Rejected Again and Again

[7perfect]

hello all,

I was wandering how many times have you been rejected. Well I think I have been rejected around 25 times in the last 9 years and I just don't know what to do. It is starting to get to me. Is this even normal? I would go into details but it would take forever.

 

[Leo tickles]

Rejection is normal.

Work on the things YOU think you need to work on. Once all of those are settled, your confidence will be higher and you will probably have better luck.

 

[Capnmad]

What Leo says above is correct. Also, by your numbers, you are getting less than three rejections a year. If these are the only responses you're getting, then you're only making the attempt thrice a year. You need to get ambitious. A person learns what they do right or wrong from practice. Three times a year ain't gonna' cut it. If pursuing something you want, put on dragonscale armor and go hunting like you fucking mean it.

 

[Skipadeedoodah]

I think that whether or not you get butthurt about being rejected depends on the kind of rejection you've received. If I ever got rejected for a romantic or sexual relationship, I really don't think I'd take it that hard. It takes a very specific kind of connection to be able to have that kind of a relationship, and if someone is rejecting you all they're saying is that they don't have that connection with you for one reason or another. It's not like they're rejecting you as a person, saying that you, as a human being, are just not worth knowing. For this reason, I don't think I'd have a hard time accepting rejection, and I've never really felt bad rejecting someone else.

Now, if someone rejected me entirely and just decided that I was a shitty person that they didn't want to even know, I would probably have a hard time with that. I'd feel like I was being rejected simply for who I am as a person, and that sucks. I have a really difficult time rejecting people just for friendship. If someone wants to reach out to me to be friends, who I am to say, "Uh...no thanks" without taking the time to see if we might click?

Also, I tend to avoid putting myself in situations where any kind of rejection might happen. I don't usually ask anyone for anything unless I'm already pretty positive that they're going to say yes.

 

[c7_assassin]

If you're talking about 25 failed relationships, that does sound rough. I've experienced a mere fraction of that and I'm already seriously rethinking my life. Whoever said "Tis better to have loved and lost," would still probably have capped it at about 20 bad breakups. I have no advice. Love stinks.

 

[Sandrock74]

I've just totally given up on women. I keep myself busy with work and hobbies.

 

[Mitchell]

I used to be the King Of Rejection. In fact, people I knew used to laugh, because I would keep a count and, due to my obsession with baseball, call it "Striking Out". I believe that I struck out with the first seven girls I tried to ask out, in high school, and college, before getting someone to like me.

The key is.. not to give up. I look at the things in my life that didnt work out. I'm still breathing, arent I? My mom, may she now rest in peace, used to always say to me "Where there's life, there's hope". That statement is so very true.

All I can say to you, is to keep trying. I know that you will find that special person you are looking for. In the meantime, try and busy yourself with things you enjoy, and surround yourself with people you enjoy being with, be they male or female.

Mitch

 

[BrightEyes1082]

Step 1: Stop fucking counting your rejections.

Step 2: Be confident/stop being not confident

Step 3: Take a look around the forum. Look at the people who you feel sorry for. Don't act like them. Look at the confident, fun, awesome people. Do that instead.

Step 4: Take your new confidence and go meet women.

Dilemma: WHERE AM I SUPPOSED TO MEET WOMENZZ!?!?!?!?

Step 1: Post like a normal person. Talk about shit. Talk about shit other than fetish shit. Join Fetlife. Talk about shit there. Let chicks see that you're a normal guy. Delete this screenname and get a new one so that a chick who finds your new posting interesting doesn't do a search and fall into this thread, because then all your hard work just went into the shitter.

Step 2: Get out of your house and go to stuff and things. Like munches. Or gatherings. Or both. Chicks will be happy to meet you after seeing all the dope shit you've posted. No munch in your area? Host one yourself. Pick a place, post it, and people will show up. Maybe just one or two at first. Eventually you'll have like 78.

Step 3: Go do all that stuff now.

 

[Skipadeedoodah]

Step 1: Stop fucking counting your rejections.

Step 2: Be confident/stop being not confident

Step 3: Take a look around the forum. Look at the people who you feel sorry for. Don't act like them. Look at the confident, fun, awesome people. Do that instead.

Step 4: Take your new confidence and go meet women.

Dilemma: WHERE AM I SUPPOSED TO MEET WOMENZZ!?!?!?!?

Step 1: Post like a normal person. Talk about shit. Talk about shit other than fetish shit. Join Fetlife. Talk about shit there. Let chicks see that you're a normal guy. Delete this screenname and get a new one so that a chick who finds your new posting interesting doesn't do a search and fall into this thread, because then all your hard work just went into the shitter.

Step 2: Get out of your house and go to stuff and things. Like munches. Or gatherings. Or both. Chicks will be happy to meet you after seeing all the dope shit you've posted. No munch in your area? Host one yourself. Pick a place, post it, and people will show up. Maybe just one or two at first. Eventually you'll have like 78.

Step 3: Go do all that stuff now.

If my signature was big enough, this entire thing would go there so everyone could read it all the time.

 

[BrightEyes1082]

If my signature was big enough, this entire thing would go there so everyone could read it all the time.

Screencap. Make it a photo. MAKE ME A LEGEND.

 

[Leo tickles]

Step 1: Stop fucking counting your rejections. (Sometimes counting and keeping track of fails will show the path to success.)

Step 2: Be confident/stop being not confident (Are you magic? OP, along with most people, probably isn't.)

Step 3: Take a look around the forum. Look at the people who you feel sorry for. Don't act like them. Look at the confident, fun, awesome people. Do that instead. (Sure, I guess.)

Step 4: Take your new confidence and go meet women. (Okay...)

Dilemma: WHERE AM I SUPPOSED TO MEET WOMENZZ!?!?!?!?

Step 1: Post like a normal person. Talk about shit. Talk about shit other than fetish shit. Join Fetlife. Talk about shit there. Let chicks see that you're a normal guy. Delete this screenname and get a new one so that a chick who finds your new posting interesting doesn't do a search and fall into this thread, because then all your hard work just went into the shitter. (No. No. No. Don't meet women online. Meet a girl in real life. Trust me on this one.)

Step 2: Get out of your house and go to stuff and things. Like munches. Or gatherings. Or both. Chicks will be happy to meet you after seeing all the dope shit you've posted. No munch in your area? Host one yourself. Pick a place, post it, and people will show up. Maybe just one or two at first. Eventually you'll have like 78. (And open up your own BDSM dungeon, too! Or... or or.... or... just try a local club or bar?)

Step 3: Go do all that stuff now.

(Yes. Drop your dick if you are pissing, get out of bed at 5 AM, JUST GO DOOO ITTTT NOOOW!)


It's not as easy as she makes it out to be, folks. 😉

 

[BrightEyes1082]

(Yes. Drop your dick if you are pissing, get out of bed at 5 AM, JUST GO DOOO ITTTT NOOOW!)


It's not as easy as she makes it out to be, folks. 😉

I never said it was easy. It's doable. And it's better than the alternative.

 

[Leo tickles]

It is very doable. From my personal experience, it took a LOT of bitching and crying, a lot of figuring out of what caused the bitching and crying, and then a lot of fixing what caused the bitching and crying before something became of it.

People used to tell me the answer to things, like I tell people now when I know, but that doesn't change the process for the majority. Which is unfortunate.

 

[ticklishscribe]

Don't think of it as being rejected, think of it as 25 women who lost out and don't know what they're missing.

hello all,

I was wandering how many times have you been rejected. Well I think I have been rejected around 25 times in the last 9 years and I just don't know what to do. It is starting to get to me. Is this even normal? I would go into details but it would take forever.

 

[Comfort Eagle]

 

[GQguy]

Great advice so far. Although I can't tell what you're getting rejected by. Is it women? Life? Work?

When it comes to women rejection is simply part of the process for success. If you can approach 100 women and get rejected by 99 of them but that 1 is your soulmate....wouldn't that be worth it? Women will reject you for all sorts of reasons....most have nothing to do with you. When I as younger I thought having a certain job, a certain look, certain skills and certain things would stop rejection all together. Nope. It hasn't. Sure i'm more confident and I know what i'm doing...but when I was rejected in the past those women weren't rejecting me for the shortcomings I thought I had. It simply wasn't meant to be. That girl you hit on tonight might have a crush on another guy and doesn't want to start anything new. She might have just been broken up with. Her dog might have just died. ect ect ect. There are so many factors that goes into her decision. It's very narcissistic to not see that her rejection likely has nothing to do with you and everything to do with her.

So what can you do? Well, anything that holds back your self esteem...fix it. If you feel held back by your weight...fix it. If you feel held back by your finances...fix it. Ect ect. When you meet a woman, show her a good time. Make her smile. Make her day. By doing this any other crap that she's dealing with can fall to the wayside. That would be your job if you were her boyfriend right? If you can make a woman smile and feel happy when she wasn't before she met you...she willwant to see you again. Always think...what's in it for her? If you're not fun to be around...then figure out what your dream girl considers fun and master it.

Girls just want to have fun <---keep this in mind whenever you meet a new woman and it will take you far.

GQ

 

[GEORGIATKLER]

BrightEyes has great advice. I printed out her post and....................... WTF, STILL NO PHONE CALLS OR EMAILS? Am I missing a step( or a link?) 😉 I get turned down more often than the sheets at Motel 6. (***rimshot***) But you still have to keep trying. The above posts contain some good advice(no guarantees) for all of us. ****sings "High Hopes" (offkey as usual)****

 

[Em Es]

Sandrock74 is on to it

Not the giving up part, but rather the keeping busy part. Guys, women do the choosing! Why move a fraction of an inch toward a girl who is not meeting you at least halfway? The best times I've had with the fair sex were almost exclusively with the gals who made it easy to meet, giving me eye contact/smiles if not flat-out approaching me before I'd even noticed them; of the thousands I approached, 99.9% turned me down and the ones I dated made me wish they'd turned me down. I'm not pretending that many approached me, but that's only half the story.

The other half: Had I spent more of my youth as Sandrock74 puts it keeping busy reading, exercising, volunteering, studying in school, and putting in more hours/making more money on the job instead of trying to meet girls, I would have been a more attractive, less desperate guy in their eyes. More girls would have wanted me. I'm not saying it would have been a night and day difference in terms of popularity, but it would have been a night and day difference in terms of my dignity and self-respect.

 

[scorpionldr]

What Leo says above is correct. Also, by your numbers, you are getting less than three rejections a year. If these are the only responses you're getting, then you're only making the attempt thrice a year. You need to get ambitious. A person learns what they do right or wrong from practice. Three times a year ain't gonna' cut it. If pursuing something you want, put on dragonscale armor and go hunting like you fucking mean it.

and if its 20 times a year? Is it just a "PHASE" or is it a lifestyle he's going to have to accept?

 

[Capnmad]

and if its 20 times a year? Is it just a "PHASE" or is it a lifestyle he's going to have to accept?

Hell if I know. I don't know the guy, his strengths, weaknesses, or how fast he learns. But if it's 20 times a year, he's at least more likely to learn something from his failures.

Try to learn to juggle. But only try once -- if you drop something, stop. You've failed. Now try again in five months. Stop and wait five months every time you drop something, and see how quickly you learn to juggle compared to the guy who works on it for hours every day.

 

[scorpionldr]

Hell if I know. I don't know the guy, his strengths, weaknesses, or how fast he learns. But if it's 20 times a year, he's at least more likely to learn something from his failures.

Try to learn to juggle. But only try once -- if you drop something, stop. You've failed. Now try again in five months. Stop and wait five months every time you drop something, and see how quickly you learn to juggle compared to the guy who works on it for hours every day.

That may work at juggling. But we're talking about dating. Do you know how many people you actually have access to in a given town? Do you know if you've been seen by those people? And I do not know how much different it is out in the rest of the US, but I know for one I get very few chances to actually make GREAT impressions on girls from my town.

 

[ikaiyoo]

hello all,

I was wandering how many times have you been rejected. Well I think I have been rejected around 25 times in the last 9 years and I just don't know what to do. It is starting to get to me. Is this even normal? I would go into details but it would take forever.

I have no idea since i do not keep count. but 25 times in 9 years isnt really a lot. I mean when I went to bars frequently I am sure there were times I was rejected 25 times in a night.

Also what are you considering rejection? If by rejection you mean in the last 9 years you have fallen completely head over heels for someone only to be told that they do not feel the same way? Are you talking about people you asked out on a date and flat said no. Are you talking people you went to approach and looked at you like you were a cretin and told you to f off? That is important to distinguish.

I am assuming you are talking about the first one in which all I can say is that you are maybe not going about it the right way. You know if you beat around the bush with someone for 2 months in the hopes that they will see how great you are and how much of a catch you are it isnt going to happen. I mean have you ever met someone, from the initial meeting thought "this person is really nice but I am just not interested in them" and then after a month one day it strike you "hey this IS the person I have been looking for all my life!?!?!?! how could I be so blind?!?!?!" Yeah neither has anyone else really. But there are a bunch of times you have met people you are really attracted to initially and realize you shouldnt have ever explored that. If someone when you first meet are not someone you are attracted to it is because they do not fit into your mold of what you are looking for. and time doesnt change them or your mold. the person you pine over in the hopes they will see how good of a catch you are, are the same way. You need to be forward and direct with them about your feelings early on. Then if they tell you that they are not attracted to you that way, you can move on and not waste your time allowing whatever feelings you have to flourish and make it more painful down the road.

Beyond that you start getting into advice of who you are hitting on and approaching. I personally follow the advice of the great sage Shitmydadsays:

“That woman was sexy…Out of your league? Son. Let women figure out why they won’t screw you, don’t do it for them.”

Hope this has helped some.

 

[Capnmad]

That may work at juggling. But we're talking about dating. Do you know how many people you actually have access to in a given town? Do you know if you've been seen by those people? And I do not know how much different it is out in the rest of the US, but I know for one I get very few chances to actually make GREAT impressions on girls from my town.

If you focus so very hard on why you can't, that is what you will see most clearly. I see a lot of negativity here.

"That may work at juggling. But we're talking about dating." = Capnmad's analogy is not apt! IT CAN'T BE DONE!

"Do you know how many people you actually have access to in a given town?" = Insufficient women! IT CAN'T BE DONE!

"Do you know if you've been seen by those people?" = I am invisible (or) everybody knows my schtick already, and it hasn't gotten me the desired results! IT CAN'T BE DONE!

"And I do not know how much different it is out in the rest of the US, but I know for one I get very few chances to actually make GREAT impressions on girls from my town." = My locale is shitty, my opportunities are few, and I demand of myself that I leave people with a "GREAT" impression. Anything less is a failure! IT CAN'T BE DONE!

Jesus Christ. You defeat yourself before walking out the door. How do you get up in the mornings? What compels you to breathe? When I see something I want, if I want it enough, I look around, get creative, and figure out how to get it. If you assume all your problems are insoluble, you're right. If you assume all your problems are soluble (or at least manageable), you are also right. Decide in which world you'd rather live, and live there.

 

[tickmankyle1]

my tip for handling rejection give up all together. yes being single for the past six years sucks, But no one owns me. I'm not there personal bank account, no fights or people trying to deck me. No lying or cheating and more i care not to talk about here. Hell i have had 4 girls on facebook delete me cause there boy friends didn't like me talking to them. I was like you you will let them control you like that it is your life not mine and i couldn't do that any more. the girls stayed with the man cause they don't talking to me anymore cause there BF would not allow it. crazy

 

[coldneck]

Step 1: Stop fucking counting your rejections.

Step 2: Be confident/stop being not confident

Step 3: Take a look around the forum. Look at the people who you feel sorry for. Don't act like them. Look at the confident, fun, awesome people. Do that instead.

Step 4: Take your new confidence and go meet women.

Dilemma: WHERE AM I SUPPOSED TO MEET WOMENZZ!?!?!?!?

Step 1: Post like a normal person. Talk about shit. Talk about shit other than fetish shit. Join Fetlife. Talk about shit there. Let chicks see that you're a normal guy. Delete this screenname and get a new one so that a chick who finds your new posting interesting doesn't do a search and fall into this thread, because then all your hard work just went into the shitter.

Step 2: Get out of your house and go to stuff and things. Like munches. Or gatherings. Or both. Chicks will be happy to meet you after seeing all the dope shit you've posted. No munch in your area? Host one yourself. Pick a place, post it, and people will show up. Maybe just one or two at first. Eventually you'll have like 78.

Step 3: Go do all that stuff now.

If there was a Hall of Fame for great TMF posts ... ^THIS^ would be in it!