Is Spanking an Option?

[sebby2leru]

Tamia

Yea I agree too many damm people as the old saying applies ..... "Too many cheifs not enough indians" .... someone also stated that these are the same people that will look at you to get your kids in line YES I TOTALLY AGREE ..... we are not animals we learn from mistakes, discipline, as well as caring and love, ...... now I see these same people who will walk around with there kids on a leash WTF is all that ... if there was a lil smack on the ass once in a while then guess what you prob would have a nicer child rather than a human lookin K-9 that needed to be leashed ..... PLEASE don't get me started !!!!! I am only 37 and can remember the good old days ... that is very sad !!!! Your damm rite if I messed up the old "Wait till your father comes home" like someone else stated is soooooo true .. know what I did think next time and wondered of the punishment was worth it ..... guess what sometimes it was and sometimes it wasnt but yes it did stop me on more than one occasion so it does work ! and I have the typical Italian family ! DAD RULES ! no questions asked !!!!! sad sad world ok nuff for me but thanks for responding !


😕

 

[RobAce]

This is an important issue to me because I am raising my 2 children (aged 4 and 6), and there are a lot of eggshells I have to walk over.

First off I was spanked A LOT when I was a child, belts mostly, and until I was red and sore (each spanking consisted of 3 to 10 licks depending on the severity of the incident), and honestly it didnt phase me because I was getting spanked sometimes on a daily basis between the ages of 6 to 12, after 12 they got less but nonetheless came. I personally because of my expierences as a child do not wish that on anyone else, now there is a time for a quick smack of the hand or swipe at the butt if they are reaching for something dangerous or trying to do something that could hurt themselves.
I do not spank my children but have found other means of punishment that for my children work just as well. Such as taking away a toy for a day, no computer or game time, or even an early bedtime..or right now at least my 6 year old understands, a take away part of her allowance (a quarter per incident) and she can understand that and believe me she doesnt like it.
Also perhaps I hate to say it, it because they are girls that I will not spank them, I know it sounds unfair...but my sisters were not spanked but me and my brother were (although he rarely got spanked), but I have to admit as wrong as it is I would be more willing (not that I would) to spank my son if I had one than my daughters.
Also it depends on why and how people spank. If you do it in anger then there is a chance you are doing it out of anger instead of out of punishment.
Also a lot of people spank because it eaiser than to come up with a punishment and make it stick. Sometime spanking is the easy way out, but sometime I do know that spanking is what is necessary in many cases again depending on the indivdual child.
Im not saying that people who spank their children are wrong or anything like that, its up to each person to decide what punishment is proper for the offense, tailored to each child.

Rob

 

[SlaverTickler]

I hope this is in the correct forum.....

Anyways, that airline thread that was posted got me thinking. It sure seems like we have alot of parents on here, and each of them disciplines their children differently.

Nowadays, when I go out to the store, or pretty much anywhere in public, and people are with their kids, and the kids are running and screaming, and basically being little hellions.......the parents say something like, "Little Johnny! Come here before I count to 3!" What the hell is that going to do? Basically they count to 3 like 6 times, and the kid is STILL running around.

What happened to spanking your child? I'm not talking about beating....because there is a line. I'm talking about good, old-fashioned, disciplinary spanking? I was spanked when I was little. I learned from it and didn't do it again. I wasn't spanked for every little thing I did, but when I was, it was a big deal. My parents never spanked me in public, but when I did act up in public, and got in trouble for it, and KNEW I was going to get a spanking when I got home, that waiting was the worst thing in my life!

I hear parents saying things like, "Oh, I would NEVER hit my child!" Hitting is when you slap a kid in the face or something like that. Sometimes that works too. Kids are getting worse these days, and parents need to do something about it. I'm not saying spanking would solve all of kids problems, but if more parents disciplined their kids better, it would be a start.

When I have children, I fully intend on spanking them to correct their behavior. I'll be damned if my child is going to swear at me, or hit me, or run around like they have no common sense. Scary what kids get into these days.

Any thoughts?

--T

Spanking kids... this is not what I had hoped this post was about.

 

[slap'n'ticklee]

LOL same here SlaverTickler mwahaha...

Interesting subject though Tamia, I haven't got kids yet, but when I do they will be spanked if they misbehave as both my sister and I was spanked, we also got spanked by a big wooden spoon, every time we were told to go to our room we were hit on our backsides with this wooden spoon on every step we took up the stairs. It didn't do us any harm at all and because of it it bought respect I think and made us listen to our parents/elders.

Hmm I do remember one look from my Mum though was enough to know we'd over stepped the mark and also her grabbing or pinching my knees also worked wonders lol.

I would hate for any kids of mine to be spoiled, unruly brats with no respect.

 

[BellaRisa]

Just for the record, I really like to see people who aren't actual parents yet saying that they'll discipline their future children, rather than automatically assuming they'll have to use physical pain to teach them. Folks, you haven't met your precious babies; who knows, they might be like my daughters and never need to be hit/spanked to learn how to behave beautifully. Such children do exist I promise you

I dunno, I guess it's my 18 yrs in the childcare biz and 10 yrs as a mama that make me a dedicated non-spanker. Spankers, you don't need to defend yourselves, this is just my personal deal. I admit I wonder what about a child's genetics and/ or environment makes him *have* to be hurt physically to learn, but again that's just me. As I've said before, when you care for toddlers and preschoolers for 11 hours per day M-F and you *can't* spank, you better darn sure master other disciplinary methods or you'll go insane in the first year . After years as a teacher, my logic when I became a mother was that if other people's kids could be taught long-term without pain, so can mine. So that's what we did and still do. And we are FIRM with these two. We just don't hit them to make a point.
Is spanking automatically abusive? Nope. Is it necessary and good for our society in the long run? I just don't think so.

And that kid that runs screaming in the mall and acts a fool on airplanes? Do NOT assume that he's not spanked/slapped/whatever else hurts in private. In fact that could be his problem. There's a bunch of closet spankers out there, and their kids are no better behaved than anyone else's babies; trust me on that. And btw a *lot* of kids just get more and more worked up the more you spank them; my brother-in-law was like this as a child, he had an ADHD issue and any kind of pain or restraint made him such a hyper terror that they absolutely had to use other methods, and people were forever shaking their heads at my in-laws for being "too permissive" 🙄 .

Seriously, and I know this sounds all lame and hippie-esque...but what if everybody stopped hitting each other to get their way? Imagine if over time, we all stopped teaching our young that causing people pain, especially smaller and weaker people, is acceptable to get what you want from them...sorry, there I go getting all idealistic and looking for the best in the other humans...


Bella

 

[aurora5150]

i was spanked as a child but my father did it in an almost machostic way. he went too far with his threats and did spank me in public. i was only spanked twice by him but what it did to me was make me frightened as hell of him and it really messed me up. but only because of his methods. i agree parents should be more hands on when diciplining their children. i think spanking can be a good way to dicipline a child. but what i would do is after the spanking, well a while after the spanking i would let them know that it was because their behavior was inapproriate not because i didn't like them. my father spanked me---rather hard and in public---and it just turned me into a nervous wrek.

this is a very personal decision and if that's what you decide to do then that is your right and i would never question a parent's ideas on punishing their child. i would just say don't be cruel and masochistic about it like my dad was. cuz then you're gonna have a whole new set of problems. this is a tough subject and i don't want to step on anyone's toes cuz it is a personal choice and i strongly believe people need to decide how to handle things their own way. wow that was long. 🙂

 

[Bugman]

I'm sorry to hear your dad crossed the line,that is just wrong 🙁 It happens,but its not right.When i was a kid,the guy across the street,who was a drunk by the way,would take his kids out on the front porch and beat them with a belt.

It was the early 60's and people just didnt *interfear* with those kinds of things.And his wife was seldom if ever seen in public,i dont think she was allowed outside by herself.Needless to say,all those poor kids had all kinds of problems later in life,drinking,drugs,the daughter got pregnant at an early age,anything to escape the hell that was home.

I dont know what ever happened to that s.o.b.,but im sure he got his just reward in the next life.

 

[unclebill]

I got beat with a belt and spanked frequently when I was a kid. But times were different in the 60`s and 70`s. That generation of parent was taught that particular style of discipline from their parents. I know for a fact my dad now regrets the way he treated me and my brothers. But I`ve never held a grudge against him. He did it for my own good. I do feel a belt is a little abusive, but kids need to be spanked if they don`t behave. Parents nowadays are too soft.

 

[Excess]

I was actually more afraid of a no TV than a spanking, but that might have just been me. However, I digress that parents these days are a bit too soft on their kids, and I think it's mainly due to how society has changed to become more...disgruntled, so to speak. And with that, it makes it alot easier to put the blame on anything other than their own parenting ability. So rather than just punishing their child, they look for blame in other things around them while letting the kid off easier.

I refer only to normal spanking of course, not abusive spanking or anything like that.

 

[LindyHopper]

Spanking kids... this is not what I had hoped this post was about.

Dude - that was the funniest reply I've seen on the TMF in a long time! 😀

As for me, I feel that we have beaten this topic into the ground more than once lately, and I am thoroughly tired of discussing it. If you want to know what I, and many other people, think, you can read the last massive thread we had on spanking kids at:

http://www.ticklingforum.com/showthread.php?t=90931

 

[Tamia78]

Spanking kids... this is not what I had hoped this post was about.

*sigh* Just post about the subject, ya dork!

 

[Tamia78]

Dude - that was the funniest reply I've seen on the TMF in a long time! 😀

As for me, I feel that we have beaten this topic into the ground more than once lately, and I am thoroughly tired of discussing it. If you want to know what I, and many other people, think, you can read the last massive thread we had on spanking kids at:

http://www.ticklingforum.com/showthread.php?t=90931

I'm sorry. I didn't know, you know how old threads are.......Hey, YOU chose to answer this thread, tho. 😉

--T

 

[giantfan121262]

I was spanked as a child, and, now that I am a parent of 2, I believe a spanking AS A LAST RESORT is appropriate. I cannot emphasize as a last resort enough. I find that kids rue their misbehavings alot more if they get deprived of something they really like. I think I can find other ways to get my message across than to spank. Another method I have used is that I have given the cold shoulder, and I have seen alot more results than if I spanked them.

The way I deal with my kids is that I am a parent first and a friend second. If I can be a friend, great, but, if push comes to shove, I am the parent before I am their friend. Over the past month, my son has taken a passion to skiing, which is something I love to do as well. This season, we have enjoyed a couple of ski trips and plan to do a few more before the end of the season. I enjoy doing runs with him, but, as a parent, I will tell him the safest way to complete the run safely, even if it means stopping him in his tracks, if I feel it's even slightly dangerous.

I think what some kids need to realize is that, as a parent, you have certain privleges that they might view as unfair. One example is butting into conversations. Whenever one of my kids butts into a conversation, I tell them to wait their turn. On the other hand, I feel it's somewhat appropriate to butt in when your partner is saying something to emphasize a point. It showa a unified front. I believe in leading by example, but I think there is a fine line in some areas.

 

[LindyHopper]

I'm sorry. I didn't know, you know how old threads are.......Hey, YOU chose to answer this thread, tho. 😉

Yeah, I know how old threads are, and I'm certainly not blaming you - clearly, topics get recycled all the time. It's just that this particular topic is one on which people tend to get very invested, and eventually hostile. Hence my preference not to go there again.

OTOH, your thread seems to be proceeding quite civilly so far. I guess practice makes perfect, on our part. 😉

 

[kis123]

I'm sorry. I didn't know, you know how old threads are.......Hey, YOU chose to answer this thread, tho. 😉

--T

Well congratulate yourself for providing a platform void of name-calling, mud-slinging, and a myriad of accusations. This was a major improvement from the last time............

 

[tickledgirl]

Not sure about outlawing spanking. But...I don't want to go into details, but I'm (professionally) aware of a situation where a child is being what the parent might describe as "aggressively disciplined." Without pretty strong evidence, it'd be useless and counter-productive to report what I believe to be child abuse. (Which goes well beyond spanking.) If there were stronger restrictions against spanking, we'd have a slam dunk case and could help this child.

On the other hand, as someone else put it, fully 50% of the law enforcement officials adminstering such laws are below average competence. Is it worth giving one of those officials that kind of control over my family, my children? If it'd help this child? My gut response is "Yes, help the child who needs it now." But...I truly don't know for sure.

Okay, that's slightly off-topic. More on topic: Tamia, I'm not sure I agree with what I thik is your basic assumption: That kids who aren't spanked are undisciplined. I've got one grown child and two younger ones. The eldest was spanked...2 time, maybe 3? The two younger ones have never been spanked. I regularly get complimented on how well behaved my children are.

I don't believe that spanking is evil, but I think for too many parents, spanking is the easy way out. It's much easier to just haul off and smack your kid than it is to maintain constant, steady discipline.

Take Rob's example. He takes away his daughters' toy, or screen time. I do the same thing with my kids. Then at the end of a long day when I need 20 minutes to get dinner ready, I can't let my kid go play a game or watch TV, because I took away that privilege. It's as much a punishment for me as for them. It'd be so much easier to just smack their butts and forget about it. But that would not teach what I want them to learn.

 

[SlaverTickler]

*sigh* Just post about the subject, ya dork!

I'm not a dork... I'm an ass, and a cute one at that, and chicks dig a cute ass, am I right or am I right.

Anyways as for spanking kids, it is a tricky topic. I mean back when most of us lived in fear of getting a woopin you sure as hell didn't go around smashing windows, or spray painting on Schools. At least not in Toronto. When I was still real young the lady next door didn't think twice about letting your parents know when you did something wrong. "A little bird told me" was the phrase of the day, and every kid on the block hated birds because of it. So if it's done in moderation, and if the child is made to understand that it is a consaquence (sp) of have done something wrong, then yes I think it ok, but if it's done simply out of anger or frustration then no, because we tend to hit a little harder when we're angry or frustraited.

Now come here Tamia, I'm not angry or frustraited, but calling me a dork was very very bad 😉

 

[steph]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nn5jlrxcpkI

 

[Tamia78]

I'm not saying that spanking is the ONLY way to discipline. I think you guys have posted some very creative ways of disciplining your kids, and it really does look like most of it depends on the child's personality.

On the other hand, SOME parents do make it the easy way out. I have a little cousin and his mother spanks him for practically everything he does. It seems like he's always in trouble for little stuff. Now, that I don't agree with. My parents definitely used discernment when it came to punishments. For little stuff, we'd get a decently light punishment. For the big stuff (i.e. stuff that would hurt/harm us) yeah, we'd get a spanking.

I guess my point was nowadays it seems like all I see is parents being too scared to spank their kids because of the DHS thing, and all that other stuff. But from what I'm reading, you guys have come up with some really good ways to teach your kids what they need to learn.

--T

 

[GirlWhoLikes2Laugh]

Okay I am not a parent yet but I hope I will be someday soon. I think that spanking is fine if the offense is really bad (for example like running across the street without me holding their hand if they're a little kid). I was spanked a few times a kid and I am fine. I think that spanking is okay as long as it's done in moderation. That's my opinion and I am sticking to it.

 

[Dussicar]

Meh. Spanking is too brutal.

When my nephew would misbehave, when he was younger, and I was around, I'd just stick him in a meat locker filled with dead bodies hanging from meathooks. I'd tell him that if he made so much as a sound, that the bodies would come to life and tear him limb from limb.

Sure, it's seven years later and he can't so much as even LOOK at a coat hanger without going into remission, but all in all, I think that deep down inside, he knows I only did it because I cared so much.


All joking aside, I never really believed in spanking. My nephew was-and still is- a pretty good kid. He does go off from time to time. That, I can't deny. But A stern warning or threats to take his toys away always worked. If nothing else, there were time-outs.

I feel there is a plethora of alternatives to spanking. However, it also depends on the child. Some kids are pretty good, but when they get going...

Kids are different, the world over. No two are the same. Some parents, I've noticed, have a tendency(such as the incident with the child on the plane in the other thread) to let things go too far. Not enough discipline. Unfortunately, they seek that type of punishment as the ONLY resort. Supposedly, a yin to their lackluster yang.

Personally, I'm divided about this proposed law. What we really need in north america, is a child welfare system that actually works. No beaurocracy, no red tape.