Some advice needed.

[mosteya4]

I am a 22 year old male college student who has had multiple relationships with females. I have only ever told one of them about my feet and tickle fetish. Unfortunately, this makes sex harder for me for some odd reason. I cannot stay erect as long as others unless i have constant contact with a foot. Well, perhaps not constant contact...but it just seems as though if i touch their feet and they are involved some, i can stay erect alot. Another thing, I have had sex a bunch of times, but i have never gotten off from anything, blowjobs, handjobs, sex. I can only get myself off. I want to be able to show my partner that they can make me climax. How can i do this? What must be done? Any suggestions? My last girlfriend was insecure about it, she thought that the problem was her. This is not the case.

I am currently messing around with a girl, but we havent gone lower yet...what should i do? I know she hasnt dealt with anyone like me before. I find myself lying when we are talking about when we have sex. I lied and said that i have climaxed with others, even though i havent. Any advice? Please!

 

[drizzay01]

umm, dont lie?

 

[Celtic_Emperor]

I think you need to be honest. Lying just to have sex with her isn't right nor is lying to make her feel better. You're going to make things worse if you continue like this. Talk to her an explain it. Perhaps she can help you find the help you need.

I would hope that you love her. You said you're "messing around", so maybe this is not the case. If you did love her, it would easier to focus on her beauty and not her feet. Something had to of attracted you to to her in the first place and I doubt it was her feet.

You need to learn to focus on other parts of her body and put equal importance into these too. If you can get off on feet you can get off on anything else too if you put sexual frustration into it as an image and fantasy. While I wouldn't recommend doing this with reckless abandon (as it just leads to further fetishes and lusts), if theres anything you can do to distract the attention to the fetish then it may help.

Also, if you can actually get an errection with her, then the good news is its possible to keep it. It is only in your mind that you cannot stay errect without feet. The fetish has mentally conditioned you, and with self-meditation and other focusing techniques its possible for you to have normal sexual intercourse without your fetish being a liability to enjoyment for either of you.

 

[mosteya4]

....well, how do you just go out and say that. Ive slept with over a dozen women and never climaxed!

 

[mosteya4]

Count, what kind of techniques???? Please!!!

 

[Celtic_Emperor]

....well, how do you just go out and say that. Ive slept with over a dozen women and never climaxed!

I'm not sure this was directed at me (most likely Goofy), but to answer this question its important to know what these women mean to you.

Are they just one-night stands? You talk rather loosely about this, so its hard to tell where your mind is.

 

[mosteya4]

Ive had a couple of girls that were not one night stands, some long term relationships, some flings. A couple of one night stands. I understand what you mean about what these girls mean to me, but i want to condition myself to be able to hold an erection for a long time no matter if its a girl i am in love with or not.

 

[Celtic_Emperor]

Ive had a couple of girls that were not one night stands, some long term relationships, some flings. A couple of one night stands. I understand what you mean about what these girls mean to me, but i want to condition myself to be able to hold an erection for a long time no matter if its a girl i am in love with or not.

The past is the past with the other girls. This is the present and we're talking about this one. The only one that currently matters.

What I want to know specifically is how you feel about this one and if you plan on keeping her.

I'd be willing to try and help you if I knew there was something to help other than getting a few good lays out of her (with respect).

I don't know how you feel about this, but I'm thinking in terms of both helping you AND making this relationship work, not just one or the other.

 

[mosteya4]

well, with the current girl, we have had some heated stuff in the past, (about a year ago.) I have feelings for her, but i wouldnt dare let her know them right now, because she isnt looking for a relationship, and she is kinda wishy washy right now. We are hanging out occasionally...but i am trying to just concentrate on physical attractions with her at the current moment because i dont want to fall for her like i did a year ago, while we were messing around when she still had a boyfriend. She is single and just joined a sorority. She is putting her life together, however, she likes the attention from me, but most likely from boys in general as well. She hasnt been single much in her lifetime...if that helps. WHat do i want from her? To hang out a little bit here and there, not to let her get the upper hand and think that i have feelings for her just yet. Im not gonna break her heart...if that helps.

 

[Celtic_Emperor]

well, with the current girl, we have had some heated stuff in the past, (about a year ago.) I have feelings for her, but i wouldnt dare let her know them right now, because she isnt looking for a relationship, and she is kinda wishy washy right now. We are hanging out occasionally...but i am trying to just concentrate on physical attractions with her at the current moment because i dont want to fall for her like i did a year ago, while we were messing around when she still had a boyfriend. She is single and just joined a sorority. She is putting her life together, however, she likes the attention from me, but most likely from boys in general as well. She hasnt been single much in her lifetime...if that helps. WHat do i want from her? To hang out a little bit here and there, not to let her get the upper hand and think that i have feelings for her just yet. Im not gonna break her heart...if that helps.

From what you're telling me, she already has the upper hand.

Did it ever once dawn on you that maybe she's just living vicariously through casual sexual encounters and only wants the sex?

I'd be cautious of getting too close to her if she's sleeping around like that and doesn't, from what you're telling me, seem to know what commitment is.

You say she's never been single most of her life and you admit she's wishy washy. You also say she's cheated on her boyfriend (and with you) which means she either rationalized the cheating and excused it, or you both did.

Honestly, I'd reconsider not only not sleeping with her anymore but not having anything to do with her.

With respect, she sounds like a black widow, and you don't want to be getting tangled up in that web.

 

[mosteya4]

well, to be completely honest, she is a nice girl. She said that she gave up cheating on that one boyfriend, she said things were not going anywhere with her. I dont want a relationship with this girl, at least not right now...but i would like to hang with her, get intimate with her. She isnt sleeping around all the time, shes been with 5 guys. I know i am trying to rationalize this, but i like the attention from her and i want to get more intimate with her (sex). But perhaps eventually if the time calls for it, get with her.

 

[Celtic_Emperor]

well, to be completely honest, she is a nice girl. She said that she gave up cheating on that one boyfriend, she said things were not going anywhere with her. I dont want a relationship with this girl, at least not right now...but i would like to hang with her, get intimate with her. She isnt sleeping around all the time, shes been with 5 guys. I know i am trying to rationalize this, but i like the attention from her and i want to get more intimate with her (sex). But perhaps eventually if the time calls for it, get with her.

I think your problem is you're thinking with your penis and not your mind. You are not trying to rationalize, you ARE rationalizing this. This and her behavior. You are contradicting yourself (twice now), and it seems to me, like most horny guys, you're willing to jump any fence to get what you want. She has what you want, and you're defending and excusing her because of it.

What I'm telling you is I don't think this fence is worth jumping. You're going to do whatever the hell you want anyway, so I'm not sure if I'm wasting my time or not with you.

I didn't post to help you get a boner. I posted to help you control your fetish and make a relationship work. Seeing that THIS is how it is, so shallow, I think I'm through here.

No offense intended. Good luck with your....pursuits.

 

[mosteya4]

Listen, i know your frustrated. Look at it from my point of view, ok? I have no idea whether i want a relationship or not, but that doesnt mean you should just call me shallow and leave me alone. I am like alot of guys out there, i want a relationship, but if that calls for some sex along the way, so be it. I just want to be able to preform sexually, and if you say that controlling my fetish is what i need to do, then can you PLEASE help me? Thats all im asking.

 

[MistressValerie1]

Mosteya, you really need to discuss your situation with a physician. There is a technique called "sensate focus" therapy which may be of help to you.

 

[quesecotil1]

You may even have a condition I have called retarded ejaculation. An ex of mine looked into this one for me.

Apparently the problem is purely in my head and I should be seeking help, but it doesn't bother me so much. I can, as is stated there, go all night long. That's all that matters to me. 😀

 

[cpr1815]

Mosteya, you can look at it a couple of ways. First, if you really want to deal with the fact that you've never climaxed with a partner, you're going to need to be close enough to that person to confide in them. That might even mean only an emotional relationship for the time being (which can be an excellent thing so that you can actually get to know the other). Once you do that, you'd probably need to follow Mistress Valerie's advice and get some "real" help for your situation.

Second, in regards to the situation with this current gal you are messing around with, if she is not emotionally available and only wants a physical relationship, then I'm guessing she won't be interested in getting all involved in your climaxing issue. If she was interested in something serious with you, then I would imagine that there would be a fair chance for the two of you to address the matter together, but from your posts, that doesn't appear to be the situation, am I mistaken? Good luck!

 

[Celtic_Emperor]

Listen, i know your frustrated. Look at it from my point of view, ok? I have no idea whether i want a relationship or not, but that doesnt mean you should just call me shallow and leave me alone. I am like alot of guys out there, i want a relationship, but if that calls for some sex along the way, so be it. I just want to be able to preform sexually, and if you say that controlling my fetish is what i need to do, then can you PLEASE help me? Thats all im asking.

I'm sorry. I really am.

Its just that this makes me uncomfortable and it doesn't even involve me. I guess I'm just THAT empathetic of your situation and I want whats best for you, not a temporary fix thats going to see you in this same situation a few months to a year from now. Sure, I could give you some half-assed advice right now, but it would do you no good.

I can't bring myself to help you with real helpful advice even when you need it because this crosses the line of my morals. "some sex along the way, so be it" is not how I think about relationships, and my goals are nothing like that.

But I don't think getting advice from someone who thinks just like you is going to help, either. It may make things worse, as they may be more reckless with their advice and opinions.

Valerie (above) says to seek out a physican. I agree with that much, but the rest I don't feel you even need to be paying a professional for.

 

[mosteya4]

sensate focus therapy...anyone care to elaborate?

 

[quesecotil1]

Sensale Focus Therapy

 

[mosteya4]

Why i still post in the thread is beyond me...but its been a helter skelter romance from the start. I cannot explain the feelings i have for this girl. She hit me like a freight train and it is wrecking my life. I am a full time engineering student with so much to look forward to, and i am wasting emotions on this girl. One year ago she started coming into the math tutor lab, where i work. She got help for college algebra. I was happy to assist her, and the chemistry began. I began giving her private tutoring sessions until eventually she came home with me. Even though we didnt have sex, the intimacy was unlike anything i had every experienced. Even the best sexual encounters i have had cannot compare to the time we spent together. The problem? She was dating someone for 3 years. She eventually chose him and i moved on. I began dating someone for 6 months. She broke up with that guy, got into another relationship with a guy for four and a half months, and then broke up with him because he was too clingy. She cheated on her boyfriend of three years with me and another guy a while before. She then, after she broke up with the second boyfriend, a day later...had sex with a guy and took his virginity. My girlfriend at the time and I broke up, and for some reason we began talking again. She came over to my house and we became intimate again. She is playing the field, i KNOW because she hung out with a guy last night. I asked her to do something tonight and she was indifferent about it, so i went to the casino and won some money. I contacted her to tell her about it and she was drunk for the first time in her life. I wanted to hang out with her and she said SURE. So i left the Casino...the Casino queen that is...when i got close to where she was....she called me and said her friends told her to stay where she was. Here i am drunk, and telling you this story. I have dated them all, tall short, hot, ugly, been with quite a few women too...and NO ONE COMPARES TO THIS GIRL. We havent even dated, but for some reason it feels like we have been together forever. I just want to date her, but it doesnt look like she is ready for that. I apologize for posting on this thread, but i just want to be happy...and i dont know how to do that, because the girl i like is playing the field and i dont want to play the "DONT CARE" game anymore. I dont care if she knows i am not "confident" I just want to be with her! She is amazing! Nothing like any of the girls i have ever dated...soooo pretty...her personality is sooo amazing...but everything logically tells me not to pursue her and cut off all contact with her...because she is wishy washy. She is like a black widow. I cannot stand it....I just want to be happy. Thank you for letting me vent tonight...i am never like this...

 

[Cbarton]

she's stringing you along and playing you for a fool...bale out while you can still keep your life and sanity

You may have all the raging hormonal response going, but that is NOT the basis of a complete, stable relationship. Sex never improves the relatinship, it only complicates it. You have already admitted she cheated on a bf with you, and is playing the field now. What evidence do you have that she will be faithful to you right now? By her current and past behavior, none.

Many a good man has thrown away his future chasing after a woman that can give some thrills but in the end leads to destroying his future. You have too much ahead of you, don't toss it out the window for this. Long term it won;t be worth it. The famous last words of many a man and woman are "But, I can change him/her." Trust me, it only happens if God changes them, and then only if they really want to. I saw it happen to some friends. It's not a pretty sight.

Bale out while you still can!

 

[Celtic_Emperor]

Thank you for letting me vent tonight...i am never like this...

No problem. Everyone needs to vent sometimes. Whether thats in public or private is different from situation to situation and person to person, but, you are certainly intitled to it, drunk or not.

I really mean it when I say it. For your own good stay away from this girl at least until this storm cloud isn't looming over you anymore and you've weathered it. If you go in now, just on emotions alone, you're most likely going to get hurt. A moment of pleasure with her is not worth a heartbreak. Your blind passion will be your undoing and misfortunate. Its not worth it.

I called her a black widow and now you're calling her the same, because you realize the power she has over people, whether she wants it or not or is even aware of it. She puts men in difficult situations, and many of these problems you and others have seem to revolve around her. Thats why she's a black widow and thats why she's bad news for you right now.

Whatever you do, don't let yourself get involved when you're on the rebound and don't do the same to her if it comes to it. Its not fair and its taking advantage of a situation in a wrong way.

You have so much going for you, and I'd pursue that and make that your passion in life, not sex with women who come and go. You're worth so much more than a lay and you deserve more than a one-night stand, and I pray that you get your affairs in order, clear your mind, and focus for the sake of your future and well being.

Now is not the time to be doing others favors. You need to focus on you and making your success a top priority and try not getting involved in the drama of this situation now and in the future.

Weather the storm and you'll be glad you did.

 

[Celtic_Emperor]

she's stringing you along and playing you for a fool...bale out while you can still keep your life and sanity

Thank you for being the first to also acknowledge she's a problem. When its just one person it makes that person look mean and spiteful but if more people think the same that changes. While I don't care as much about what people think, how they react is of concern to a topic, and when people are in agreement things get done and accusations are nullified. This is of course in the interests of keeping a thread civil.

I don't want to have to bash this girl I don't even know, but all signs point to her being the problem, as all the issues revolve around her. Take her out of the equation and it seems his problems are solved.

 

[mosteya4]

ohhhh Count...youve been a member as long as I..and i wish it was only that easy to heed your wisdom. Im head over heels for her. You know this, I know this, everyone else knows this. Shes got me...anywhere she wants. Everytime i try to play the "I dont care" game...it always bites me in the butt with her. You are right, i need to get out while i can...but its so hard! Even with accountability partners...i feel as if i am in love with her...but how can this be love? I havent felt this way for anyone, even when i was in a relationship for months/years!!!!!!! Its insane, illogical, and its wrecking my life...but damn it...I cant stop.....UGH i am drunk and need to go to bed. Thank you Count...youve been a great help...Im gonna get some sleep now. Tomorrow is another day...maybe tomorrow i will wake up, and someone new will walk into my life, making me forget about this girl. The black widow...yes...the venomous black widow, how her poison tastes soooo sweet...

 

[Celtic_Emperor]

ohhhh Count...youve been a member as long as I..and i wish it was only that easy to heed your wisdom. Im head over heels for her. You know this, I know this, everyone else knows this. Shes got me...anywhere she wants. Everytime i try to play the "I dont care" game...it always bites me in the butt with her. You are right, i need to get out while i can...but its so hard! Even with accountability partners...i feel as if i am in love with her...but how can this be love? I havent felt this way for anyone, even when i was in a relationship for months/years!!!!!!! Its insane, illogical, and its wrecking my life...but damn it...I cant stop.....UGH i am drunk and need to go to bed. Thank you Count...youve been a great help...Im gonna get some sleep now. Tomorrow is another day...maybe tomorrow i will wake up, and someone new will walk into my life, making me forget about this girl. The black widow...yes...the venomous black widow, how her poison tastes soooo sweet...

I sincerely hope its the beer talking, because you make this seem more hopeless (and a bit mellowdramatic) than it really is. I believe you are stronger than this. You're just weak right now. Weak at the worst possible time. Weak when bad decisions lead to regret and suffering.

Theres a darkness in your life and its looking to snatch you up, one way or the other. There may be more to her than meets the eye...

Don't be so quick to pick, reside in, or give yourself over to anything or anybody for solice. Thats very dangerous and only leads to further troubles.

Try and have a good sleep.