[piyr]

I think it has more to do with the limitations of the media itself. They say communication is 90% nonverbal so I can't imagine there's much that you can pm that would elicit a response.

Add that to the assumption that all you want to do is "get in her pants" and you're fighting a real up hill battle. Figure out the internet version of "can I buy you a drink" and maybe you'll get somewhere.

That said, you can't win if you show up!

 

[piyr]

I think it has more to do with the limitations of the media itself.

I meant medium, not media. Doh!!!

 

[TKLVR18]

I like pms fine, but there are way too many people that start out convos with "can I tickle ur feetz", "tickle tickle", or jumping right into an rp without knowing me, and they're into wildly different things.

A few friends and I were discussing this very thing on the chatroom the other day and we realized something--people prefer to pm with people they already know and feel comfortable with. Be a little more active in main, get to know somebody and THEN pm and you'll have better luck. Everyone is wary of stranger pms.

~K

 

[knicks255]

Pretty much what TKLVR said. Honestly, your best bet (This goes for any gender, lee/ler, RP/non RP, whatever) is to speak to them in main chat or on the forums a little first.

It's kinda like in real life, if you're sitting next to someone you don't know, there's typically an icebreaker. You find something in common or to make a joke about or whatever. People would find it odd if someone just leaned over and started whispering to them. If it's your friend or someone you know well, that's way less surprising, friends hold private conversations all the time.

It's the same thing in chat, like, I'm gonna ask if it's someone I've never spoken to before. If it's one of my friends, I don't bother. They know me well enough to know I'm not going to just segue into "now plz tikle my dick" or whatever. But those weird PMs are out there (There was an issue a year or so back in chat where this user with several screennames would just message random people and say shit like "I know what you did to them" "I saw you do it" like a shitty horror film), and that makes people nervous of even really innocent messages. Just find something in common to chat about first in a topic, then go from there.

 

[Wolf]

Taboo? No.

Futile? Most likely.

You'd have much better luck just going out and interacting with people in the real world.

 

[Nate6]

Thanks everyone for your advice I really appreciate every word. I wish some people wouldn't have made the environment so toxic. I can see why there's so much hesitation. Just creates another wall separating each other from relating to one another, which is a shame because this can be such a great place to be yourself.

 

[Alliekat]

I like pms fine, but there are way too many people that start out convos with "can I tickle ur feetz", "tickle tickle", or jumping right into an rp without knowing me, and they're into wildly different things.

A few friends and I were discussing this very thing on the chatroom the other day and we realized something--people prefer to pm with people they already know and feel comfortable with. Be a little more active in main, get to know somebody and THEN pm and you'll have better luck. Everyone is wary of stranger pms.

~K

She nailed it. While neither of us speak for all women on here, I think this is a good general practice to stick to. I do not mind PM's, but I urge everyone to read someone's profile before you PM them.

 

[MrChippiesTMF]

are we talking PM in the chat room or a PM message a la mail?
PM in the chat room is bloody annoying if they are out of the blue and from someone unknown. I lose count of the number of times a wild message box appears asking me if i am a ler or a lee or if i want to RP or if I am into m/m, f/m etc etc. All of which should be easily deduced from my profile. I can only imagine the problem is a million times worse for those with the word "lee" or "girl" in their username.

I dont mind receiving PM messages in my inbox though, although the bulk of which i receive are from people I have already connected with and added to my friend list. Unsolicited messages will pretty much always be read, but rarely replied to if it was a message that wouldnt have been interesting to hear IRL.

 

[Oddjob0226]

P

are we talking PM in the chat room or a PM message a la mail?
PM in the chat room is bloody annoying if they are out of the blue and from someone unknown. I lose count of the number of times a wild message box appears asking me if i am a ler or a lee or if i want to RP or if I am into m/m, f/m etc etc. All of which should be easily deduced from my profile. I can only imagine the problem is a million times worse for those with the word "lee" or "girl" in their username.

I dont mind receiving PM messages in my inbox though, although the bulk of which i receive are from people I have already connected with and added to my friend list. Unsolicited messages will pretty much always be read, but rarely replied to if it was a message that wouldnt have been interesting to hear IRL.

Very much agreed. I rarely go to chat anymore since so many of the old timers have moved on. But even then, I'd get the occasional requests from other guys to "try" something M/M since that is what they were looking for.... and came to me for it out of fetish desperation (don't get me wrong; I understand that desperation too well!)

Or I'd get a request to roleplay which, to me, amounted to making up a story on the spot to satisfy someone's elses's need/desire. And if I did roleplay in a 'lee role, typing "hahahahahahha, no, stop!" just doesn't do it for me, whatever "it" means.

Even now, the rare times that I go into chat, I'll have someone PM me with "Hi", who will have made no contact with me in the chat room, has a pretty blank profile, and apparently didn't make an attempt to read mine....

 

[TKLVR18]

Profiles are another good point that I neglected in my last post. I have a lot of sensitive info in mine--not that I mind discussing anything there, in fact I welcome questions/clarification etc--but I am SO TIRED of explaining to fifty people in one day that no, you can't tickle my feet for an incredibly good reason. I'm sure I'm not the only one with this kind of situation. I always check profiles of people I don't know, even those who pm me first. People that bother to fill them out generally do so because they want people to read 'em.

~K

 

[MrTicklefeet]

These are interesting. I use to chat back in the 90's, and wound up with more friends in other parts of the world than I had in my own city. But more recent times, I know to well of the random stranger PMing me to ask A/S/L and then fall silent once I answered them. So I just ignored them after a while.
This place, I dunno. As many people there were in the chat room, no one would be talking in the room itself. I got bored with that and moved on.
Since moving to the Mac, I lost contact with all the chat programs I use to enjoy, and lost contact with the folks I knew. Probably just as well, gets me out of the house more often and meet people face to face where no one asks your a/s/l.

 

[Nate6]

I was referring more to outside the chat room private messaging

 

[teamtickleguy]

I was referring more to outside the chat room private messaging

That's clarified things, because they are two very different things 🙂

I think you are right to pursue the route of private messaging users individually, rather than in chatroom.

The chatroom can be fun, but is a wilderness of every imaginable character you could hope to encounter. I do use it, but with tongue in cheek and with brain engaged - that way, even when using it with blatant disregard for the rules, you will usually come out unscathed by rule enforcers and unaffected by frauds 🙂

Private messaging is certainly not taboo and as long as you do it in the way you've hinted at in your post then you should be fine as it sounds like you 'get it' 🙂
You should trust in your instincts and not be discouraged by lack of replies, for reasons I'll elaborate on below


No 'horny jerk' messages are ever going to work, so you're right on that one - if they do work, the chances are you're talking to another horny jerk posing as something else.

I've been here a good few years and the users that I've bonded with (male and female) have all been through private messaging initially, and any instant messaging beyond this would take place away from the forum - private messaging can be more of a reality than PMs here and there in chat situations, but at the same times it's less spontaneous - generally, if your message is friendly and specific to the person (read their profile before sending) you'll get some sort of reply, positive or negative. (Don't forget, they will read your profile too - eg. I am already interested in the fact that you are an ebay seller - my first sale was a miniature snooker table...)

I echo your experience of having received a few messages back, but then silence. This could be because the other person has been overwhelmed by the attention they have received (newbies often are), or they could be fakes who lose interest or don't get the 'quick fix' reply that they are looking for, or they could just be genuine people who have other things going on in their lives besides tickling and although they mean no harm, they haven't time to reply.

I concur with others that it's best to get involved with the forums so that people who consider engaging with you can have a look at your posts and opinions - even users who don't post much themselves and have blank profiles will have probably been browsing the forums, so if you're involved with the dialogues and have info on your profile etc, the chances are people will be more inclined to reply

Cheers
TTG

 

[OKC_TklCpl]

I get private messages occasionally from guys who read that we are a couple, and right off the bat ask if they can come and tickle my wife. Most times when I reject them because we're exclusive to each other they are never heard from again... however there have been a few in the past who were very persistent and tried to keep talking me into it. So if you live in a small town, probably wise to not put your real location...

 

[Ticklerguy4u]

The guy to girl ratio is like 20 to 1. I am betting that females get more PMs then they can answer in one sitting. Unfortunately, for them to converse with one or two would mean the other eighteen get ignored and maybe try another time. As many people have stated ...its important to let the forum know of you as a participant. I am guessing that you desire to know females, they are the unicorn of the forest and every hunter wants to find them so to speak plus personality plays a part in it. Sometimes people get a sense of who you are by your words and may make the decision to say "that's not my kind of guy friend I would want." Like in real life..its who you can get comfortable with and not so much who you can get attention from.

 

[Rt72]

Just stick to meeting people in real life... This is fake and a huge chance you're not contacting who you think you are..... In short it's just lame.

 

[P[a]pi]

I would only pm a chick if she has a thread in the personals section.

 

[CapturedDoll]

Get ready for a book.

I used to rarely respond to most messages. I was too intimidated, scared.(Plus I was in a relationship) (through my 20's). Now I make sure I respond to every single one. But, I am, again in a relationship. If I wasn't in a relationship I would go to gatherings. That way, the pressure is off. (Of course though I would also post in the personals with pictures and all about myself so people would understand a lot about me, and could read for themselves if I might be even close to a match.) I find that we all have tickling in common- but no 2 people into tickling are really exactly alike. So, to find the chemistry I feel you HAVE to do that in person. I know for myself, even my friendships suffer as per FB etc. I don't have the money to go out- I currently don't have an air conditioner so I can't invite people over- so its to say that unless I post on their walls or message them CONSTANTLY... I'm background noise more or less. And because of this I'm going to put up my Skype info and leave it completely. FB is so cold to me now I can't stand it. It for me has become an illusion of friendship. Or rather an advertising board for meaningless comments. I've gotten questions about my hurt back HERE- NOT THERE. Why? Because I post here frequently. I'm in the chat room at least twice a day. I make this place a priority. Now, some of you are thinking boy does she have that backwards. No, no I don't. I was giving the same amount of priority there. But because I have different views on things- most of my family or friends can't relate to me any more. I don't have kids nor want them. I am spiritual but do not believe in the Bible or any religion. (I just try and be a good person- whatever happens after my life is over happens) And any view of mine under the sun practically doesn't match my "list of friends and family" Save for really cute videos of animals being cute. A phone call to me speaks volumes about a person's intent for our friendship. I have received 4 all year. My Bf says... "People feel like they are the star/hero in their own movie, and everyone else is the supporting cast." I guess you could akin this situation to say The Walking Dead. You have to find the only handful of humans because everyone else is Zombies. And there aren't many humans. And even within the humans, you're only going to relate to 1 or 2 people. If you have one good friend you are very lucky.

So, because its extremely hard for friendship to thrive, and chemistry to translate to the internet... Let's just say it does and play Devils advocate. Let's say I start talking to a woman or man. And we hit it off to the point where we are talking night and day for 4-6 months. Everything feels GREAT. So, we decide to meet up. Both of us show at the same location for a weekend of ticking play and getting to know one another. But... by Sunday we realize our chemistry doesn't match up the way we hoped. What went wrong? Well, my theory is we were so use to emailing or skyping each other, we didn't understand how to actually be together in real life. There is a certain safety to being on the internet where we can take our time responding- thinking of the wittiest things to say to one another. Even with Skype you can say brb! and take a minute to think or get away for a couple minutes. In person everything is real time. Especially chemistry. This woman or man may have liked everything I wrote, but if I don't talk EXACTLY like the way I wrote- the chemistry for one form of communication won't translate to the other. 9x's out of 10 for the other. I'm not saying this cant be done because it has. But its rare. This is why I'm telling you or anyone to go to a gathering. And not just one, go to different ones across the country. I realize money is a factor for lot of us, it certainly is for me. But as my personal Rome is currently being built. here are my priorities now? Well, first is my relationship, second is getting out of debt, third is selling my home and buying our dream home, 4th is being financially comfortable, 5th is finding a tickling partner/partners/going to tickle gatherings. I have had a very hard time adjusting my level of priorities over the years- but as I made my relationship #1, and tickling partner(s) number 2... as you can see it didn't get me any closer.

Another case in point. I was on Fetlife for YEARS. Within our rules of our relationship, I wanted only to talk to women to meet up with for tickling play. I had 3 women respond. I didn't know if one was a fake profile, or an ex because she was a little "too perfect:. And the other 2 my Bf wasn't attracted to. I can't force him into a situation he's not comfortable with because I don't want that done to me in return. So what did I get, day after day, 90% of? Responses from men. (99% did not take the time to read my profile AT ALL.) If they had, they wouldn't have bothered. Or at the very least, just said you're pretty, thanks for posting etc. I currently get this all the time on my tumbler about 50% of the time. Now.... once I got a very hateful mail saying something to the tune of " Why don't you come back to tumblr when you actually have money to put into your nails, boob job, hair, clothes etc. Until then, just leave." So here AGAIN, someone wasn't reading my posts and decided to flat out be a jerk. Or he actually thought he was being helpful. My Bf handled that one for me. I did cry. It is my response to hate, I can't help it I was bullied my ENTIRE school years. So, again he took care of it. But... wow... if he HAD read my profile he would have know we are paying off our mutual debt, and this stuff takes times to work off.

You may find you have SO MUCH IN COMMON, After you met the person, in person etc. If though your religious views, political views dog vs cat views, whatever don't match up- some people can overlook that stuff- some can't. I need to reiterate this because you HAVE to make YOURSELF a priority. Yes, there is compromise once you find someone to be in a relationship with. But, you have to know yourself first and be comfortable being you, and make tickling a priority further down the list.

Also- most women like to be courted. Sending a meme of flowers kinda doesn't translate to the real thing. Some don't. To each their own I like it.

In my heart I still hope to go with my Bf to tickle gatherings. I still hope to meet a women who likes both of us. But if you think you have it hard in meeting women, try being in a couple. Talk about being in a niche within a niche within a niche.

All I can say is after everything I wrote here is- treat the forums as your public tickling diary. If you don't post much, you're making the odds that much smaller against you. Upload a picture (not just of your feet.) (Oh yeah that brings up to mind the countless unsolicited dick pics I've received through the years. If women love being courted- guess what? The sent dick pic makes the person look like a perverted asshole.) But if a person can't see what you look like... no they're not going to continue a conversation with you. I wouldn't. If you are serious about finding someone here- you have to give yourself over to being open. Also put your age in the about me section. I personally won't add a person if I can't see their age. As long as the person if over 18 you can be my tmf friend. But I'm not going to consider playing with you unless you are between the ages of 27 and 60. ( I had previously put 27-47 but I'm opening the net- I really don't mind at all playing with older people as long as they take fairly good care of themselves.

Also, If you meet someone, having this place for someone to see what you have posted will make it that much easier to open up. My Bf doesn't know HALF of my fantasies... so guess what I'm doing? Making myself open to Him. And I am an exhibitionist. AND I love being open to all of you and maybe giving some of you some good jerk off material. And as half of me is lee... making myself one of the posters who likes having tickling attention cum my way. And because its so hard to find someone, I enjoy giving all of you content. But I'm also living out some of my fantasies, (granted alone) but it provides an outlet for me to live them out. S maybe some of you have looked at some of my videos and gone- holy smokes has she lost her mind? Not even an introduction thread?) Yep well... I'm doing what's best for me. Trying to live out some of my fantasies, and not expecting anyone else including my bf to live them out for me. In doing this, I feel like I am living the to a certain extent, and not keeping them all inside me. I know in the beginning of my relationship my Bf would say to me- "Ya know- I don't do this more because every single time I try to you always point out the things I'm doing wrong". I had my fantasies so tuned to what I think they're going to be, I didn't give him any room to be a part of it. To express HIMSELF, or anything else. And I myself use to be TERRIBLE at bj's. (I had been with a woman for 12 years- how could I have been good at them.) So, after months of positive reinforcement I became VERY good at them. So he says to me now- "If I had told you only about the things you were doing wrong, you would have given up. If I tell you the things you are doing right, you will be happy and get better. His views worked, mine didn't. To the point that its only NOW He has come round to exploring mine. I did this to myself. So, its better to focus on who you are, and what you want for yourself, and get to know someone first, and let them get to know you. Yes, include tickling in the discussion. But, we are more than just tickling. Cuz you can't tickle someone 24hrs a day.(as much as this saddens me lol).

Ok, book over. I probably went off track but it all relates to my own experiences. And its probably a bit jumbled but I'm currently going through the transition of finding myself, who I am, how I present myself to others in what I want- what's ok and not ok with my relationship rules. This stuff takes time to figure out. At least for me it is.

 

[giggleBrat]

It is difficult for women, well for me, when you don't know the guy at all. I would say it could be easier if you make yourself more known... like if you go into chat and talk in main or possibly make some posts in the forum so women can get a feel for the way you articulate. Go into chat when Karen/TKLVR18 is there; she welcomes everyone if she's not AFK or multitasking! 🙂

It is a shame that it isn't easier; I wish I had a better solution. I feel for you and your frustration.

Good luck!!

Edit: Well I do suppose this does qualify as a post. Lol! Maybe a few. 😛

 

[maniactickler]

giggle, what part of new England you from?