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rape...when is it rape?

Umojar said:
... f the internet has taught me anything, it's that there are quite a lot of people that have seemingly lost touch with reality.
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If I had a dollar for everyone who believed that things in real life worked the way they saw them work on television, in movies, etc. I could probably afford to buy Adobe Systems for cash.

Minor subject change: I was on one of those send-in-your-darkest-secret-anonymously web sites a while back (no, not the venerable Postsecret). There was an entry from a young woman who was traumatized from having been raped. According to her entry, whenever she and her boyfriend have sex, they've agreed to take it very slow, and that she may stop the proceedings for any reason at any time. It's part of her learning to trust men, and allow herself to be that close and vulnerable again. Her boyfriend is obviously a very kind and understanding person. They've obviously got a very close and very special relationship. (I am aware that the veracity of entries on these sites is not guaranteed. However, most hoaxes are usually more sensationalistic).
 
kyhawkeye said:
Approximately 2 years before we were married, MDJ was raped by my former apartment roommate when she went to see if there was any old mail there for me. I've dealt with the long lasting effects of that incident ever since.

When is it rape? As soon as she says/yells/screams NO or STOP. That simple. The 'rape fantasy' myth is simply that, a myth. Even when a couple "roleplays a rape scenario", he/she is still in control of the situation. It's no where near being the real thing. No woman truly wants that to happen to her for real and have one of the things she truly can control (her sexuality) ripped away from her control, for that's what it is when you truly break it down, forcing someone else's control onto another.

Sorry if I am coming down hard on this, but when you simply kiss or hug your wife and it triggers a flashback to her attack by the sub-human who assaulted her, your perspective changes drastically. I realize, acidlady, that you are probably trying to add humor to a very serious topic, but there are some of us that have been way too close to the subject. It's been over 20 years ago, but it still rears it's ugly head on occasion...

NO=NO=NO=NO!

:::steps off soapbox:::
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o god Hawk..that's horrible..i'm so sorry..and i'm sure it will unfortunately stay with her as you said...

anyway...i wonder if i were raped i would tell my husband..he is the type that would go after the rapist..and that wouldn't do me any good or him either..he has said he would kill anyone who ever raped me..so noble..but i wouldn't want him in prison for that..
 
as far as this rape fantasy goes, i'd rather people post these rape fantasies than say actually fulfill them in real life.

if you supress a sexual fantasy, it'll grow like a cancer, and will lead to more drastic measures to fullfill that fantasy.
 
kyhawkeye said:
Approximately 2 years before we were married, MDJ was raped by my former apartment roommate when she went to see if there was any old mail there for me. I've dealt with the long lasting effects of that incident ever since.

When is it rape? As soon as she says/yells/screams NO or STOP. That simple. The 'rape fantasy' myth is simply that, a myth. Even when a couple "roleplays a rape scenario", he/she is still in control of the situation. It's no where near being the real thing. No woman truly wants that to happen to her for real and have one of the things she truly can control (her sexuality) ripped away from her control, for that's what it is when you truly break it down, forcing someone else's control onto another.

Sorry if I am coming down hard on this, but when you simply kiss or hug your wife and it triggers a flashback to her attack by the sub-human who assaulted her, your perspective changes drastically. I realize, acidlady, that you are probably trying to add humor to a very serious topic, but there are some of us that have been way too close to the subject. It's been over 20 years ago, but it still rears it's ugly head on occasion...

NO=NO=NO=NO!

:::steps off soapbox:::
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i'm so sorry to hear that, man!

anyone who knows me knows i'm very, very slow to anger, but if someone i loved gets hurt and/or raped, then the beast comes out. hell hath no fury like me on a war path. the things i'd do to the rapist are unspeakable. i'd go to prison for the ones i love.
 
There was one night I stopped myself from driving to the family farm and getting my Dad's 3006 rifle to waste the guy, but common sense and the Holy Spirit prevailed. The jury had acquitted him of the crime and less than a week later he did it to another, breaking her jaw in the process.

And, kophhorer, that is very similar to what MDJ and I had to do early on. Any rape victim has to go through their own system/program to be able to trust a lover/suitor, even though they weren't the assaultor, but it still creates a reminder. It takes much patient and love to ride out the storm. I basically spent several months fasting and praying every 3 days in order to make it through. I took the mindset that I would help her recover from it, even if it meant losing her as my future wife to do it. I love her enough to make that willing sacrifice. And now, I only love her more...
 
kyhawkeye said:
There was one night I stopped myself from driving to the family farm and getting my Dad's 3006 rifle to waste the guy, but common sense and the Holy Spirit prevailed. The jury had acquitted him of the crime and less than a week later he did it to another, breaking her jaw in the process.

And, kophhorer, that is very similar to what MDJ and I had to do early on. Any rape victim has to go through their own system/program to be able to trust a lover/suitor, even though they weren't the assaultor, but it still creates a reminder. It takes much patient and love to ride out the storm. I basically spent several months fasting and praying every 3 days in order to make it through. I took the mindset that I would help her recover from it, even if it meant losing her as my future wife to do it. I love her enough to make that willing sacrifice. And now, I only love her more...
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Yikes, that's some real devotion there. Can't imagine what it must be like to go through something like that, but hats off - from what I've read of your posts, it seems as though you both dealt with it as best you possibly could.
 
It was 22 years ago, Maire. And she is fairly well recovered, as much as a woman can be. I suppose.
 
that's good to hear that she is doing much better perhaps one day she can come to complete terms with it to where it will no longer have any impact on her life at all.
 
kyhawkeye said:
There was one night I stopped myself from driving to the family farm and getting my Dad's 3006 rifle to waste the guy, but common sense and the Holy Spirit prevailed. The jury had acquitted him of the crime and less than a week later he did it to another, breaking her jaw in the process.

And, kophhorer, that is very similar to what MDJ and I had to do early on. Any rape victim has to go through their own system/program to be able to trust a lover/suitor, even though they weren't the assaultor, but it still creates a reminder. It takes much patient and love to ride out the storm. I basically spent several months fasting and praying every 3 days in order to make it through. I took the mindset that I would help her recover from it, even if it meant losing her as my future wife to do it. I love her enough to make that willing sacrifice. And now, I only love her more...
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I'm glad you decided against the vigilante thing. The scumfuck who raped your wife (and betrayed your trust and hers) is the one who deserves prison (or worse), not you. Did the criminal-injustice system screw the pooch again and acquit the perpetrator after he violated his next victim?

In any case, I'm sorry the two of you have had to deal with this.
 
well I agree there should be a separate prison for murderers and rapist.We can't burn it down because they may survive and escape and two we can't do cruel or unusual punishments in America
 
The victim doesn't even have to say "no." Sometimes a rape victim is in a situation where speaking and acting out against their attacker makes the situation worse, or they feel they are unable to do so. A defense mechanism. The legal and medical definition of rape is if the sex is unwanted by one of the people. There doesn't have to be any physical or verbal objection to having sex. It simply is required that it is unwanted.

Yes, the body can get turned on by it. The body automatically reacts to certain touches. It happens. This often causes the victim to feel as if their body betrayed them or that it was their fault that they were raped. It can be a defense mechanism. It would keep the victim from feeling the physical pain of it. Or even from feeling anything at all. But it's still rape.
 
QueenBeeBeeMari said:
well I agree there should be a separate prison for murderers and rapist.We can't burn it down because they may survive and escape and two we can't do cruel or unusual punishments in America
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No no no. I'm talking vigilante justice against an entire class of criminal! The people who cannot be allowed to exist in society.

Call it Extreme Darwinism.
 
QueenBeeBeeMari said:
but then you will get the death penalty I'm sure
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Are you honestly not able to tell absurdity from serious discourse? If someone walked up to you on the street and said the following...

"The moon is falling from the sky! Find shelter under trees, rigid structures will not save you!"

Would you go hide under a tree, thinking that the absurd remark is serious? Nothing personal, Mari, but I would have thought by now that people would know better than to take my absurd statements as anything near to serious.
 
You could always re-engage in an eye for an eye... or trial by ordeal, those are always a blast!!! (Nothing beats taking a chance at getting a complete pardon from your crime(s) by sticking your arm in a cauldron of boiling water for a bit and praying your skin doesn't get completely wrecked, because then you have the grace of God.)

Daily lashings or stonings anyone? A return to the laws of the Germanic Tribes?

Better not, who needs laws that allow the elite to get off with major crimes by paying a fine...

No need to get snippy James... unlike Bella and a privileged few, not all of us are privy to your absolute mastery of the English language. 😛😛😛
 
I agree with basically everyone here. Despite your actions and involuntary movements from it, if you mentally don't consent it's still considered rape. It was sort of interesting in knowing that if someone gets wet, it doesn't mean they enjoy it any more, and that it's merely a defense mechanism our body uses to prevent any further injuries that may result from such a crime.
I just want to comment right now that I'm a VERY strong Christian, and act as such around all of my friends. But, raping is the most horrid, demeaning, belittling, disgusting and vulgar thing anyone could possibly do to another- regardless of sex. I see it as, if someone commits the crime more than once, they should be killed. I believe God can raise the dead (kind of living example), but rehabilitating someone from such a carnal addiction? Even I have trouble dealing with that. And if they're a pedophile, who did that with a child, they should be killed as soon as they're caught. It's impossible to fully rehabilitate any victim from such a personal violation of their autonomy. Let alone doing that to someone who's life's just begun.
What are your thoughts on the matter, kyhawkeye?
 
Hey kids. we should play a game.

This game is called not starting a huge war in a thread where a question was brought to the members.

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE no personal attacks, and PLEASE, be friendly in your disagreements!
 
acidlady85 said:
Rapists on one team, their victims on the other?

😀
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Well, if we get to choose teams... then the victims wouldn't be victims and the rapists wouldn't be rapists given that there would be consent so...

Basically the game is "orgy"?

EDIT: On a serious note, I agree with you sadistictcklr. I think in the end there IS a way to rehabilitate them but it is not in this life but a sort of purgatory. Much as many dislike the phrase "kill 'em all and let God sort 'em out," I think it applies pretty well here.
 
Last edited:
Crushertitan said:
Well, if we get to choose teams... then the victims wouldn't be victims and the rapists wouldn't be rapists given that there would be consent so...

Basically the game is "orgy"?

EDIT: On a serious note, I agree with you sadistictcklr. I think in the end there IS a way to rehabilitate them but it is not in this life but a sort of purgatory. Much as many dislike the phrase "kill 'em all and let God sort 'em out," I think it applies pretty well here.
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I especially like that phrase. Go US Military go!

How about: Nuke 'em all and let god sort 'em out? Does anybody else find the idea of a nuclear apocalypse sexy?
 
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