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My dilemma

D

DallasFootTickler

TMF Expert
Joined
Aug 18, 2001
Messages
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Hello all...been a long time since I posted but I had a concern and I knew the TMF would be the only place I could go to run it by you kind folks. Here's the situation. I have been seeing this girl for the last few weeks and I'm really starting to like her. She likes me as well and I could see us continuing to date and possibly forming a more romantic relationship in the near future. I really like everything about her except one thing...she's not ticklish. 🙁 Now before I say anything else, let me stress that I am certainly not going to throw away a wonderful relationship just because of that. Like I said we like each other and I want her to be my girlfriend someday soon, ticklish or not. So here is my question... she is not ticklish now...but she says she used to be extremely so. However she had this one boyfriend that would tickle her mercilessly and then one day she just stopped being ticklish. My theory is that the asshole didn't know when to let up and she built up a psychological resistance to it. Now, if she has simply learned to control it then in theory she wold only be able to turn off the reaction while awake,right? Well I've tried to tickle her numerous times when she has fallen asleep while we watched movies but there has been no reaction at all. My question is... does anyone think she could be ticklish again? And if so, how would we get her sensitivity back? Another thing I should mention as that we have not talked about anything of a sexual nature at this point...this is because she is still wanting to get to know me better before we talk about that kind of stuff and I of course have respected her wishes and boundaries. When she is ready to talk about sexuality, I will tell her about my tickling fetish and there exists a possiblity that if she likes me enough she may try to be ticklish again but until we get to that point in our relationship I'll just have to wait and see.

So any thoughts, advice, comments? I welcome any suggestions and/or feedback, from a male or female perspective. I really like this girl and I will date her if she'll have me no matter what...i'd just really like to be able to indulge in my tickling interests with her as well.

Thanks ya'll...the TMF is full of wonderful people and I feel fortunate to have a community like this to ask such a question.

-DFT
 
Been there and i have some good advice for you.
Let her know that it's a turn on for you on an EMOTIONAL level.
Make sure she feels COMFORTABLE with you before you EXPLORE with a ight feather.
The rest will happen on it's own,
 
thanks!

Thanks, gig. So you think her nerve endings still work and she could really be ticklish again? I mean what about her not even flinching when I tickled her in her sleep?
 
Last edited:
Dallas, I wrote an entire thesis last night about the subject but deleted it due to extreme exhaustion.

In a nutshell, I would say that your ladyfriend is a lot like mine. She's not demonstrative when I tickle her...she used to be irritated by my tickling. She loves it now, but only shows it in tiny ways, like barely flexing her toes. Perhaps your ladyfriend enjoys the feeling of being tickled but just doesn't show it outwardly. My ladyfriend can pretend to be asleep while being tickled and not move one inch, yet she's loving every minute of it.
 
LET HER KNOW TICKLING DOES FOR YOU . TOUCH HER AND CARESS HER ALOT. OPEN HER EYES TO THE IDEA THAT YOU DO NOT WANT TO TORTURE HER.(FEAR IS AN UNBELIEVABLE THING BECAUSE IN HER MIND SHE LOOKS AT TICKLING AS TORTURE BECAUSE OF HER EX-ASSHOLE). NOW YOUR JOB IS TO OPEN THAT WORLD UP FOR HER. LOTION AND HOT OILS. LET HER KNOW YOU WILL NEVER HARM HER. BE HONEST. THEY SAY THERE ARE LOTINS AND OILS OUT THERE TO HEIGHT SENSITIVITY. BLINDFOLD HER AND A SOFT FEATHER.DO THINGS IN A LOVING MANNER.BUT IF YOU GET HER BACK TO THAT POINT ALWAYS RESPECT HER WISHES AND LIMITS. IF SHE SAYS THAT IS ENOUGH DON'T DO IT FOR ANOTHER SECOND. TRUST IS VERY IMPORTANT HERE. SHE MUST TRUST YOU. MY FRIEND HERE IS TO YOU IN DALLAS. WITH ALL MY HEART GOOD LUCK BUT BE PATIENT. HOPE THIS HELPS AND LET US KNOW HOW THINGS ARE WORKING OUT.
 
I'll just respond to this from my own experience. I'm one of those people who can simply turn off my reactions to tickling. Part of that is simply refusing to show any response in order to play with the head of my ler(s). But, there's also another aspect. That is when someone is annoying me or I'm simply not in the mood. My mind just shuts down to it. That happens most often when I see that the intentions of another go beyond what I'm willing to share with them. It works wonders to get them to go away when they get no reaction.

In my own case, getting to know someone before playing with them is pretty much a necessity. If there isn't a sense of comfort and trust there, my system shuts it down. I'm sure it's the remnant of defenses built up during past abuse where it was used against me. So, I usually don't worry about it. When I get to know/trust folks a bit, it always comes back.

It sounds like you've got the right idea about letting things move into that comfort and trust. Being patient in the meantime is half the battle. As long as you make it clear that you accept her either way, she should grown to relax enough to be able to enjoy it again. Good luck with her...tickling or not.

Ann
 
Dude, for what it's worth, it sounds to me like you have your heart in the right place. You're not letting your zeal for tickling override your common sense or your consideration for her feelings, and that's a good thing.

As far as your dilemma goes, I think Tickling Duo Ann is on to something. I had a rather unpleasant experience while in the Army stationed in Okinawa, just south of mainland Japan. I was doing something in the dayroom of the barracks, lost my balance and fell down on the floor. To get up involved rolling over, getting up on my hands and knees, getting one foot under me, and then standing up. During this entire process this dufus named Buck was frantically doing his best to tickle me back down to the floor. But I was so disgusted and infuriated by what I considered at the time to be an act of utter homosexuality that I successfully blocked out the sensation. I could feel his fingers on my ribs and armpits but it was like I wasn't ticklish at all. When I made it to my feet, I didn't hit him but I pushed him away hard enough so that he knew better than to try that ever again. After all, in his mind, he was just horsing around.

Later in the evening, still feeling "unclean" from the day's incident, I went the Steam Bath off post and was tickled thoroughly by the female masseuse for whom I was a regular. I was just as ticklish as ever. Whatever defenses I mustered earlier were gone, and I was a giggling wreck from start to finish. Afterwards, I felt cleansed and renewed, as I always do after a thorough tickle torture.

Dallas, I think it's possible your girlfriend could regain her ticklishness. I'm convinced that a huge part of ticklishness is psychological. As Ann pointed out, mood is everything. One day you and your lady will be horsing around, and you'll know just the right time and spot to tickle her and she'll be taken by surprise.

Good luck!
 
I AGREE WITH YOU ANN. I AM SORRY I DIDN'T COME UP WITH THAT THOUGHT. THE LEE CAN GET ANNOYED AND(IF STRONG-MINDED ENOUGH AS ANN IS) AND JUST SIMPLY TURN IT OFF. MY EX USE TO DO THAT WHEN SHE WAS MAD AT ME AND SIMPLY JUST NOT LAUGH. THANK YOU ANN FOR HELPING ME HELP DALLAS WITH THAT. AND AS ANN SAID DALLAS BE PATIENT AND UNDERSTANDING. LOTS OF LAUGHS FOR YOU AND YOUR GIRLFRIEND. KEEP IN TOUCH. GOOD LUCK.
 
GREAT POST DREW. THAT WAS A GREAT STORY. THAT WAS A STUPID THING FOR HIM TO DO. OH WELL. WE ARE ON YOUR SIDE DALLAS. DREW IS RIGHT YOU WILL KNOW WHEN THE TIME IS RIGHT. IT WILL BE A KODAK MOMENT THAT WILL LIVE WITH YOU FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE.
 
I am not an expert but let her know about your tickling feitsh and what it does for you. Then if she accepts it, which she will if she likes you, ask yourself this. "If I give up this relationship and don't find a girl into tickling, will that be right?" "Will I really hurt this person because of tickling, a sexual fetish?" I wouldn't know what to do, but I would not give up a relationship for tickling. The person means more then the fetish.

My 2 cents.
 
I AGREE WITH LEO. CAN'T GIVE UP THE RELATIONSHIP FOR TICKLING. BUT DALLAS THINK ABOUT THIS AND YOU ARE THE ONLY ONE WHO CAN EVALUATE THIS. IF SHE CAN'T BE TICKLED BY YOU AFTER LET'S SAY 2 YEARS OF BEING TOGETHER CAN YOU GET OVER THAT AND ARE YOU GOING TO HOLD THAT AGAINST HER. I MEAN TO ME TICKLING IS NOT THAT IMPORTANT BUT I DO NOT KNOW HOW IMPORTANT IT IS TO YOU .BUT I WOULD STAY BY HER SIDE AND AND FOLLOW ANN'S ADVICE. BE PATIENT AND HOPE FOR THE BEST. KEEP ON TICKLING DALLAS.
 
another thing to consider is that some people are just not ticklish when they are sleeping (did anyone else just hear featherfingers gasp?). I am such a sound sleeper, that when I am tickled while sleeping, I just make a few ‘happy noises’. I still like it (judging by those ‘happy noises’ I am told I make)… I just don’t laugh, giggle and squirm.

you sound like a great guy, who has his priorities in order, DallasFootTickler. don’t sell yourself short and leave something that’s important to you unaddressed… but going slowly and getting to know what makes each other tick (don’t you just always want to type tickle when you type words like tick?), like you already are, is always the best.

good luck! here’s to hoping for the best.
 
i agree. don't rush. take your time. hey dallas are you taking notes? i am because these people are smarter than i.
 
Wow!

Oh my goodness I never expected such a large number of responses. Thank you all for your advice. I appreciate it more than you know. Trust me, I will not give up on this girl whether she ever turns out to be ticklish or not. I really like her and that is more important than a fetish for me. You all have given me hope and put a smile on my face and I am grateful for that.

The good news is that in addition to tickling I also have a foot fetish and she certainly has feet so there are no problems there! She likes to get pedicures often so they are nice and soft and pretty all the time.

Yes, I definitely plan on telling her about my fetishes when the time is right. When she is ready to have a conversation about sexuality I will be sure to let her know what interests me. I have been honest with her from the beginning and I always do what I can to make her feel safe and secure. I know trust is a precious thing that needs to be earned with the passage of time. I respect that and I will be patient. In the meantime thanks again everyone. This truly is a wonderful and loving community.

- DFT
 
Dallas....

...living in Dallas, with all the beautiful women here you know the score and will agree (I travel both the U.S. and abroad and I think you know the secret, Dallas has the most beautiful women concentrated in one city than anywhere else). Anyone wanting to dispute that feel free to visit Dallas and judge for yourself. So, if you want to have this relationship last, you have to move from Dallas, there's way too much temptation (probably it's why we have one of the highest divorce rates in the country as well).

Secondly, bottom line: It isn't going to work. I have known other ticklers (many who post here) whom have even been married to women who weren't ticklish and it just doesn't work out. If you are like most in here, part of a sexual relationship with a significant other will involve some form of tickling. Stay in the relationship as I know you will, beat your head against the wall, ultimately, it just isn't going to work. I myself have been there. If your significant other is ticklish and hates it, you have to inform her of your passion and maybe that can work out. If she isn't ticklish at all....nope, won't work. People are going to disagree with me on this, but I've been there a few times. I have felt your pain with this. Look, don't sell yourself short, not in this town. I'm sure she's a lovely woman. Trust me on this one....it just isn't going to work. Once you realize this, you'll turn the corner with relationships. Be open with your fetish and I can promise it will yield exciting results and a much happier love life.

Okay....I've opened myself up to criticism and disagreement. I also welcome both with this...bottom line...it isn't going to work and I really hope this helps you out, Dallas.

😉
 
Jimblast, while I completely agree with the advice that denying yourself the things that make ‘it’ work for you, will never work it the long run… I don’t think that that’s the situation DallasFootTickler describes. they are just getting to know each other at this point. he said that he has been completely open and honest so far and will continue to do so as it progresses. I respect and admire how much he is considering her feelings when it comes to taking it slowly.

I’ve ‘been there’ too. but you can’t just write someone you really like off just because they say they are not ticklish. especially when she admits that she once was. I was once convinced that my feet were not ticklish and I couldn’t have been more wrong.

I’m all for some more open and honest exploration of each other.
 
YES DALLAS THIS IS A GREAT COMMUNITY. THESE PEOPLE ARE GREAT. GOOD LUCK TO YOU AND KEEP US INFORMED. WE WOULD LOVE TO KNOW YOU ARE HAPPY AND WE HOPE YOU CAN MAKE HER SMILE AND OF COURSE LAUGH. LOTS OF LUCK, GEORGE
 
Heya Dallas,

I think your answer lies in how much of a deep seeded desire/fetish tickling is for you, and what about it gets you going.

If you are into the guffawing, screaming, begging laughter, then you'll just have to wait and see what happens with her. She may start responding nicely when she "gives" herself over to you. There comes a time in the relationship when a woman crosses this invisible boundary and just kind of releases her entire being into her love for you. At that point, there really is no telling how she'll react to tickling.

That being said, it's *not* shallow in the least to have a specific criteria for your dream woman and absolutely not settle for anything less. I say this because you are really watching out for her feelings, and I admire that. If you are really *needing* her to be TICKLISH ticklish, then this will basically be an experiment. By the time you have good information about whether she's going to be ticklish, she will love you. What happens then if she's not reacting to being tickled? Be very very honest with yourself about this. How would you feel about her, the relationship, etc, if she were *never* ticklish? Would you still want to be with her? would you seek tickling outside the relationship? would you hurt her deeply in the long run by moving on?

If the tickling really wouldn't be a big deal to you, then you have no worries. Only you can answer that within yourself.

Good luck with it.
 
I'm so flattered...

...to have sparked such an active thread. Again I appreciate ALL of your thoughts. Jimblast, you certainly did open yourself to some disagreement but I value your advice as much as everyone elses. Everyone is entitled to an opinion and you made some valid points. I value a lot of what you said because you didn't just tell me what I wanted to hear. (Not saying that everyone else did, but I'm just saying I appreciate your honesty and the offering of your thoughts).

It's still a bit early to tell where this relationship will go. I really have never dated anyone for very long, ticklish or not. Somehow my relationships have not lasted very long for other reasons. One of the purposes of dating I believe is to enjoy spending time with another person and seeing if they are someone you'd like to someday spend the rest of your life with. So again, it just a very a casual relationship so far and who knows if it will become more serious. I'll certainly let ya'll know what happens when she is ready to bring up the subject of intimacy and what gets each other going.

Tummydragon brings up a good point too... only I can decide for myself what is important to me in a significant other. If she was never ticklish then yes, it would certainly be a different situation. Then I'd really have to weigh my priorities and decide whether my feelings for her or my lust for tickling was more important. Here's a profound statement that causes me to be introspective and tells me something about what matters and what doesn't... would I ever consider dating someone with both legs amputated at the knee considering a have a huge foot fetish? At the risk of proving Jimblast's point the answer is, No... I could not date someone without feet. You know, often when you cannot sort feelings out in your head it helps to write them down and/or discuss them with others because in a way it is like you are really talking to yourself through other people and discovering how you really feel. I can see now that the real reason I started this thread is that yes, tickling is very important to me and when I asked my original questoin I was hoping a panel of experts would tell me that yes, once ticklish equals potentially ticklish again. Only time will tell.

I cannot say enough how much I appreciate every single one of you for taking the time to offer your thoughts and advice in this matter. You are all such wonderful people. From the bottom of my heart, thank you all.

-DFT
 
Dallas, I'm glad that you were able to gain some new insight thanks to all of the wonderful people who've replied to your thread, but I need to ask you a very important question which may have you thinking more deeply about what you've told us. Maybe this is a silly question, but I've known a few people who are recent amputees. In the event that your future girlfriend and wife were to suffer from a traumatic accident in which her legs had to be amputated, would your love for her diminish or remain intact? The reason why I bring that up is because as much as you love tickling, your love for the lady as a whole person must be greater.
 
DALLAS I SPEAK ON BEHALF OF ALL OF US AT TMF- YOUR WELCOME. ANYTIME. I AM SURE ALL OF US WISH YOU NOTHING BUT THE BEST. SO HAVE FUN AND BE PATIENT AND SENSITIVE AND YOU SHOULD KEEP HER WELL FOREVER. GOOD LUCK DALLAS.
 
that's a difficult question

featherfingers said:
Dallas, I'm glad that you were able to gain some new insight thanks to all of the wonderful people who've replied to your thread, but I need to ask you a very important question which may have you thinking more deeply about what you've told us. Maybe this is a silly question, but I've known a few people who are recent amputees. In the event that your future girlfriend and wife were to suffer from a traumatic accident in which her legs had to be amputated, would your love for her diminish or remain intact? The reason why I bring that up is because as much as you love tickling, your love for the lady as a whole person must be greater.
Click to expand...

I agree...you must love the whole person. I have to be completely honest and say that I don't know what I would do in that case. I can't lie to myself or anyone else by saying I wouldn't be somewhat dissappointed if that were to happen but unless actually faced in a situation like that I'm not sure how I would handle it. It would not be easy. The "right" answer is of course I would still love the person as if nothing happened but again I don't know how I would truly feel unless I was in that situation. Life gives us all challenges and all I can say is that I would have to have faith in myself to do what I feel in my heart is right. Certainly a very valid question and a difficult one to answer.
 
WOW FEATHERFINGERS THAT IS A GREAT POINT AND ONE EVERYONE SHOULD THINK ABOUT. SHOULD A TRAGEDY STRIKE YOU LOVE YOUR WIFE THAT IS MUCH MORE IMPORTANT THAN ANY FETISH REGARDLESS OF WHO YOU ARE. MY FAMILY IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN ANYTHING IN THE WORLD. THAT IS THE WAY IT SHOULD ALWAYS BE.
 
HAPPY ENDING

Out of respect for my lady friend's privacy I won't go into details so I'll just say this... you know how it has been said that women are much more ticklish after climax...











... it's true. 😉
 
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