Settleing down: A woman that can cook or a gorgeous one?

[SlaverTickler]

Stay single

Here, Here Tyf, best advice ever... of all time.

 

[GQguy]

Thanks everyone for your thoughts ideas and insight. It's great to hear everyone's point of view across the spectrum and to also see what the REAL issue is. It's not about roles and gender...it's really about carrying your own weight and at least putting and effort forth instead of saying "I can't". She's my best friend but you don't know what someone is like till you live with them.

The looks vs utility was just a thought to see where my peers (TMF peeps) layed on the issue.

But thanks again!

GQ

 

[Helena]

Ok...I guess I should give a little background on what prompted this thought.

I have a live in girlfriend that came with me as I moved for work. She's a little older than I. This past weekend we went to the wedding of one of her friends where everyone kept asking...when are you getting married?

Last night like most nights I made dinner. The alternative is us eating out. Chicken Parm from scratch. I'm a great cook(really good actually...just made us a lobster mac and cheese using gruyere). I'm clean. Afterwards I worked on fixing up our house. She watched tv and went to bed early. I would love for her to cook...but i've asked....and to be honest...I don't want to piss her off and completely turn her off to the concept. This has been the pattern.

She's gorgeous....and like you pfromptown a day doesn't go by while we're out that a guy or girl, young or old will not compliment her on her beauty. But I wondered...would I rather have a woman that was usefull around the house....or stick with the pretty girl all other things being equal. Just for shits and giggles I posted the poll online. I just realized now though that you guys don't know me..and hence the spirit that the question comes from. I don't need to date a maid(she had one growing up though). I'm a military pilot, I support my girl financially, cook for her, put in doggie doors ect. We are best friends....but as Leo helped me realize...i'm not feeling the effort from her part. Especially in light of people are asking me if this situation is the one I want to be in for the rest of my life. The answer at this moment is no.

I'm great at being single. The ultimate self sufficient guy. I'd still be single if the chemistry wasn't so great between us. Things are different though when you actually live with someone. I don't need a girl to do anything for me....I can do it all(but have kids)but when you're feeling like you're doing all with minimal effort on her part...it doesn't feel right. She grew up wealthy so the skills that us po folk pick up she doesn't have. I support her now so the lack of skills.....or more importantly effort is what is bothering me. It feels like we're a team....but one person is putting in alot more hours than the other.

I posed the question with the demographic info to see how my opinion might change as I grow older..and how it differs between guys and girls. I wanted to also post relationship status...but I forgot to.

She and I will figure it out....but if this is as good as it gets....I seriously might hold onto my bachelorhood into the next century.

GQ

Hi.

I'm sure you both will need some time and patience as you figure out how you are going to do things together. You seem a bit stubborn, and I'll bet you she is too. If you are feeling pressure to get married and you are evaluating whether she's the one based on what's bugging you right now, relax because you don't want to rush into deciding.

You say you are very independent, and I believe you. But now she gets to make decisions with you, and it may take you a while to get used to that. Conflict is going to happen. Although I'll bet you keep a lot to yourself, you need to talk to her about whatever is on your mind. You have to. That's how couples solve problems. Your relationship will change and grow as you develop your life together. What you need is a partner that is willing to compromise on things you can't agree completely on, and be open to new ways of thinking.

Dinner is ready when my smoke detector goes off when I'm doing the cooking.
My neighbors say, "Really? She burned dinner again?" I'm not lying.
If she loves you, and you can talk to her, and you realize that life is a series of givings and takings, you will be ok. 😀

Best of Luck.

 

[kis123]

for the record- this statement amused me

Well I know you can say the same about some women; just change from "pants" to "skirt." But you get the drift.......

 

[BellaRisa]

Excuse me?

What you want it what you want, and their isn't anymore wrong with "him" wanting a woman who is a good cook anymore then their is with "her" wanting a guy who will be understanding about how important her career is. It may sound like trivial baloney, but it's the real world.

Settle down, hon. Of course there's nothing wrong with wanting a partner who's a good cook or whatever values you're looking for in a life mate (although the perfect person for you may not have that quality and understanding that can be the key to finally finding true love). My issue, which the OP already resolved by elaborating on his thoughts in later posts (thanks GQ!), is with people focusing entirely too hard on out-dated and very narrow notions of what a partner should be and do. In 2011 roles often have to be pretty fluid, and what was once the norm may no longer be the case. *That* is the real world, as shown by every happy and long-term relationship I've ever seen including my own 18 yr marriage. Not that I was talking to you

 

[porcelaindoll2]

I'd rather cook anyway and I can always teach her how if needed. I tend to like a more attractive woman(Well what is attractive to me. Need to remember it varies from person to person).