People Who Can Dish It Out AND Take It During Conflict

[DebonairDavid]

Through a lot of self-reflection and having to learn a lot of things the hard way over the years, I've learned to be honest with myself when it comes to how I present myself and the conflicts I occasionally get into, which has often led to me willingly admitting I'm wrong whenever someone makes me realize I was. While they're satisfied with that, it doesn't always mean they're willing to do the same thing when the situation's reversed, because no one likes having to live with or admit guilt. What I find interesting is when I admit to my own wrongdoing while also calling the other person out on theirs, and how that (not saying this in an arrogant way) more or less pulls the rug out from under them because they didn't think I'd do that. They can't be angry at me while also not being angry at themselves, so it shuts them down. How many of you know a person who's capable of doing this as well, and how many of you have been in situations like this?

 

[Not A Fed]

I used to play that game. "Admitting fault while calling them out on theirs". -- To me, that was a game. To me now, that's cruel. I'm not the best at being self aware of when I've fucked up, and before I'd blindly fight against it. I'd not care. I just wanted to be right, regardless. -- Nowdays, I take more time to read and listen to when I'm fucking up somewhere. And try to fix that. -- If they have done something wrong, I know I can get to that in time. But it matters more, nowadays for me, to take responsibility for my fuck up and then go from there.

Them first, me second, basically. Because I know I can sit on things and wait it out.

 

[DebonairDavid]

I used to play that game. "Admitting fault while calling them out on theirs". -- To me, that was a game. To me now, that's cruel. I'm not the best at being self aware of when I've fucked up, and before I'd blindly fight against it. I'd not care. I just wanted to be right, regardless. -- Nowdays, I take more time to read and listen to when I'm fucking up somewhere. And try to fix that. -- If they have done something wrong, I know I can get to that in time. But it matters more, nowadays for me, to take responsibility for my fuck up and then go from there.

Them first, me second, basically. Because I know I can sit on things and wait it out.

This reminds me of when I had this falling out with this coworker almost a year and half ago. To be clear, I quit that place 2 years ago but still go there on occasion because they have good food and I've made a lot of friends there. I had a lot of issues because of my difficult upbringing and lack of support for my Autism at the time, which led to me engaging in Nice Guy Syndrome while around her because I had a crush on her which I had a very hard time getting over (even though she found me attractive as well and we were in a situationship). After this one fight, I ended it with her because I realized how problematic my behavior was, and later wrote a list of grievances to management (which I now wish I could've wrote in a way that kept my integrity intact). Although I talked about all the problems she had with me, I flipped the situation around and told her off as well. Despite my efforts to bury the hatchet with her so this animosity doesn't rear it's ugly head again in the worst possible way and at the worst possible time, the manager still hasn't said anything about her agreeing to do that, and now I honestly don't care anymore. I don't know if she's worked on herself since that fall out, so I'm left to believe she still hates my guts despite being just as guilty in her own right. Thankfully I've worked on myself, so if her and I do somehow cross paths again, I honestly believe its only bring out the ugliness in her whereas I'm not going to stoop to her level.

 

[Not A Fed]

I could tell you were Autistic upon reading your posts. I recognize and relate to how blunt you are. Like when you asked me the questions you did in the other thread. It's a struggle because much of the way we find ourselves speaking (read: bluntly, appearing to not have care for the other) are difficult. It's hard to alternate from a familiar method of acting that has always produced results for the most part. -- Knowing to temper that, or trying harder to give more space to those who need it is tough but necessary for them.

The best thing you did here is acknowledge what you did as being wrong and take steps to possibly prevent it from happening down the road.

 

[Not A Fed]

Everyone is essentially on the spectrum. It just varies in degrees.

 

[hopefulscrambl]

I have one best friend who, yeah, is like that - if you were to say "no, you're being unreasonable", she'd genuinely listen even when mad.

It's weird how that's such a rare trait I can only think of one person I know who'd do it reliably, but yeah, there are people out there

 

[DebonairDavid]

I have one best friend who, yeah, is like that - if you were to say "no, you're being unreasonable", she'd genuinely listen even when mad.

It's weird how that's such a rare trait I can only think of one person I know who'd do it reliably, but yeah, there are people out there

After she does listen and admit to her mistake, does she flip the situation around and shine the spotlight on the other person?

 

[Not A Fed]

In what way can you back that up with science?

I'm sure if I cared enough I could bring you links to studies. For me personally, it's just experiences with people. I know you preference standing in complete, fully backed scientific evidence, and I could provide it but it's just common sense if you reflect on interactions with other people. Do you notice people who constantly have to stim but otherwise that's all? Perhaps someone who is overtly socially awkward in how they engage with other people? But otherwise that's it? Those are all elements of being on the spectrum. Society largely will refer to those actions as "quirks". But it's no different than what someone diagnosed with autism does.

 

[Not A Fed]

I'm not going to accept some claim based on word of mouth or personal opinion

Personal experience. That's fair. You can do your research. 🙂

 

[Not A Fed]

No, I'm not doing that, and its NOT because I'm too lazy or whatever to do so. The principle of the matter is YOU opened your mouth and presented some claim, so if you want me to take you seriously, then YOU back up the claim by presenting the evidence supporting it. By you more or less admitting you don't want to because you don't care enough to do so, you're digging yourself a deeper hole, so you might as well leave that mouth open so you can stick your foot into it.

lol calm down

 

[Tickleslave83]

I can say that having watched a tremendous number of these videos about autism every day for over a year or more one of the things that they consistently bring up is that it's an erroneous thing to claim that everybody is on the spectrum, that is just patently not true and people would rather that that not be said. Autism is a condition that severely impact your life, some people may have traits that are somewhat resembling autism but that doesn't make you autistic, autism is a diagnosable disability, it's possible to self diagnosed but the vast majority of people are not autistic because autism has a very deep impact on your life, only about one or 2% of the population is autistic, so it's not accurate to say that everybody is on the spectrum, that is just blatantly false.

 

[Not A Fed]

some people may have traits that are somewhat resembling autism but that doesn't make you autistic.

Exactly. 🙂 Your entire post despite you disagreeing validates what I stated with this statement.

 

[Not A Fed]

*Facepalm Please stop shitposting. You have no idea what you're talking about.

I'm not, you're just unsatisfied with my replies and unable to engage with them beyond asking for scientific evidence which is easy enough to Google. However, because you don't like what I have to say means nothing toward whether I have knowledge or not.