Resentment; a burden to bear or God's gift to man?

[The_Crusader]

As I sit here and type this it is a little past four in the morning. Here I am, in my basement office, mulling over recent events in my life; love lost, lives changed, but most importantly...betrayal. It is disgusting the depths of sheer...EVIL human beings are capable of. A very close, very trusted friend of mine recently accused me of terrible, unspeakable things the likes of which I can't even begin to imagine doing. She called me pure, unadulterated evil. Since then I have moved on past the heartbreak of losing one so dear to me, and I have been left with nothing but bitter resentment. I have no love left to give. This event has left me broken, and bitter, and unable to fully trust anybody for the time being. Heed my words of warning and heed them well; do not go out of your way to take care of your friends. For in the end what is left for you? Evil wears no greater disguise then the disguise of a trusted friend. That is, not to say don't take care of them at ALL, just don't go out of your way. I know all of this sounds very bitter and melodramatic, but when one who called you brother turns on you, you look me in the eyes and tell me this isn't how it feels. 'Brother' 'family' 'best friend' and namely the words 'I love you' are just that. Words. Harsh, cruel, empty words. Anyway, I've been meaning to let that out for awhile and I figured what better time then four in the frakking morning? And on top of that, nobody here knows me that well so I figured I'd share a life experience. I guess...I just need a friend. I need the closure of knowing there are GOOD people left in the world.

 

[QueenBeeBeeMari]

I am very sorry this has happened and we are all here for you.Resentment is a psychological defense mechanism and it can be a blessing but if you let it it can also be a hindrance to healthy social activity and it can turn to other negative hurtful emotion.

 

[melanie2]

You have a friend if you need one..that's a terrible thing that happened to you..and resentment will age you...i know it's hard not to feel resentment..and now finally i have put resentment behind me..it's taken many hard lessons to reach this point..

i'm a pm away if ever you need to vent..

 

[vmandude1]

i totally feel where your coming from dude, i went through something very similar earlier this year.....and i know how much it sucks. sadly i cant offer any sage advice, other then itll get better with time.


note my obsession with this guy The Sorrow......all the pain people have caused me in the past 2 years is where that comes from. i have nothing left but sorrow, utter pain and despair, and regret for not doing things i could have/should have done in the past

 

[The_Crusader]

I appreciate your kind words guys. I really do. Some people can just be plain mean. And it sucks.

 

[Journia]

Well, most people aren't in control. But don't worry, despite my....reputation on the forum, I'm an all around great person to know, outside.

 

[The_Crusader]

What is this reputation of which you speak lol?

 

[PurpleStyle]

Taking care of your fellow man, let alone your friends, is a worthwhile risk. Take for example donating blood. I actually like to do that, because I know people out there could use something I can easily replenish. One day, I might need blood; and hopefully my little contribution of donating blood will aid in inspiring other people down the line in donating blood. Give and take. 🙂

 

[The_Crusader]

Well two points to bring up; firstly, the only reason I don't give blood is that IV's and the thought of any needle going into the artery in my arm terrifies me. Dunno why, it just always has. I'm getting woozy and uncomfortable just thinking about it. Secondly, its a risk I've taken many times. And so far the result has been the same, my kindness and good nature and desire to make the people I love happy is taken advantage of until I am deemed no longer useful. Then I am cast aside.

 

[player 01]

Ah its okay dude, we've all been there, I know i have, friends and family, all people are equally capable of being exploitative and treacherous.

Emotional damage is temporary and can be recovered from, that's all a matter of the mind, what matters is that you weren't hurt physically or financially.

All relationships are based on exploitation to varying extents, its all a matter of determining which relations are tenable in the long term.

 

[The_Crusader]

True, but what purple said is true too, its gotta be a give and take. Not just take. I wouldn't call it pure exploitation if there's a decent level of mutual support, not to say I disagree with you of course, I completely do. Just the emotional aftermath is devastating. I've started smoking a lot more cuz of it and that really bothers me. On top of that, like I said, I was told that I was a part of this persons family and that they loved me. And its not so much even the fact that they turned on me, its how EASILY and how QUICKLY they did it. Without even a second thought. And that, to me, is pure evil. Being obnoxious, which ill be the first to admit I am, is not what I'd call pure unadulterated evil.

 

[player 01]

True, but what purple said is true too, its gotta be a give and take. Not just take. I wouldn't call it pure exploitation if there's a decent level of mutual support, not to say I disagree with you of course, I completely do. Just the emotional aftermath is devastating. I've started smoking a lot more cuz of it and that really bothers me. On top of that, like I said, I was told that I was a part of this persons family and that they loved me. And its not so much even the fact that they turned on me, its how EASILY and how QUICKLY they did it. Without even a second thought. And that, to me, is pure evil. Being obnoxious, which ill be the first to admit I am, is not what I'd call pure unadulterated evil.

I understand that, I experienced such a thing a couple years back, it still hurts, and oddly enough i recently got over a bout of depression related to this event.

Events like this always hurt, moreso than others, this kind of petty and pointless selfishness that destroys trust and relationships for no other reason than someone else's amusement. Even something like theft would hurt less, because theft is understandable because someone acts for their own survival.

There's no such thing as good or evil imo, only how we define the actions of other entities, people or otherwise, people act the way they do because they perceive their actions as being important, at least to themselves.

All you can hope for yourself is to get over such problems, and hope that people such as that suffer for their actions, because people who base their actions and relationships on something not based on a solid foundation, like sycophancy for the sake of money, usually faulter.

 

[Cbarton]

Bitterness and resentment are two tools man has always seem to use against those who hurt us, but they do nothing to that other person. All it does is cause us to rot away mentally from the inside out. Anger and resentment toward that other person does nothing to them. It just hurts us in the long run.

The best thing we can do for ourselves is to forgive, forget (as best we can), and move on. Otherwise, all we do is punish ourselves, not them. It's not worth it. Besides, usually they could care less...

 

[player 01]

Bitterness and resentment are two tools man has always seem to use against those who hurt us, but they do nothing to that other person. All it does is cause us to rot away mentally from the inside out. Anger and resentment toward that other person does nothing to them. It just hurts us in the long run.

The best thing we can do for ourselves is to forgive, forget (as best we can), and move on. Otherwise, all we do is punish ourselves, not them. It's not worth it. Besides, usually they could care less...

Not to bump an old thread, but i feel anger is unfairly scorned.

Yes it is damaging in excess, but so are all emotions, anger is valuable in that it reminds us of injustices, reminds us of the true state of the world, remembering those that have hurt us in the past and why.

 

[QueenBeeBeeMari]

Not to bump an old thread, but i feel anger is unfairly scorned.

Yes it is damaging in excess, but so are all emotions, anger is valuable in that it reminds us of injustices, reminds us of the true state of the world, remembering those that have hurt us in the past and why.

My dear that is why you forgive but never forget.You forgive them but you never forget so,you learn the lesson from the life experience.Life is all about learning from your experiences,good or bad

 

[Frost King]

I am sorry to hear that i have been betrayed befor by a friend so i know the feeling but i still care and look out for my friends i hope you can still trust your friends.

 

[player 01]

My dear that is why you forgive but never forget.You forgive them but you never forget so,you learn the lesson from the life experience.Life is all about learning from your experiences,good or bad

One can never escape the emotional attachment to these memories, without that emotional content they lose their meaning and breed complacency, without anger there is no suspicion and one opens themselves up to another attack and more exploitation.

 

[PurpleStyle]

My dear that is why you forgive but never forget.You forgive them but you never forget so,you learn the lesson from the life experience.Life is all about learning from your experiences,good or bad

How terribly cliche and riddled with un-objectivity. Player 0 is right. Anger is a useful tool that humanity has used in its survival up to this point. You should have said to exercise judgment and let both sides of the spectrum (suspicion/trust) along with your own sense of morality shape your decisions.

 

[QueenBeeBeeMari]

How terribly cliche and riddled with un-objectivity. Player 0 is right. Anger is a useful tool that humanity has used in its survival up to this point. You should have said to exercise judgment and let both sides of the spectrum (suspicion/trust) along with your own sense of morality shape your decisions.

I'm sorry you don't like my answer but I said what I thought.You can obviously put your two cents in

 

[player 01]

How terribly cliche and riddled with un-objectivity. Player 0 is right. Anger is a useful tool that humanity has used in its survival up to this point. You should have said to exercise judgment and let both sides of the spectrum (suspicion/trust) along with your own sense of morality shape your decisions.

Well thank you for the kind words, but honestly there are times I wish I could effectively seperate myself from emotions altogether, i'm sure we all do at some point in our lives, as they are part of a fragile balance, one stray thought and you can find yourself stepped in depression.

The opposite of love isn't hate, its apathy, because all emotions are interlinked together and more or less stem from the same thing, at times it would feel the wiser decision to remove the parts of your brain and body that generate these emotions and cut one's self off from humanity in this manner to avoid further complications.

I personally wouldn't mind becoming an emotionless eunuch.

 

[QueenBeeBeeMari]

One can never escape the emotional attachment to these memories, without that emotional content they lose their meaning and breed complacency, without anger there is no suspicion and one opens themselves up to another attack and more exploitation.

Well,no,I know that you will always care for that person but you don't want to hang on to the anger because it will eat away at you so you forgive them but you don't forget what they have done so that way you can remember to exercise caution.

 

[Cbarton]

Yes it is damaging in excess, but so are all emotions, anger is valuable in that it reminds us of injustices, reminds us of the true state of the world, remembering those that have hurt us in the past and why.

Don't get me wrong. There is nothing wrong with anger, as long as it is justified. Even the Apostle Paul wrote in his letter to the Ephesians to 'be angry and not sin' and 'do not let the sun go down on your wrath.' (Eph 4:26). But, if you let that anger fester too long, you get consumed with bitterness and resentment, which only destroys you. It does nothing to the other person. True maturity comes from learning how to handle it, as well as our other emotions, in the correct manner so that we don't out of balance.

 

[QueenBeeBeeMari]

Don't get me wrong. There is nothing wrong with anger, as long as it is justified. Even the Apostle Paul wrote in his letter to the to 'be angry and not sin' and 'do not let the sun go down on your wrath.' (Eph 4:26). But, if you let that anger fester too long, you get consumed with bitterness and resentment, which only destroys you. It does nothing to the other person. True maturity comes from learning how to handle it, as well as our other emotions, in the correct manner so that we don't out of balance.

There he said it better then I could have and I know all to well what bitterness and anger will do to a person.It really only hurts you in the end

 

[player 01]

Well even though this thread was started by crusader, it has helped me worked through my own issues as well.

You're both quite correct in what you say though, as the only way to resolve problems is to simply move on with your life, as nothing else can be done of it, events only have as much emotional significance as you are willing to invest in them.

 

[the_jimmy_james]

Don't resent...

REPRESENT.