Ladies, do you ever feel...

[sonnymadler]

Women's bodies are already fetishized enough, now add an actual fetish to the mix and men will go ape shit. What men must learn is they don't have to the right act in a certain light with the opposite sex. Just because a male has a fetish and is technically on a "fetish site", doesn't give them the power to hypersexualize women. No if ands or buts about it. Just because your in a "fetish site" doesn't give anyone the right to act in a disrespectful manner. Yes we all have the same fetish, but what people must learn is that this is a community, and not solely a place to get ones jollies. For many people, including myself, this is a haven for us to be comfortable with our fetish openly and make friends with the same fetish.

The 'caveman' issue.

 

[Tortuga]

Excuse me for being a guy, but I'd have to agree with Rhiannon. I never hoped to make good friends with someone online, I still tend to believe that the best way for that is to go out and interact face to face. Because even a monkey can hide behind an online profile, i.e. you never know who you're dealing with. And trust is a very important factor in my book when it comes to friendship, or just plain interaction with people. The chance of meeting a creep/perv on the internet is sadly higher than meeting and getting to know someone normal enough. Bottom line is, I wouldn't rely on online forums if I wanted to find new friends.

But what we're referring to are people that come from here that we've met personally..whether it be one on one or at a gathering. More than likely a gathering. If you can't even post a photo of yourself instead of someone else's, let alone just posting your age (what the hell that is about I still don't get) most won't bother with you. If people want to continue to live behind a screen by a fantasy is their choice...some of us just prefer the real thing like a real human being.

 

[sonnymadler]

But what we're referring to are people that come from here that we've met personally..whether it be one on one or at a gathering. More than likely a gathering. If you can't even post a photo of yourself instead of someone else's, let alone just posting your age (what the hell that is about I still don't get) most won't bother with you. If people want to continue to live behind a screen by a fantasy is their choice...some of us just prefer the real thing like a real human being.

Well I'm too far away to attend NEST or Fetishcon or similar gatherings, maybe there are similar gatherings where I live. And I only show my picture to select people. Trust, as I said before.

 

[daturaskiss]

Yeah I would much prefer to meet people face-to-face, but frankly I am not the most comfortable person in social situations at best, and I am not in an area where (as far as I know) many ticklephiles gather. If there were a gathering and I were able to get to it, you bet your ass I would be there in a heartbeat. In fact, I plan to.

But it's still kind of nice to talk online with like-minded folks. Am I going to send them money and give them my credit card number? Well, no... But I do believe you can form perfectly genuine friendships online. I know quite a few people I met that way, who have turned out to be amazing friends. You just have to use common sense.

It's not that the fetish is "shameful"...it's that it's unusual, and I feel like there aren't many people who would understand and accept it without thinking we are weird. Maybe I'm wrong, I don't pretend to be a social butterfly so obviously there are more people out there than I've been able to find.

 

[Iggy pop]

The only reason I am married to my wife is because when I met her, I knew I "wanted to get my hands on her" at some point. Today my wife is my closest friend, but if I had not had that desire in the first place, I can assure you that we would not be together today.

 

[TicklishBlackGuy]

I think honestly for the ladies its a big issue because about 90% of the men who come in expect to chat about one type of fetish or kink, or maybe something your not interested in and continue to persist on it. The ladies have it rough, every guy wants to get his fingers on you, wants to see you, see your feet or some shit like that, and no respect for actual..idk...common decency to respect the ladies here on this form. There is nothing wrong with wanting to make friends, but treat the ladies like people, there not toys or objects of your own sick fantasies. Ladies are people, talk to them as such. I've met many friends on here, but not from a fetish conversation or even just a cybering session, but through treating them as people, who have daily lives and want to come in here, chill, and not worry bout what werido on the other side is trying to get his hands on you, or trying to convince you to cam so they can jack off to it. Yes you will meet people, yes you will make friends you are dying to get your hands on, but that's not all this site is about. People are people, lets stop being selfish and treat the ladies like people. Real talk yall.

 

[mabus]

Thanks for the responses, especially the ladies.

When i joined in 2003, this place was a lot smaller and close-knit and gatherings had less attendees. Made making friends easier and i have met dozens here that i interact with regularly outside of tmf as well as a handful of close friendships. I think this place has just naturally changed over time and a lot of those original people are gone. The vibe here isnt the same, and im not knocking it, just realizing that the community isnt what it was in 03-07.

Thanks again for the insight.

How is the forum different from back then to now?

(I was THERE back then, and am still here now, but I only visit the forums, and have popped into chat for about three minutes in all my years here...) I just love hearing
people's historical perspective, as I like talking about the history of videos!)

I'm a guy, but I'll give my input, since I'm one who has never met anyone from the forum (Unless I have, and we're both secret members....I SERIOUSLY DOUBT anyone I've ever met,
especially girls, has ever been on this place. I'm also someone who has never asked to meet anyone here, nor will I ever (probably...haven't since this place started, so there's my track record
with that!) unless I meet some ticklephile in real life, and at this point (I'm about to turn 40.....I'm sure my love life ended with my divorce...) I'm getting too old and tired to care anymore...

Guys want to meet the pretty girls because, THAT'S LIFE. Same goes with girls here who probably give the guys who are hot far more attention than the unattractive ones.

It's NOT anything special to the forum, even though on a forum about sexuality, that will be a factor. It's in life, all around us, throughout human history.

It's totally "unfair," but that unfairness will never go away...ever.

Chicago, you're pretty. You will always get more attention and guys being "white knights" because you're pretty.
White knights are guys who pretend to "understand" hot girls, defend hot girls, express interest in everything hot girls say no matter what that may be, just
to get sexual favors from those girls and surrounding girls who are amazed at their deep "understanding."
The white knights would only defend an unattractive girl to impress prettier girls who will give him attention.

I've seen this in the real world my entire life.

Shit, the last job I left, a hot girl came in off the street, with pathetic little experience, and was literally handed the leadership of the store by the horny male boss,
bypassing about 8 people with FAR more experience, tenure, knowledge, skill, etc. etc. etc already in line to follow him. Those people should have been hotter!
(Boy were they PISSED OFF for a LONG time...they still are...)
Thus is life. It's totally unfair, but what can you do?

I used to be in a Christian organization in college, back when I actually went to church. One time at a retreat they were like, "Break off in pairs
and go pray about.."..whatever we had to go pray about. All the hot girls had 4 or 5 guys all huddle around the, and they of course chose the cutest, most
popular guys. There was one poor fat girl who was standing there looking around, saying "I need a partner..." and had to just wander off and pray by herself.
Whenever we had leadership elections.....every time, the popular, better looking people won.

Cute girls on dating websites I'm sure get tons of messages.

Hell, go on a political website, and post your pic, and just spout the most absurd rhetoric....you'll have scores of guys, ...who probably disagreed with your views
in earlier posts, be all like, "WOW, you're SO SMART! I agree with everything you say! We should meet up somewhere and talk politics!"
Chicago: But I'm a liberal Democrat, you're a conservative Republican!
Douchey White Knight: I'll change parties!

I'm also curious about those who made friendships, that later fell apart...how did that happen?

 

[Markos]

How is the forum different from back then to now?

(I was THERE back then, and am still here now, but I only visit the forums, and have popped into chat for about three minutes in all my years here...) I just love hearing
people's historical perspective, as I like talking about the history of videos!)

I'm a guy, but I'll give my input, since I'm one who has never met anyone from the forum (Unless I have, and we're both secret members....I SERIOUSLY DOUBT anyone I've ever met,
especially girls, has ever been on this place. I'm also someone who has never asked to meet anyone here, nor will I ever (probably...haven't since this place started, so there's my track record
with that!) unless I meet some ticklephile in real life, and at this point (I'm about to turn 40.....I'm sure my love life ended with my divorce...) I'm getting too old and tired to care anymore...

Guys want to meet the pretty girls because, THAT'S LIFE. Same goes with girls here who probably give the guys who are hot far more attention than the unattractive ones.

It's NOT anything special to the forum, even though on a forum about sexuality, that will be a factor. It's in life, all around us, throughout human history.

It's totally "unfair," but that unfairness will never go away...ever.

Chicago, you're pretty. You will always get more attention and guys being "white knights" because you're pretty.
White knights are guys who pretend to "understand" hot girls, defend hot girls, express interest in everything hot girls say no matter what that may be, just
to get sexual favors from those girls and surrounding girls who are amazed at their deep "understanding."
The white knights would only defend an unattractive girl to impress prettier girls who will give him attention.

I've seen this in the real world my entire life.

Shit, the last job I left, a hot girl came in off the street, with pathetic little experience, and was literally handed the leadership of the store by the horny male boss,
bypassing about 8 people with FAR more experience, tenure, knowledge, skill, etc. etc. etc already in line to follow him. Those people should have been hotter!
(Boy were they PISSED OFF for a LONG time...they still are...)
Thus is life. It's totally unfair, but what can you do?

I used to be in a Christian organization in college, back when I actually went to church. One time at a retreat they were like, "Break off in pairs
and go pray about.."..whatever we had to go pray about. All the hot girls had 4 or 5 guys all huddle around the, and they of course chose the cutest, most
popular guys. There was one poor fat girl who was standing there looking around, saying "I need a partner..." and had to just wander off and pray by herself.
Whenever we had leadership elections.....every time, the popular, better looking people won.

Cute girls on dating websites I'm sure get tons of messages.

Hell, go on a political website, and post your pic, and just spout the most absurd rhetoric....you'll have scores of guys, ...who probably disagreed with your views
in earlier posts, be all like, "WOW, you're SO SMART! I agree with everything you say! We should meet up somewhere and talk politics!"
Chicago: But I'm a liberal Democrat, you're a conservative Republican!
Douchey White Knight: I'll change parties!

I'm also curious about those who made friendships, that later fell apart...how did that happen?

The only two things I would add to this is that, firstly, and demonstrably, life isn't fair. Secondly, a wise man once told me that the number of "real" friends you have in a lifetime can very easily be counted on the fingers of one hand.

 

[LittleBabyBlue]

I already know this is gonna get me some unpopular kicks, but, here's my piece on this; Once you've posted pics of yourself online....A place where MILLIONS of people-No, COUNTLESS people go on a daily basis every single day, 24/7.....I wouldn't really be complaining about creeps wanting to "get under your clothes". Out of all the different people online, it's gonna effing happen. This isn't "just" exclusive to TMF either. It happens on Tumblr all too often. Facebook, Myspace (yes that's still a thing), Youtube, etc. So many sites have this issue, and I always hear women bitching about it.....When you sorta put it upon yourself for it to happen.

This isn't like real life. This is the internet. Where people do some despicable things while no one is looking. I'm not attacking women, on the contrary; I support women when it comes to this, because they have every right to feel this way. But don't, I repeat, do "not" post up pics of yourself "online" and not expect creeps to bother you. That's just the nature of the beast. And just so it's clear; Men have this happen to them all the time too with fangirls/crazed women. It's both genders that have this issue, but I'd be saying this same damn thing if Chicago was male. It's not even a conversation about gender, as much as it is about freedom/common sense. Jeez....Anyways, I'd just deal with it. If someone's weird with you, be it on the net, or in reality....

Just blow'em off. If you're paranoid, though? Don't post pictures online. Paranoia is fed by bad habits....Just saying.

 

[chicago]

To be clear, i was not specifically referencing chat, i was speaking on interaction here in general.

Secondly, i want to reiterate that i did not mean to imply only females deal with this issue or that males are the only offenders. While i appreciate the male perspective, i was specifically requesting female responses so i could relate better, and in hopes of avoiding some kind of gender war.

I understand attraction is a big factor here, but for me attraction is a blanket term that encompasses many attributes, only one of them being physical and since im not looking for a mate or a play partner anyway, all im interested in is personality, friendship, etc. I make this clear in my profile and in conversation. I dont think i should have to take my pics down to avoid certain behaviors and im sure that wouldnt help even if i did.

Lastly, to repeat my point, i am not speaking about people who message me out of the blue looking for play. If someone makes that apparent upfront, awesome. Im not into that but i appreciate that being made clear first and foremost so we can avoid wasting our time. What im speaking of, are those individuals who seek me out to befriend me, knowing i am not looking to hook up, only to push for a meet up or play in a later conversation. This leads me to feel deceived / lied to / as if the friendship was not genuine.

I apologize again if i wasnt more clear.

 

[chicago]

Its probably hard for some to understand where tortuga and i are coming from because were pretty active in the community in real life and most just see this place as a wank bank or at the least, a place to go and kill time. It doesnt seem as "real" (for lack of a better word) as it does to someone who can put faces to probably 200+ screen names.

 

[Tortuga]

Its probably hard for some to understand where tortuga and i are coming from because were pretty active in the community in real life and most just see this place as a wank bank or at the least, a place to go and kill time. It doesnt seem as "real" (for lack of a better word) as it does to someone who can put faces to probably 200+ screen names.

Pretty much sums it up thanks babe.

 

[bah]

I already know this is gonna get me some unpopular kicks, but, here's my piece on this; Once you've posted pics of yourself online....A place where MILLIONS of people-No, COUNTLESS people go on a daily basis every single day, 24/7.....I wouldn't really be complaining about creeps wanting to "get under your clothes". Out of all the different people online, it's gonna effing happen. This isn't "just" exclusive to TMF either. It happens on Tumblr all too often. Facebook, Myspace (yes that's still a thing), Youtube, etc. So many sites have this issue, and I always hear women bitching about it.....When you sorta put it upon yourself for it to happen.

This isn't like real life. This is the internet. Where people do some despicable things while no one is looking. I'm not attacking women, on the contrary; I support women when it comes to this, because they have every right to feel this way. But don't, I repeat, do "not" post up pics of yourself "online" and not expect creeps to bother you. That's just the nature of the beast. And just so it's clear; Men have this happen to them all the time too with fangirls/crazed women. It's both genders that have this issue, but I'd be saying this same damn thing if Chicago was male. It's not even a conversation about gender, as much as it is about freedom/common sense. Jeez....Anyways, I'd just deal with it. If someone's weird with you, be it on the net, or in reality....

Just blow'em off. If you're paranoid, though? Don't post pictures online. Paranoia is fed by bad habits....Just saying.

I said exactly this in the main chat a few weeks ago and was blasted as a creep by ChloeT, AiriTheDestroyer and Gradec for doing so. Ad hominem attacks for the win!!

What these blokes do isn't right and I can understand why women get annoyed but you've got to be realistic, if you put photos of yourself up, you're probably going to get unwanted comments because no one can really be held accountable for their actions on the Internet.

You can always put your photos on private, so only friends can see them.

 

[TicklishBlackGuy]

Pretty much sums it up thanks babe.

I understand where you both are coming from. I honestly do

 

[chicago]

I said exactly this in the main chat a few weeks ago and was blasted as a creep by ChloeT, AiriTheDestroyer and Gradec for doing so. Ad hominem attacks for the win!!

What these blokes do isn't right and I can understand why women get annoyed but you've got to be realistic, if you put photos of yourself up, you're probably going to get unwanted comments because no one can really be held accountable for their actions on the Internet.

You can always put your photos on private, so only friends can see them.

I dont mean unwanted photo comments. Those are easily deleted. I think my post above explains better what i was trying to say in the original post

 

[ISUmark]

I love making friends online. Through gaming Ive got close friends in Canada, Austrailia, and all over the world pretty much. And I treat this place no different. There are some guys I talk to here on a regular basis. I met my girlfriend here and the conversation started over a similar interest in the movie Hellraiser. Was the original intention to pretend interest so I can tickle her senseless?? Definitely not. Ive been here for a long time and Ive had interactions with quite a few females, all of which I was genuinely interested in what they had to say/

Chicago: Ive talked to you before about...well Chicago haha.

There are other women here Ive talked to about football, gym habits, etc etc. It just so happened that my current girlfriends interests overlapped with mine enough for us to be more interested in each other and begin a relationship.

With all that being said though...attractive women here such as yourself DO have to be more weary of social interactions coming out of nowhere. Especially after reading Zenticklings post about his model getting harassed, its not hard to figure out that there are a lot of creepy fuckin people here that will say/do anything to get their hands on you. In this case I feel like your paranoia is justified, and that most, if not all women, should be weary of interactions with anyone on here that they aren't overly familiar with.

 

[LittleBabyBlue]

To be clear, i was not specifically referencing chat, i was speaking on interaction here in general.

Secondly, i want to reiterate that i did not mean to imply only females deal with this issue or that males are the only offenders. While i appreciate the male perspective, i was specifically requesting female responses so i could relate better, and in hopes of avoiding some kind of gender war.

I understand attraction is a big factor here, but for me attraction is a blanket term that encompasses many attributes, only one of them being physical and since im not looking for a mate or a play partner anyway, all im interested in is personality, friendship, etc. I make this clear in my profile and in conversation. I dont think i should have to take my pics down to avoid certain behaviors and im sure that wouldnt help even if i did.

Lastly, to repeat my point, i am not speaking about people who message me out of the blue looking for play. If someone makes that apparent upfront, awesome. Im not into that but i appreciate that being made clear first and foremost so we can avoid wasting our time. What im speaking of, are those individuals who seek me out to befriend me, knowing i am not looking to hook up, only to push for a meet up or play in a later conversation. This leads me to feel deceived / lied to / as if the friendship was not genuine.

I apologize again if i wasnt more clear.

Well, hey; You replied in a very honest, non-immature way. Which is new to me when it comes to things like this, so, kudos to you Chicago. I don't wanna sound like I came off as angry/annoyed either. I'm mostly just trying to make things less stressful for you is all.

 

[Belmont]

This is a difficult question to answer from the other side, and really I don't know if it's necessary or if hearing the female perspective is the aim here given the way it's asked. I'm certainly more interested in hearing the female side of things. But I've been stewing on it and I've had some wine.

Right up front I'll say I've always worried about coming across as that guy. I've never asked to meet up in person, and back when I actually spent time in chatrooms I was the rare breed that wanted to get to know someone before either of us brought up anything related to the fetish. A few of you know me, I'm secure in no one thinking I'm that guy, but that's my set up here. This might sound like bullshit, but I'm of the ilk that has no interest in playing with someone I don't like as a person. Doubly so in chat.

The last couple years, whenever I do pop into the chatroom here, not once have I seen anyone ask to PM. It might be a little thing, but I think it's indicative of an escalating problem. It's an assumption, but I do get the feeling that more and more people have come here thinking of the TMF as a "service", forgetting that these are people and not sex workers. Maybe I'm an old grump but I see a lot of entitlement online, this site being no exception.

Sure, a lot of us are here for perverse reasons. I am here for perverse reasons. But I hope people don't forget that this community doesn't exist just to serve them. Not only that, but some of the most interesting people I've met are on here. What a waste not to get to know them.

 

[bah]

I dont mean unwanted photo comments. Those are easily deleted. I think my post above explains better what i was trying to say in the original post

I understand what you are saying but that post wasn't really directed at you as such, I was just agreeing with the general sentiments made the person I quoted. I wasn't talking about photo comments specifically either. I just think that the those with photos are going to draw more persistent attention from the wrong types of people because they can be visualized.

 

[Tickleslave83]

I think when you are on a board for people who share similar fetish it really isn't totally unreasonable to suspect that things will get sexual, as that is the nature of the board. Of course that doesn't excuse being rude or creepy, but at the same time would not see it as unusual for people to be looking to hook up on boards like this. When you have a rare and unusual fetish that very few people share to find a place where you know everyone shares it really is like finding a gold mine.

I have been a member of numerous boards such as this for tickling and other fetishes that I have and have talked with large numbers of women but I have yet to meet anyone I have met online in real life on any board. It pretty much goes without saying that if I do find someone I am very compatible with it is almost guaranteed that they won't live even remotely close to me. So I have grown fairly cynical at the prospect of actually meeting anyone, so just to have friends to talk to is always nice.

And I fully understand how it is sometimes hard to develop platonic friendships or sexual relationships with people that you have met online. Particularly since a lot of people who have unusual fetishes and spend a lot of time on the Internet often don't have the best social skills. I definitely fall into this category as I have more contact with people online than I do off-line. I am practically a hermit and I find it awkward to be around people just in general because I have severe social anxiety. When it comes to anything more intimate than that I find I can chat about these matters in writing much more easily than I can in person.

Although I always hope to someday meet someone that I have met online, so far nothing of the sort has happened and I am not really expecting it to. And as for meeting up goes even if I found someone that I would be really excited to meet I sometimes think that if the opportunity presented itself I would still probably chicken out at the last moment. I think that having an unusual sexual fetish makes it very difficult to form any type of intimate relationship and I would have no idea how to bring it up with someone that I didn't already know shared the same interests. At least someplace like this you already know that the person shares the interest, so I feel that that is probably the best bet for starting a relationship. Start with the shared interest and then hope that you share other interests. Because if you start up a relationship only to find out you are completely and utterly sexually incompatible will just be more disappointing later on.

As a 31-year-old virgin I have largely lost hope that I'm ever going to find anyone I can meet in person on one of these type of forums but I guess I still keep participating in hopes that maybe my luck will change. It probably won't, but that's no reason to ignore the interest altogether and it is always good to find others who share the same views and interests, because at least then you feel less alone.

 

[chicago]

I think when you are on a board for people who share similar fetish it really isn't totally unreasonable to suspect that things will get sexual, as that is the nature of the board. Of course that doesn't excuse being rude or creepy, but at the same time would not see it as unusual for people to be looking to hook up on boards like this. When you have a rare and unusual fetish that very few people share to find a place where you know everyone shares it really is like finding a gold mine.

Again, if you read through this thread, I mention a few times I believe that it's not the fact that people come here for fetish reasons or are looking to hook up that bothers me. It's the fact that I make it clear that I am not looking for that, and they continue to chat, get to know me in hopes that I will change my mind or something.

I think that having an unusual sexual fetish makes it very difficult to form any type of intimate relationship and I would have no idea how to bring it up with someone that I didn't already know shared the same interests. At least someplace like this you already know that the person shares the interest, so I feel that that is probably the best bet for starting a relationship. Start with the shared interest and then hope that you share other interests. Because if you start up a relationship only to find out you are completely and utterly sexually incompatible will just be more disappointing later on.

As a 31-year-old virgin I have largely lost hope that I'm ever going to find anyone I can meet in person on one of these type of forums but I guess I still keep participating in hopes that maybe my luck will change. It probably won't, but that's no reason to ignore the interest altogether and it is always good to find others who share the same views and interests, because at least then you feel less alone.

With the rise in media such as the horrendous 50 Shades of Grey books / movies, it's pretty clear most people are kinkier than we thought. While I've dated people in the community, it's not always easy because even in a big city like Chicago, there wasn't much of a tickling community, and long distance relationships can be hard. That said, it never stopped me from telling vanilla people I dated what I was into. Typically, if you bring it up as if you're not ashamed of it, as if it's just something fun / sexy you like to do and avoid the word fetish (since people equate it with mental illness) it usually goes over pretty well. Though, I typically tried to bring it up as early as possible before feelings develop to avoid added pressure or the relationship not working out because they're not into it and I'm not satisfied. That said, you have to accept that some people may not be into it. Might find it annoying, childish, silly, or even have a phobia surrounding the topic. However, that doesn't give anyone the right to be cruel. Part of being in a relationship is being open about all things sexual including interests, boundaries, etc, and if someone's not into something you are and can't express themselves in a kind way, then what are you even doing hanging out with them? It's all about self confidence really. Knowing that being kinky isn't a bad thing, knowing that you're an awesome person and that you're worthy of someone that you're compatible with on multiple levels. And it is possible. Everyone's on their own journey and if you treat it like a race, you'll always feel like you're behind someone.

 

[Bohemianne]

For quite a long while, I'm quite resolved already that it is not accidental how some would address me as "sir." In a way, it helps my virtual bubble. But I do have a share of careless ones who get themselves familiar with what they can out of, maybe, my posts... they greet sincerely, make a nice opening line to have a chance of breaking the ice. There is no exception around here. If you are a female, then brace yourself or simply keep the Tasmanian devil's pace. There is always the Invisible mode, to start with.

In your case, Chicago, I can see that you have the advantage of having attended the NEST. You gained real life friends around here to support you.

 

[chicago]

In your case, Chicago, I can see that you have the advantage of having attended the NEST. You gained real life friends around here to support you.

Thank you for reminding me how lucky i am to have those friends and i appreciate the advice.

 

[SoleMates]

I'm also curious about those who made friendships, that later fell apart...how did that happen?

I used to be pretty active in the local Gathering scene. I was new to the area and pretty much made all of my friends by going to these things. Started hanging out with the various folks outside of them eventually because we all had a lot of stuff in common; I mean, hey... it's Silicon Valley. Yer a nerd, yer in.

Thing is, some of these folks had issues (yes, yes, I know; so did I). Eventually we clashed over said issues and I eventually decided that they weren't the kind of people I wanted in my life. The fact that some of them hated me and pretended that they didn't was also a factor. Once I found that out I pretty much dropped the entire bunch like a hot potato because I didn't know the extent of the problem.

It's like any other relationship where things go sour; eventually you just stop communicating or end things after a big fight. I think at this point I'm still only friends with one person I'd originally met here, but I honestly don't have a problem talking to people about my fetish if it comes up in conversation so I don't really need to come here looking for people.

And I think that's the big issue; us guys are pretty much beaten over the head with the notion that we're supposed to just magically meet the love of our life by bumping into her at some kind of social function where we share a common interest. It shouldn't be even remotely surprising, then, that single guys would hope to socialize with single girls here or elsewhere with the intent of dating, relating, or hooking up because that's how life works.

Speaking practically, I'm single and I'd like a girlfriend. You think I'm going to meet a single girl that I have stuff in common with by hanging around married people and never talking to anyone new?

Oh, and;

What im speaking of, are those individuals who seek me out to befriend me, knowing i am not looking to hook up, only to push for a meet up or play in a later conversation. This leads me to feel deceived / lied to / as if the friendship was not genuine.

You have every right to feel this way. Their intentions may or may not have been honest, but it's understandable; hang around single people long enough and you'll start to notice that although plenty of women have all sorts of 'rules' about who they're interested in, how they should be pursued, and when they're available, those rules all go out the window when a guy she likes enough comes along. These guys know this, and they want to be the one she does it for.

Speaking personally, I never hit on a woman who's obviously involved with someone. Problem is, I also have been told that they'd have dumped their boyfriends to go out with me, and I've also seen women who weren't interested at the time suddenly later decide that they were and give the guy what he wanted. People change their minds all the time. And yes, I find it obnoxious when someone tells me they're totally not interested in dating anyone and then a week later they've got a new boyfriend. That kind of stuff is why guys only pretend to hear you when you tell them no. Sucks, but true.

 

[xionking]

There is a an aspect of reaching out to strangers ...a spontaneity if you will that I find exciting. Meeting someone on the basis of a tickling session without the hang ups of developing a relationship, friendship, companionship, or general rapport makes life a whole lot easier. It's not that Im impersonal, distant or isolated from the social norms that come with developing these relationships, I just have neither the time or resources to do so.

Furthermore, why should I fork out $400 to have this luxury? There's such a thing in the "vanilla world", it's called a Casual Encounter. More of those opportunities within this community would be healthy, rather than in a round about way labelling guys who pm girls as a nuisance...