Newbie's questions about gatherings.

[Antarion]

How's it going bros?

So, I've been thinking about the whole 'gathering' things, but I'm kinda concerned about how they go down. I picture a bunch of 30-60 year old men and maybe some women of about the same age at a party that I'd walk into, being the young'n I am, and immediately feel awkward. I think I'd either get too much attention in a sexual sense, too much attention in a "It's ok honey, you don't need to feel uncomfortable" sense, or I'd be there for about ten minutes, see that It's not really for me and leave.

So what I'm asking is;

1) What's the atmosphere like? Am I going to walk into a rave with the sounds of ticklish laughter reverberating the halls?
2) What's the attendance demographic? Guy to girl ratio? Is it all old people? (No offense to the elders of the TMF.)
3) Am I going to walk into wherever the gathering is, and immediately feel like I got thrown into a tank of sharks?
4) How would I go about actually talking to people?
5) I think it's odd to meet a person with the first fact I know about him/her is what turns him/her on. Is that irrational?
6) If an underwater diver's o2 tank is filled at 8.27atm when he's 8 feet underwater, what's the mole ratio of his tank at sea level? A pressure normally .29 atm?

So if you could give me your experiances of your first times at gatherings, or what you'd think of an 18 year old attending, that'd be awesome.

 

[Libertine]

For men:

http://www.ticklingforum.com/showth...D-AND-EXPANDED-The-Single-Man-s-Guide-to-NEST!

For women:

http://www.ticklingforum.com/showthread.php?217331-A-Ladies%92-Guide-to-Gatherings

 

[Franky]

I just finished checking out both links Libertine posted and both are excellent sources of information I highly recommend reading both.

 

[chicago]

1) What's the atmosphere like? Am I going to walk into a rave with the sounds of ticklish laughter reverberating the halls?

-Each gathering is different. There are your big giant annual weekend-long ones and there are your smaller local ones that may be only for a few hours. You just might walk into rave with sounds of ticklish laughter reverberating the walls. I don't know what kind of image that idea conjures in your mind, but it's a tickling party, essentially. There will be laughter. A play party I went to when I was living in Chicago was held at a BDSM club, so there were other people there, some clothed, some naked, in various bondage poses, being electrocuted, flogged, whipped, suspended from the ceiling, etc. At this point, I'd already been to a few different munches, gatherings, etc, so it didn't make me uncomfortable. That said, I'd never been to a play party before where the majority of the people there were into other BDSM activities versus just tickling, or a mix of tickling/spanking.

What's the attendance demographic? Guy to girl ratio? Is it all old people? (No offense to the elders of the TMF.)

Again, each gathering is going to be different. I've gone to smaller gatherings where I felt like the only woman for miles, ha. The bigger ones I've gone to, I haven't noticed much of a difference in ratio between men and women, but I'm sure it's something like 2 to 1, which is probably a better ratio than this website has. And, I don't know what you consider 'old'. I get along and can play with people of all ages and considering that most of the events I attend are social first and foremost, with play being secondary, I don't much mind if there are people my age or not. I've been to gatherings where I was the youngest one (by only a year or two) and most of the people were 10-30 years older than me. Lately, though, there's been an influx of new young people. (I consider 'young' to be mid 30s and under) and a lot of gatherings I have been to lately have had a great group of younguns. But it's not like the high school cafeteria. Again, people tend to mix and get to know all kinds of people, no matter their age. I have friends probably pushing 60 these days and I've got friends who are a good 6 years younger than me (I'm 26, maybe I'm old too).

Am I going to walk into wherever the gathering is, and immediately feel like I got thrown into a tank of sharks?

Your feelings are your own and often you control them. If you walk in with a negative outlook, even if it's the friendliest group of individuals, you still might feel like a lonely lost lamb in a group of lions. Is that the groups fault, though, or yours? You are pretty young and seen pretty anxious about lots of things in life, as most young people are. That said, I attended my first gathering as a (barely) 19 year old female who had never flown or been away from home by herself before. That gathering had over 70 people in attendance and was about 1000 miles away in a city I knew nothing about. I'd never met a soul who was in there prior to that weekend. I was terrified for about the first half of the day because I didn't know what was going to go on over those few days, and because I was a little shocked to hear various forms of (omg-not-the!) t-word being thrown casually around. Random giggles and people being poked by their friends here and there. But, get this, not only did I survive that weekend, I ended up meeting some of my best friends. Not just best kink friends. I mean, people I have called during real-life emergencies type best friends. And I have been hooked since that first gathering. Don't go if you don't think you can handle it. Sometimes, a few years of experiencing life, the real world, people with more than half a high-school educated brain, etc can open your eyes and give you the maturity to not see every fetish event as dangerous or scary.

How would I go about actually talking to people?

Um... no different than if you wanted to start up a conversation with someone at a club, bar, elevator, chatroom, the grocery store, a party....

I think it's odd to meet a person with the first fact I know about him/her is what turns him/her on. Is that irrational?

That's your own hangup. If gatherings aren't for you, that's fine, but others shouldn't feel, or be viewed as, "odd" if they do. Most of us here don't look at it as anything other than a get together for some other common reason. Rather than fantasy football team party, it's a party for people who all like tickling. And since tickling is contextual, it's not always some dark, lewd thing that you are probably imagining.

A new notes:

1. You don't have to go. If you get negative vibes or whatever, don't go. Walking in with a negative attitude will make you see everything in a negative light. But at least make that decision based on information you read here, rather than a feeling in your gut about something you really don't know about. Starting this thread was a great place to begin. Check out the gatherings section to see what's going on in your area or find information about the bigger gatherings if you're interested. You'll get a better idea of what goes on.

2. Any gathering worth going to is going to have rules and at least one or two people that are monitors - making sure people don't hurt themselves, break rules etc. Rules should be something like "no uninvited touch" (applies to new people, especially. Basically, don't touch someone unless you're close to them and they won't mind, without permission. Also, no one should touch you without your permission. That said, if someone does, or if you do, people should be able to express themselves politely. "Please don't tickle me, I'm just here to observe" whatever excuse you wanna give. It doesn't have to be "OMG YOU MOLESTED ME! POLICE!!!!" Most people will respond to politeness a lot better. But again, people usually follow those rules to a T if they want to be allowed back. I think most tickle gatherings have a rule like "no nudity in the group setting' so that everyone is comfortable. Of course, whatever kind of private session you and a friend wanna have is cool too as long as there's no genitals flapping around in the main space lol. Also, if a person is obviously inebriated, they shouldn't be able to use the equipment. People can get hurt if they don't know what the hell they're doing. And lastly, a gathering should keep the location pretty confidential until you've registered. I just don't like it if it's done any other way because it opens it up to just about anyone showing up and they could say they are whoever they want. I prefer a gathering where you have to register, give a real name, and are only given the location until after that process is completed. Then usually when you show up, you check in with your ID. You might feel weird giving that information over to someone, but I'd rather do it that way than show up to a place where any kind of crazy person could pop in.

3. These events are social first and foremost - a chance for a lot of us to meet / catch up with friends we've made in the community. Sure, you know they all like tickling, but a lot of us discuss non-tk related things on here via the Gen Dis section or the chatroom, so honestly, it's at the back of one's mind. Play comes second. I don't recommend anyone go to a gathering, certainly not one they'd have to drive or fly far to get to, if their top goal is to 'get sum'. Getting some play is all based on how a person interacts with others there, and based on your apprehension about being pawed at, I'm guessing that's not how you feel. You're not going to get pawed at because 1. You told me you were a giant and giants are typically intimidating lol. 2. Haven't met a dude into m/m at a gathering yet, surprisingly. At least not one that was going around and feeling up other men. 3. There's not very many female 'lers at these things and women in general seem to not want to play with anyone they just freak'n met 2 seconds ago.


4. PM me if you want any more details. I've been to 4 NESTs, 1 UNY, soon to be 2 BellaBashes, and a handful of other smaller gatherings and munches over the last 8 or 9 years. There's a lot I could detail about each one, but it'd be too much to type here.


Hope this helps.

 

[helplessandhappy]

I consider 'young' to be mid 30s and under

According to you, I have like...3 more years of being young. I'll take that. 😉

 

[chicago]

According to you, I have like...3 more years of being young. I'll take that. 😉

30 is the new 23. 😉

 

[KrazieDog]

How's it going bros?

So, I've been thinking about the whole 'gathering' things, but I'm kinda concerned about how they go down. I picture a bunch of 30-60 year old men and maybe some women of about the same age at a party that I'd walk into, being the young'n I am, and immediately feel awkward. I think I'd either get too much attention in a sexual sense, too much attention in a "It's ok honey, you don't need to feel uncomfortable" sense, or I'd be there for about ten minutes, see that It's not really for me and leave.

You are right to be worried. At every gathering I've been to, women have been clamoring about when Antarion was going to go to a gathering to attack you in a sexual sense. They've literally been out of their mind waiting. Joking aside, everyone had the same worries before going to their first gathering bud, and almost everyone ends up having a ball.

1) What's the atmosphere like? Am I going to walk into a rave with the sounds of ticklish laughter reverberating the halls?

1) I can't speak to every specific gathering you may go to, but I've been to BellaBash, NEST, and Albany (Superbowl gathering) as the bigger ones but the atmosphere is relaxed and very friendly. It's literally like hanging out at a friends house party. Lot's of hanging out meeting new people, catching up with old friends, and general cutting up. People go out and do things in town, at the hotels, etc. Short of walking into a play room or main event setting, that would be a negative on the rave. Plenty of laughter both from cutting up and sporadic tickling between friends. People usually go to a room for sessions.

2) What's the attendance demographic? Guy to girl ratio? Is it all old people? (No offense to the elders of the TMF.)

2.) All the gatherings I attended have had nice turn outs. Male ratio is always more, but that doesn't mean a "bad" ratio. Plenty of women go to gatherings. Age demo is 18 +. lol At the gatherings I've been to, you would not almost be the only person in the 18 -24 bracket. Again I can't speak to a gathering you may go to in the middle of Iowa where only 7 people attend.

3) Am I going to walk into wherever the gathering is, and immediately feel like I got thrown into a tank of sharks?

Most probably not. You are a stranger to everyone there. Just like walking into a party for the first time, where no one knows you, you are the new person. Just like at any other party, you may have people who think you are cute, or think you are very personable and gravitate toward you, but that has little to do with being at "a gathering". It's not a swingers party, and most of these people aren't there to hook up. I keep going back to the analogy of a regular party, because it truly is the vibe.

4) How would I go about actually talking to people?

I have to say most of the people are really friendly people. I usually tell people, just find a group of people hanging out and say something as simple as "Hey, you guys mind the new guy hanging with you for a while?" and its really hard for me to see ANYONE I've ever met at a gathering (about 200 different people) say "no"... unless you are just an asshole and have been displaying it openly. In fact a lot of times at gatherings, you'll have people invite you to go catch food or something to help you feel included. These little outings are great chances to meet people. Don't sweat age or whether they are a potential play partner, just go and get to know people. You'll see people say over and over, go to a gathering with the intention of meeting people and having a blast. If play happens, it happens. Someone going with the sole intention of just playing with getting to know anyone, usually leave disappointed.

5) I think it's odd to meet a person with the first fact I know about him/her is what turns him/her on. Is that irrational?

Not at all, from a newbie's perspective. Once you go to one, you'll realize this never crosses your mind anymore. If anything, I think its cool as shit. For the majority of people this is a secret, one they feel they can't tell anyone about, and for others, they may share it with partners/people close to them, but feel it's something they can't share with people in general because they might not understand. But at a gathering, people can leave that fear, secret, private worry at the door, because they all know everyone else shares their passion and won't be judging them for it. It's makes for a pretty freeing atmosphere. I'd be remiss not to mention as well, this isn't a turn on for everyone. Some people absolutely love it for the fun freeing activity/exchange that it is with no sexual connotations at all.

6) If an underwater diver's o2 tank is filled at 8.27atm when he's 8 feet underwater, what's the mole ratio of his tank at sea level? A pressure normally .29 atm?

Strawberry banana pancakes.

If you have a gathering near you, reach out to the host, and ask for an invite and just go. They really are a freaking blast, and you'll meet some amazing people. 5 years afters starting to attend gatherings, I have about 60 people from here that are real friends; we visit each other, exchange Christmas cards with, connect on Facebook, help with real world needs, etc all outside of gatherings. If you are good people and open to the experience, it'll be a rewarding experience. What do you have to lose in the end? At very worst, you just aren't having a good time, you can easily say goodbye and bounce.

 

[helplessandhappy]

What's the policy on drinking and drug use at these things? Are people allowed to smoke bongs and what not?

 

[porcelaindoll2]

I would consider joining FetLife and seeing if there is a TNG group in your area. TNG stands for The Next Generation and it is normally for kinky people between 18-35. They almost always have munches and some groups even have play parties.

 

[Antarion]

Strawberry banana pancakes.

That was way funnier than it should've been.

Thanks everyone for your replies. This isn't really the most pressing matter, I live in Montana. I'm looking at two states in any direction before I can get to anywhere with an event. I've gotten a lot of info here though, so if I scrounge enough pocket change, I'll probably be there some time sooner or later.