Okay... you have drug me out of lurkerdom...
Hi. Many in the chatroom have seen me before... some of you may not know me at all, but I have been here off and on for several years now. I also read a lot... though sadly most of what I would want to say in a thread usually gets said by the time I get the time to post.
I am wondering if anybody who has an interest in psychology or has any background in the subject could give me a hand here. One of the big, big problems with this topic, I think, is the way our society tends to flow with the majority and not understand minorities very well. You'll see how this applies later on, but I'm going to describe something I learned in Psych 101 and followed up on since gender equality is one of my personal areas of great interest.
In studying the brain, structure, and chemistry, people have found that there are many subtleties associated with different behaviors, many of which are independent of gender, and of each other. There are unique signatures that are typical of each gender, orientation, and such. These are actually stronger than readings and structure associated with sex... a totally different word. Sex is anatomical; gender is psychological. Sex is determined by birth; gender is determined by many factors. A person can be straight, gay, bi, or asexual in orientation. A person can be male, female, or in rare cases asexual or hermaphroditic. A person can possess a masculine, feminine, or androgynous personality. All three of these factors have, on many occasions, been shown to be independent of each other. Completely.
Here is where we get into minorities. The vast majority of society is either straight males of masculine personality and straight females of feminine personality. Our society has largely made those who did not fit this model to feel as if something were inherently wrong with them in some way. People frequently ostracize that which they are not familiar with.
I have known a woman who was a lesbian who was very, very pretty, wore makeup and all that... She would be a gay female of feminine personality. I have known a woman who was crazy for sports, almost never wore dresses, and hung out with guys as friends, though she also preferred men as sexual partners. She is a straight female with masculine personality. My fiance is a guy who enjoys competiton and games, but also loves soft music and roses, and prefers women, but not exclusively. He is an androgynous-personality male who is either predominantly straight, or bisexual. I probably obsess on these things because I'm a true fence-sitter: bisexual, female, and my personality type is androgynous. I've seen lesbians that were butch, and those who were not. I have met gays who were rather fluffy and femme, and gays who were as macho as they come. I have met straight people all over the spectrum. Anybody watch Frasier? Talk about effete straight men!
My point is, not only do many people not consider tickling to be sexual, but even if you agree with OBleedingMe about masculine and feminine traits and the ways that most men and women express affection or seek pleasure, whether guys would be capable of tickling anybody, male or not, without any sexual inclination would depend more on their gender, not their sex. And gender does not have to be dictated by sex. It's all in the personality.
It's okay if a guy feels uncomfortable with the idea of men tickling other men. What I find frustrating is that they would choose to project their own feelings so much as to claim to know another person's motive. Straight macho guys don't have to like m/m... they honestly don't even have to accept it, and have every right to say that it makes them uncomfortable. But there is absolutely no connection there which would give any credibility to the statement that any man who tickles a man is gay. Perhaps just into horseplay... perhaps just effete and affectionate... perhaps into the competitive powerplay thing... but not automatically gay.
Anybody else familiar with this? Anybody care to help me out?
