Pokemon Poetry.

[Low_Roads]

This is the first (and the shortest) of 3 main categories of non-tk contributions which I intend to begin. My aim is to toggle to-and-fro amongst these threads weekly in random fashion, until all material is exhausted.

On the first of January 2001, I began internet communication as a means of remaining in contact with distant friends (more immediate than snail-mail, cheaper than phone calls). One of our group's first little stay-in-touch projects was a swap of Pokemon-themed poems. From humble two-line couplet beginnings, these verse sessions soon turned quite elaborate, with each offering attempting to out-do the last. Presented tonight is the first installment of my end of the deal:


In Praise of Pocket Monsters

Beedrill stings are nasty things.
Perhaps a Muk can soothe ‘em.
While Diglett mounds can wreck your grounds.
You need Snorlax to smooth ‘em.

For every Pokefiend there is,
A Pokefriend you’re sure to find:
If Meowth is snapping at your heels
Or Growlithe nipping your behind,
A Mr. Mime serves tasty meals
And Drowzee balms your labored mind.


Those Naughty, Naughty Pokemon

Gastly is a frightening chap
Who’ll scare your girl into your lap
(Perhaps, in fact, he’s not that bad),
While Pidgey’s gusts of swirling dirt
Are sometimes apt to lift a skirt.
Oh, naughty boy! (Oh, clever lad!)


Vine Time

Ivy covered cottage; ivy covered door;
Ivy covered everything, for I’ve an Ivysaur.


Surfer Dude

You like ‘em rad and buffed, with ‘tude?
You cannot better Geodude!
He creams all other Pokie-men:
While they hang out, he's hangin’ ten!


Nursery Rhyme

Dire Dugtrio will poke their heads
Malignly into flower beds;
They’ll murder every bloom.
Beset from subterranean deeps,
No lawn’s immune, no garden sleeps
When triple maws consume.


One Sick Puppy

Rabid Granbull in my garden,
Tearing tulips with his blue lips!
How his foaming frenzies harden
My desire to flee!
Could my Rhyhorn win with Headbutt?
I’d unleash her could I be sure.
I don't really want one dead,
But better them than me!


Paean For the Thunder Bearer

Clever fellow, clad in yellow,
Ash’s pal and Rocket’s bane;
Swift in battle, armed with that ‘twill
Draw the lightning from the rain!

Problem solver, non-evolver,
Hiker hardier than pain;
Steeped in skill too, he’s the will to
Draw the lightning from the rain!

Friend to Brock and friend to Misty
(Also Tracy, but that’s iffy),
For their love he’ll toil and strain.
Champion of Pokemon!
They call him a favorite son,
Sing his praise and sing again!

To each Spearow, he’s a hero.
Meowths admire and make it plain.
Joy forever! Menace never
Has the mettle to remain
When he draws the lightning from the rain!


Meowth's Majesty

Standing shorter than a meter;
Swift and sly. What a guy!
Liar, saboteur and cheater!
Boo, Team Rocket, hiss!
James and Jessie sing his praises;
On their friend, they depend.
Chasing gelder all his days
Is his idea of bliss!


Psyduck's Red Glare

Don’t hand Psyduck firecrackers.
Such behavior courts disaster
(He’ll think that you said “fiber crackers”
And consume them all the faster).

Don’t hand Psyduck bottle rockets
(“Bottle” names get him confused).
He’ll gulp all you’ve got in stock
(Let’s hope a few have been defused).

Should he swallow all your fireworks
Near the barbecue’s warm glow,
Be prepared for fiery, dire works
(Grab good seating for the show).


De-Evolution or
Why Change Doesn’t Work

The great Darwin notion that species in motion
Are optimal, I find absurd.
The pup we prefer will soon turn to a cur
With a will that will not mind a word.

Oh, how I’d adore it if blithe Bulbasaur’d
Continue the cutie I crave!
Believe, when I warn that each morphing Rhyhorn
Births a cannon that cannot behave!

For a sweet little Eevee is best. I believe he
Could win any contest or show.
But with so many choices, I’m sure he hears voices
When a’evolving he does go.

Though you may find him scary, a kindly Clefairy
Is actually cunningly sweet.
But as crafty Clefable, he’s willing and able
To tumble you off of your feet.

While a Jigglypuff’s singing won’t set your ears ringing,
Please kindly don’t fall into snores.
‘Cause a Wigglytuff can be buffed and be rough,
And can cover your hiney with sores.

A Ponyta’s as pleasant as some jolly peasant,
But have a care how you a’rein him.
For a Rapidash, born to make hay with his horn,
Has an attitude: one can’t restrain him.

And if Charmander’s flame is both bonny and tame,
(Insufficient to kindle a candle),
Then a Charizard’s might sets whole cities alight
With a hauteur that’s too hot to handle.

I believe you agree, if you’ve listened to me,
That to remake your pet is to mar.
For if Pikachu, clever and innocent,
Ever evolved, could he still stay a star?
It’s a blessing to be as you are.


High Cooing

Wild, winged volcano,
Moltres’s tender blessing:
A clutch of fried eggs.


Blissey’s Blessed Duty

Was there ever caretaker darling or dizzy,
In doing her duty, as crazy old Blissey?
(One wonders, some days, as she tends to her charges).
Yet, could this pursuit for which she has been bred
Be the cause of the crises that cloud up her head?
One sometimes forgets how impossibly large is
The task that she tackles each day.
So, follow this narrative and you will find
The source of the stress that is sapping her mind:


“Igglybuff”

Igglybuff won’t take a nap.
He only wants to pout and cry.
Please, Blissey, take him in your lap
And sing him some sweet lullaby.


“Togepi”

Togepi’s in a chair.
Togepi’s on the stair.
All juiced up and on a spree!
Blissey, don’t let Toge pee!


“Elekid”

See the socket on the wall,
With warning lights that redden?
Well, Elekid has seen it all;
Don’t let him stick his head in!


“Pichu”

Pichu is feverish, with runny nose.
Pichu! Pichu! Pichu!
Who knows in which end this thermometer goes?
Pichu! Pi -- God bless you!


“Magby”

Magby likes to play with flames.
Candle games. Damage claims.
Blissey’s there to take all blames.
She better get a bucket.


“Cleffa”

Tiny Cleffa won’t eat mush.
She much prefers the flavor
Of Blissey’s bathroom toilet brush.
Please get the pump to save her!


“Smoochum”

Smoochum wants to kiss the boys.
She tells them lies, then takes their toys.
Best paddle her so she'll speak true
(And let’s all hope her folks won't sue).


One might comfortably ask, “Why at all stay concerned
When the more pains you take the less ease is returned?”
Blithe Blissey smiles, knowingly, and does not chide it.
Her effort for youngsters is her sacred passion.
Though toil in this office is leaving her ashen,
No trophy rewards like the knowledge provided:
The kids in her care will be better by far,
When they gain their adulthood, than non-loved ones are.

 

[Journia]

Incredible witty poems Littlebighead.

 

[Low_Roads]

Thank you, J! A lot more to come, though not immediately... Vintage Scripts and Tales From the Low Roads horror stories (non-tk) also on the horizon.

 

[SF85]

Nice little ditties you wrote there. I take it you won't be writing any more?

 

[TKLVR181]

LMAO LBH!!! I absolutly love pokemon...I laughed so hard at the cartoon refs you threw in there...rocket's bane indeed! I'm currently playing a pokemon gameboy game (Red Rescue Team--Senshi got it for me😉 ) and that darned Moltres is a pain in the rear! XD

~K

 

[Low_Roads]

Nice little ditties you wrote there. I take it you won't be writing any more?

Thanks DEV! Our (my buddies and my) interest in this poetry petered out after a couple of months (April or so of 2001)... at that point, I was really running on empty inspiration-wise. I haven't written any others since, and probably couldn't put a good one together now if I was being paid for it. But there are still plenty more to come! We've barely tapped my reserve... there are a good 160-some-odd such verses altogether. I'll present a second round here in two or three weeks.

LMAO LBH!!! I absolutly love pokemon...I laughed so hard at the cartoon refs you threw in there...rocket's bane indeed! I'm currently playing a pokemon gameboy game (Red Rescue Team--Senshi got it for me😉 ) and that darned Moltres is a pain in the rear! XD ~K

Pokemon Rescue! Oh, I definitely gotta get me one! I've seen it, and it looks great! A nice fresh variation on past Pokemon themes! Good for Senshi! He's a mighty clever fellow himself! Thank you, Karen! Folks may be amused by these lines in-and-of themselves, but only us true Poke-fanatics will really know how to appreciate them to the fullest! Onward, then! Vary your team, and frost that Moltres!

 

[TKLVR181]

frost that Motres!

I actually bulletseeded and electroshocked him to death...I'm a treeco with a pikachu as a buddy😛 It is a very intriguing game, one would think it would be on the level of the tween or teens, but I'll be darned if the mystery doesn't have me puzzled:s

~K

 

[Low_Roads]

I actually bulletseeded and electroshocked him to death...I'm a treeco with a pikachu as a buddy😛 It is a very intriguing game, one would think it would be on the level of the tween or teens, but I'll be darned if the mystery doesn't have me puzzled:s ~K

Hey, that's impressive! Treeco should be at a big disadvantage against fire Pokemon!

I can't tell much about the game except what's on the box, but it seems more wide-open than the usual Pokemon game (I really like the landscapes I've seen). No trainers, right? And I don't mind mysteries... if I get held up too long, I'll just consult a cheat site! (oh god, I'm totally hopeless!)

 

[TKLVR181]

Hey, that's impressive! Treeco should be at a big disadvantage against fire Pokemon!

I can't tell much about the game except what's on the box, but it seems more wide-open than the usual Pokemon game (I really like the landscapes I've seen). No trainers, right? And I don't mind mysteries... if I get held up too long, I'll just consult a cheat site! (oh god, I'm totally hopeless!)

So you'd think, but by this point you're at like, level thirty, and you're pretty tough.

Yeah, some of the scenery is impressive, you also meet Articuno, Ninetails, and at the moment I'm on my way to visit Groudon. No trainers, just a town of pokemon. And as to the mystery and getting held up, I've noticed the first three times or so you try a "master" pokemon you get your rear kicked, but after second or third time you can defeat it easier. *Stops hijacking thread*

~K

 

[Low_Roads]

Yay, I've ransomed back the thread! (not really highjacked at all... any Pokemon discussion is on-topic!) All the same, thanks for all the good Rescue Team info! This is definitely gonna be my next video game purchase!

 

[His Divine Shadow]

Geodude would make a good Surfer. He floated above everything (Although would that apply to his double-weakness, water?), after all. But maws on a Dugtrio? They had no mouths! =P And "toge pee," eh? XD

You know what, though? I still like Team Rocket (Meowth, Jessie, and James) after all this time. After all, Mewtwo let them keep their memories as he departed his mountain hideaway in his second movie (And they do good so often).

*Sigh* It's been too long since last I played. Perhaps Diamond and Pearl will cause me to pick up the habit again.

 

[Low_Roads]

Believe me, I really got it good for my bouts of poetic license (like rock-Pokemon Geodude not dissolving from the surf-spray! XD) when I sent these out originally! Happily, none of the other contributors was sticking very close to the canon either, so it all evened out. I can't think of specific instances, but I'm sure that further examples of egregious error will be upcoming (especially when we get into the "song" inspired verses).

Yeah, I've always been fond of Team Rocket too (hey, these guys have a talking cat! You gotta love that!) Anime seems to draw a distinct line between "rogues" (Jessie, James and Meowth might just as well be Lady Grandis and her two sidekicks from the Blue Water series) and the irredeemably bad "villains". They're sorta the "Ugly" in Sergio Leone's Good, Bad and Ugly equation... players, but without the rigid purity of the Hero and Villain, and frequently present for humor. Not that the Pokemon anime needed a lot more humor... Ash's ego trips, Misty's carping and Brock's leering provided flaws enough for an army of cartoon characters!

 

[TKLVR181]

Aw, TR is awesome. If the guys never met Jessie they'd be good candidates for Ash's team😉

I'm beating the game tonight, if all goes according to plan (meaning I get more than fifteen minutes alone with my gameboy XD)

~K

 

[Low_Roads]

Aw, TR is awesome. If the guys never met Jessie they'd be good candidates for Ash's team😉

Poor Jessie, having to wear the lion's share of the blame for Team's R's rascally nature! It is true though... she does seem to be the group's driving impetus, despite her frequent bouts of nostalgia; Meowth... well, you get the feeling he'd buddy up with anyone who'd bother to talk to him; and you just know James would be content to lounge in frilly dresses all day long without a strong team-mate to goose him out of lethargy!

I'm beating the game tonight, if all goes according to plan (meaning I get more than fifteen minutes alone with my gameboy XD)

More than fifteen free minutes on a Saturday night... good luck! :laughing:

 

[Low_Roads]

Round 2:

Hot Dogs

My barbecues were awful sights.
The fuels I’d use proved scary ones.
But now I’m using proper lights:
Those flame-producing Flareons!


Waterworks

There was a fountain in the town
That, sadly, broke completely down,
Until a scheme they hit upon:
Employ themselves Vaporeon!


Fugucide

Observe the sly Qwilfish:
Balloon-like in format,
With needle and spine
To dissuade foes that dine.
Reluctantly, we’ll wish
To take her apart,
That an edible slice
Can be served at high price.

She’s carved with great care,
For an awkward incision
Releases a juice
Which brings patrons abuse.
We don’t need that scare,
As good eating’s our mission!
So, try a nice plate
(If your will’s up to date).



A Pleasant Day at Poke-Beach

If you should favor sunny shores,
Observe these words of caution:
Foul creatures creep the deep, of course,
And horrors haunt the ocean.
The best advice that I can give,
Is keep them well away and live!

So take a tip from one who knows,
And do not mess with Gyarados.

If you are wise, don’t cross the path
Of proud, pugnacious Polywrath.

A Kingler’s crushing claws are sharp,
As are the teeth of Magikarp.

The stunning shock from Seaking’s horn
Could leave a granite mountain torn.

While Seadra spouts a torrid stream,
The Dewgong’s ire turns sea to steam.

And one would have to be a fool
To tangle with a Tentacruel,

Or brave a grimmer fate by far:
The sucking arms of Omastar.

So mind my prate or plunge on in;
The world adores a winner.
But own your fate if there’s a fin
And you’re a fishy’s dinner.


Guardian Spirit

Celebi amuses me
With tales of secret midnight jaunts.
She trips as quiet as can be
Through hidden paths no other see
(Beneath the lake and over tree)
To spy the specters in their haunts.

Howe’er they prey, she knows that way
And shares the learning with her friends
(The crawling, creeping vapor trail;
The bony hand to clutch one’s tail;
The snow-white, silken sheets that sail)
To save us all from sordid ends.

She knows the meat they crave to eat
And seeks to rob them of their food;
To guard all travelers when they stray,
That famished phantoms waste away
(Evaporate with breaking day),
And purify our haunted wood.


Twenty Pound Marshmallow (Toasted)

Cyndaquil! Oh!
Where’s my pillow?
Did you eat it in the night?
You did, thank you!
Now I’ll spank you!
Yiii! Don’t set the bed alight!


A Very Short Musical Career
or Charmed, I'm Sure

Coiled inside a wicker basket,
Arbok’s poised to spread its hood.
Is there danger? Do not ask it,
Or you will be bitten good.

Grab a flute and learn sonatas:
Tame with music, that’s the test!
Tunes that hint of rippling waters
Are the ones it likes the best.

Arbok, swaying to the rhythm!
Talent agent waits to sign!
Here’s your chance! Leave Arbok with him
As you ink the dotted line.

Dream of concert glory shatters
When you see your partner strike.
Poisoned agent’s all that matters.
Suck the juice out, if you like.


She-Saw

Sudowoodo would’a sued;
Someone chopped her, she’s not chipper.
Sudo would, but it’s no good:
First the crosscut, then the ripper.

Sudowoodo doesn’t care.
Upon the lathe, she found ennui.
They made of her an antique chair
(Sure, it’s fake, but so was she).


Moon Dancers
(after T.S. Eliot)

Clefairy, attend! The moon’s alight!
Clefairy, come out. Selene calls!
Clefairy, our friend, the time is right.
Please come grace us all with your Lunar Waltz.

Clefairy, behold! The air is clear.
Clefairy, the grounds are bright with salts.
Clefairy, we’re told the time is near.
Your partners await for their Lunar Waltz.

Clefairy, you know the steps and moves.
Clefairy, don’t fear that we'll break false.
Clefairy, aglow, the moon approves
This glorious gala, our Lunar Waltz.

Clefairy, they say moon’s home to thee.
Clefairy, your flight would dim our halls.
Clefairy, please stay, that always we
May sway to the sweep of your Lunar Waltz.


The Last Straw

If Pidgey pie you’d like to try,
You’re going to need a Pidgey.
To keep one fresh is quite a chore.
He is impossible to store!
With Gust attack, and Swift and more,
He's fatal to your ‘fridge, he.

A vegan fare you might prepare,
If meaty meals won’t answer:
While Bayleef’s flavor smacks of beef,
Attempts to eat him end in grief.
His Solarbeam and Razor Leaf
Are certain to unman, sir.

So, what defames the rocky games?
They now appear your top ploy:
While gravied Graveler sounds like food,
Your labored jaws won’t find it good.
Defensive Curl and Harden would
Provoke your teeth to drop, boy.

But don’t despair! You’ve one last prayer,
Although this meal’s not common:
The misty Gastly you should choose;
To a condenser then induce;
Reduce his gas into a juice;
And suck him through a straw, man.


Torch Song

Anxious Ash trains Charizard
In a technique that’s been barred.

Mr. Ketchum’s not above its
Use to gain the badge he covets.

They attempt this risky move,
Hopeful that their skills improve.

Charizard spits too much heat,
Wrapping Ash up in a sheet.

Ash combusts for quite awhile,
Downcast at the sloppy style.

Nothing’s left on Brock's return.
He sifts Ash into an urn.

 

[His Divine Shadow]

A Kingler’s crushing claws are sharp,
As are the teeth of Magikarp.

Impossible. Magikarp isn't good for anything but evolving into Gyarados ... or was there one thing? Personally I prefer Kabutops in terms of water types. Kingdra perhaps as a non-prehistoric example.

HDS remembers the Pokemon episode with the Clefairy and the moon. I don't remember exactly how it went, although I remember a space ship. And Ash in to an urn, hee! Good thing that boy was part asbestos in the television series, considering how often he was fried or shocked. 😛

 

[Low_Roads]

Impossible. Magikarp isn't good for anything but evolving into Gyarados ... or was there one thing? Personally I prefer Kabutops in terms of water types. Kingdra perhaps as a non-prehistoric example.

No, you're right... Magikarp (even the golden ones!) are pretty useless! Once again, I employ poetic license (which I'm gonna have revoked if I keep bending the rules so hard!) in an attempt to use up as many species as possible. The goal was to have some solo focus for each of the Pokemon types... at the time, that amounted to only 200 to 250, I think. I eventually did it, but not all of the poems are worthwhile and I don't intend to present every one I wrote back then. Magikarp will have a further carnivorous adventure later on (quite right! I never learn!), and there is a rather brutal outing involving Kabutops; I'll make it a point to include the latter in the next round of poetry.

HDS remembers the Pokemon episode with the Clefairy and the moon. I don't remember exactly how it went, although I remember a space ship. And Ash in to an urn, hee! Good thing that boy was part asbestos in the television series, considering how often he was fried or shocked. 😛

Yeah, Ash got french-fried pretty regularly! Happily, cartoon characters prove generally rather elastic. Makes me wonder what the coyote ever hoped to accomplish with his raft of Acme shenanigans... if the backfiring gimmicks never put him out of commission, why would he believe they'd ever stop anyone else!

 

[Low_Roads]

Round 3:


Alphabet Stoop

Those Unown letters in her soup
Convinced Zapdos to fly the coup.
But Articuno tracked her well.
She’s now secured in rubber cell.


Oily Returns

Never nosh a Quagsire sandwich:
Quagsire meat is full of grease.
Caustic juice will make your hand twitch,
And your bowels will find no peace.


Cut-up

Snip, snip here; clip, clip there;
Nicely grooming your fine hair.
You can find no barber lither
Than the skilled tonsorial Scyther.


Foiled Again

Farfetch’d likes to wield his greens
And brandish them at people’s spleens
(He thinks he’s Errol Flynn).
But should he aggravate Slowpoke,
The sluggard may not get the joke
And Basil Wrath-Bone him.


Petal Extremities

Sunflora sticks her smiling mug
Into the path of any bug
Who’s keen on pollination.
Should Butterfree or Beedrill try her,
They’d best hope that their desire’s
There for the duration.

Sunflora is the healthy sort
Who won’t quit trying while her sporting
Spirit hasn’t lost it.
Of course her reputation’s bad!
She leaves her partners raving mad
And totally exhausted!


Brain Pain

Ouch! Ouch! Ouch! Ouch!
That is Psyduck’s call.
Please won’t someone give this guy
A pair of Tylenol?


Goby Dick

Remoraid’s a mighty whale (Remoraid’s a little squirt).
He can thrash you with his tail (If he flicks you, he’ll get hurt).

Remoraid has jaws to fear (Remoraid has baby teeth).
He can plunge to fathoms drear (He gets queasy underneath).

Remoraid makes Melville rave (Remoraid’s skills do not rate).
He will send you to your grave (He will end up on your plate).


Munchausen Syndrome

Sneasel hasn’t got a cold.
He’s just as well as you or me,
So don’t believe those lies he told.
He isn’t on death's door, you see.

The problem’s that confounded name,
Which garners him his sympathy.
You wonder if he’d act the same
If “I’mjustfinesl” it would be.


The Bottle in the Worm

Sing the song of Larvitar,
Who liked to bounce from bar to bar.
His damaged bladder sets his story
Half inside the Larvitory.


Time Travelers

Sailing savagely through prehistoric skies,
Aerodactyl skims the ocean waves and tries
To snag a tasty Omanyte.
Should this horror hover over-near the land,
Razored, clutching claws are hidden close at hand
To drag him into feral fight.

The crazy carnivore Kabutops will prey
Any hapless scraps of meat that chance his way.
A sudden lunge, and rage ensues.
As these titans of Triassic time contend
Which of them will triumph and whose life will end,
Cascading muddy death bespews.

For ten million years of peace, the two are wed
At frozen blows in rigid subterranean bed
With no audience to see ‘em.
In time, their pale remains will excavated be.
Freed once more, a future spectator will see
Their ancient hate in a museum.


Water Pipe

Foxy Vulpix lights his pipe
With fires from within.
Have a care, or Horsea there
Will put it out again.


The Tomb of Lugia

Locked in ancient arctic ice,
Rimmed with frozen pillars, heavens high
(Grim sentinels to her rest),
A sculpted, columned hall, thrice
Nidoqueen attended (they who cry
The misery all attest),
Serves the solemn citadel:
Negligent Death. No longer she soars
Our ink clouded ocean skies,
Or brings tide to ebb or swell.
Supine, within Slowking guarded shores;
Lonely, where lost hope lies.


Yule-Tide

Starmie tops the festive tree
With brilliant aspect all can see.
She often wishes she were free
From Christmas obligations.
Although she isn’t having fun,
She knows there’s duty to be done,
For Misty’s chosen her as one
Of her best decorations.


Show Off

Stantler claims that he can fly,
Like Santa’s favorite, Rudolph.
Instead, he plummets from the sky
(His mouth he shouldn’t shoot off).

He plunges swiftly into mire
(At least it broke his falling)
Abrim with ravenous Quagsire.
The carnage is appalling.

 

[Low_Roads]

Round 4:


Toad Under Cold Stone
(with apologies to William Shakespeare)

Take a rotten wrecking ball;
Add some plaster from a wall;

Sweepings from a gravel road;
Arms and ankles of a toad;

Taloned fingers, hard as horn;
Wobbled pads, two feet unborn;

Simmer slowly in a cream
Made of iodine and steam;
Buff the boulders ‘til they gleam;

Fix a head like a potata:
That’s the junk that Golem’s made’a.


The Murkrow
(with apologies to Edgar Allan Poe)

Once, upon a PokeCenter where I’d tried, in vain, to enter
(Thither I had gone with Seel to heal him of a Primeape blow);
In the lobby where I waited, just to grow unagitated,
I with crazed Murkrow debated, while we waited in that row,
Which, oh which of the Three Stooges was the leader in that show?
Quoth his ravin’: “Never Moe.”


Growlithe, Growlithe
(with apologies to William Blake)

Growlithe, Growlithe, barking right
At that Rattata in thy sight,
I must discourage thy design:
You might just change to Arcanine!

The frisky pup I loved of yore
Would be used up, my pal no more.
With new wild mien, how could it be
That he who chose Mareep chose thee?

So, Growlithe, Growlithe, yapping yet,
That Rattata may grow upset
And escalate to evolvee:
A Raticate could punish thee!


Politoed
(with apologies to Rudyard Kipling)

You can boast of Nidorina when you’re lounging in cantina,
Or praise Togetic while sporting down the road;
But if you’re consumed in battle and the chips are falling,
That’ll be the time you thank your stars for Politoed!

For, it’s Toed! Toed! Toed!
Oh, you scabrous, slimy misfit, Politoed!
Though I’ve kicked you in the vitals,
Still you’ve won me twenty titles.
You’re the best of all the Pokies, Politoed!


Juvie

Sunkern’s just a rotten sprout.
Ya see his shoit-tails hangin’ out.
He don’t know what it’s all about,
Da lousy little weed!
Ya see him swipin’ vintage soils.
He's crackin’ wise ta baby goils.
We tried our best, but all our toil’s
Too late! He’s gone ta seed!


Pariah

Let me introduce you to Porygon 2,
An animal of the computer.
She claims not to cause shakes, like her old namesake makes,
And I do not choose to dispute her.

No one thought it was fun when ol' Porygon 1
Held a nation a'tremble before him.
Yet, if not for this lad, who'd have heard of the fad?
I'd consider it fair to restore him.


Soft Toy

My poor Teddiursa! He pouts and he cries.
The rest of the Pokies all fun him.
He so much resembles a carnival prize,
They giggle that I must have won him.


The Cruelest Fate of All

Scratchy footprints on the sand;
It’s plain Kabuto’s close at hand!
Bolt tight the doors and shake and pray,
For Kabuto might head your way!

From sopping tide he creeps abroad
With his expression dour and odd.
The strongest man recoils in fear
When there is word Kabuto’s near.

Drag all the kids and pets inside!
Pull down the shades! In closets hide!
He can’t locate you where the hush is,
Nor peddle any Fuller Brushes!


The Wailing Siren

If you want a noise that’s grievous,
Take a listen to Misdreavus.
She will make your eardrums quake.
If you catch her, live alone,
Because the high pitch of her tone
Can keep entire towns awake.


The Flash

Like a lightning bottle rocket,
Gligar skips from tree to tree.
He’s so fast, you cannot clock it:
You can’t time what you can’t see.


Jigglypuff Piece

With solo mike, this little tyke
Prepares his tonsils for to strike.

A crowd surrounds to hear his sounds,
And light, warm-hearted mirth abounds.

He starts to sing a lilting thing,
But with an odd narcotic ring.

The notes drift on, and then, anon,
An eager fan begins to yawn.

Some nods, some snores, and then the roars
Of breaking waves on Morpheus' shores.

The ballads cease, as stunned, he sees
The pleasant party in its peace.

The concert ends. He leaves his friends
With inky scrawls to make amends.


A Pokemon Coronation

Nidoking and Nidoqueen
Decided regal life was keen.

Yet, they distained the awful hassle
Of constructing their own castle.

Contract work (I found this odd)
Was finally won by Metapod.

His hardened body worked the stone.
Within a week, the work was done.

The royal couple took a tour,
But Metapod’s design was poor.

The whole blamed structure tumbled down
And struck each monarch on the crown.

Lesson learned amongst the litter:
Don’t employ the lowest bidder.

 

[His Divine Shadow]

Larvitory, eh? 😛 And indeed, a brutal entry for Kabutops as noted! He was a brutal-looking one, though. And you did away with Stantler quite swiftly. :shocked: Those Poke-takes on classic works were excellent as was the reference to that famous seizure episode. 😛

 

[Low_Roads]

Larvitory, eh? 😛 And indeed, a brutal entry for Kabutops as noted! He was a brutal-looking one, though. And you did away with Stantler quite swiftly. :shocked: Those Poke-takes on classic works were excellent as was the reference to that famous seizure episode. 😛

Thanks so much, HDS! Very pleased that I could give one of your favorites (Kabutops) a solid workout! No doubt of it, he's a formidable beastie, a fighter one definitely wants on his team! Not terribly cuddlable, of course... no chance for heart-warming Ash/Pikachu-style moments with this guy! I mean, a little careless shifting with those knife-blade mits... "snik"! Double-amputee time! Yes... poor ol' Stantler. I've nothing against the character (I rather favor deer, as a rule), so's I really can't explain why I treated him so savagely. Whilst composing these, inspiration would arrive at odd times, in unexpected forms. Sure, why not... blame it on happenstance! And high marks for you! Very well spotted, Porygon the seizure-maker! That's so remote now... possibly the first notion western culture had of the Pokemon phenomenon (it's certainly the first time I became aware of them, though I'm frequently outside the loop, popular culture-wise). I'm terribly delighted that the romantic poet take-offs made a favorable impression! I only wish Shelly could have been worked into the mix; I attempted to parody Ozymandias several times, but never got anywhere. Fodder for a future effort (Right! Like I'm ever going to slap together another of these things ever again! And like any others will ever be needed. Tons more to come!)

 

[Low_Roads]

Round 5:


A Hippie's Pokemon

Electodes learn to Self-Destruct, a suicidal skill.
What does it gain to kill yourself, your enemy to kill?
I’d rather teach them how to share, like Delibird, with love,
And come to bless a velvet hand within a velvet glove.


A Capitalist's Pokemon

If I were astute, I’d concoct an alliance
Which contracted Voltorbs to power each appliance.
Our fortunes would soar as our bank account swells:
Shiny ducats for me and my bright voltage cells!


Hydrant Phobia

Blowing bubbles in the air,
Little Squirtle does not care
If the blooming flames consuming
Your poor home will burn you bare.

Should you have a fire scare
And he tells you he’ll be there,
Do not trust him! It’s his custom
To arrive, but just to stare.

His best buddy’s Dragonaire,
Firebug extraordinaire!
This I’ll posit: he’s a closet
Arsonist in hero-ware.


Round 68

Machamp punch! Machamp score!
Machamp star in "Rocky IV"!

Machamp just as hard as stone!
Machamp pummel Sly Stalone!

Machamp fight until he through!
Machamp beat up Tyson too!

Please no scoff and please no sneer
(‘Least he didn’t bite off ear!)


Many Mouths Make Light Lunch

Mankey hunts for Magikarp.
Wields a trident that is sharp.

Strikes with aim that does not fail.
Hangs from branches by his tail.

Mankey’s master with his skewer.
Magikarp are growing fewer.

They perceive that danger grows.
One transforms to Gyarados.

Mankey sees the fix he’s in.
Morphs to Primeape so he’ll win.

Big mistake! His tail is through.
Down he drops into the slough.

Primeape thrashes in the brine.
Magikarp converge to dine.

Tiny bites consume him all.
Just his trident marks his fall.


Princess

Our Goldeen loves her lovely bowl;
That's why we keep her in it.
We change the water once a week
(It only takes a minute).
Her comfy castle's just her size!
We find her choicest of all fries!
A glistening goby worth first prize!
If she'd compete, she'd win it!


Weapons in the Skarmory

A metal bird with metal wings:
The most incongruous of things!
Mechanics must have all laughed,
Until they thought it over some
And sketched designs that would become
The heavier-than-air craft!


You're a Guller

Kadabra croons that he melts spoons
Or any metal handy.
But there’s one such that he can’t touch:
The mettle of James Randi!


Whack-A-Mug

Should I care to bop Shuckle,
Depend that my luck’ll
Be tested, and so will my eye.
Who knows where his nose goes
Through those holes in his clothes?
He sure doesn’t! However could I?


The Way of Old Glory

Proudly to the field of honor!
Sound the drums! Here he comes!
(His opponent’s a sure goner)
Knight and steed in one!
Gallant Horsea takes his station,
Bold and strong; won’t take long.
Foes look up in consternation;
Now begins the fun!

His lance is a blast of water,
Cool and sweet. What a treat!
Though it makes his targets totter,
They find it refreshing.
Charging at a measured gate,
He’ll outrun anyone.
He can’t falter in this state,
Horse and rider meshing.

Vanquishing a Gyarados!
Save Starmie! Set her free!
Valor is the life he chose.
To the rescue streakin’!
His, the way of chivalry:
Standing tall, helping all.
That’s the way a life should be!
He is glory’s beacon!

 

[His Divine Shadow]

Wasn't that Squirtle in an episode early on? A gang leader or something? HDS can't recall anymore ... I like the Machamp one. What better for a four-armed brawler? A gruesome end to Mankey! Quite fitting with its behavior, at least concerning the episode where Ash's hat was stolen. I don't know about Horsea the valiant, though. I don't remember it being too sturdy. 😛


EDIT: That's where I saw the Horsea one before, in that Misty TK pic thread you made.

 

[Low_Roads]

That's where I saw the Horsea one before, in that Misty TK pic thread you made.

Quite right! Good memory, as that was better than two years ago! Bulbasaur, Mew and Spinerak will also see double duty when the time's right (never hurts to present old material in a new venue, if the lapse is long enough! One seems so much more productive that way!)

Wasn't that Squirtle in an episode early on? A gang leader or something? HDS can't recall anymore ...

Yeah... he wore cool shades, as I recall. And his posse had a real baddass title (I think so, anyway... my own memory is shaky in this regard).

That poem really is slanderous! Let me state it for the record: these verses aren't meant to reflect on species, only the individuals involved (there! That should slow any litigation!)

I like the Machamp one. What better for a four-armed brawler?

Thank you! The Rocky (and especially the Mike Tyson) reference was a lot more topical back when these poems were new!

A gruesome end to Mankey! Quite fitting with its behavior, at least concerning the episode where Ash's hat was stolen.

I've always had it in for Mankey for some reason... he didn't fare well in any of my poetry (a cross between a monkey and a pig... what kind of demented gene-splicing had Professor Oak been engaged in, anyway!)

I don't know about Horsea the valiant, though. I don't remember it being too sturdy. 😛

Just as I could never summon much affection for Mankey, Horsea always appealed to me! So, yeah, I stacked the deck quite a bit! Heaven knows what my reaction would have been had someone else savaged one of my favorites... foaming, most likely!

 

[His Divine Shadow]

Yeah... he wore cool shades, as I recall. And his posse had a real baddass title (I think so, anyway... my own memory is shaky in this regard).

The Squirtle Squad. Recalled it and then later remembered the reason I'd been thinking about it was your post.