Pokemon Poetry.

[Low_Roads]

Okay,
If you do get a DS and try to catch up let me know, I can give you any thing you'll need, (pokemon, tms, berries, items) You name it, I got it..................... and it's all free, no strings attached. ^_^

Grateful thanks, Jack! In all likelihood, I'll be in desperate need, too... my Poke-roster inevitably manages to be skimpier than it ought. "Gotta catch 'em all" may be the game's motto; "Gonna miss half the available critters" always manages to be mine!

although i know nothing of these things
your poetry, like your artwork brings
a sheer amazing wonder-like awe
in which one cannot find a flaw.

i had no idea of this poetry
it has a Lewis Carroll like symmetry
the jabberwocky comes to mind
i hope you are flattered by this find..

i plan on reading this bit by bit
i do believe i've found a hit
LBH you rock indeed
i must catch up to speed.

Verse for verse! Stunning, Izzy! And on such short notice, too... seems that "The Slug and the Hot-Tub" portended only a whisper of your lyric abilities! I couldn't be more impressed, Poet Laureate of the TTC (an unofficial title, maybe, but one offered straight from the heart!)

The Pokemon world does indeed boast a manner of tamed-down Lewis Carroll craziness, prime for coupleted exploitation (Jabberwocks and Mock Turtles find Japanese cousins in the wilds of Pallet Town and the Johto Islands... with nearly 500 species of Poke-beasties on review, it'd be darned odd if there weren't some crossover!) While I'd have preferred that each of these offerings be comprehensible without detailed understanding of the games, manga or cartoon series (many of them, in fact, stray far from the canon in terms of history, behavior, etc.), I fear that such background familiarity is needed for full comprehension. Hopefully, the provided meter and rhyme will compensate in its absence.

 

[His Divine Shadow]

I'm afraid I cannot match Izzy's poetical response. It should come as no surprise, that. :ggrin:

Dragonair in the loch! So many loved the Dratini>Dragonair>Dragonite evolution. I couldn't handle using a Pokemon that, powerful as it was, could be killed with one or two Ice Beam or Blizzard hits. 😀 The Macargo one is clever, each little piece of it! Ah, Tracy. There's a name I haven't heard in some time. I can't even recall what arc he inhabited ... maybe done after Orange Islands? I don't know. There were too many sidekicks to keep track of!

 

[Low_Roads]

I'm afraid I cannot match Izzy's poetical response. It should come as no surprise, that. :ggrin:

Now, don't be modest! Your rhymed reply to one of Bandito's TIS entries is verse equal to anything on the site! That you didn't attempt one here is no surprise... I just had a squint at the number of forum threads you've responded to in the past half hour! A hazard-and-a-half, blazing along at such reckless speeds! Suppose you have a blow-out!

Dragonair in the loch! So many loved the Dratini>Dragonair>Dragonite evolution. I couldn't handle using a Pokemon that, powerful as it was, could be killed with one or two Ice Beam or Blizzard hits. 😀

I remember Dragonite as being fairly tough. But then, I evolved mine up to 99 pretty quickly... very little competition gets the better of you at such levels! Originally, I was attracted to the line by Dratini, another adorable Poke-cutie. And this from a guy who can't stand snakes!

The Macargo one is clever, each little piece of it!

Thank you! I was rather flummoxed what to do with Macargo. A fire elemental by way of a slug... what the hell were these guys smoking!

Ah, Tracy. There's a name I haven't heard in some time. I can't even recall what arc he inhabited ... maybe done after Orange Islands? I don't know. There were too many sidekicks to keep track of!

All I remember for sure is that Tracy came onboard to replace Brock (second TV season, I guess). He was sort of a zero personality, but I thought he rated at least one mention. Once Brock returned (season 3?), Tracy got relegated to Professor Oak's research facility, where he did pretty much what he was doing all along... not much of anything.

I rather liked the idea of characters coming and going that way... it gave the series real-life credibility.

 

[Low_Roads]

Round 13:


The Shortest Possible Pokemon Poem

Oh oh!
Ho-Oh!


Seek and Ye Shall Find

Seeking wisdom? Seeking grace?
Seeking swiftness for the chase?

Seeking one to cross an ocean?
Seeking courage and devotion?

Seeking stabbing horn o'plenty?
Seeking one with worth of twenty?

Seeking strength to make of thee king?
Seek no more! I give you: Seaking!


Hull Busters

Corsola reefs raise lots of beefs
From those who sail the ocean.
If they move ‘round, you run aground,
So best proceed with caution.


Odor-able Flora

A Vileplume makes sick perfume
To stun unwary foes.
Observe this fact when you attack
Or take one on the nose.


Star Gazer

Abra’s good as you get!
First in the alphabet.
Though he's not active yet,
He’ll make his moves.
Rapt in consulting Mars,
Checking and rechecking stars,
So no bad karma bars
Which say he soothes.


Great Ball o' Splinters

Spiked and armored like a knight,
Gnashing Sandslash bounds to fight!
Shredding foes where e’er he goes,
You’ll wildly want him out of sight!

Tongs that tear and jaws of fright!
You will bray he has no right!
You’ll contest, but not arrest,
His spitting, savage, sinful spite!

Brace the gate with all your might.
There’s no help if he’s alight!
Blasted barriers! Soon he’ll tear yours,
Till the damning dust you bite!


Hypno-Sis (or Bro)

Is Poliwhirl a boy or girl?
I cannot tell, because
Each time I see that stomach swirl
My mind becomes a fuzz.


Hands Across the Watt, er –

Jolteon can spit a spark;
Electabuzz can spit one back.
If one is lighting up the dark,
The other works to make it black.

It's sure a shame they won’t team up.
With their potential, awfully nice
Is this idea they might dream up:
To solve our nation’s power crisis.


Dead Weight

Slowbro’s caught his tail inside
A lazy shell who's hitched a ride.
The bum has thumbed it from the tide
(He thinks he’s pulled a fast one).
But though this clam won't haul his weight,
Do not assume he’s worthless freight:
The last good meal that Slowbro ate
Was when he bore the last one!


Gatr Bait

Should you end up in the maw
Of masticating Croconaw,
You better rub her belly.
But if she’s noshed your fingers first,
I fear your fate will be the worst,
As she’ll chew you to jelly.

So, here’s a plan I recommend:
Convince the Sneasel, your old friend,
To hasten up to fight her.
Then, when he’s faced her open throat,
You boot his butt in with a note
To stroke it from inside her.


Pokie Laureate

“Why is Poliwrath so angry?”
That’s the query I would make.
For my blindness, you could hang me:
All his brutal ire is fake.

Do you think that I’m deluded
When I praise his sense of fun?
He inks better verse than you did
When the jury prize you won.

He beats Keats, makes Byron tirin’!
Browning cannot hold his socks!
Shelley’s feats are reckoned smelly
When his lyric genius talks!

How do I support my claim
That Poliwrath has found his Muse?
Read this writing: it’s not lame!
He pens the finest stuff I use!

 

[Low_Roads]

Round 14:


Circle of Life

Caterpie a’weaves her silk
‘Til she’s a net as white as milk,
And from this net she makes a shell,
And in this shell she then does dwell,
And in the shell she stays and stays
Until she’s been there thirty days,
Then Metapod, as hard as crust,
Will crack and crumble into dust,
And Butterfree from this cocoon
Will visit mountains on the moon,
Away from Earth and all its pain,
To breed and die and live again.


Due For Promotion

I’d dearly like to be the gent
Who books the fights for MewTwo.
He’ll never lose or even fade.
My lord! The money to be made
If he would take me as his aide
(I’d speak a word for you, too).


Reverse Psychology

Cubone wears his skull outside.
It sits aloft, beyond his hide.
I guess that is a source of pride;
I rather have my doubt.
No matter how he wields his stick,
I just can’t shake that noggin trick.
It makes him look as though a kick
Has knocked him inside out.


Indigestion

The little Weedle waved his sting
Before invading Entei.
The monster snickered, then did spring
(So far, he’d swallowed twenty).
The crew attacked him from inside.
He growled and howled and groaned and cried.
He coughed ‘em up and then he died
(I bet he rued it plenty!)


Split Personality

With compatibility like day and night,
It’s not a surprise to see Doduo fight.
He runs to the left and he runs to the right,
But at the same moment! A horrible sight!


So Unso

Sentret, sitting in my knitting,
Trembling in your underwear,
Your poor hide became untied
When careless needles snagged your hair.

One unraveled thread then traveled
With the wool I’m wont to twine.
Soon, you felt your pretty pelt
Evaporating, line by line.

Your unglued fur’s left you nude, sir.
Simple breezes send you shaking.
Please don’t cry! You still can buy
The lovely sweater I was making.


Little Pork Fauntleroy
or Bucking Ham

I keep my Swinub in a sty.
The sides are lined with logs.
They are the finest I can buy,
For he’s the best of hogs.
My pampered porker has his needs
Attended to with costly feeds.
A worthy upgrade, for his breed’s
Designed to dine in bogs.


Even on Points

Arms windmilling like a fan,
That’s the skill of Hitmonchan!
He wins rounds with every chop,
‘Til he faces Hitmontop!

Whirling wildly on his head,
Hitmontop fills foes with dread!
Flailing feet beat beast or man,
‘Til he faces Hitmonchan!


Pearls Before Swinub

Cloyster on the ocean floor,
Why don’t you trust me anymore?
Why hide your treasure in that reef
Unless you think that I’m a thief?

You can’t believe that angry mess
Of lies you heard from Forretress!
She’s such a klutz, how could she tell
Just when her pearl slipped from her shell?

So c’mon, please, let’s see that shiner!
I’ve returned from Carolina
Simply to revere its gleam
(And cop it in a jewel-heist scheme).


Grime Time

Down the ruined sewer system,
Where the bravest fear to go,
Grimers groan. Few can resist ‘em
When their drooling acids flow.

Mind the grates when you’re outside
On moonless midnights and you hear
Their sucking slaver. You can’t hide!
No haven’s safe should they appear!

Bars and locks are no defense
Against this hissing, hungry mud.
They will slide through cracks and vents
To steal your sweet, nutritious blood.

Take precautions they can’t foil.
It’s good advice to plug all drains.
Cross no manholes. Shun all toilets.
You’ll live longer for your pains.

 

[Low_Roads]

Round 15:


Cleanliness Is Next to Impossible

Arcanine’s is need of bathing.
Tidy him! Of this, you dream.
When you dunk him, though, it’s scathing,
Searing bursts of boiling steam.

How to spiff a sizzling pup
Without the vapor intervening:
In your auto load him up,
And treat him to a fine dry cleaning!


My Quilava

I love a Quilava, but don't get me wrong;
I love her because her attacks are so strong!

For her Flamewheel, I reel! I adore her Endure!
How her Flamethrower rules! How I idolize her!

Yes, I love a Quilava, so make no commotion,
Or I'll have to sic her on you as Typhlosion!


Style, with a Smile

A Skiploom sports a pretty bloom,
Petite, upon her hair.
She knows it pays to preen and groom,
Her Sunday best to wear.

Perhaps one day she’ll find a guy
Whose fashion sense won’t lag.
In fact, right now she’s got her eye
On sporty Poliwag.


Eggs Benediction

Exeggcute are sold in cartons.
That is wise: they crack with ease.
Do not pay for broke or part ones;
You don’t need them piece by piece.

Do not let them play together:
Bumping heads, they will not last.
Keep glue handy; patch them, rather
Than consume them for break-fast.


The Bad Trainer’s Bad End

My Pidgeot’s a lousy bum!
I rate a fighter much more plum.
He always earns ass-kickin’!
If he won’t straighten and fly right,
I might just eat him Sunday night
(I hear he tastes like chicken).

I match him with Girafarig
And once again he loses big.
I start my plans for dinner,
When all at once he thunders round
And in an instant gulps me down
(Swell! Now he proves a winner!)


Lame Excuse

Why cry, Weepinbell? What’s it all about?
“I try keepin’ well, but I’ve got the gout.
Bye, spry, for a spell. I’m not going out.
Buy my healin' gel, if it’s on your route.”


Get Your Kicks

Bellsprout! Bellsprout!
Pretty little Bellsprout!

Can you sway your hips about?
Do your feet skip in and out?

Would you do a hula dance
In the Moulin Rouge in France?

Can you trip a swinging jig
In Alaska, little twig?

Could you cut a rug in style
On a South Pacific isle?

How about a waltz or twist?
Can you think of moves I’ve missed?

Don't despair or fret or fray.
Mind your care another day!


Lactose Intolerance

A bovine Miltank and her ilk
Will sneak attack with squirting milk,
A shot most targets block late.
But, if grade-A can be resisted,
Try the other weapons listed:
Buttermilk and chocolate.


But I Want One!

I’ll answer with a hundred “no!”s:
You cannot own a Gyarados!
It’s not the cakewalk you suppose,
To train this beast that grows and grows.

A Magikarp you’d need to raise,
And tend to him for many days,
Insuring healthy course he stays.
He might find harm a thousand ways.

But when at last your dragon’s here,
Don’t feel you’re free to laugh and cheer.
To fill his gut would cost us dear,
When at each meal he downs a steer.

And experts find them tough to train.
If you grew groggy from the strain,
And Gyarados should snap his chain,
No single scrap of you’d remain.

So, plead no more! The question, close.
Respect the wording that I chose
To this request which you propose:
You cannot own a Gyarados!

 

[Low_Roads]

Round 16:


Let Me See the Guide Book

Those pretty mushrooms on her back
Make Paras think I won’t attack.
I fear she is deluded.
As deadly Pinsir, I will seize
As many victims as I please
And leave their bones denuded.

I sweep my weapon in an arc.
At once, my pinchers find their mark.
My chosen prey is beaten!
I chew the mushroom I cut off
And feel the final, fatal cough
From that toadstool I’ve eaten.


Painless Doc Hypno’s Extraction

See this length of knotted cord
And coin through which a hole’s been bored?
Well, stare at them intently.
How do you think I can extract
That wisdom tooth that's been impacted
Lest I tire you mentally?

Cooperate with me (you creep!)
Just close your eyes and go to sleep.
I’ll only be a minute.
Hurray! He’s nodded off at last.
I’ll just his money belt unfasten
To assess what’s in it.


Fall of the Flighty

Spearow: feared the countryside wide.
Fearow: speared, a country-fried side.


Smear Campaign

Care to scare a Donphan?
Donphan don't scare easy.
It's labor I took on, man...
The memory makes me queasy.

They said employ a Marill,
Although that part was tricky.
I did so at his peril...
Resulting stain was sticky.


Bluff in Cheap Clothing

Ariados adopts the clothes
Of sticky victims that he chose.

Who is to say which airs today
He’ll pick to trick unwary prey?

You might forget his gluey net,
If look he took from one you've met.

He’ll use disguise to spring surprise.
Destroy this ploy: who doesn’t, dies.


Still Life

Take Typhlosion, take Quagsire;
In a concrete bunker mix ‘em.
Edgy combo, surf and fire:
You’d need a hundred hands to fix ‘em.

Take the pulp you find remaining,
Cool it down, then make it hotter.
Into bottles, set it draining.
End result is: firewater!


Just For Kicks

Hitmonlee’ll make you feel
Every kick he sends your way.
Place white flag out or he’ll tag out
Any fighter on display.

Breaking bricks is just the trick
Selected to arouse dismay.
Sing the chorus! He’ll send horrors
In this bout and every day!


Hell Hath No Fury...

In gritty desert, full of dunes,
A buried Sandshrew tends her wounds:
She’s had a Pineco run-in.
When she is healed and hale once more,
She’ll certainly see it as her chore
To give that cone a dunnin’.

A vengeful Sandshrew’s not the sort
Of danger one would choose to court;
He’ll wish he could forget her.
So, if he’s got a lick of sense,
He’ll swiftly resume his pretense
That he’s a pine seed spreader.


Stained Character

Professor Oak can boast a muddied
Master list until you've studied
That elusive Pokemon, Suicune.
I fear that chances will be rare:
She hasn’t an established lair,
And plans to track her down collapse in ruin.

If you don’t mind deceitful moves,
Your chance for a success improves
By palming off a Growlithe dyed bright blue.
At last! Your Pokedex is done!
All worries are relieved but one:
Suicune will see the slander and bite you.


Poliwag Bucks Up

A brash and boastful Poliwag
Amused his fellows with the brag
That he, if he were Seadra-backed,
Could navigate a cataract.

Our Poliwag corralled his ride,
And, just to train her, tanned her hide.
The sorry Seadra bowed (but swore),
And mounted hero left the shore.

As they approached the waterfall,
The Seadra’s pace began to stall.
Our Poliwag flew through the air,
But his conveyance wasn't there.

 

[Low_Roads]

Round 17:


Nidorino's Lament

I took an Oddish by his hair
To drag him to his doom,
When suddenly (and most unfair!)
He turned into a Gloom!

I just abhor this sissy scheme!
I guess I am a cynic
(Though, I confess his Solar Beam
Has sent me to the clinic).


The Right Tools for the Job

I once went on a Gengar hunt;
It's not as easy as you think.
He's wilier than you could want,
And he can vanish in a blink.

But don't despair! You will not fail
If you're equipped with sly demeanor:
Lure him with a ghostly tale
And snare him with a vacuum cleaner.


Waste and Want

Should Dragonite you face, young stranger,
Own that you’re in mortal danger,
You’ll regret your error!
With Dragon Rage and Swift attack,
He’ll tear the skin right off your back.
He is a holy terror!

There’s just one dodge that you might try,
And that is: let your Mankey fly
To punish him with punches.
Now, Dragonite won’t have a spaz,
But still he might release you,
As you’ve shown him where his lunch is.


Display’s the Thing

A grim Raiku’s the stuff of song,
But Skarmory can cage it.
Of course, he’d best not take too long
Or he will just enrage it.
If we could put one in a zoo,
We’re sure to make a buck or two.
I’d pay to see one, wouldn’t you?
T’would be a coupe to stage it!


Box Lunch

A Venomoth will not eat cloth.
He’s got another habit;
For, should you waken with affright
To hear him nibbling in the night,
Get out of bed! Throw on the light!
He’s in the poison cabinet!


Current Affairs

Raichu, mouse of many volts:
Adept at hurling lightning bolts,
And no trim team of angry colts
Could drag him from his grand wish.
Though he breeds watts like Hoover Dam,
He’s loath to waste a single gram.
He’s hording all that power, ma’am,
To grill his own cheese sandwich.


Super Snubbull

Snubbull! Snubbull! On the double!
Rescue that poor baby, please!
Count to zero! Be a hero!
(Hey! Quit biting at your fleas!)

Come on, Snubbull, we’re in trouble!
Save the tot before that train!
You can do it! You’re born to it!
(Hey! You’re at those fleas again!)


They Grow Up So Fast

Togetic! Can it be?
Give me back my Togepi!

Who informed you change is best,
To tear my cutie from my breast?

Your pretty baby pictures dim
Once you assume a lanky limb.

How can you find your new height smart
When there’s a hollow in my heart?

Those longer legs you wear today
Will only help you run away.

You’ve certainly disappointed me!
Give me back my Togepi!


Seeking Salve-ation

Diglett wanted royal jelly
(Beauty aid; finest made!)
Hacking tunnels on his belly
Ate his skin alive.
Long he sought this health restorer;
Traced the force to its source.
But, how to avoid the horror
Of the Beedrill hive?

Might a covert hole dug under
Beedrill’s fair waxy lair
Gain this wholly happy wonder
For his hammered hide?
Grimly, granite ground he parted,
Heading t’ward Beedrill’s horde.
Lo! The course that he had charted
Led straight to its side!

Diglett gazed aloft, confounded.
Beedrill blare filled the air!
Waves of angered hivers hounded
Him back down his path.
He emerged one sad spelunker:
Pale and sore, proud no more.
To existing pains, add stung fur,
Caused by Beedrill’s wrath.

 

[Low_Roads]

Note: rounds 18-23 will feature poetry that's meant to be sung rather than simply recited. The tunes will correspond primarily to popular vintage cartoon themes; while some of them may be immediately familiar, many date back to the 1960s and may prove less easy to tack down. Hope they serve well even without melodic accompaniment; several sites offer these themes in midi and MP3 form for those who care to acquaint themselves with the music.

Note #2: The below "Sailor Moon" parody uses the Japanese theme, rather than the American one, as its base. Please bear this in mind, as the third stanza won't fit musically otherwise. All other themes are strictly from the English-language adaptations.


Round 18:


Gastro Boy
(sung to the cartoon theme “Astroboy”)

Watch for hungry Snorlax!
Your poor pantry he’ll tax!
He’ll dig in
Your food bin
And consume each orange and mushroom.
Once he's finished it all,
He’ll doze off in your hall.
You can’t move him.
It’ll prove grim
When he wakes and his lips he smacks!

Roast beef, melons, flapjacks:
He ingests them for snacks.
Belching loud!
He’s a crowd!
Don’t ask why food bills are sky-high!
Snorlax may weigh a ton
When you learn pets are gone.
If he lingers,
Count your fingers!
If he eyes you, start making tracks!


Steed Eraser
(sung to the cartoon theme “Speed Racer”)

Here he comes! Here comes Ponyta! He’s depleting the field,
‘Cause he’s dreamin’ and a bump on the rail has got him stumblin’.

He’s running wild now and collides with everyone.
He didn’t train hard, so his turf career is done.

Yes sir, his odds are pathetic and the raaaace form says he’s through!
No stud farm for Ponyta: he’ll end his life as glue.

He’s not winning! He’s not placing! And he’ll never show!

Avoid this menace as he runs the wrong way ‘round the track.
Take a good gander, as I don’t believe he’s coming back.
The butcher’s waitin' just ahead!

Grab a knife, dude. He’ll be dog food! What a way to go!


The Yellow Line
(sung to the cartoon theme “Kimba, the White Lion”)

Who lives down in deepest, darkest Johto land?
Who’s the one who brought his country shame?
Who can gut you cleanly or chop off a hand?
Parasect can rightly take the blame!

When I’m on safari and he’s in my sight,
Why won’t my mahout pass me the gun?
Seems he used it on himself to end his fright,
And I’m guessing he’s the lucky one.


Jail Her Soon
(sung to the cartoon theme “Sailor Moon”)

She's known for biting people at midnight!
Within the surf, she's causing a big fright!
Prepare a prison cell to lock her up tight!
Prepare to pen that Tentacruel!

Around the tide pools, she nips at your friends;
Leaving them doubled over with the bends;
And then she disappears into the deep ends!
Can’t someone trap that Tentacruel?

Her beak
Leaks a deadly drool that paralyses foes!
Take care,
Or she’ll bury hers in your nose!

Wear heavy gloves if you try to catch her!
With all those arms, it’s murder to match her!
It is my quest to cage her and to latch her!
Capture this menace, Tentacruel!
We’ve had enough...
Tentacruel!

 

[Low_Roads]

Round 19:

A Sickly Mouse! Club Him!
(sung to the TV theme “The Mickey Mouse Club”)

Who’s the breeder of the plague that floats upon the breeze?
Raticate! Raticate! Spreader of disease!

Hey there! Why, my whole hair is alive with biting fleas!
Raticate! Him, we hate! Kill by twos and threes!

Ho! Black Death! (I feel sick!)
Hold your breath! (Cure me quick!)
Forever pile up ghostly corpses high!
We’ll - all - die!

Come along if your not strong. Infected types, they seize.
Off to sea.
(See death real soon).
Then we’ll die.
(Why? Because we’re bright blue!)
And our pains all cease.


Gengar, the Deadly Ghost
(sung to the cartoon theme “Casper, the Friendly Ghost”)

Gengar, the deadly ghost, the deadliest ghost today!
Though some might fight to arrest his fright,
The others all run away!

Gengar, the deadly ghost! You couldn’t pay me to see ‘im!
With his evil leer and his claws to fear,
I know I’d just cower and scream!

He always says “Let’s go!”,
‘Cause he's squealing mad ta eatch’a!
While thrashing to and fro,
You'll see his teeth are his worst feature!

Some folks don’t understand the panic from coast to coast.
Well, they’ll find out when they’ve had a bout
With Gengar, the deadly ghost!


Why Pop? I'm Sailin’, Man!
(sung to the cartoon theme “Popeye, the Sailor Man”)

Inflatable Wigglytuff! A Pokie who knows his stuff!
He’s got it together to float like a feather
When he sucks up gas enough.

If helium he breathes in, he’ll soar like a zeppelin;
Astride any air gust that percolates there,
Just don’t let him get near a pin.

Balloonists, they love how he bobbles above
And the kids find his antics swell.
When he floats aloft no one dares even cough,
So sublime is his magic spell!

Could anyone master this risky task?
Your eyes can apprise: it’s no bluff!
He’s quite a grand show as he rides winds that blow.
He’s inflatable Wigglytuff!

Pear body and hair like fluff. No air current is too rough!
Unless he is leaking, forever he’ll be king!
Inflatable Wigglytuff!


Bet He Bops
(sung to the cartoon theme “Betty Boop”)

Made of bone and wire,
He can punish you like fire!
Ain’t he cute? (Like and old boot!)
Extreme head, he!

(glissando)

A Victreebel can put you through hell; vines will twine like glue!
But a mere plant can’t chew you black and blue
Like Marowak can do!

A Sandshrew flailing you with his tail causes pain, that’s true!
But a vile Sandshrew can’t tear into you
Like Marowak can do!

That brandished femur frightens me more
Than an Arbok’s mayhem!
The whole darn breed has got me “T”ed!
How I wish somebody’d spay them!

That blunt bonehead would prefer you dead, pounded into goo!
And he’ll do it too, if you let him through!
Yes, Marowak hates you!

 

[Low_Roads]

Round 20:


Flint Bones
(sung to the cartoon theme “The Flintstones”)

Don't go!
Meet Kabuto!
He’s a Pokemon from prehistory.
Now he’s
Just a fossil,
Just as dead as any pet can be.

Let’s roll
His stone body down the stairs.
No soul!
Do you really think he cares?

When you
Own Kabuto,
He will make a lovely doorstop;
Can’t amble or hop;
Why would you waste your time?


Top Hat
(sung to the cartoon theme “Top Cat”)

Slowking! He’s got his head in a
Shell thing. I am not kiddin’ ya!

You’d think bowlers were more his line,
But he likes that shellmet just fine.

Slowking! If that’s a crown,
I guess tacky’s here to stay!

If you’re searching for style,
You might be here awhile.

It's a fashion thing: Slowking!


You’re Too Bloody Slow
(sung to the cartoon theme "The Bugs Bunny Show")

Open, sir! Your bolt is tight!
Houndoom’s here! He’s fit for fright!

No more police force! He’s torn it apart!
He’s eating a beating heart!

Open, sir! Don’t strand me here!
A severed hand just landed near!

Don’t leave me to my fate!
Arrgh! There he is! It’s too late!


The Wave Runner Show
(sung to the cartoon theme "The Road Runner Show")

If you take a dip and you run into Omanyte,
Just get a grip, 'cause it's sure that he'll want to fight!
This cuttlefish is a cinch for you to provoke.
Keep far from his squishy arms, as he likes to choke!

Omanyte! He's certain to savage you!
Omanyte! He will smack you black and blue!

His horny shell is as tough as an asphalt road!
Battle like hell, or he'll drag you to his abode!
Suck a deep breath, or your chances for life are slim!
Yes, only his death could remotely discourage him!

Omanyte! On your tonsils he'd like to chew!
Omanyte! If you win, pop him in a stew!


Mighty Mouths
(sung to the cartoon theme “Mighty Mouse”)

Dodrio will gulp down gobs of grain.
Feeding her can Be A Pain!

Here she comes to sate today!
A triple hunger costs
A lot of pay.

Yes sir, when you fill the trough up high,
All three beaks will Drain It Dry!

Every seed you have on hand
Will be demolished by this famished band!

 

[Low_Roads]

Round 21:


Hokey Hair
(sung to the cartoon theme “Yogi Bear”)

Dragonair is searching for a wig to wear.
Nature him endowed him with a dome that’s bare.
He is so embarrassed folks will stop to stare,
As if anyone cares that a snake has no hair!

He’s used painted pate and minoxidil
And he even tried a transplant, ‘til he got his first bill.

Dragonair with curly locks would cause a scare,
Someone then please tell me why he’s planting ‘em there!


Thundermouse
(sung to the cartoon theme “Underdog”)

When Jenny in this world appears
To cause the kiddies bitter tears
By confiscating all their beers,
Who is it who’ll assess arrears?

It’s
Pikachu! Pikachu!
Pikachu! Pikachu!

He will unleash all his thunders,
Melting garters, bra and unders!

Pikachu! Yes, that naughty Pikachu! Pikachu!


Tastes Like Chicken
(sung to the cartoon theme “Super Chicken”)

When you’ve spit out your chipped beef
And can’t abide a lettuce leaf
Or stand another serving of risotto. Yuck! Yuck! Yuck! Yuck!
When at lunch you’ve had enough
Of hamburger or cornbread stuffing,
Try
Toast Pidgeotto!

Hungry gourmets from around the world endorse it.
You’ll need to buy yourself a slightly bigger corset (king sized!)

Make yourself a white wine sauce
And knot your napkin tight, because
A lovely meal like this deserves a photo! Click! Click! Click! Click!
Buy a dozen more for frying!
You will thank yourself for trying
That
Roast Pidgeotto! Yum! Yum! Yum! Yum!
Eat
Roast Pidgeotto! It’s good!


Steelix the Cad
(sung to the cartoon theme “Felix the Cat”)

Steelix is mad!
He’s utterly, utterly mad!
If ever he’s in need of kicks,
He’ll fall on you like a ton of bricks.

This metal lad
Will flatten you into a pad.
He’ll thrash so much your hide will break;
Your heart will be beaten bad.
Why can’t we fix
His noggin a tad?


Articuno's Freezing Off Our Tails
(sung to the cartoon theme “Tennessee Tuxedo and His Tales”)

We’re gonna
Freeze! Freeze! Freeze!
Articuno’s wheezing!
Soon he’ll sneeze,
Loosing a deep-freezing
Icy breeze!
When those frozen zephyrs blow, chum,
Naked nose and finger grow numb!
Artic clothes in storage!
Throw some my way please!
The temperature’s decreasing!
Strap on skis
If sporting goods is leasing!
Cut down trees!
We can talk eternal slumber
If our stock of furnace lumber fails,
In overflowing, drifting frigid gales!

 

[Low_Roads]

Round 22:


The Musasaur
(sung to the cartoon theme "The Mighty Thor")

Oh, the tribe of Marill is furred
And will be so evermore,
But her ancestor was lizard:
A very tiny
Dinosaur!


The Slumber Monger
(sung to the cartoon theme "The Sub-Mariner")

Stouter than a whale,
Waking him is a chore.
You can call and bawl intolerably
And all he does is snore.
A gross, dozing Snorlax, prince of the "Z"s,
Is still scary when he's dreamin',
For way more of his fat is heavin'
Than is at is ease.


The Inedible Pulp
(sung to the cartoon theme "The Incredible Hulk"]

Experts now think
That hungry humanity
Craves fresh fruit drink
To bolster its sanity.

Victreebel's sweeter!
You'll want to imbibe her,
But don't ever eat her...
She's too full of fiber.
That vile, disgusting pulp!
Pulp! Pulp!


Tirin', Man
(sung to the cartoon theme "Iron Man")

Goading "Sparks" makes you squeal
With the frantic humor that taunters feel.
But Jolteon's a vengeful pup!
He'll bite or alight you when he's fed up.
Electrolytic Joteon!
A few more volts, your hair's all gone!


Cap Him! He'll Bury Ya!
(sung to the cartoon theme "Captain America")

When red-hot Charmeleon
Plies his wily fires,
The man who planned
To withstand those pyres expires!
You can strike with snows
Or the icy seas,
But your blows won't impose
On his victories,
For makin' an ash of ya's
All that he desires!


The Appalling Spinerak
(sung to the cartoon theme "The Amazing Spiderman")

Spinerak!
Spinerak!
Spins his silk as the bodies stack.
Tangled bugs
Thrash and cry
'Cause they know
They'll be dry.
Web's out! Juice is in Spinerak!

Spinerak!
Sneak attack!
Trap-door opening from the back.
Ledyba
Walks in fear
Dreading death
From the rear.
About! Eyes open for the crack!

With a mighty thirst
He'll arise from his lair.
If you see him first,
You be wise: don't be there!

Spinerak's
Heart is black.
Any insect can be his snack.
Does he fear
Heracross?
In his snare
He's the boss!
He'll sin!
Slurping the goo of Yanma!
Sucking it through a long straw!
Bloodthirsty Spinerak!

 

[Low_Roads]

Round 23 (Final Round):

This will be my final round of Pokemon poetry, the last of the silly doggerel I composed back in 2001. It's a mixed bag, lots of leftovers: a few further song-poems, a couple of limericks (anyone who's read my "Lord of the Wrongs" may recognize them, slightly rewritten), along with anything that possessed a vaguely "blue" quality. The last of these isn't all that subtle… it's an out-and-out porno piece.

My thanks to everyone who's read and enjoyed this collection of verse, particularly to those who've left commentary. Foolishness is always much more fun when there are accomplices!


The Ballad of Aipom
(sung to the cartoon theme "King Kong")

Aipom!
You know the name of Aipom!
Clown of the Pokie kingdom.
Ten times as goofy as man.

Aipom!
To this assessment we come:
He is a terror, then some.
Ten times as wicked as man.

One day young Ash,
Too young to know his peril,
Made a pet
Of this pest so furred and feral.
Though his butt got bit,
Still he enjoyed the wit
And loved the antics…
The antics of…

Aipom!
You know the name of Aipom!
Watch out of his vile stink bomb!
Ten times as rank as a man.


The Blighty Heracross
(sung to the cartoon theme "The Mighty Hercules")

Heracross!
She's an insane sap sucker!
Heracross!
Feeds like a famine struck her.

Tearing up the trees
Easy as you please.
Appetite of ten
Piggies in a pen.

Heracross!
Crops are destroyed completely.
Heracross!
And yet she smiles so sweetly.

Power in her snout!
Eyes that flash about!
Armor on her butt!
Produce in her gut!

She's the mighty
Heracross!


When You Fish For Omastar
sung to the cartoon theme "When You Wish Upon a Star")

When you fish for Omastar,
Mind where squishy suckers are.
Any body part he snares,
He tears
In
Two.

Dripping demon from sick dreams,
Filling waking world with screams…
Victims' remnants top off jars
With tarry
Grue.

Sulfer stink.
Spittle of burning ink.
Liquified flesh he'll drink
When he caves in doors
(Maybe yours…).

Horror rising from the blue.
Razored beak bites organs through.
How you'll wish that Omastar
Was far
From
You.


An Ill Wind

A Koffing, as everyone knows,
Passes gas through his ass and his nose.
Yet, folks lie awake late
Locked in mocking debate
Judging whether he sucks or he blows.


The Bottom Line

There once was a wicked old Persian
Quite perturbed by a certain aspersion.
"I deliver smart spanks
To my Jynx and Miltanks.
Such a ball! But they call if perversion!"


Forbidden Fruit for Nuts

Flaxen tresses, pouting lips,
An ample figure that won't quit.
Yes, Jynx is heaven on long trips
(If you prefer the beastly bit).


Mister Mime's Real Job or
Ketchum While They're Loose

I sweep the floors for Ash's mom.
I wash the dishes with aplomb.
At he-man stuff, I am a bomb…
I guess you think I'm whipped.
Oh, let me tell of long ago
About a perky lass we know
And some poor clown (a lover, though)
When both of us were stripped.

She sidles sweetly to my side
And sings, "Please take me for a ride!
There's not a Pokie I've not tried!
Caress me, tender laddie!"

Okay, she knows that I'm no fop,
And so into the bed we hop
For lots of sentimental slop,
And tasty melons (what a crop!)
And then she gives my blade a strop,
And then my hair becomes a mop,
With her below and me on top
As back and forth our bodies bop,
And her low moaning, "Please don't stop!"
And OHMYGOD! I'm gonna pop!
Those condoms from the 10-cent shop…
Oh lord! Why can't this pretense drop!
Yes! I confess! The plea I'll cop!
It's me! I'm Ash's daddy!