Welp I've never posted in the stories section and a couple of you who I've word vomited my life experiences to have enjoyed my ridiculous life tales and a few told me I should post a couple because they were enjoyable. So going to post my adventures in how I started dating my girlfriend and how the TMF actually helped me score said lady. Its long-ish so strap in and try not to fall asleep, I'm not exactly the best author.
A little pretext to this. For those who don't know me, I worked at a bar for the last 15 years and now pretty much run the place. This goes back three years ago when I first met the person I'm now dating. We'll call her J mostly because I don't like typing out her crazy first name and if she reads this and sees a typo I'm in trouble
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I get a call from my boss telling me I had an interview scheduled at two, which was a little odd for him because I handled all of the interviews, hiring etc and he rarely ever set anything up himself so I was half intrigued. It was from an old friend of his, his daughter needed a job and for whatever reason couldn't find one local so I was to interview her and give it to her as long as nothing outrageous happened in the interview. So show up = Get Job. Got it. J.R Lives in "Hour away city" You know what? not going to ask, whatever. I figured I was in for a hell of a ride so I grabbed some coffe and prepared myself.
J comes in dressed in overalls, work boots no makeup, nails unpainted in fact if it wasn't for the farmgirl curves I could have mistaken her for a dude from 20 feet away. Tomboy through and though. Sweetest thing I've ever had the pleasure of meeting. Yes Ma'am, No Ma'am she was complete southern charm and proper. Dirty blonde, blue eyes, very cute. Great You got the job sign here. You start Monday.
Now I told Chelsea my wait-lead she's got another one to break in, they'd get along wonderful (Chelsea's almost 6 foot, Redhead, Green eyes, and 190lbs of Irelands finest brick shithouse, Cowgirl in every sense of the word, interests include barrel racing, bull riding, bull roping (That's a thing?) and Sado-Dom Nympo sexual adventures (I don't think she understands what a safe word is, and has had to tell her in the past to stop scaring off the busboys and using my bar as her personal tinder account) BUT She's momma bear in the place and hurting her girls will ensure you have the most unpleasant of nights and my back parking lot has no cameras and occasionally gators. Anyway back to the story she appears in a couple of my adventures so description provided if people enjoy my word salad and want to hear more.
Now I only meant their farm/cowgirl lifestyle because J seemed the polar opposite, about as vanilla and innocent at snow. So J's first week goes terribly, she's awkward seems out of place, and clumsy as all heck, one event of note is Our backroom is pretty nice, has two couches fridge, microwave half the time you'll see someone curled out between shifts, its a pretty close family kind of setting. Now J's laying across one of the benches at the table, Chel roped her into driving her somewhere after work which meant her having to stay an extra hour past her shift. So she got comfy kicked her boots off and took a nap in the backroom. I'm laying on the couch treating a migraine, which is across from the tables so I got a good view and I hear Chel come in and start changing out of her work clothes and as usual she's half naked not giving a care to the world. nothing new. (I graduated with this girl, nothing surprises me anymore).
J was dozed out asleep and didn't hear Chel call her name until she walks past the bench and Swipes her claws down the foot hanging off the bench to wake her up. The noise that came out of her mouth was glorious it was a mix between a mouse and that noise puppies make when they whine. Either which way I cracked up laughing as J fell off the bench surprised.
Later on that week though, I was rewarded with another bout of noises when one of our cooks was trying to ask a question about one of her orders that he couldn't decipher her chicken scratch, so he innocent tapped her side to get her attention and she jumped a foot in the air and make a yelp.
Ok I needed more of these sounds in my life, I have a new goal. Not sure how I'm going to accomplish this but, its a goal none the less.
Well the week ended with her breaking a record number of dishes and plates and I'd love to tell you I concocted some elaborate scheme to tickle her as punishment but Alas I was sticking with the whole firing thing. Sadness these noises will never happen.
So, I called her to the office, and took a quick bathroom break to center myself, and prepare to do the whole adulting, you no longer work here thing I hated about the job. Well I turn the faucet on in the sink and the pipe makes a horrific sound that is accompanied with groaning noises and all sorts of water going everywhere. Lovely, place is flooding now. F My life. Now, I don't know what I'm doing but I know the pipe broke before the shutoff valve so Good game pipe you win. I rush out and try to call the boss no answer, my cousin, no answer, the three boys in the kitchen don't know anything about plumbing and I'm freaking out at this point because I'm good with fire, that's easy to handle? Water? not so much. Run back to the bathroom to find the water stopped and J mopping up the mess already, Apparently she knew where the main shutoff was and dealt with it.
-Sigh- Now firing you is going to be ALOT harder... She asked me if I wanted her to fix the mess and I'm like sure, go ahead knowing well I didn't want to mop that up myself so, told her I going out for a cigg break and I'd help her when I got back. I took my break and finally got a hold of a plumber who told me from what it sounded like I was looking at 500 to fix all of that minimum and if I wanted it fixed now it was going to be double time because it was a sunday.
I walk in and Chel asks me what's up? I update her and ask her if she can handle the rest of the mess I'll go tell miss J the bad news and she grabs me by the arm as I passed.
"Wouldn't do that Nic, check the bathroom first".
"She mopped up the mess, I appreciate it, but now I'm going to be a grand in the hole for a plumber, on top of all the stuff she broke, trying to limit my losses for one week"
"Just shut up and check the bathroom" She gives me a sly smirk and goes out for a Cigg.
So I scamper off and find J in the doorway of the Bathroom staring blankly in, so I took the liberty to walk up behind her and grab her sides really quick and in her ear "Are you slacking?". She hits the roof, and also hits new octaves I haven't heard a human make before, giggling and falling into me and I realize she's soaking wet from the waist down.
(Hey one last one for the road?)
J goes into her usual apologizing routine and I have to shush her, and that's when I looked past her to find the sink fixed and a new pipe in place. That's when I realized she had a portable welder thing in her hand.
"What?...?"
"I'm so sorry, I asked you if you wanted me to fix it so I got my torch and Chelsea found some copper pipe in the back so, I thought .. I'm sorry I should have been more clear"
"...What? Why do you have a Welder?"
"Oh! My jeeps getting a little old and the exhaust keeps falling apart and *Insert car talk I could not understand less about* So I keep a kit handy for road side fixes, Its not really how its supposed to be fixed but it'll hold all the same and plumbers are rather expensive" She stopped for a moment
"I'm fired by the way aren't I?" She looked at me with sad blue eyes, soaking wet and gathering her stuff up.
I stared at her blankly, this girl wasn't as oblivious as she looked. (Damnit)
"No!.. I just wanted to see how you were doing at the end of the week..yeah I'll see you tomorrow?" (Welp by my accounting She hasn't broken over a grand in inventory yet so I guess I'm ahead of the game still, maybe she'll improve?)
Her eyes lit up like Christmas came early and she gives me a hug, only to realize she's still soaking wet and takes a few paces back trying to apologize again.
It actually made me laugh, I sat there shaking my head at her "This isn't the kind of wet I planned on being tonight, but I guess there's worse things"
She looked at me blankly and I could tell what she was about to say.
"I'll tell you when you're older, just get some sleep".
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There was some light tickling in this, it basically sets the scene for her following week here. If anyone enjoyed and wants to hear Part 2 Just leave some critique.
A little pretext to this. For those who don't know me, I worked at a bar for the last 15 years and now pretty much run the place. This goes back three years ago when I first met the person I'm now dating. We'll call her J mostly because I don't like typing out her crazy first name and if she reads this and sees a typo I'm in trouble
----------------------------------------------------------------------
I get a call from my boss telling me I had an interview scheduled at two, which was a little odd for him because I handled all of the interviews, hiring etc and he rarely ever set anything up himself so I was half intrigued. It was from an old friend of his, his daughter needed a job and for whatever reason couldn't find one local so I was to interview her and give it to her as long as nothing outrageous happened in the interview. So show up = Get Job. Got it. J.R Lives in "Hour away city" You know what? not going to ask, whatever. I figured I was in for a hell of a ride so I grabbed some coffe and prepared myself.
J comes in dressed in overalls, work boots no makeup, nails unpainted in fact if it wasn't for the farmgirl curves I could have mistaken her for a dude from 20 feet away. Tomboy through and though. Sweetest thing I've ever had the pleasure of meeting. Yes Ma'am, No Ma'am she was complete southern charm and proper. Dirty blonde, blue eyes, very cute. Great You got the job sign here. You start Monday.
Now I told Chelsea my wait-lead she's got another one to break in, they'd get along wonderful (Chelsea's almost 6 foot, Redhead, Green eyes, and 190lbs of Irelands finest brick shithouse, Cowgirl in every sense of the word, interests include barrel racing, bull riding, bull roping (That's a thing?) and Sado-Dom Nympo sexual adventures (I don't think she understands what a safe word is, and has had to tell her in the past to stop scaring off the busboys and using my bar as her personal tinder account) BUT She's momma bear in the place and hurting her girls will ensure you have the most unpleasant of nights and my back parking lot has no cameras and occasionally gators. Anyway back to the story she appears in a couple of my adventures so description provided if people enjoy my word salad and want to hear more.
Now I only meant their farm/cowgirl lifestyle because J seemed the polar opposite, about as vanilla and innocent at snow. So J's first week goes terribly, she's awkward seems out of place, and clumsy as all heck, one event of note is Our backroom is pretty nice, has two couches fridge, microwave half the time you'll see someone curled out between shifts, its a pretty close family kind of setting. Now J's laying across one of the benches at the table, Chel roped her into driving her somewhere after work which meant her having to stay an extra hour past her shift. So she got comfy kicked her boots off and took a nap in the backroom. I'm laying on the couch treating a migraine, which is across from the tables so I got a good view and I hear Chel come in and start changing out of her work clothes and as usual she's half naked not giving a care to the world. nothing new. (I graduated with this girl, nothing surprises me anymore).
J was dozed out asleep and didn't hear Chel call her name until she walks past the bench and Swipes her claws down the foot hanging off the bench to wake her up. The noise that came out of her mouth was glorious it was a mix between a mouse and that noise puppies make when they whine. Either which way I cracked up laughing as J fell off the bench surprised.
Later on that week though, I was rewarded with another bout of noises when one of our cooks was trying to ask a question about one of her orders that he couldn't decipher her chicken scratch, so he innocent tapped her side to get her attention and she jumped a foot in the air and make a yelp.
Ok I needed more of these sounds in my life, I have a new goal. Not sure how I'm going to accomplish this but, its a goal none the less.
Well the week ended with her breaking a record number of dishes and plates and I'd love to tell you I concocted some elaborate scheme to tickle her as punishment but Alas I was sticking with the whole firing thing. Sadness these noises will never happen.
So, I called her to the office, and took a quick bathroom break to center myself, and prepare to do the whole adulting, you no longer work here thing I hated about the job. Well I turn the faucet on in the sink and the pipe makes a horrific sound that is accompanied with groaning noises and all sorts of water going everywhere. Lovely, place is flooding now. F My life. Now, I don't know what I'm doing but I know the pipe broke before the shutoff valve so Good game pipe you win. I rush out and try to call the boss no answer, my cousin, no answer, the three boys in the kitchen don't know anything about plumbing and I'm freaking out at this point because I'm good with fire, that's easy to handle? Water? not so much. Run back to the bathroom to find the water stopped and J mopping up the mess already, Apparently she knew where the main shutoff was and dealt with it.
-Sigh- Now firing you is going to be ALOT harder... She asked me if I wanted her to fix the mess and I'm like sure, go ahead knowing well I didn't want to mop that up myself so, told her I going out for a cigg break and I'd help her when I got back. I took my break and finally got a hold of a plumber who told me from what it sounded like I was looking at 500 to fix all of that minimum and if I wanted it fixed now it was going to be double time because it was a sunday.
I walk in and Chel asks me what's up? I update her and ask her if she can handle the rest of the mess I'll go tell miss J the bad news and she grabs me by the arm as I passed.
"Wouldn't do that Nic, check the bathroom first".
"She mopped up the mess, I appreciate it, but now I'm going to be a grand in the hole for a plumber, on top of all the stuff she broke, trying to limit my losses for one week"
"Just shut up and check the bathroom" She gives me a sly smirk and goes out for a Cigg.
So I scamper off and find J in the doorway of the Bathroom staring blankly in, so I took the liberty to walk up behind her and grab her sides really quick and in her ear "Are you slacking?". She hits the roof, and also hits new octaves I haven't heard a human make before, giggling and falling into me and I realize she's soaking wet from the waist down.
(Hey one last one for the road?)
J goes into her usual apologizing routine and I have to shush her, and that's when I looked past her to find the sink fixed and a new pipe in place. That's when I realized she had a portable welder thing in her hand.
"What?...?"
"I'm so sorry, I asked you if you wanted me to fix it so I got my torch and Chelsea found some copper pipe in the back so, I thought .. I'm sorry I should have been more clear"
"...What? Why do you have a Welder?"
"Oh! My jeeps getting a little old and the exhaust keeps falling apart and *Insert car talk I could not understand less about* So I keep a kit handy for road side fixes, Its not really how its supposed to be fixed but it'll hold all the same and plumbers are rather expensive" She stopped for a moment
"I'm fired by the way aren't I?" She looked at me with sad blue eyes, soaking wet and gathering her stuff up.
I stared at her blankly, this girl wasn't as oblivious as she looked. (Damnit)
"No!.. I just wanted to see how you were doing at the end of the week..yeah I'll see you tomorrow?" (Welp by my accounting She hasn't broken over a grand in inventory yet so I guess I'm ahead of the game still, maybe she'll improve?)
Her eyes lit up like Christmas came early and she gives me a hug, only to realize she's still soaking wet and takes a few paces back trying to apologize again.
It actually made me laugh, I sat there shaking my head at her "This isn't the kind of wet I planned on being tonight, but I guess there's worse things"
She looked at me blankly and I could tell what she was about to say.
"I'll tell you when you're older, just get some sleep".
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There was some light tickling in this, it basically sets the scene for her following week here. If anyone enjoyed and wants to hear Part 2 Just leave some critique.
