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Quotes

lol..

IM INSULTED!! ....Lol, just kiddin'.... 😎
 
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" I thought we were done with this show, but apparently the networks along with Regis Philbin that blumbering idiot decided to do a celebrity millionaire. So here I stand before you, a miserable and broken man!"

Alex Trebec (Celebrity Jeopardy)
 
Quote

In a nutshell, just be good and kind to your children because not only are they the future of the world, but they are the ones who can eventually sign you into the home.........Dennis Miller
 
I am looking for a perfume to over power men, I'm tired of Karate.........Phyllis Diller
 
"Our lips met.... and then she crossed her legs and broke my glasses!"

~ On Bumper Stickers Everywhere!
 
Ok Just one more! Then I'll stop.....sorry guys!

"Imagination is more important than knowledge. Knowledge is limited. Imagination encircles the world."Albert Einstein (1879-1955)
 
Have you ever noticed? Anybody going slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a moron. George Carlin
 
Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and give her a house.
-Lewis Grizzard
 
There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic reactions to latex condoms. They say they cause severe swelling. So what's the problem?
-Jay Leno
 
This is kind of long....but it is funny

Bubba

Bubba was bragging to his boss one day, "You know, I know everyone there is to know. Just name someone, anyone, and I know them."
Tired of his boasting, his boss called his bluff, "OK, Bubba how about Tom Cruise?"
"Sure, yes, Tom and I are old friends, and I can prove it." So Bubba and his boss fly out to Hollywood and knock on Tom Cruise's door, and sure enough, Tom Cruise, shouts, "Bubba! Great to see you! You and your friend come right in and join me for lunch!"
Although impressed, Bubba's boss is still skeptical. After they leave Cruise's house, he tells Bubba that he thinks Bubba's knowing Cruise was just lucky.
"No, no, just name anyone else," Bubba says.
"President Clinton," his boss quickly retorts.
"Yes," Bubba says, "I know him, let's fly out to Washington."
And off they go. At the White House, Clinton spots Bubb on the tour and motions him and his boss over, saying, "Bubba, what a surprise, I was just on my way to a meeting, but you and your friend come on in and let's have a cup of coffee first and catch up."
Well, the boss is very shaken by now, but still not totally convinced. After they leave the White house grounds, he expresses his doubts to Bubba, who again implores him to name anyone else.
"The Pope," his boss replies.
"Sure!" says Bubba.
"My folks are from Poland, and I've known the Pope a long time."
So off they fly to Rome. Bubba and his boss are assembled with the masses in Vatican Square when Bubba says, "This will never work. I can't catch the Pope's eye among all these people. Tell you what, I know all the guards so let me just go upstairs and I'll come out on the balcony with the Pope."
And he disappears into the crowd headed toward the Vatican. Sure enough, half an hour later Bubba emerges with the Pope on the balcony. But by the time Bubba returns, he finds that his boss has had a heart attack and is surrounded by paramedics.
Working his way to his boss' side, Bubba asks him, "What happened?"
His boss looks up and says, "I was doing fine until you and the Pope came out on the balcony and the man next to me said, "Who's that on the balcony with Bubba?"
 
Things that make you go hmmmmm

If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?
 
Several gems from Babylon 5:

"What do you want, you moon-faced assassin of joy?"
Londo to Vir, Born to the Purple

"No. We have to stay here and there's a simple reason why. Ask ten different scientists about the environment, population control, genetics and you'll get ten different answers, but there's one thing every scientist on the planet agrees on. Whether it happens in a hundred years or a thousand years or a million years, eventually our Sun will grow cold and go out. When that happens, it won't just take us. It'll take Marilyn Monroe and Lao-Tzu, Einstein, Morobuto, Buddy Holly, Aristophanes .. and all of this .. all of this was for nothing unless we go to the stars."
Sinclair, Infection

"With luck, they may never find you, but if they do, you will know pain .."
".. and you will know fear .."
".. and then you will die. Have a pleasant flight."
G'Kar and Na'Toth to Tu'Pari, The Parliament of Dreams

"The avalanche has started, it is too late for the pebbles to vote."
Kosh, Believers

"There comes a time when you look into the mirror and realize that what you see is all that you will ever be. Then you accept it, or you kill yourself. Or you stop looking into mirrors."
Londo, Chrysalis

"Well take this for what little it will profit you. As I look at you ambassador Mollari, I see a great hand reaching out of the stars. The hand is your hand. And I hear sounds. The sounds of billions of people calling your name."
"My followers?"
"Your victims."
Elric and Londo, The Geometry of Shadows

"What do you want?"
"I'd like to live just long enough to be there when they cut off your head and stick it on a pike as a warning to the next ten generations that some favors come with too high a price. I'd look up at your lifeless eyes and wave like this. Can you and your associates arrange it for me, Mr. Morden?"
Morden and Vir, In the Shadow of Z'ha'dum

"I apologize. I'm .. sorry. I'm sorry we had to defend ourselves against an unwarranted attack. I'm sorry that your crew was stupid enough to fire on a station filled with a quarter million civilians, including your own people. And I'm sorry I waited as long as I did before I blew them all straight to hell. .. As with everything else, it's the thought that counts."
Sheridan, The Fall of Night

"This is Ambassador Delenn of the Minbari. Babylon 5 is under our protection. Withdraw, .. or be destroyed."
"Negative. We have authority here. Do not force us to engage your ship."
"Why not? Only one human captain has ever survived battle with a Minbari fleet. He is behind me. You are in front of me. If you value your lives, be somewhere else."
Delenn and Captain Drake, Severed Dreams

"You know, I used to think it was awful that life was so unfair. Then I thought, wouldn't it be much worse if life were fair, and all the terrible things that happen to us come because we actually deserve them? So, now I take great comfort in the general hostility and unfairness of the universe."
Marcus Cole, Ranger to Franklin, A Late Delivery from Avalon

"Yes, yes, Zathras is used to being beast of burden to other people's needs. Very sad life. Probably have very sad death, but at least there is symmetry. Go, go, Zathras take care."
Zathras, War Without End, Part I

"I am a Ranger. We walk in the dark places no others will enter. We stand on the bridge and no-one may pass. We live for the One, we die for the One."
Marcus to Neroon, Grey 17 is Missing

"Hey, come on Chief, it's not your fault. I heard what happened. You offered to help, he walked away."
"Yeah, I know, but the thing is: sometimes people walk away because they want to be alone, and sometimes they walk away because they want to see if you care enough to follow them into hell. I think I went the wrong way."
Zack and Garibaldi, Shadow Dancing

"It was the end of the Earth year 2260, and the war had paused, suddenly and unexpectedly. All around us, it was as if the universe were holding its breath, waiting. All of life can be broken down into moments of transition or moments .. of revelation. This had the feeling of both."
"G'Quon wrote: There is a greater darkness than the one we fight. It is the darkness of the soul that has lost its way. The war we fight is not against powers and principalities, it is against chaos and despair. Greater than the death of flesh is the death of hope. The death of dreams. Against this peril we can never surrender. The future is all around us, waiting in moments of ctransition, to be born in moments of revelation. No one knows the shape of that future, or where it will take us. We know only that it is always paved in pain."
G'Kar, Season 3 ending in Z'ha'dum"

"I can not tell you that your pain will ever go away. I can not tell you that you'll ever forget his face. I can only tell you that it was necessary. You may have helped to save our people. You did a hard thing. But you still have your heart, and your heart is a good one. You would not be in such great pain otherwise. That means there is still hope for you. And for that.. I find that I still envy you."
Londo to Vir, The Long Night

"Touch passion when it comes your way, Stephen. It's rare enough as it is. Don't walk away when it calls you by name."
Marcus to Franklin, Lines of Communication

"So from now on I guess the operational phrase is 'Trust no-one.'"
"No. Trust Ivanova, trust yourself, anybody else: shoot them."
Corwin and Ivanova, No Surrender, No Retreat

"Negative on surrender...we will not stand down."
"Who is this? Identify yourself."
"Who am I? I am Susan Ivanova, Commander, daughter of Andrei and Sophie Ivanov. I am the right hand of vengeance, and the boot that is going to kick your sorry ass all the way back to Earth ... I am Death incarnate, and the last living thing that you are ever going to see. God sent me."
Ivanova and Earthforce Advanced Destroyer Captain James, Between the Darkness and the Light
 
"It takes a big man to cry...it takes an even bigger man to laugh at that man."-Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handy

"A house is just a pile of stuff with a cover on it"-George Carlin

"A nymphomaniac is a women as obsessed with sex as the average man."
Mignon McLaughlin

"When the authorities warn you of the dangers of having sex, there is an important lesson to be learned. Do not have sex with the authorities."
Matt Groening.

"All right, brain, I don't like you and you don't like me - so let's just do this and I'll get back to killing you with beer."
Homer Simpson.
 
We have women in the military, but they don't put us in the front lines. They don't know if we can fight, if we can kill. I think we can. All the general has to do is walk over to the women and say, "You see the enemy over there? They say you look fat in those uniforms."
-Elayne Boosler
 
If you can't beat them, arrange to have them beaten.
-George Carlin


Well, it is by George Carlin, and basically anything he says is funny!
 
Good topic

this is long...but great sayings!
DomT4U
:devil:
😀 Some people type so fast that forget to include
When all is said and done, much more is said than done
My identity lies in not knowing who I am
I am becoming increasingly worried that there isn't enough anxiety in my life
I have this nagging fear that everyone is out to make me paranoid
Free advice is worth what you paid for it
I can't define irony;but, I know it when I see it
I keep telling myself that I am a pathological liar, but I am not sure if I believe it
Not only am I redundant and superfluous, but I also tend to use more words than necessary
There are only three kinds of people; people who can count and people who can't
"No, officer. I do not wish to give up my right to remain silent!!??"
Reality is a big, nasty, vicious dragon, but I don't believe in dragons.


😀
 
All the knowledge I possess everyone else can acquire, but my heart is all my own.
--Goethe
 
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